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Serious Cake Topper Idea Help Needed - Page 6

post #76 of 99
Thread Starter 
.....update again....twice in one day..shocking!!!.....future SIL did NOT show up today for my MIL birthday.......she was doing the invitations (weird since she just asked me about them today) and finishing up their save-the-date cards which should have been mailed out long time ago, but now she is going to send them out and turn around and mail out invitations....waste of money.....and I just found out that they are getting a silver platter of furniture and stuff from my Grandma who is I a little husband and I started out with NOTHING....we literally slept on the floor of our apartment for a couple weeks until we got everything we needed.....and the reponse to them getting the stuff from Grandma....."now we'll have money for you to fly home in September."......that money they could be putting towards the wedding that they aren't helping pay for anything for or at least giving me a little bit of help with their expensive cake.....grrrrrrr.......
"We're here to satisfy your sweet tooth!"--- Kelly's Konfections
"We're here to satisfy your sweet tooth!"--- Kelly's Konfections
post #77 of 99
You know what? Just because they are family (or soon to be possibly if he doesn't bite the leash off his neck first) does NOT give the right to treat you or anyone else like shit. And you should not allow that stress in your life. Seriously, I had some huge BS thing with one of my sisters, she's Psycho sister. And I battled long and hard within myself to decide whether just to walk away or not, and I would have without a thought walked away, because NOBODY treats me that way. Well I have in the mean time talked to her, but the reason I didnt walk away was because I have a REALLY tight bond with her 2 young kids, and God knows I figured if I walked out of HER life she would use them (as she has done) as pawns and also tell them something like Aunty K doesnt love you guys anymore, if they ask 'why doesn't she come to see us anymore' NO basis in reality.

Sounds to me like this girl has a LOT of growing up to do. And she's disrespecting the whoel family,
and as entertaining as this all has been to read, I have to say quite frankly because I've faced this with family members of my own, you are enabling her crappy selfish mental behaviour if you even let her go this far.
Someone needs to say listen this will just NOT STAND. I am not doing your cake, I offered to do it and it was going to be free as our gift to your for your wedding (this can all be said nicely, I've had smiliar convos before and it works, write it down in letter form if you feel you can't keep even keel face to face, or try on the phone). However, I don't appreciate how disrespectful you are to me and my family, and so you will have to find someone else to put up with your stuff. (said with smile) and good luck and hope it all goes well.

Seriously, that sounds harsh but it's reality, and I'm telling you from very fresh experience- because I have 2 family members who have serious reality issues and there are other family members who enable them (long stories wont go into), and my twin sister and I are the only 2 who have confronted on this and put foot down. And I told Psycho sister's now ex hubby after he told me all the WHACKED Shit/games she pulled during their marriage, that as long as he was still letting her manipulative batting eyelashes work and hand over money (so for instance she could use it to pay for gas and hotel with her new boyfriend), that she was going to keep doing it and that he was enabling her. and that he had to stop

so quite simply, you have to put your foot down. It doesnt have to be nasty Jerry Springer hair pulling (on your part, god knows I can imagine her reaction but you just walk away from that). She'll never grow up if people keep jumping through her hoops. Be the one to tell her. You owe it to yourself and your level of sanity,

As I like to say, sorry I don't have room in my emotional storage space for treatment like that, from family or anyone else. From her perspective, she'll never grow up if people dont tell her 'this wont fly'

I really do sincerely hope you consider that, for her sake and mostly for your mental/emotional health, which should be number one icon_smile.gif

good luck and sorry for the long post LOL
post #78 of 99
Wow I just joined this thread and all I can say is kick a b@#$*'s a*^!!!! Sorry, south side of Chicago fiesty lady here. Okay seriously though, I am just doing a cake for my sister's birthday party and am at least getting supplies cost for it. If she is treating you like that I would tell her (as my gramma would say) to "go scratch herself!!!" She has absolutely no right to talk to anyone or treat anyone like that. Some people have this royal sense of entitlement and they need someone to smack them back into reality. You might be deemed the SIL from H$^& but at least you won't be her personal floor mat anymore. Well off to bed!!!
Good luck!
post #79 of 99
ASupergirl -

I was (and continue to be in) a similar situation with my SIL. When they got engaged (2 months after they met), I was excited about their wedding and offered to help, since I'd just gone through it all myself less than a year before. When I found that NOTHING I suggested was to her satisfaction or liking, I decided to wash my hands of the whole thing. Unfortunately, my mom picked up the reins and hosted (and paid for) the whole thing at her house, and inherited much of the headache I avoided.

