Well, here in "Good Ole KY" we have open invitations all the time. And indydebi: You are SOOO about the popularity of the bride and groom (or lack thereof). The girls that I have done the weddings for are SO VERY INVOLVED in our church as were their hubbys to be. So, I did your 60% rule (didn't even KNOW I was doing it); plus the one girl got married at Christmas time. Lots of people didn't show because of previous commitments. Grandmother was MAJOR po'd over that!

Anyway, that's kind of the "norm" around here. Everyone you have ever spoken to on the street or in the WalMart is invited and only about 60% (give or take) of your FRIENDS show up!

Oh, back to the thread. MOG.....DEFINITELY RUDE and OVERBEARING!! Since I'm ALWAYS the MOG....my wedding planner friend told me "Aside from the rehearsal dinner YOUR job is to wear beige and show up!" LOL Has worked EVERY TIME for me! LOL

Beth in KY

Can you believe how parents can just toon their kids out.

I hate going to the grocery store. I think they know when I'm coming because there is always someone there with their kid screaming at the top of their lungs.

I don't get it, if your child is mis-behaving in a store pick them up and leave. Apparently they don't have parenting skills to teach their kids how to behave.

For one thing feed them and make sure they have had their nap before taking them out. And, if you take your child out at 10pm they are tired and will act up.

Even the toddlers should know how to act in public. No excuses.

Thank you so much for letting me vent, it's been building for a while. Better here than losing it at some parent at the store.

allibear, here you are at a wedding having to watch someone elses kid. Why didn't they just get a babysitter and leave them at home?

indy, I think we could be best friends, we think alike.

i feel the same way i work at a bakery part time (breads mostly)... i had a father come in ( very arrogent) and actually let his daughter play in and ruin our display in the window... he noticed what she was doing and said... "honey your getting" clothes dirty try to be a little tidier... can u believe it... ignored the fact that i spent a good 45 minutes making that display. jeeze if he hadn't spent 60$ on bread i might have jumped over the counter and tackled him or something

OMG!!I can not even imagine how fuming mad I would be if the MOG did this to me. I had a daughter married last Sept. and have another getting married this August. The very hardest part of the whole wedding planning is coming up with a guest list.

My daughter who got married last Sept. had over 350 people invited (55 of those were our friends and family) and the MOG kept telling me that she wanted to invite so and so, but don't worry they won't come....yeah right, 318 people were served dinner!

With these new "save the dates" going out, people know far in advance and I think the percentage goes up. We paid for the WHOLE wedding, from dinner to booze, flowers the whole cha bang! Not only was it very expensive, it was also very crowded. The venue only had enough room for 250 in the main room and the overflow had to be seated in another room (which included some of my guests,)

My daughter who is getting married this August, has the same thing happening, she is marrying someone with a huge family and very well known in the community. The groom was very picky about the venue, which btw only holds 250 for a sit down dinner. He has over 280 invited, and we have our 55 family and friends. The cost for the meal is 22.95 a plate. it will be an open bar all night. We have gotten into several arguments over the "guest list". He tries to add to the list when he finds out his good buddy can't make it that day because of prior commitments, so then he feels privilaged to add someone new. I am so mad about this!

I am so sorry to highjack your thread, but it really hit home.

I personally don't have a problem with kids at weddings, but I don't think teenagers should be allowed to bring guests. This is what happened at my first daughters wedding. Some of their church friends had 5 teenaged kids and thought they could bring friends. I was appalled when I got the RSVP card and it read 12! I called and politely explained that the kids were not invited, she was embarrassed and apologized, but GEEZ how awkward!

Weddings are EXPENSIVE, take lots of planning, and if someone doesn't have the decency of RSVP'ing when I have sent them a card with a self addressed envelope, then they better not be suprised when I call them and ask them if they are coming since I NEVER received the card. (it's funny to hear all the reason why they didn't drop it in their mailbox).

This wedding will be assigned seating, so we will have to know exactly who is coming.

GL with this situation, as a caterer, I would be a little nervous!

People in our church do this all the time. They do not have a high success rate due to the fact that they also mailed out invitations to the people they really wanted to invite. I think that they (at least I would) would not like to have a second hand, off handed invitation, and I would not attend. Seems to me like a poor attempt at more gifts for the couple. I think that the number you told the normal mother sounds fine. I also feel sorry for the person who is marrying into the crazy mothers family, for she will run their life. Trust me.. I know. (my MIL LITERALLY named all of my children for me)

This is why I LOVE "Invitation Only" weddings these days. It seems no one respects the RSVP anymore so, No invitation, no entrance and no surprises for the bride and groom.

Okay, had to speak to the kid issue. I love little children....but, when MY children were little...there were just places they didn't go! Weddings and receptions were two of them. My husband and I wanted to have a good time and the childen would have DEFINITELY NOT had a good time because Mom and Dad would have made them sit in a seat quietly!!

Then, of course when they grew up and went to a wedding at the church they were like "MOM! Can I go yet? Has it been 20 minutes yet?" I literally made them stay an obligatory 20 minutes. I think I cursed them! LOL

Now, on to kids at receptions. When my son got married a girl at the church wanted to take pictures of the children in front of the park scene we had on the stage in the Family Life Center. One of the children knocked a PARK LIGHT over; off the stage it went and hit the MOB in the head! I was SOOO MAD at the person taking the pictures!

