I have 2 good friends (who I've known for 4 years), for whom I have always done a cake as a gift on their birthdays. This is always in addition to a bought gift (the 2 other friends tend to club together to buy the other something). Well, as much as I've been happy to do a cake as a gift, it is getting a little beyond a joke! Last July I made my friend a cake to serve 24 (in a design I'd normally charge $75 for - and she knew this). Now my other friend sent me this email today (didn't even have the decency to speak to me in person!):

"I've had a think about how many people are potentially coming on the 17th--it's around 13 adults (that's including **** and me and is if everyone comes) and 10 kids (incl. *****). You can probably make a cake that is slightly less than for the total as I don't expect everyone can come. I'll let you decide what kind of cake you would like to do--I trust your judgment--my only "request" is maybe something with different flavored layers--one to be more "child-friendly" (i.e. non-chocolate . . .). If you would rather have more direction from me as to the kind of cake, let me know."

OK, so that's another cake serving 24 - and I know she prefers fondant, so again another $75 cake mimimum as a gift from me !

To top it all, she has the hump with me for no reason (really!) and has hardly said 2 words to me since November!!!

Now when it comes to my birthday, I only ever receive the 'combined gift' from them, which totals about $30-$35! Plus, at Christmas, I made them both small fruit cakes which they knew they were getting (which I'd normally charge $35 each for), and what did I get for Christmas in return - NOTHING, from EITHER of them! Now, I don't make these cakes as gifts necessarily expecting much in return - but, come on! I feel like free cakes from me is now expected, and why should they consider what I do for them when it comes to giving me gifts

I have another big cake to do for the 17th which is for my BF's friend's 50th birthday. The design he has chosen would normally be $75, but I told him as a gift, I'd do it for $40 - and he is totally happy, appreciative and fine with that!

So, am I being selfish, or am I being taken advantage of (which is how I feel), by my friends?

Sorry this was so long!

Edited to say: When I first started making them cakes as gifts for birthdays, they were only 6 or 8in cakes - you know, family size! Now I'm expected to provide for the 5000 !

I think they are getting spoiled and they dont even realize it. I would feel taken advantage of too! I would tell them that unfortunately you have a cake order due the same day and you just arent sure you can provide a cake this year. maybe then they might learn to appreciate your efforts and not EXPECT them.

I agree, if you feel taken for granted then you are being. I'd simply say that you'll be chipping in with other people on a gift and that you have a booking for that day so won't be able to do her a cake. please do let us know what you decide to do - I know I've been where you are now and I'm sure lots of us have. Your friend is being hugely cheeky.

i agree with the others, tell your friend that you already have a paid cake for that day and you won't be able to make hers this year.

Sounds like this is getting out of hand. I suggest telling her that you are booked and unfortunetly can't make her cake OR maybe you could make a "simple" cake being that you already have a big cake order that day.

Ok, a little free birthday cake for them and their spouse is one thing, but now that it has blossomed into serving 20+ people, they have pushed the limits. My response to her would be, "Im sorry, but I am overbooked for that weekend. So-and-so bakery has a really good product, I've eaten it before and would choose them if I couldn't make my own." Or something to that effect. Especially if this person can't be bothered to speak to you. Sometimes, people get spoiled and they think that your gifts are an entitlement... this is what happens to children, and why they turn into these types of adults. These gifts need to stop, if even only temporarily, and then resume under the original conditions of a small trinket cake for them personally. Of course, you'd be happy to give them a small discount on cakes for their parties should they choose. Just MHO!! I know you'll do what works best for you, and I wish you the best of luck because either way they will be mad at you, or you'll be mad at yourself!!

I agree with merissa.. they are getting spoiled. I had a friend who was having a get together for Christmas and invited just about everyone at our church, sort of an open house. She told MY HUSBAND (not me) that it was her mother's birthday (also a friend of mine) and it would be nice if my dish to bring was a cake! Well, first of all.. I decide what dish I will bring... and also..If she came to me, then I would have considered it. So I told my HUSBAND to tell her I would be bringing something else. She said she just thought it would be CUTE to have a cake there. yeah right!

I make it a point not to always be the cake lady for two reasons. one is because they will always expect free cakes, and secondly my cakes tend to take center stage even when there is a lot of other stuff. That gets awkward! So now I will bring cookies or other baked goods.

This may be a good opportunity to break out of the rut of being the free cake lady and give your friends a wake up call!

Well, I just spoke with my BF and I've decided that I'll happily do a family-sized cake (up to an 8 x 3in) as a gift for each of them. If they want bigger cakes than that for larger parties, then they'll have to pay the difference for those extra servings. I just emailed her with my decision, so I'll let you all know what she says!

