I had a friend that didn't know her right from her left. Mind you this was a grown woman with 3 kids. If I told her to turn left she would ask, 'This way, or that way?' I finally learned that 'this way' was right and 'that way' was left. There was no teaching her any different. I gave up and got just as stupid as she was.....
Diane
That happens to me all the time - but I can't blame it on kids..... 
My friends do it to - so much that we just say 'my way' or 'your way' when we're in the car!!!
~Chelle
I have been laughing all afternoon at some of these. I wanted to add a couple of my own...
I groom in a vet's office, so friends are always asking me for advice. A dear friend - mother of 6 - couldn't understand why her cat kept having kittens, even though she never let her outside. It turned out that she had kept one of the first litter - a male. When I told her that he was the culprit, she was horrified! "She would NEVER do that with her SON!!!" She never did believe that he was capable of that! 
I live near Cincinnati, OH - Bengals country. One year I painted my yellow lab with black hair dye to make her look like a tiger. We jokingly called her a "tigradore". As we were leaving the clinic, a very sweet little old lady was admiring Psybil and asked what breed she was. When I told her, she very seriously asked which was the mother, the tiger or the labrador. I would have loved to see THAT breeding!! 
Oh, yes, there are some stupid people in this world...
My brother is a 911 dispatcher and like the PP who mentioned the relative working in the nut-house he comes home with some doozies... The funniest I think has to be a gal that called in to report a fire (this was before the days when the info automatically appears on the screen in front of them). She was at her vacation cottage and definitely fit the roll of trophy... So, fire is happening in the woods, she calls 911... Dispatcher answers "911, what IS your emergancy?"... Caller "There's a fire in the woods and it's getting bigger"... Dispatcher "What is your address and location of the fire"... Caller "I'm at my vacation cottage and the fire is in the woods".. Dispatcher (thunks microphone) "What is the fire number of your cottage, it may be on a piece of mail"... Caller "I think this is the first fire I've seen around here"... Dispatcher (trying to keep her composure) "Mam, can you tell me where the fire is located so that we can get the fire department on their way?" ... Caller "It's getting near the garage and my propane tank"... Dispatcher (starting to lose patience) "Mam, if you cannot give me your location or fire number, how are we suppose to get the fire department dispatched there?" Caller (I KID YOU NOT)... "DUH! Big Red Truck!"...
Not disputing your story but I have heard this told as a "blonde" joke numerous times. Jay Leno has had some real doozy 911 calls on his show also. I don't envy those 911 operators!
Diane
I live near Cincinnati, OH - Bengals country. One year I painted my yellow lab with black hair dye to make her look like a tiger. We jokingly called her a "tigradore". As we were leaving the clinic, a very sweet little old lady was admiring Psybil and asked what breed she was. When I told her, she very seriously asked which was the mother, the tiger or the labrador. I would have loved to see THAT breeding!!
That one had me laughing out loud, I think I just woke my daughter up.
Here's a cake related one....A lady I teach with was looking at my cake pictures, particularly the sculpted ones. She was very interested in these and said she just couldn't figure out how I did this. I explained that I just use a knife and carefully cut out the shape, etc. She just stared at me a minute and then said, "I just don't get it, do you sculpt them before you bake them or after?" I wanted to say, "Yes, I sculpt the liquid batter." Seriously, how could you not know the answer to that question?
I laughed so hard I could hardly breath!!!!!!! OMIGOSH!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you for that one!!!!!!!
I was friends with a girl I worked with quite some years ago. The first time I was going to her apartment I asked for directions. So she's giving me directions and then says" when you get to the complex you'll see two flags, an American flag and a United States flag, turn there". What?? That girl said the kookiest things and had me laughing all the time. Good thing she didn't mind. One time I introduced her to a another friend and he mentioned that he didn't think "the elevator went all the way up" (in regard to her). Sometimes I think about her and wonder where she is.
.....and then says" when you get to the complex you'll see two flags, an American flag and a United States flag, turn there".
This reminded me of a story hubby told when he worked in the lockbox dept of a bank. One of the ladies asked him if the International dept should process a check from New Mexico? He asked her "why would International handle it?" She said, "Because it's from new MEXICO???", using the tone of voice that indicated HE was the idiot for not knowing!