When my Pastor's daughter got married 2 months later, she had a children's reception and the children WERE NOT allowed at the adult reception. They had a GREAT time! Hot Dogs and Chips with cookies and played with a pinata! They were more that adequately staffed in the kids room and both adults and their children had a wonderful time! It was worth the extra "hot dog" money!

Beth in KY

edited to add: I was mad at the girl taking pictures because she KNEW we had specified no children on the stage for safety reasons. You know, a 4 year old doesn't really READ SIGNS well!!!

Thats way rude! Id go tell that woman that she needs to tell people they cant come (the woman who put the ad out)

My beloved and I love kids and are teachers (me part time and him full time) we got married on Halloween. We had a small ceremony (11 ppl including ourselves) then we went to another spot to have a reception with all the kids from our classes and their parents.

I don't get people that live only for their children and don't see how emotionally stupid it is to not take a break from being a parent and just be an adult. A few hours of being an adult without kids, I'm sure children would be just fine if they didn't get to go everywhere.

Kids sticking their finger in cakes annoys me to no end. My SIL thought it was cute when her boys did it.

And when was it ok to bring kids to Showers? If you don't have a baby-sitter don't go. When I gave my friend a Baby Shower I put on the invitation "no children". Her sister was upset with me over it. I told her I was sorry it wasn't the place for children especially when the women start
talking about child birth.

My son was married almost three yrs. ago and I am still fuming. A friend of his daughter screemed through the whole ceremony. I did not hear one word of it. The stupid woman didn't have sence enough to take the child out.

That same year they came to our Holloween party and this kid was screaming. Guest were trying to watch a movie. I kept giving hints maybe she should take her upstairs to lay down. She just gave me a stupid look and said she's not tired, I finally had to tell her she was disturbing my other guest and please take the child to another part of the house. They left and haven't been back since. Like I care.

People forget children are just that they are children. There is a time and a place for them.

Halloween wedding. That's my dream. I didn't have a wedding and I think if I were to have one it would be Halloween. I have it all planned in my head. But, it's been almost 35 yrs. I don't think it's going to happen.

The MOG, kick her.

We could all probably write a good book on Etiquette, something that is sadly missing in todays society. Good manners and respect have long gone out the window. How can a child learn manners if a parent has none themselves! I can remember the days when you would never go to church without a dress on and a hat, or how about a man opening the door for a woman, or a man removing his hat when he enters a room or a church, or it would be unthinkable not to RSVP, it was an honor to be invited and the proper and courteous thing to do. Social and cocktail hours were for adults only! Children have no business mingling with adults and being under everyones feet. Adults have a right to enjoy their time. If the disciplining was like it used to be, children should be seen but not heard. I am appauled at the attitudes of parents today, children are unruley, arrogant, undisciplined, self-centered and disrespectful. It just goes to show that there is very little morality and decency left in this world and it scares me to death of what is happening. I am thankful that my children grew up with strict discipline and social correctness, and my grandchildren are learning from them, they will not be emotionallly scared for being disciplined and learning how to respect people. I have always been a stickler about manners and I don't plan on changing to the ways of the new I don't give a da---- society.

I was taught to open the door for others- men and women. I walk on the outside if my female friend is with me. I was raised with some 'hometraining' as the saying goes. Too bad I can't say teh same for lots of other folks.

I don't know how many times I got called huge, fat, enormous, asked if I was having twins, told that children are horrible, etc. when I was pregnant.

I felt the most beautiful I have ever felt and so I began not goign out so I didn't have to hear such negativity. I didn't believe one word of the nuts but I just couldn't handle peoples body issues anymore. I knew I was (am) beautiful and so I stayed in an environment that supproted that.

I am a legend and a diva in my living room!

I had my twin 18 month old neices at my wedding, and we knew that they wouldn't be able to sit there through the whole thing. They started crying half way through, but instead of just letting them cry, my brother and my BIL took them out the ceremony area. I wanted them there so badly that I was willing to have the crying that came along with them. My DHs neice on the other hand....she was about 18 months old too, she didn't go to the wedding and I wasn't that upset about it. Funny how that is.

When my kids were small and had started crying whether it be in a restuarant or at a store; they were always removed from the scene. I hated that my kids weren't little angels all the time. All I ever ask of them now is that they behave when they are away from the house. I want everyone to THINK that my kids are perfect little angels....but I know better!

cupcake, I think I have you beat. I remember when you couldn't wear pants to school or work.

I was very strict with my kids. I had a big thing about being embarrassed. Bad behavior is a reflection on the parent. Sometimes I think they are just too lazy to do anything about it. It's easier just to ignore it and let everyone else have to put up with it.

I could take my children anywhere even when they were babies. They grew up to be well mannered, responsible adults.