Anyway, it has been a continual soap opera with her since, and it sounds like our situations are pretty similar. I have a few insights to offer that I've discovered in the 5 or so years since this started...

She and my brother are EXTREMLY insecure, competitive and jealous. Everything they do they feel they have to OUT-do my husband and I. When they got married, my husband and I were trying to get pregnant and I'd just had a miscarriage. We were undergoing fertility treatments. SIL got pregnant within 2 months of marriage so that they could have the first grandchild in the family. (We had ours 3 months later.) I think that the ONLY reason my brother proposed so soon after they met, was because I had just gotten married, he felt like he needed to get married, too. It's been one episode after another of them trying to out-do us, and we don't even CARE!

Sounds like maybe your BIL is acting the way he is because he sees and envies the married life his brother has and figures this is his way to get it -whether or not this is the right girl or the right time. He probably talks alot about you and your husband, and maybe that's why she's asking for your help with so many things - she knows that your BIL likes the way you've done things.

Even though you and your hubby love your BIL and want to help out where you can, it sounds like maybe the best help that anyone can give these two is a reality check. Let them see that life in the adult world ISN'T easy, and that if they want things, they're going to have to work hard to get them, instead of having it handed to them. One day, they will be faced with this harsh reality, and it will probably be at the expense of their marriage. People that love them and try to help them are actually enabling them in their destructive behavior.

If I were you, I would tell SIL (and BIL) "I agreed to make your wedding cake, and I will keep that promise. However, there are some things you have to understand:

1) This will be a considerable expense for us. With the kind of cake you would like to have, the expenses alone are going to run $____. Of course, there will also be a considerable amount of my time involved. It will probably take me __ hours, plus __ time off work, to set it up at the hall, etc. (In fact, if I were making this cake for someone else, or if you were paying someone else to make it for you, it would cost $_____.) Since this is such an investment for us, the cake WILL be your wedding gift, and probably your Christmas gift, too, since it's so close to Christmas. I wish I afford to do the cake AND get gifts, AND host a Bridal Shower, but we're on a budget, and we just can't afford to do it all.

2) I know there'a alot to do for the wedding, and I wish I could help more, but with all of the time I'm going to be investing on the cake, it's really all I can commit to right now.

3) Since the cake is going to take considerable planning, I need a final design idea by ___(date)___. I'd like to shop around a little for the pans and other supplies I need and maybe get some when they're on special - so that is why I need a finalized plan now.

I'm sorry to be so formal about all of this, but these are the things I'm going to need to be able to do this for you. If you don't think this is going to work out, you can go and hire someone else to make the cake and you won't hurt my feelings. But I need to know your decision by ___(date)___, so I can plan accordingly."

I think that is stating it firmly, but nicely. If she DOES decide to hire someone to do it, she'll find out quick that she's going to have to adhere to THEIR guidelines and not be able to make changes at her whim.

In addition, if she continues to push things off on you, like the invitation wording (?!?) - - I'd say, as sweetly as possible - - "Oh, that is something SO personal, I'm sure you'll want to do it yourself." Or, tell her "When I planned my wedding, I went to the printer and looked through their books at the examples of the invitations until I found one I liked." And then leave it on HER to do it.