You are definitely being used. I would email "friend" back and "nicely " explain that you have a prior commitment for that day but if she wants "to place an order" then let you know exactly what she wants and you will let her know how much it will cost .

If you really consider them your friends, I would invite them out to lunch and talk with them both together telling them how you feel taken advantage of. I would just be honest with them. I think sometimes people don't mean to take advantage of us they just don't think. (they should but they don't) LouAnn

Good for you girl!! Let us know how it goes!

I'm so sorry that this has happened. Isn't it a shame that you do something out of the goodness of your heart and then before you know it, you are EXPECTED to do it each and every time and not only that but now they even want more. Without a doubt, you are being taken advantage of and unless you put a stop to it, it will certainly continue. I'm starting to realize that the same thing is happening to me from my hubbys side of the family. Not quite sure how to handle it but it's got to stop. Good luck with this. Please don't allow yourself to continue to be taken advantage of. You deserve better!!!
Margie

Good for you for speaking up. I learned I had to do that a long time ago. All it takes is a patient smile and a set of brass ones - but it gets easier the more practice you get!

Good for you for e-mailing your decision...I can't wait to hear what they say!

Honesty is the best policy. I say that if she e-mails you back and doesn't "understand" that you just tell her the plain truth... that you originally started making the smaller cakes out of the goodness of your heart and because it was affordable... but if they are expecting huge cakes then maybe they should consider paying a bit for them or going somewhere else, because you are loosing valuable time an money, and you just can't afford to do it. And, it's not like they're not worth it, because you are willing to make a nice cake for them, just not one so big. After all it is your gift to them, and if they want something more than that gift then fine, but this is all you can afford to give! After all how many people tell their friends what they HAVE to give them? If she is a good friend she will understand.... or eventually get over it.

OK, so here's what she wrote back (my other friend and I have felt that this woman is becoming more mentally unhinged as time goes on (she has depressive issues)). Long, long story - but includes such gems as having a set of keys copied to my other friends house (without asking her permission!!!), so she can let herself in to my friend's house as and when she pleases!!!

"Okay--that sounds fair to me! I wouldn't have expected a big cake for nothing!!! Just let me know what the difference is. The 12-inch cake is one-layer, right? (Or can be?) If it's easier for decoration purposes, could you do a second layer on top of the first? Or are two separate 12-inch cakes easier? Simple frosting (buttercream please) with maybe a few roses? Valentine's colors? I'll leave that up to you."

A double layer 12in ?! Ummm, that's at least 36 servings - I don't think so!!! And, yes, she did expect a large cake for nothing (as we could see in the previous mail - no mention of payment in there!).

I mailed her back saying that I had already decided on the design and I would do a 2 tier cake - 6in & 8in, that way she can have 2 different flavours. I've said $30 for the extra servings, which I think is very reasonable - I would normally charge $70 for the whole cake - so that's still a $40 gift to her (but at least I'll get the ingredients paid for!).

I can't wait to speak to my other friend tomorrow, because I KNOW the birthday girl will have had one long bitch session about it to her (and the other friend will tell me too!). Sigh! I'm already in her bad books, so what's one more blot on my copy book eh ?!

Thanks for all your support guys!

Friends and co-workers would ask "when are you bringing in more (cake, cookies)?" When I got a big contract with a commercial customer for 20 dozen cookies per day, that's when I had to tell them, "My oven time is now at a premium. If you want to get in on my oven schedule, then you'll have to pay for the time." They all understood and honestly had no problem with it. At the end of the week, if I had any "overbakes", then I'd bring those in .... once in a while. Sometimes you just have to tell 'em how it is.

A gift is a gift and by definition is given without any expectation of "payment." Since your cakes are a gift, then you also get to pick exactly what is is you're going to give. That icludes size and design. You have decide for yourself what "gift" you want to give your friends and whether or not to include what they give back into your decision.

If it were me, I would either stop making a cake for free or stop buying an extra gift to go along with the cake. I don't think it sounds like your friend is way out of line. She probably has no idea how you feel. If you don't communicate how you feel, then she'll never know.

It is extremely tacky to call and inform someone of what you will be needing for your birthday whether it is a cake or a pair of socks. If they call and ask what you would like that is one thing but when it is unsolicited then leave it that way. Just because you have a friend who makes cakes and makes one for you as a gift does not mean that you should take advantage of the situation, which is what it sounds like she is doing. I think I would start giving other presents, or maybe just making her a small cake and let it go at that.

