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Squished my cake, but wanted to squish my husband... - Page 3

post #31 of 71
Thread Starter 
I understand that he has his side, and no, it didn't bother me that you want to make sure he has his say also.

But, because this is a cake forum and I consider this my group of friends, I wanted some sage advice, but also good clean pokes at men and their short comings. Don't think they don't enjoy giving jabs about our shoe collections or how anal we are about how the dishwasher is loaded. I take it all in stride, and believe me, his feelings don't seem to be hurt one bit in the fact that I can't even look him in the face or even stay in the same room for very long. These girls can have at him online. icon_twisted.gif

I ended up running out of our sunday school class that he teaches because I couldn't hold back the tears when we started praying. How I'm I suppose to explain that one next Sunday? I told a friend before she divorced that you can hate a person just as much as you love them. I know I love my husband very much, but I don't like him very much right now, nor the way he makes me feel like such a failure.

I love cake baking, and he supports my in it. But, if it puts me behind in my "women's work" then is it worth it? I might just stop baking for pay, give myself an allowance out of the checking account, and only bake free for family and friends.
post #32 of 71
Thread Starter 
Also, I might try making a list of each thing I do every day and recite it to him when he comes home from work and he asks what I have done all day. Now, I just shrug and say, "The usual..."
post #33 of 71
wow...from what i have read you don't sound like your neglecting sounds like he is...and he's feeling self conscience...if ne1's neglecting nething it sounds like him...he should be happy you do the things you do...tell him if he thinks shit is so easy you two should switch for a day...cake decorating and all...and o btw i'm sry your having a bad day...
post #34 of 71
ok that came out a lil harsh...i was mad at reading what your hubby said to should never be treated like that...i just got out of a very disastrous marriage and i feel for females where dh's seem like they don't care...hun i'm very sry you had a bad day...hopefully soon things will look up for you...
post #35 of 71
Thread Starter 
Don't you just hate it when you have submitted a reply, read it and think "Wow, that sounds different from I was asying in my head?" I tend to do that all the time... icon_rolleyes.gif

Yes, this afternoon I folded all of DD clothes, washed and steamed 14 of DH's dress shirts and fried homemade Buffalo wings for dinner. But, that pile of school papers is still on the kitchen counter, and half my winter wardrobe is laying on the trunk next to my bedside. icon_confused.gif I just don't seem to have all together like Mrs. Cleaver. Oh yes, he gave me jewelry for our anniversary. I wasn't as thoughtful as I should have been because I really have asked him not to give me jewelry. He jokingly said that I needed to start prettying myself for him before he gets home every afternoon. Welcome to the South ladies...yes it still goes on!
post #36 of 71
OH honey, I'm going through the same thing with my DH. Just starting to mend things actually. If you need to pm me. Men (and sometimes women) can be such poop heads! My DH told me the same thing about our house too when he doesn't help out hardly any. I actually was looking into apartments or moving back in with my family when he finally decided to talk to me without yelling and we talked. It's still ruff here but getting better.
post #37 of 71
haha...i'm from the g'pa is backwoods kentuckian...i know more than anyone it still goes on...hence the reason i got a divorce...but he took it a step too far...but i really hope things look up for you...i can't imagine what my BF thinks when he gets home...most of the time i'm in
post #38 of 71
This coming from a man so take it FWIW. In relationships jabs or one of the individuals treating or saying something hurtful usually is stemming from something else. I do not know you or what stage your marriage is at or if it really bothers you if you would split up but I can say if your marriage means something then it is time to sit down like adults and get to the real meaning behind the backhanded comments. If you do not address it or speak to your husband on how it makes you feel then it will just eat at you more and whatever is truely bothering your husband will eat at him more. No one likes to be attacked personally for whatever reason but as adults someone needs to be the bigger person and find out 1. Why the comments. 2. How that sort of communication makes you feel. 3. What is your position in your marriage right now and how important to you to make things work. You should speak to him in phrases like I feel and those words make me feel. That way a person cannot get defensive when you attack them with you said and you did. Personal attackes make people fight back. Also be prepared to listen and not defend and grow from what is discussed. It may not be what you want to hear because as individuals we like to feel as how we act has no bearing on what our spouses reactions or feelings should be. Good luck and God Bless.
"There is nothing made anywhere that some man cannot make more cheaply or worse, and people whose only consideration is price are this man's lawful prey."
"There is nothing made anywhere that some man cannot make more cheaply or worse, and people whose only consideration is price are this man's lawful prey."
post #39 of 71
<------ He is not my husband icon_mad.gificon_biggrin.gif

