I just don't know where to go anymore. I've prayed, I've cried, we've sought counseling... and I just don't know.

When I came back from ICES I was almost in tears walking into the house I walked into. We've been talking about moving now and of course, if you want to move, you have to show your house. SO we've been talking about cleaning it up and fixing things - b/c he wouldn't clean or fix anything before so now it's all piled up.... so I thought, with me being gone a few days, he might clean some stuff up - or fix up the lawn. So far he's spent all of 2 days cleaning up. When I came home, the house was a mess, the lawn is starting to get bad again and he never finished it in the first place, and the only thing I could tell he did was take some of my stuff to my parent's house - and he left the room he took stuff out of a mess. And I know that's the only thing he did all week on the house/yard.

Now, I do know he was working a lot of that time - he works in sales. But I also know he watched movies/ TV for 4 hours on Saturday and then went to a party.... There doesn't seem to be a balance - if it's your day off, and you've worked 6 hours and haven't sold anything - don't sit there another 6 hours go home and do something productive.

So he was telling me how much he missed me and I couldn't say I missed him back b/c I was so upset at the mess I had come home to - what's worse is my mom brought me home and that's what she walked into as well.

NOW the final straw today - my mom keep saying how every time she walks into my house it stinks... and she's been trying to figure out what it is. I can't smell it - and now I know why.... b/c it's been building up slowly over time..... I just FINALLY picked up some of his stuff he's had at the top of the stairs almost since we moved in almost 2 1/2 - 3 years ago... and what did I find?? Underneath all that pile... in a bag.... two brown, nasty, awful objects that I think might have been oranges in a prior life - all molded. I'm gonna make a logical guess THAT's what must have smelled "sour" in my house (that's how my mom described the smell). The one thing about it is that it also got out of the bag and molded onto a book thing of his.... so right now that's outside on the front stoop b/c I don't want mold in my house anymore.

I've tried to talk to him about his nasty habits - leaving food all over the place, clothes all over the place, never picking anything up - leaving his cans RIGHT BY THE SINK RIGHT NEXT TO THE RECYCLING BAG.... we haven't gotten to this part in our marriage counseling yet - but we HAVE discussed it. He knows I hate all this filth - I'm not asking for a a museum-style house that looks perfect all the time and looks like no one lives in it - but I would like for him to at least pick up after himself. I'm embarrassed of our home.....

Any of you women (or men) that have been married for a long time have any words of wisdom? I'm so mad and so upset right now.

I've been there, done that...no real words of wisdom unfortunetly, sorry! I just felt I should say that I'm sorry you have to go through this. It's not fun! Couseling is on the right track though. I'm gonna start that soon too. Good luck!

I'm so sorry that you're having troubles (not really sure what to call it). I can understand as my husband and I have days where it seems like neither one of us is happy.

I don't know what to say but to hope for you that this is the worst and that it gets better from here. I'll be thinking of you and praying that things improve.

When it gets bad, it's often overwhelming. When my kids make a mess of my house - it's very tempting to just walk into my room and shut the door.

Perhaps he's feeling overwhelmed? I don't know what your work/time situation is, but perhaps he feels that you should be cleaning more and this is his passive/aggressive way of protesting? My ex-husband was extremely passive/aggressive - and felt that any work he did around the house was him being MY maid. If I had to run errands, he was "babysitting" MY kids. You see why he's an ex... LOL!

I hope that your husband has many wonderful qualities that outweigh the lack of housekeeping skills. Frankly, after being single 3 years, I'd put up with a messy house just to have a man tell me he missed me while I was gone. *sigh*

Good luck!

I'm sorry you're in this situation. I can't say that I can offer any advice or words of wisdom. But I can tell you that I am in the same boat you are. DH and I have been married for 24 years. We have lived next to my parents for the last 19 years. It's driving me CRAZY and I want to move soooooo badly. But we started a remodeling project about ?? years ago. It's been so long I can't remember. I have a wall in my kitchen that is partly knocked down to make the kitchen bigger and he won't finish it. My kitchen is half tiled and half naked plywood floors and my hallway has the carpet ripped up and plywood floors. It's almost impossible to get him motivated to do anything. I guess my point is ~ you're not alone. Cry on my shoulder, because I know exactly how you feel. He says he wants to move too, but who is going to buy our house in the condition it is now?
Sorry to vent also, but hang in there. I'm right there with you.