And she's probably allowed to drive, vote and pro-create! 
Ok - nothing to do with cake baking - but couldn't resist sharing this with you - a friend of mine got pregnant and was complaining that she was on the Pill and should be able to get pregnant - I was asking her if she was antibiotics for some reason that would interfere with the potency of the pill, but that wasn't the reason. So then I asked if she took her Pill at the same time every day - she actually said "every day - what do you mean? I only take it when we have sex" OMG what do you say to that?
This stuff should be in a book - too funny
Just recently on the news there was a guy that called 911 because a club wouldn't let him in, he wanted the police to come an make them.
A co-worker looking at her calendar one day yelled out "hey, Easter is on Sunday this year". She wasn't joking.
I've really been enjoying everyone's stories and had to add mine that makes me laugh everytime I think about it (non-cake related).
My friends and I went out one day and while we were having lunch the country Norway was brought up and my frined (who is Norwegian and very blonde) replied, "Norway, now is that Norwegian?"
And then not much later I mentioned something about Seattle Center and my other friend asked, "Where is Seattle Center?" I couldn't resist and replied, "In the center of Seattle." LOL!
I was at a District Lions Meeting one time and a representative from each club was asked to get up and tell what projects their club had done throughout the year. One guy got up and started listing things they had done and when he got to "Every year we set up a stand and sell Christmas trees. We usually do this around Christmas time." YA THINK???? He couldn't figure out why we were falling out of our chairs laughing. Another one got up and came to the point of telling about the Easter egg hunt they sponsor and needless to say, someone from the audience had to shout, "Do you do that around Easter?" Good thing we all take the ribbing in stride!
Diane
Lily hun that's what I meant about the cake being a little "dry" it was made of foam and they actually brought the thing back for a refund!!! Because it was dry!!!!!!!!
OMG, i thought maybe ya'll made them out of real cake....there is my stupid moment! lol i can't believe they tried to return it
I was at a Weight Watcher's meeting and the leader was telling us about our "senses"...she was describing how each sense contributed to our over-eating. She was saying that our 'sight' sense made us eat because it looked good, our 'smell' sense made it smell good...you get the picture...so she went through all of them and she said, "so what is your Sixith sense?" All 30 of the ladies just sat there not saying anything and I spoke up and said, "you see DEAD people?" The whole room was rolling on the floor in laughter. I guess she wanted the answer to be "COMMON SENSE"...never thought of THAT one!!
Add me to those rolling on the floor! That was a "burst out laughing out loud!" one!
A friend was telling me about a class he took and "The Beatles" were mentioned. Some kid in the class asked "Who are the Beatles?" When everyone started laughing at him, he tried backpedaling with "Oh! Oh! The Beatles! You mean Paul McCartney's first back-up band!"
Oh lord, what planet do you have to be from to NOT know who the Beatles are! My 5-year old granddaughter knows who they are!
I had a friend that didn't know her right from her left. Mind you this was a grown woman with 3 kids. If I told her to turn left she would ask, 'This way, or that way?' I finally learned that 'this way' was right and 'that way' was left. There was no teaching her any different. I gave up and got just as stupid as she was.....
Diane
Trying to teach my older son right and left I drew and R on his right hand and foot and and L on the left hand and foot. He is 36 and still raises his hand to see which way right or left is. LOL and he was always in the gifted classes.
My honey, sweet man that he is, not stupid just a little confused. He was telling me about a co-worker that fell from a ladder, had to go to emergency to get checked out and was told to go to his optometrist. Now my honey says " I don't know what the H$%% an optomitrist has to do with a detached rectum!!" Oh my gosh, after I stop laughing and change my underwear I explained the difference.
cassandrascakes, i was just reading this thread and i'm only on page two. you mentioned your aunt thinking she got gas for 97 cents.
i was on a road trip with my mom when i was a teenager. she got pulled over for speeding at 95 mph. the officer told her this, and she swore the speed limit sign said 95. Guess which interstate we were on?!