My two boys ages 16 and 13 open doors for everybody, men or women. I taught them young, they started opening doors for me when they were strong enough to do it. I will not have them be mean or demeaning to anybody. My boys know right from wrong. They do not interupt adults that are speaking (except for me and their dad), they are a little loud sometimes, but never when I want to make an impression on my friends and co-workers. My family is another story. They know what my boys are really like, but my boys are polite and hold doors open for their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. They enter the house last, because it it the polite thing to do. I hope that I am teaching them all of the correct ways to treat a woman because I want whatever girl they go out with or marry to think that my boys are the best thing in the world.

Sorry started a tangent.

When my daughter got married I told her to make a list of the people she wanted to see at her wedding. If she invited so and so and he/she didn't come would she notice? If not no invite for them. What's the point? As far as family was concerned there were ones in CA and Maryland we knew couldn't come but were sent an invitation out of respect. We made a list of who to invite and who will come. We were pretty close with our count on "who will come" when we looked back after the wedding. Anyone at church not receiving an invitation wasn't invited period. We didn't let ourselves feel obligated to invite anyone. This was a family affair. Our little country church was packed and cars parked down the road in 4 directions. Guests had to wait a bit to throw the bird seed when they came out and then we all trailed off to the reception venue (aka community building) 9miles away. It was only a cake, coffee and punch reception but it was sure a blast. Everyone there really mattered, and I think that's the way it ought to be. The real fun began at our house after the reception and the b&g left for their honeymoon. We had 4 big trailers sitting in our driveway and 16 extra people staying over. Two of the trailers we borrowed from friends. Some of the CA family stayed a whole week. What a great time!

Sorry to go on and on, but it got the bad taste out of my mouth from these other stories.

i know im new to this but really, what the does this mother think she is playing at. i dont care if you go to a church or not, if you do not get a personal invite then you are not coming. i understand the feeling of not wanting to miss anyone but this is insane. i must be stupid or something but i think this mother is being a real mutha.... there is way more going on here than her just 'inviting' a whole bunch of people. you simply do not do that two weeks before the big day. what a poo poo head. i feel totally sorry for the bride and MOB to have to go through this on top of everything else. to be quite honest i think the caterer should tell the bride that if there is not proper request for amendment to numbers within a certain time frame then the existing contract for numbers stands. i know its heartbreaking, but you have a business to run, not a charity. this is a wedding and weddings are big business. i truly wish the bride and the caterer the absolute best of luck with this one, sorry but i do not envy this situation.

what an absolutely lovely way to welcome someone into the family, whats going to happen for the birth of their first child, total strangers at the actual birth. ha ha. aint gonna happen.

please dont hate me for this attitude but im totally flabbegasted at the whole thing. i personally know someone that had that happen to them and they are still paying for the mothers mix up. she told the family that she was dealing with the catering and ordered 5 star top notch stuff for 200 people, sit down and everything, only to tell the bride on the day of the wedding that she wasnt paying, 10 grand later. they had to sell both cars to pay for it all.

I think it depends on what part of the country you are in and how big the town/city is that you live in. In the church I grew up in, it was the norm to send out a general invitation to the whole church and not every single person. That's the way my wedding was and my sister's wedding, but, I grew up in a small town of about 5000 people and there were no more than 200 people in the church. I definitely wouldn't do that if I lived in a big city or went to a huge church. Also, a sit down meal almost never happened, it was usually just finger foods. I remember a couple of weddings of people who had a sit down dinner at their reception, but it was held at their house. You had to RSVP for that. Just my 2 cents.

I would love to be invitied to a wedding and after have cake and beverage. I would enjoy that. I don't like going to the big weddings with all the hupla.

Good point, where are the Father's? Why don't they watch the children.

If a Father is not in their lives get a relative or neighbor or DON'T GO!

Remember when Showers use to be fun. Bridal Showers they would get teased. And, all Baby Showers end up talking about birthing babies.

Children should not be there and shame on those who say it is what they do now.

When I give showers I state "no children" and stick to it. If someone gets bent out of shape over it, they have the problem not me. They will get over it.

Another point there are Women there thay look forward to getting away from their children to enjoy Adult company. And they have to put up with someone elses children????????

And what about home parties like Tupperware, Home Interiors, etc... Again it is a get away and women actually bring their children.

Maybe they are too stupid to figure it out and someone needs to sit down and explain it to them.

I think we will start having to put those yellow tapes around the cake tables. Maybe, that wouldn't stop them, the little Monsters would just go under the tape.

Beings I am getting no notifications of any of the forums I am watching, I have not looked at this thread since day before yesterday. Seems like it has turned into a rant about children.

As Indydebi stated, it is proper ettiquette to put the exact names of who are invited and it is proper ettiquette for the recepient to realize that only those people are invited. Now for reality...........most people don't comprehend that.
Sad, but true.

I'm still in favor of choking the MOG. I believe I would tell her that the caterer was going to charge double for the late reservations or something like that and I would make her pay for them. JMO

Diane

Well excuse us.

I swayed that way because we were talking about invites. And one of the post talked about people bring the children.

Yes, you do write the names of who is invited on the invites. I'm not sure if they are Idiots or they just don't know.

Excuse me while I look for the rules on threads.

Whenever I have an etiquette question I call my mom. She's from the north and boy oh boy that woman has grace and class.