You asked for advise. Sometimes it takes YOU being the bigger person. There is NO way a pile of stuff would have sat in my house for 2 days, let alone 2 1/2 years. There is no reward in being too stubborn to pick it up, it only brews more stubborness on his side. What does HIS mother's home look like? Maybe this is the norm for him.

You can't expect him to live up to your expectations unless you tell him what they are. Did you spell out what needed to be done before you left? Yea.. sometimes *most of the time* it takes that for a man to get the message. They're not good at hints or noticing things that need to be done. My husband is not fussy at all, our bedroom could be piled high with socks and jeans and he'd be just as comfy as could be. It would drive me NUTZ!!

Sit down with him, made a list of things that must be done and divide it up. Talk to him rationally, don't scream, don't cry, be rational and logical. That is what men understand and respond to best.

I love my DH with all my heart, but I'll tell you this right now, his idea of clean and mine are worlds apart.

There is an awesome website for just the thing you're dealing with. Check out www.flylady.com

You can do this.

I haven't been married for a long time, but I am married and have had training in counseling, as well as being a minister at my church for the past 4 years. What I do think is great that you are finding a way to express yourself and that things are not festering in your relationship - which often builds resentment in some couples - but you have communication about what you like and don't like.

I think that alot of times as women we assume that because we might think one way, that it's only logical to have that same viewpoint, and that of course my husband was thinking the same way and since he didn't do what I thought he should do he is _____ inconsiderate, mean, insensitive, a jerk.... Oftentimes when the issue is brought to the surface clearly we can find that that is not really the fact. What I have seen that helps in situations like this, inciluding mine, is when something is coming up like this and you have an idea of what this situation should look like, to be clear about how you feel from the beginning, and not only after the fact, when your feelings are already hurt. Remember that you can't let your emotions control your decisions, how you feel about your husband and your situation may change every hour. But the facts still remain. Do you have a loving relationship? Do you both want to make this work? Are you committed to each other?

Also remember that you cannot control or change anyone else's behavior, only your own. What has helped me in the past is being proactive about my feelings and actions instead of just reacting, in which case you are not controlling yourself - someone else's actions are.

HTH - I'll be on for a while tonight

First of all, I'm so sorry this is happening. I will remember you and your husband in my prayers tonight.

My husband and I have been married 23 years. I was 17 and he was 18 when we got married. The only way we got through it was we were blindly in love and too young and stupid to know any better.

We have gone through this. I'm a terrible housekeeper. He's a great housekeeper, but hates to clean house. Fortunaltely, we can afford someone to come in and clean every week but it wasn't always like that.

You have to make a deal with him, plain and simple. If the deal is that he pick up after himself and he doesn't, he has to understand there are consequences. It may sound like you're treating him like a child, but there are consequences for all our actions.

People think that marriage just something that happens. It's something you have to make happen and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do and also the most rewarding.

My final thought: someone once said, "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." This may sound corny, but it's so true. You have to do something different.

kansaslaura is so right - men DO NOT, under any circumstances get hints (unless of course they are sexual in nature...lol)

I do not have this problem...My DH and I both work full time and house chores and cleaning we both work on...However I can empathize with you...Nobody should have to pick up after and or clean up behind another competant adult...I think if I was in ur shoes I would be facing this issue very soon in counseling....Good Luck and keep ur chin up

I am divorced and that probably disqualifies me...however, I do have my teenage grandson living with me. I find that it really motivates him if we both say, ok we are going to both work really hard for the next 4 hours...then we will go get an ice cream. Sometimes I agree to cook up a big meal if he will do outside work the whole time I am cooking. I think it is hard to be doing housework if everyone else is out having fun someplace. I know it would have been great for you if the whole time you were gone and he was missing you, he would have just cleaned his little heart out, anticipating that look of, "oh honey", when you stepped in the door. I would try the, let's work together and see what happens. I do feel for you, and hope you can get everything worked out.

My husband does NOT help with the household upkeep (cleaning, tidying, etc.). I got sick of taking care of our 4 kids, working and cleaning.
Recently I hired a cleaning service to clean every two weeks. My husband has no say in this decision since he doesn't help and I make him budget this cost in.