I'm so sorry I have not read anyone's replies yet but I am sure you are not the only who feels like this, I think a lot of us all go through it with our damn husbands but we still love them and we get over it, work it out and they become dear again some how and I have the same questions too.... I still have no answer icon_confused.gif
post #40 of 71
I'm still trying to figure out "his job" and "her job". I happen to enjoy tending to the lawn (OMG, the stress that gets relieved by pulling up weeds). Fortunately, my husband doesn't mind washing dishes (I'd rather put my tongue in a blender).

After nine years he doesn't care for the quality of your housework??? Girlfriend, start using that Tide concentrated on his clothes (and only his...) That stuff will give you a rash unless you put it through the cycle twice. I know it's not healty (but lets be honest here), I'd be the Passive-Aggressive-Queen-B-On-Acid (and I don't mean bee). Next service he asks of you? Eat a cinnamon Altoids first.

"... or else?" Or else what? Or else I will be gutting your portfolio and all future income during the negotiations? Or else I will be doubling my cake orders so that I can pay my attorney? Or else I will start emptying the bank account and hiding $20s under the ironing board cover (since that's my duty) so that I have a healthy stash?

It's a shame you're about two hours from me. I'd come take you out for a girl day.
post #41 of 71
Thread Starter 
Altoids you say...hmmm icon_rolleyes.gif

Of course he is now acting like nothing happened, and as usual, I will probably let it go and wait for the next, I really should say something. icon_cry.gif Man this is hard!!!

Something inside me keeps thinking that if this is the only thing he can find to complain about, then I should be happy. But, it is the same thing over and over...after nine years, get over the clutter, or tell me what the h*ll is really going on. He even told me once that he would help me a couple of hours each weekend to tackle those corners of stuff or the boxes in the back room that never got unpacked from the last move. (Never happened...) It would also be one thing if he was a neat freak, but he is more of a slob than I am. His excuse is, "I'm gone all day!"
post #42 of 71
Originally Posted by LanaC

Girlfriend, start using that Tide concentrated on his clothes (and only his...) That stuff will give you a rash unless you put it through the cycle twice.

THAT WILL FIX HIM thumbs_up.gif
post #43 of 71
Honey, I'm not one to give advise on the "healthy" thing to do because, well, I leave that to the professionals. When you want to have a few creative "unhealthy" suggestions, just let me know. (( That Tide thing came from experience, but it was an accident. You ever have a Tide rash from where your undie elastic touches your skin? Bad, bad stuff.))

I do hope all goes well.
post #44 of 71
I get into weird depression funks where I have a hard time doing anything, much less get out of bed.

Luckily, my Fiance is understanding for the most part. The few times he's blown up about it I've stood up to him and flat told him that I don't appreciate it, at all.

It basically came down to, "Okay, so let's switch places and you can have a mental illness that haunts you your whole life and I can actually have the will to vacuum every day! Show me your awesome machine that can perform this miracle, I'll strap myself in!"

By nature I am a cluttered person.. I am not a neat freak, nor do I particularly care about living in a "showroom" environment.. if others do, that's fine.. it's not me though.

I am sorry about your DH, and I know how it feels to be attacked over something that you genuinely shouldn't and can't do more to help. Next time he attacks you tell him if it's so damn easy he can do it himself. Tell him you're his wife, not his maid, and if he wants a change he needs to talk to you like your adult partner, not your Master.
post #45 of 71
Emotional abuse and threats are never ok. I lived with that myself and know how hard it can be. I hope it all works out the way you want it to. Hugs, Hugs and more hugs.
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