I was waiting in line at the movie theater when I noticed the sign said 7:00 I went off on a tangent about the price of movies and how outrageous the prices were, my son tugs on my sleeve and says "calm down mom that's the time the movie starts!!!" (this was in the 70's )
I have these things all the time, especially customers that say you did my friends wedding 2 years ago, so and so, and now I am getting married and would like something similar. I always keep my orders, but to have to go back and look it up!! No way. People just don't have a clue what it takes. I like the ones that call in the morning for a cake that same afternoon, and then want to be picky about what they want. I guess it is just part of the business.
This reminds me of when my dd K started driving, She was wondering what was wrong with her blinkers,My oldest dd J 
[who has been working on cars since she was 10 yrs old]was joking with her and told her she needed some blinker fluid in it. She actually asked the man at Auto Zone if they carried it.!!!LMAO!!!! 
This reminds me of when my dd K started driving, She was wondering what was wrong with her blinkers,My oldest dd J
[who has been working on cars since she was 10 yrs old]was joking with her and told her she needed some blinker fluid in it. She actually asked the man at Auto Zone if they carried it.!!!LMAO!!!!
Like my dad, when I was young, telling me to make sure the Volkswagon had water in the radiator when I borrowed it. Luckily, I didn't fall for it.
Diane
Ok, I'm at work and just had one of these people come in. I work in a custom cabinetry/wood shop as the designer. A lady just came in and complained that her contractor had just installed her baseboard moulding that we sold her and it now had nail holes in it and her baseboards didn't come with anything to fill the holes with! Really??? She wanted to know why we didn't supply her with any putty for the nail holes and it was all I could do to not say "because it didn't have any holes in it when we sold it to you!" but I didn't. I told her that her contractor would have to fill the holes and she proceded to tell me that he did not know what color the moulding was....huh? Did he not just install it??? Is he blind? Am I missing something? LOL
Guess next time I have a drywall job or something I'll have to make sure I get the kind of drywall that comes with the mud and tape and everything else included!
I had a lady call me and ask me what time she needed to pick up her cake. I told her about 10 a.m. She said "are you going to bake it Friday night or Saturday morning?" I said, "well, since you are going to pick it up at 10 a.m. Sat. that means that I will do it on Friday." She asked if there was any way that I could bake and decorate it on Saturday morning and still come after it at 10. I told her that I don't get up that early. She said, "well, good grief, how long does it take to decorate a cake anyway?" Are people really this stupid or was she just a "special" person????
And then I had a lady call and say "How many pieces does your 24 piece cake serve?" Slowly I said, "twenty-four"...and then she asked how many pieces the 36 piece cake serves, again I slowly said, "thirty-six" and she then she said "how many does your 54 piece serve?" I said, "are you serious??" she said, "yes, I am trying to figure out how big of a cake I need and I am writing this down"...ok!! Then she said, "well, what if I don't want any left over?" I said, "cut the pieces bigger"...she said, "can I do that?"
Have you ever had someone call and say, "I want a cake just like the one you did for my son three years ago." I said, "well, you are going to have to help me out a little bit with this one, cuz I don't remember what I did." She said, "well, I don't remember either, I thought maybe you would"...WHY DO YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS????
The more I deal with people the better I like my dogs!!
I was laughing out loud on this one. Anyone here hear the song "Here's your sign"? (of course you have since there are several reference to it here!) This is what I thought of when I read this! ROFL!! This is soo funny and painfully true. 
Oh, I have a ton of these...mainly my kids!
My oldest son wanted to get his girlfriend a kitten for her B-day. He was about 16 at the time. He had found an add in the paper for "Free Kittens". He wanted me to take him to go get one. I told him that his Dad had seen some running around the back of the grocery store. The employees had been feeding them so they were pretty tame. We should go check them out first. His reply? "But Mom, these others are FREE!" I'm still trying to figure out where the store would have put that barcode!
My other son and I were discussing his favorite song when he was little. My daughter, about 18 at the time, pipes in "You remember my favorite song don't you? It's the Mickey Mouse song! You know M-I-C-...Oh, I don't remember the rest of it!" Now, I know for a fact that she graduated HS!
My DH keeps saying it has something to do with the maternal gene pool....haha, very funny!
I have one about myself from years ago:
Back in the late 1980s, DH (then DB) & I were driving with another couple & we passed the Empire State Building, which was lit up in an unusual color. As we passed I said, "I'd hate to be the person that has to change all those light bulbs back to the old color."