I could have written your post. Unfortunately I have no advice because nothing I have tried has worked either. I know in our case it is all just the differance in how we were raised but after 11 years I get pretty tired of being the only one making any sacrafices. I'll pray for you. I hope the good times make all this worth it for you in the long run. I am glad to see someone else is sticking it out though. Some days I feel like I am loosing my mind for staying. Most of the other women I know would have been gone a long time ago. Good luck!

my husband is messy in his ways but not this bad and when i feel as if the mess is getting out of hand and after i've talked to him a coulple of times about it . the only thing that works is going off on him and throwing a fit even if some unlady like words come out but it works . the other thing i've done as well is you know how somehow everytime they walk iin the house they deposit their mess somewhere , well overtime i got tired of telling him about that so all i do it is just pick the stuff up and put it in his living room, so my living room doesn't look messy b/c everything is in order in my room so when he leave papers and stuff laying on my entertainment center i put it on his and he deal with it. b/c if not a terrible fight would've broken out.

GL

maybe a healthy fight is all u need . a marriage w.o fights has serious problems but i'm not saying fight everyday ...

I am sorry you are unhappy. I can completely relate because I've been there too. I agree with a lot of what was said above. One thing to remember is you can't change a person...you have to learn how to deal with the way they are or it will eat you up inside. Also, make sure you are communicating to your husband what you need or expect...men just don't get it until you repeat yourself 3 or 4 times. He can't read your mind so spell it out for him so he understands. I hope things get better for you and I will send some prayers your way.

I don't have much to add except me and my husband went thru similar things and we ended up getting divorced and it helped ALOT! We worked everything out and are better then ever and are planning to re-marry next year.

Now my best friend and her husband.... I could've sworn you were her in disquise.... Her husband works from 10pm to 7 am (I used to work these hours and know first hand how tired he is), comes home and on his way he'll stop off at his friends house and help him with whatever and then stop by the other friends house and do whatever then finally makes it home around 10am or so and is dead tired - too tired to do ANYTHING! around the house even the most simple task of taking a shower before going to bed so instead he sleeps on the floor covered up with a towel or something... (Not allowed in the bed until he showers lol) he refuses to lift a finger at home... won't cut the grass, won't help with the pool, won't take the trash out, won't pay the bills without arguing with her, won't give her more then $100.00 a week to feed a household of 3 adults, 1 pregnant, 1 teenager, 2 children.... 2 dogs, 3 cats... he complains if she goes over the food budget and then goes and blows all the money on whatever he wants like eating out instead of eating at home. Complains because she doesn't work so the house should be SPOTLESS 24/7, doesn't take into account there is a 3 yr old and a 6 yr old who destroy the house in 5 minutes flat! and she gets no help at all with ANYTHING from anyone else in the house. Her 13 year old talks to her like she is a dog, her pregnant daughter, 22, won't life a finger to help her and doesn't even take care of her own kids... so she's in charge of the entire house, the grand kids, the yard, the garbage, the animals, the clothes, washing drying folding and putting away... and gets bitched at when she buys something on ebay... which is NEVER for herself....

I know how ya feel hun 2nd hand but still feels like 1st hand because we share everything and I'm her only friend... I wish I knew what to tell you because then I could tell her too... Good luck and know we all have a shoulder if ya need it

i hate to say it, but yes sometimes they do need to be treated like children. if you leave something laying around and i ask you to pick it up and you do not...it's gone. if i'm doing laundry and you don't throw your own stuff down, well guess what...you have no clothes. if you're not home for dinner and i've cooked and had it on the table...you can feed yourself later. i've got 5 kids already. i feel i don't need 6. i've been blessed in that for the most part my husband of 18 years(next week) does a lot around our house and with our kids, but sometimes they definately need a little(or a lot) of reminding. if you want the house to look a certain way, it's going to take some work on your part.
when my neice was little, my brother said "she won't go to bed". what?!?!? who's the parent...put her back to bed. "she'll get out". then put her back and keep putting her back until she gets the message. sometimes i think a marraige is the same thing.
he's also working on me and my always being late. every clock in our house is a different time. he keeps setting them. one day i'll be on time. LOL
Good Luck!!!