I know it's easy to volunteer to help with stuff, but, unfortunately, sounds like she's a parasite and knows how to work everything and everyone so that she doesn't have to do anything. You're probably going to have to do what I did - learn to zip your lip and just sit back and let them do whatever it is they're going to do. They're probably going to create a lot of disasters, but you won't have to be a part of them!
post #80 of 99
just read this entire thread, and i admire your willingness to deal with all of the crap they're giving you. i would've blown my top and punched her in the face a long time ago.

i have to say that her lack of maturity and knowledge in all things wedding related doesn't surprise me. she is, after all, 19, right? not to say that SOME 19 year olds may be prepared for all of this, but i feel like i'm pretty accurate when i say that NEITHER your BIL or his future wife are.

nonetheless, these shenanigans have made for some very good reading.

and as for the topper, type up a bill on pretty pink butterfly paper and place THAT on the top.
post #81 of 99
awaiting the next episode.....
post #82 of 99
Wow...all I can think of are two wedding bands and maybe some more scroll work
post #83 of 99
WOW -- I just read through this thread last night. Definately entertaining!

I totally feel for you, Asupergirl. Hopefully this soon-to-be-SIL will wake up and smell the coffee very soon (but what's the chance of that? LOL).

Waiting to see how all this turns out....

Equal parts of dark chocolate and white chocolate make a balanced diet.

Equal parts of dark chocolate and white chocolate make a balanced diet.
post #84 of 99
This girl is in for a huge reality check once they get to his duty station and she is living the military life. I'm sitting here just laughing at miss princess because she is in for it!!

I'm guessing they aren't going to last long or he will end up miserable for letting her have her way all the time.

I give you a lot of credit for not telling her tough make your own cake or buy one from someone else after all this crap. I do think the "tiff" topper is hilarious but not really approrpriate.

Good luck with everything, sounds like you need it!
post #85 of 99
Asupergirl, you are dealing with a major drama queen. Those types will suck the energy and lifeforce right out of you---and quickly too! Don't buy into it!

You should just learn to say no. No! NOOOOO! icon_surprised.gif

When she changes a plan, just say No! No to a bad cake plan, no to taking off work, No to anything you don't want to do. What is she going to do? Get someone else to make her cake? icon_wink.gif

Just say no. thumbsdown.gif
post #86 of 99
I am CRACKING UP at this thread! Twinkies... bird phobias... Run-down shacks... BWWWWWAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAA! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let us know what you decide to do with this situation!?!?!
In my opinion, this girl needs a swift kick in the rear. Do you know how humbled and grateful MOST people would be if they were being given the funds for a wedding/reception?!?!? I would take what I was given and smile from ear-to-ear the whole time- whether I was afraid of the bird sculptures or not! What a bridezilla!!!! Your poor BIL!?! Have y'all asked him if he is for sure for sure about this chick??? Does he know the heck she's causing y'all? Not that you need to tattle-tale, but at some point, he needs to step outside of the situation, and weigh the consequences!!! Sorry- I'm on my soapbox. PLEASE keep us updated!!!
post #87 of 99
Thread Starter 
Well I'm not sure when I updated this last....but here goes the "little" update for now....