In my defense, I was a young naive 18 year old.
There was total silence in the car for one heartbeat & then they all burst out laughing. It took me a minute to realize that that's not how it's done.
Thank you all for these laughs. I have one about my DH.
We went to Denny's for breakfast one Sunday and the waitress asked him "How would you like your eggs?" He promptly replied, "cooked!" The waitress and I couldn't catch our breaths for a few minutes!
I want to thank you all for these great laughs! I've spent the last 3 hours... yes 3 hours reading all these replies lol.
I want to say for a moment some of them had me puzzeled for just a milisecond lol...
One that is cake related....
A potential customer, a very good friend, my best friends siter.... all one person lol. Wanted a cake for her soon to be grand daughter's baby shower... her son and the chick aren't married yet so it's not her DIL and son's baby shower didn't sound right lol but you get it anyway....... She wanted this cake, I posted on CC for help with it and returned her email stating it was beautiful, I could do it, but I needed to know what flavors of cake she wanted, and if she wanted any fillings what flavors. She never returned my mail so I contacted the bestfriend and asked if someone was wrong had her sister decided to go with someone else or what?
She asked her sister what happened and all and she said I scared her away with all my questions about flavors and fillings she said "Mel-Bee I just want yellow cake and chocolate cake and that canned icing from the store why is that so hard to understand" I explained to Mel-Bee that it's ok I can do yellow cake and chocolate cake no problem but canned icing I will not do. It goes against everything every cake decorator is about lol. So she explains to the sister (who is a recovered pot head from the 70's lol and is majorly burnt out and is also ditzy to add to it) and she says but I just want regular plain cake what can't she understand you know just plain! Well the sister didn't get her meanings either lol...
So she says I'll wait and see these doll cakes she's making and if I like them I'll have her do this one. Bday party comes and she's showing off pictures of the cakes she's made in the past two weeks practicing and explain that it's just turning out right and so on so I figure ok I'll get the job...
The baby shower day comes I go as a guest and see the cake, it's beautifully decorated and looks like it's going to be great. She goes to serve it and removes the top tier and the middle tier and starts cutting the bottom tier. The cake is literally falling apart into pieces where the dowels were placed in it was unlevel (dowels not cut evenly) and she used canned icing... on a 3 tier cake... The cake tasted like cardboard and everyone! including her children let her know it lol. But I will admit it was pretty.
She explained today at her other son's bday party that she wasn't upset with me at all (friend explained I thought she was upset with me or something cause she promised me her business and has never called for a cake and hasn't returned calls about other things such as the age of the kittens I got from her lol) anyway she explains she isn't upset I just freaked her out with all the talk about the flavors... she didn't know cake came in so many flavors and stuff and she thought you just threw stuff together and tinted canned icing and that was it... Well her husband is the cake maker and she is a RN and CNA and all this other junk and does the decorating at weddings and makes the flowers and stuff like that... well the cake they did today was neat looking the friend says it was 2 HUGE sheets put together one choc one yellow decorated with canned white icing died with food coloring... she happened to see the trash bag as she was leaving.... 25!!!!!!!!!! cans of white icing in the trash..... I couldn't help but laugh... some people just don't get it that making your own icing is alot cheaper and yields alot more icing then one can of frosting does lmao... she couldn't understand why it tasted so nasty... she used an entire little tubby thing of green and black liquid food coloring.... my friend said they looked good but were disgusting... when will she learn to leave it to the pros? lmao
When I was in college and home on the weekend, my mom and i decided to make tuna salad for lunch. We were out of celery, so we decided to substitute cucumbers, figuring one green veggie is the same as any other, right? LESSON LEARNED - Cucumbers make tuna salad watery and slimy! 
i used to decorate ice cream cakes for a chain...i had a few customers that called and asked how long to bake the ice cream cake for when they got home...had another lady call and "complain" because she wanted to surprise her daughter with an ice cream cake in the morning when she woke up, the cake had melted. she wanted her money back! i didn't give her her money back, but i made her another cake and charged her for that one too and wrote out instructions for freezing the cake!!!
Quote by @%username% on %date%
%body%