Not that this will help you but somtimes it does help to take a look at someone else's perspective.
I am a military spouse. My husband is currently deployed for the fourth time to Iraq. We were told that they would be gone for six months to a year. Well that has just been extened to 15-18 months. I have three children ages 14,10 and one.
There have been 11 babies born with out their daddies, two wives who have lost their husband and 7 children who have lost their daddies- forever.
I would give anything to pick up my husbands socks. Remeber the old phrase you catch more flies with honey- instead of complaining try to find one thing to praise- it may make the both of you more thankful for each other.

I totally agree with kansaslaura!!

You have to be the better person and take charge of YOUR HOME!! My DH is a wonderful, caring person who works a lot of 12 - 14 hour days and usually Saturdays too!! We have been married 26 years and I have yet to pay for a repairman for anything!! He can fix it all. HOWEVER, he is completely clueless about his stacks of magazines, mail, tools, whatnots, pocket supplies, etc!! If he sets it down -- he expects it to be there in 5 minutes or in 5 days!!

When the kids were still home I got to where we had the 1 hour cleanup on Sundays after Church. Everyone gave me 1 hour of their time - we divided the chores and went at it. I usually took the yuckiest/hardest jobs - but that was okay - at least I got 4 hours of cleaning done in an hours time. Now that we are down to about a 1/2 child (1 home on weekends and summer right now - the other pretty well on her own in college with summer classes and clinicals) the chores are not as daunting. But DH still leaves a massive amount of paperwork and magazines around - until I finally get fed up and start stacking them some place he can't find them. Then in a couple of weeks I'll find him rushing around his normal stacking places trying to 'find' his stashes and they aren't there!! He knows that once I tell him where they are - he has to cull through them and get rid of them!! I guess I hold his crap hostage!!LOL!!

I tell DH that I'm not his mother and I don't have to cook his meals, do his laundry and clean his house -- I do it because I love him and respect him and I expect the same in return. If I don't feel like I'm getting that-- then the ____ hits the fan and he is soon cleaning the bathtub!!

I will pray for you and hope that you find an amicable resolution to your problems.

Obviously he knows that this upsets you, and it sounds like it's just turned into a classic power struggle. I promise you, this will fester badly if you don't come to some kind of compromise.

Can you talk to him, very calmly, and tell him again how it makes you feel. Tell you you simply won't live like this anymore. Give him some space that he can keep his mess (because you can't totally make a tiger change his stripes) and tell him that messes left elsewhere will be taken care of. That means you pitch his stuff! I did that with my kids and husband and, believe me, it works. If their stuff wasn't in their rooms or the garage after a certain period of time, etc... (I just shut the kids' doors), then I bagged it up and out it went. It wasn't easy for me to do, but it didn't take long before they started putting stuff away where I wasn't tripping over it. They ask me "have you seen my shoes, or coat, or backpack, or whatever" and I'd ask back "where did you put it?"
Problem solved......they learned that actions have consequences.

But, I would also suggest counselling. It can make a huge difference in your marriage. This isn't just about cleaning and yard work. *hugs*

Jodie

Just thought of something else........

We raise white tail deer and are bottle feeding 4 fawns right now. We usually feed them together, but when he feeds and lets me sleep, he just lays the bottles in the sink for me to wash later. The other morning I came stumbling in the kitchen after he had already fed and he was washing the bottles. I was stunned because out of 23 years of marriage, he's done dishes maybe 2 times (i mean it). I stopped dead in my tracks and told him that he was the sexiest thing I've ever seen and how it turned me on to see him washing those bottles. Now, he washes the bottles after he feeds!!!! Maybe a baby step, but still, something totally out of character for him.

When he does something good, reward him with praise and maybe a little something-something. Guys are so easy to pump up. The more I keep mine confident and feeling like the studmuffin he is, the more he does for me.

Marriage is wonderful and I really hope you can get yours on track to being happy.

O-M-G!!! MY HUSBAND IS MARRIED TO YOU TOO!?

i'm in the same boat as you honey. drinks a coke & leaves the can. clothes left wherever they happen to be taken off.

i like the idea of dividing things up but they have to pick up after themselves first and foremost. i do have an easier time getting my hubby to move it when we do things TOGETHER. that does really help. then neither of you feel like you're carrying ALL of the load alone. i wish i had the answers -for you and me both! at least you know you're not alone.

good luck. i'll send one up for you. let me know if you come up with something good