They...umm..she has decided that they are going to be doing a Las Vegas/Poker themed reception. She sent out save the date cards----with no address or time or anything on the cards just their names and the day....didn't even say that it was a wedding reception. I thought they were hilarious. They looked like a five year old wrote on them, but were in reality her hand writing. This poker night theme will include plastic green table cloths and poker chips on the tables. They will even be having a pinata for people hit and have candy fall out on the floor. An there will be decks of cards on the tables for people to play poker with. Somehow deep down I feel like calling the police for this wedding because essentially since it is in a public place and they are going to in a sense gambling.......and gambling is illegal in the state of Ohio.....are you all getting what I am thinking....ha ha ha...Me and my husband ran into three of his friends at a restaurant a couple of days ago and they asked about him. We told them everything that was happening and they were blown away. Said that this wasn't their friend. Something was wrong. Wanted to know who was paying who because there was no way that he would ever do this....They were really upset when they found out that they were not invited to the wedding.....But....Me, Hubby, and MIL all said that they can come anyhow....ah ah haaaa.....They took his phonenumber from us and were going to call and see what his problem was and what was going on with him. So with this whole poker idea (which by the way I'm not suppose to know about), I really don't want to put an orange and pink butterfly "wedding cake" in the middle of it. How stupid do you think that will look and make me look?????? So I designed this beautiful cake with the theme of "King and Queen of Hearts" to go along with the poker idea. Every one who has seen it thinks that it is just gorgeous and will work perfectly and that I should just screw the butterflies and go with this since it will make it look awesome with the theme. I was even told just to make a sheet cake out of it because nobody was coming. I really don't feel like changing it behind her back so I called her and said that I was looking in a Michaels ad and saw that they had wedding favors on sale and that could she call me back. Well that was 22 days ago and she has never called me back. In over a month she has only seen my in-law family twice and both times were very short since everyone was going to bed and the other time she wanted my MIL to fix the addresses that came back bad on the save the crap cards. If only she had listened to me....I am the only one in the family who has all of the right addresses from fixing them from our wedding.....She lied to my MIL that she has spoke to me and did all this stuff for the is pure BBBBBSSSSSS. I haven't seen her in over 45 days let alone...I'm the one who is doing the stuff for the cake...moron.....and my MIL knows this....She hasn't planned out anything else for the "wedding". Now she and BIL are trying to one-up us on everything we are doing lately. I don't get it....we all ready know that she HAS TO BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION. So that is my only conclusion. But all of the BS is getting really old. I'm about tempted to do the danged cake how I want it to look and just tell her off. If she can't make a simple return phonecall....I'll be just danged if I'm going to be doing her the bridal and bachelorette party she wants too....let alone make her her precious freakin' butterfly cake....whewwww..Do that give you all your giggle fix for the weekend??? I'll try to give you all more later...TA TA.... icon_smile.gif
"We're here to satisfy your sweet tooth!"--- Kelly's Konfections
"We're here to satisfy your sweet tooth!"--- Kelly's Konfections
post #88 of 99
OH MY! Green plastic tablecloths and poker chips AND A PINATA!!!???!!! And she thought monogram cake-toppers were tacky???? This girl sounds bipolar. Good luck trying to please her! icon_smile.gif
post #89 of 99
Oh goodness, girly that is an understatment. My advice to you is do not buy anything at this point, disaster is surely around the corner.

Also if the reception is looking like under 100 people by no means do not make a cake that is bigger than what is needed or supplement with dummies. What I would do is make a cake smaller and dress the table up with decor items, lift the cake up off the table with some kind of stand to make it look bigger.

But my gut reaction is this wedding isn't going to happen.
Otherwise maybe just ask her what she thinks she would spend on a cake if she was actually paying for it herself and then when she gives you the amount be like well then this is what I could do for you.

The whole gift thing BS, just plain and simple BS. My best friend got married and her cake was a gift, she paid for all the supplies though, she wouldn't have it any other way. I also had put together all her flowers and was a bridesmaid. Well we decided together that was my wedding present for her. Her sister(Maid of honor) was very PO'd that I wasn't chipping in on the group wedding gift, thought it was so wrong . Was I upset and the bride, she didn't get it that what I did for her was well over $900 if she had paid for it through others.

Some people just don't get and she is one that isn't even on the border of not getting it.

All I can say is good-luck and I agree with the others maybe it is time to politely back out of this one.
post #90 of 99
LMAOOOOOOOO I havent decided yet if I think you're totally brave or of your rocker for sticking with this fiasco this long icon_lol.gif sorry (laughing, not giving you a hard time). You HAVE to send this whole thread to Days of our Lives or some show like that. I KNOW that this would be snatched up in a second- and eh it'd be like trauma pay for all the crap you've had to deal with thus far - just keep sending them 'episodes' and make sure you negotiate a good deal LOL

Lord, you know there have been one or two WHACKED situations in my family and I just shake my head and stand back cause I couldnt possibly get involved in somethiing that asinine. I still maintain blood is NOT thicker than water in these cases thumbs_up.gif

By the way? I love the king/queen of hearts idea- problem is it's only August- how many more times is she going to change the theme before December? Give her a Walmart gift certificate from you and hubby- tied up in a bow and tell her to get herself something nice. And then RUN RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! LOL
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