This is such a common story for us "cake" people. I even had a lady at a department store where I shop ask me when I was bringing her in a cake! How about when you give me my clothes for free!
I have MANY "friends" and family who expect this service from me and I find it very difficult to say no, I don't like confrontation and I don't like it when people get angry at me, so most of the time I do it, and then my poor hubby has to listen to my ranting
I don't have a solution for you, but I wanted you to know that it is a world wide epidemic and I feel your pain

Wow are your 2 friends my 2 friends?!?!?! I just read your story and I swear that you are describing me. Email only, no contact since November okay October and then I get crappy gifts also. Wow it's the same story all over. I really feel your pain and understand your fustration. Friends end up taking us for granted. Just this weekend my other friend a guy called me cheap and desparate for money. Similar situation to you, every year I bake him a 8" round cake for free but this year he wants a 9x13 cake with a wicked design to feed this family also it's not supposed to be until next weekend but he calls me 6pm yesterday and says "Ang I really need that cake for today at 12pm". Now having to rush around to get supplies he calls to ensure that I dropped every to work on his cake so I said yes I asked if he could at least pay me for the supplies since this is a bigger cake and very last minute that $15-$20 since my Saturday night plans went out the door. That's when he said if you are that cheap and desparate for money and would pay me $10 to shut me up. I can't believe this guy and he's not even my real friend he's just my co-worker who makes way more $$$ than me that I've known for 23yrs but we did hang outside the office a few times. Then on top of that he wants delivery!!!! Whew, I'm just gonna give him his cake and tell him to keep his $10 - obviously he needs it more than me!

I stopped doing "freebies" when I had a beauty shop a few years back.... I ususally gave "free" haircuts to the family members, but when my niece wanted me to do the hair for her ENITRE wedding party, I had to put my foot down....... it wasn't pretty..... She expected me to drop all my regulars on a Saturday morning for HER wedding....... needless to say ....... IT DIDN'T happen !!

I guess I am lucky. The people I make cakes for tell me to tell them how much it costs. I also make my cousins their cakes. In return my cousin will help me put up dry wall, fix my A/C. As for my good friend she always tells me something simple. Then she takes a ton of pictures, then shows people, and then tells them a price for it. She always goes overboard for my kids birthdays. She never remembers mine though, but I never get mad. I don't remind her my birthday is coming either. I sometimes make cakes for my kids teachers. They love it, and are always extra nice to my kids. I guess I am just lucky because no one asks me to do "special" cakes. They do ask if I can make special sayings or put in extra touches, only if I can, but then I get back in return threefold.

Some friends really are great, others are just clueless.

Ang, at the point of being called cheap I would have told him, sorry, oven is broken - to go Walmart! How dare anyone expect something for nothing, I know I don't.

Franjmc wrote:

That is exsactly what I was thinking as I read this thread! I have a 'friend' I used to do cakes for, never for free, but for a greatly reduced price (basically just cost), who, when this all began wanted everything pretty simple. That was great for awhile, then she began calling with 1-2 days notice with individual cake requests for "10 little teddy bears all with different colors/designs on their bellies" or "I need the colors to all have the same value" That meant the colors for her flowers or whatever had to be in the same color family, like on the color wheel!
Needless to sayI don't do cakes for her anymore...too much work.
What's really funny is, she doesn't talk to me anymore. I think I was being used for my cakes!

I can see why you are getting the feeling they are taking advantage of you, I would too!!! if it makes you feel that way stop making their cakes tell them you are very busy making other cakes around their bdays and they should get the hint, if they have any shame at all they should not confront you about it if they do tell them how you feel,

Oh my!! I'm so lucky here. No one expects a free cake from me here. Even my Goddaugther's father insisted on paying me for her birthday cake. So I charged only the minimum ingredient fees, for the cake only. I did fondant decorations and put ribbons and such (pics in my photos). It was an Angelfood cake. I just couldn't imagine being expected to bring a free cake! I feel for you. Only my cousin gets sometimes a free cake, when I test new recipes and there's too much of it for my own family, but when she wants a cake she pays for it. (I give her a discount but she brings me so many new customers...)
I think like the others honesty is the key, if they'Re really your friends they'll understand.
tell us how it went....

Good that you took a stand. I was in a similar situation and didn't handle it as I should've because I was new to this craft. Luckily, I learned (from CC) the line "what's your budget?". True friends always insist on paying me for cakes that I offer to make for free; people that exploit don't.

Whenever I am doing a cake for family or friends, i give them the list of ingredients I need. They buy the ingredients, I give them the time. No one has ever complained about doing it that way.