My dad was like that, always leaving messes around the house. For years he blamed us kids but as the house started emptying it turned out that he was responsible for 90% of the messes. His view was that it was mine and my mother's duty to keep the house clean-my 2 brothers and him would take care of outside work and fixing things. It was interesting though that when the boys weren't around me and mom were always called upon to clean the yard or help attach siding to the house-lol. Complaining didn't work because he was the 'king' of the house and his rule was law.
I was fortunate to marry a man who wasn't like that, it would have driven me crazy. I do agree that there is no way something would have sat around my house that long that it would turn into mold. My house isn't sparkling but it is fairly kept. It's funny though, after I had my last baby, hubby took 2 weeks off of work and because I had a c-section, I wasn't allowed to do hardly anything. So I was getting a kick out of hubby cleaning the house, and 20 mins later it would be a mess again because of the kids! He would be like, 'How did this happen? I JUST cleaned up!!' and he'd start straightening again. A couple days of that and he started to take my advice of just doing a clean sweep a couple times a day.
Anyway, my advice would be that if you want something done, do it yourself. Maybe if he sees you taking care of things it will motivate him off his keister. Or maybe not. Didn't work on my dad or brothers but who knows? Maybe he's of that mindset that it isn't his job, that it's yours-some men are like that.

My dad was like that, always leaving messes around the house. For years he blamed us kids but as the house started emptying it turned out that he was responsible for 90% of the messes. His view was that it was mine and my mother's duty to keep the house clean-my 2 brothers and him would take care of outside work and fixing things. It was interesting though that when the boys weren't around me and mom were always called upon to clean the yard or help attach siding to the house-lol. Complaining didn't work because he was the 'king' of the house and his rule was law.
I was fortunate to marry a man who wasn't like that, it would have driven me crazy. I do agree that there is no way something would have sat around my house that long that it would turn into mold. My house isn't sparkling but it is fairly kept. It's funny though, after I had my last baby, hubby took 2 weeks off of work and because I had a c-section, I wasn't allowed to do hardly anything. So I was getting a kick out of hubby cleaning the house, and 20 mins later it would be a mess again because of the kids! He would be like, 'How did this happen? I JUST cleaned up!!' and he'd start straightening again. A couple days of that and he started to take my advice of just doing a clean sweep a couple times a day.
Anyway, my advice would be that if you want something done, do it yourself. Maybe if he sees you taking care of things it will motivate him off his keister. Or maybe not. Didn't work on my dad or brothers but who knows? Maybe he's of that mindset that it isn't his job, that it's yours-some men are like that.

Three things that I have found make my marriage a real relationship:

1. I pray for my husband continually - He needs the prayer and I need the practice.
2. I love him unconditionally - faults and all. I fell in love with him, I said "I do" to him, and so *I* now love him - unconditionally. After all, what kind of person am *I*?
3. I look for ways that *I* can improve - not ways that he should improve.

Most of the time, these things help ME keep things in perspective. It doesn't make HIM PERFECT, but it perfects my view of him. What drew me to him to marry him in the first place? The person I fell in love with is still in there beyond the faults that I have come to know from living with him. I must continually see the good in him, communicate with him in a sane, GROWN-UP FASHION the things that I have a problem with. If I want my marriage to be a friendship instead of just an existance, I will do whatever it takes to see to it that my marriage is just that - a friendship.

I do want to say, I'm very sorry you have this situation. I truly am. It can be disheartening. BUT, I also think you are doing the right thing by going to counseling...but don't just go to the counseling...try to make sure you apply it to your life once you leave the counselor's office.

One last thing I thought of - how was he raised? A messy house may be normal to him. He may not know what a clean house really is. He may have had a father just like himself as an example. If his mother hand tantrums at his father for doing this kind of thing, then having tantrums with your husband will do nothing for him because he already learned to tune his mother out as a child when she had her tantrums with his father.

There are no "easy" answers, that is for sure. A relationship takes work no matter how you slice it. But the rewards of that hard work far outweigh any effort that goes into it.

My prayers are with you both. There really is hope for your marriage and home.

marcimang, I will say a prayer for you and your DH. Thank you for your DH's service to our country, and thank you for the support you give him at home. You are right, sometimes we get tunnel vision and only see our own small little piece of the world. Whenever I have had a hard time with my DH, I remember a devotional I had read that said instead of looking at all the negative things about someone, stop, and find one good thing - no matter how small, and focus on that instead. Compliment DH on that and try to build bridges instead of burning them. Also, if you are overwhelmed by the mess, perhaps he is too?? My DH is a pack rat and it makes me crazy, but he is a wonderful man who is kind and gentle. As someone described him to me, he is an officer (retired) and a gentleman. I have bad qualities and he has bad qualities, but I must focus on the positive things, because God brought me to this point in my life with this man for a reason. It is easy to quit and stay mad, and let it effect your life, OR you can suck it up, do the best you can - claim your rooms that must be clean, and let the rest go. I have a rule about the "public" rooms - if we have company, the "public" rooms (living room, dining room and bath) are always kept clean - the rest have doors that close very nicely - thank you!! Best of luck to you and when you pray, say your prayer, then truly let God handle it - let go and He will.

I am so sorry you are having a bad time right now. It must be Hubby behaves like a turkey day because mine said Gobble Gobble a few times today.
Ok some advice from someone who is completely OCD about how clean her house is, and has been known to scrub her tile grout with toothbrushes at 2 am because she just cant stand it any more, and who also is a well known harda*s. I can tell you right from the off that I WOULD NOT stand for it. If it were me Id grab a trash bag and start tossing, and I wouldnt give it a 2nd thought. If he has left it for 2 years it is because you have allowed it to sit for 2 years, Im sorry if that sounds harsh but its (in my opinion) true. You have got to put your foot down. While he is at work grab your kids and your trash bags and start tossing. The rule in my house is if you havent used it, or worn it in 6 months, out the door it goes. There will be no debating nor will there be any negotiating. He had his chance to do something with his rotten oranges and he chose to sit on his bum, so he looses the option of having a say. Further more Id go and hire some kid in the neighborhood to take care of the lawn, and Id use Hubbys hobby money to pay him. If Hubby complains Id give him my best blank stare and say: Hey if you dont have time to do your chores around here then you dont have time to xxx (insert hobby here, watch TV, drink beer, play pool, sratch his a*s, pick his nose, whatever his hobby of choice is). If you dont feel that there is any room in your budget to hire someone then sell something of his to pay for it. I once put hubbys coin collection up for sale because he continuously dubbed off painting my daughters room, so I told him I put it up for sale to pay a painter. Let me tell you that room was painted the very next day. I didnt sell it, nor will you have to, the mere act of putting it up for sale will send a clear message that you are not screwing around.
Again I am sorry to hear of your troubles but if you do not put your foot down, then you cant be real surprised by his actions.
I dont mean to sound mean but unfortunately sometimes we need to kick our Hubbys in the bum, and conversantly sometimes they need to kick us in the bum. Just my humble opinion. I hope things get better.

edited to say: there is a wonderful website called www.organizedhome.com that might help get you on the right track. I really really hope this helps.

it works for us, me and my DH, that we have chores...he does the laundry, i do the dishes. Of course, if i have had a bad or hard day and the dishes are in the sink yes he will do them--laundry is a different story

have you tried to establish chores for one another so that each of you knows what the other expects?

secondly, i would ask what is the real issue? I could not agree more with him feeling overwhelmed as a very plausible explanation. Could he be under abnormal amounts of stress or is this his character?--I also agree that men can not follow bread crumbs...you have to tell them straight out--their brains are wired differently than womens--like it or not. I too would look at how he was raised. Have you asked why he doesnt take pride in his house? did you know this about him before you married him?

Sounds like you have gotten alot of good advice. I just wanted to make you laugh a little though (If at all possible) My hubby is a clean freak and he makes me feel like the one who is a slob. If one of the kids leaves something laying in the living room.....he's there in 2 seconds, put that up!!!!!! If he walks into the bathroom and I leave my clothes on the floor, he just sighs real loud and throws them in the hamper with this look of disdain on his face. Just ONCE, I want him to let the house get dirty, without freaking out!!!!! People are not perfect and it gets sickening when he wants everything to be!!! Kids are kids and houses are made to be messed up and then cleaned, not made to be perfect all the time. I guess I am just more relaxed and I just want to enjoy life without being all tied up in knots because something is not in its rightful place all the time. (not meant to be a jab at you I promise)

We can trade hubbys for a couple of months and then we might BOTH be happy to swap back,

Just another perspective.........its bumpy on the other side, too. Marriage is constant work no matter how you slice it.
Wouldnt it be nice if everything was a piece of cake?