Gifting A Wedding Cake

Business By Mnadeem Updated 23 Jun 2017 , 12:29pm by katy_cakes

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Mnadeem Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 4:36am
post #1 of 12

Hi everybody!

i just joined cake central (I am an amateur baker), and wanted to ask for etiquette advice regarding gifting a cake. 

Basically, I am invited to my boyfriend's sister's wedding (not entirely sure if it matters, but as a plus one), but I have met her multiple times and we have a good relationship. She has seen/tasted some of the cakes and desserts I have made, and asked me about the possibility of making her wedding cake. She asked me about pricing, and this is where the dilemma comes in. My boyfriend insists that I shouldn't have to get her a wedding gift, but I feel odd charging full price for a cake for this family, as they have been so kind to me and over the years have made me feel like part of the family.

The cake would be for 100 servings, and it is a rather simple naked cake. Would this be too large of an item to gift? Or would it be tacky to say perhaps that I would give a 50% discount, or only charge for supplies with my labor being the gift for them?

It is probably clear from my questions, but this is my first time being invited to a wedding, and I am not sure what the etiquette is. My boyfriend is usually very nonchalant about this sort of thing, so I don't entirely trust when he says I shouldn't have to contribute to a gift

11 replies
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me_me1 Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 5:29am
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I don't think there's really any right or wrong answer to this one but there are a few things to think about. In the end, it is up to you and the bride. If you want it to be your gift, then approach her and ask if she would like that.

Of course, that sort of offer would be snapped up by a lot of people without a second thought - who doesn't want free cake?!? Especially when you have all the other costs of a wedding to think about as well. But sometimes you will get people who insist on paying you for it as they appreciate all the hard work that goes into creating a wedding cake.

I have a rule that family don't pay for cake. My immediate family are happy to accept that rule (lol, of course they are) but extended family members (my sister-in-law's sister for example, or my partner's sister) will still insist on paying me, which is very nice of them.

I think some sort of gift would be appropriate - it's not some stranger's wedding you're attending as a plus one, this is a potential future sister-in-law!  blush

As a caker, my first thought would always be to gift cake too   blush

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johnson6ofus Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 10:06am
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Consider:

1. How much money would you spend on a gift if you went out and bought one?

2. I can see the writing on the walls now, if you try to charge.... Bride says, "I asked for a simple cake cake...naked even... and she said it was $400, and would give me a 50% discount. Can you believe she had the nerve to ask me for $200.......humph!" . Even if you then "gave" a gift of $200 labor (a very nice gift), you may be forever labeled a witch for charging her. A gift is NOT appreciated if the receiver has no idea of the real cost/ labor of the item.

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LelekBolek Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 11:08am
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what @johnson6ofus ‍ said. 

In personal experience, I have "gifted" a $ portion of a cake to close friends - who are familiar with the cost and labor involved.  I planned to spend 100 on a gift for a big event for a friend, but they asked me to do a very elaborate cake instead, for 125 persons. I gave them a real quote for the total on the cake. And offered to cut $100 in lieu of a gift. The cake itself came up to $850 - with all the bells and whistles and delivery costs attached, so they paid $750.

I know it may sound weird, but this was between close friends who totally know what kind of job they ordered. Some people who order large/elaborate cakes for the second/third time are not that surprised to see the numbers anymore. 

But things like that need to be very clearly defined, or it may backfire. 

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johnson6ofus Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 2:53pm
post #5 of 12


Quote by @LelekBolek on 3 hours ago

But things like that need to be very clearly defined, or it may backfire. 

Clearly define...yes! But the real key is if the bride understands the VALUE. Lelek above points out that her "buyer/ gift recipient" understands and appreciates the VALUE of the cake and is happy to get $100 off. Will your bride understand the value, or is she going to get sheet cakes from Walmart if you don't bake for her?

My son's girlfriend loves my cookies. You know...the hand made, decorated, time sucking kind. She asked me to make 1,000 of them to pass around for her marketing.flushed I explained that they took about 15 minutes EACH. She couldn't do the math and understand what she was actually asking for. I could have spent a month making them and she would appreciate it as much as a batch of Toll House drop chocolate chip cookies. I said they were about $5 each retail...she said she saw some on Facebook for $1. I said, "Great deal!!! You should buy them....I will buy from her....show me!" She never did.....lol.

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theresaf Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 4:08pm
post #6 of 12

Great suggestions above, especially about not understanding the cost and time of making a large cake.  I would add 2 things:

1) draw a picture or find a picture on what you both agree on so you know what she is expecting and she knows what you are doing.  No day of surprises or disappointments!  That way if she wants something on it that you can't do for some reason or another it's talked about.  And if she's asking for something that means you have to buy new pans or other items that are out of your budget, talk about it and maybe she can help you with the cost of it or suggest an alternative.  I don't think you can outright charge an almost immediate family member but they can contribute to supplies.

2)  If you are going to get her a gift, get them a personalized cake cutter/server or something cake related that they can have as a usable keepsake in the years to come.  There are plenty of places online or at your local mall that you can find an item like that and it would be a little something that's not expensive but thoughtful!

Enjoy! And post photos!

Theresa

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SandraSmiley Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 4:14pm
post #7 of 12

I agree with what everyone has said about appreciating or not the value of a gifted cake.  To me, this is more about how you feel about the person and whether or not you would be happy doing her wedding cake as a gift.  I also agree that charging her a discounted rate is tricky because she well may not be familiar with the cost of wedding cakes.  If you don't particularly want to spend that much money and effort, it would be perfectly acceptable for you to give a more conventional gift, like a piece of her china pattern or a set of towels.  Your boyfriend may be right that it is not necessary for you to bring a gift, but you would obviously feel more comfortable doing so.  It need not be costly.

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Coffeelover77 Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 4:37pm
post #8 of 12

do you have a legitimate cake business? that part is unclear as I don't see any gallery pictures and you said you are an "amatuer baker"

Have you made a wedding cake before?

These are important questions before getting into the charging part, which really is very up to you! . Personally I've never made a wedding cake and would be nervous to, because I've read some seriously scary stories about brides going nuts about the cake not being good enough... and then of course stories of amatuer bakers whose first wedding cake was a complete disaster/fell apart etc.

Now if I were to make a wedding cake it would be only to save money for somebody very close to me and only would do it if I felt very sure they knew in advance what level of cake to expect and I was confident they wouldn't freak out if the cake wasn't "professional looking".

I would assume you and your boyfriend together would be chipping in for the wedding gift as it sounds like it is a long term relationship. So I suppose you could have him give you some $ and tell her you'll do the cake free of charge, but there would be no further gifts.




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Mnadeem Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 5:21pm
post #9 of 12

Wow! Thank you all for the swift responses. I definitely was not expecting that. 

You guys are right, it seems much messier to offer only charging for supplies. I'll probably just gift the entire cake then.

To clarify some things though, yes I do believe she understands the cost of cakes at least somewhat (or at least will understand very soon), as she says she plans on contacting bakeries as well, but first wanted to see if I'd be interested. Also, yes I consider myself an amateur baker. By that I mean that I have an instagram account, but no real professional cake business. I started properly decorating cakes about two years ago, and at a very heavy rate over the past year. I have done very large and intricate cakes in the past before, so the expertise required to make the cake hasn't really scared me off, though I do obviously understand that a wedding cake is a whole other story. I'd make sure to sit down and talk with her multiple times to find out EXACTLY what she wants (I've come across my fair share of miscommunications haha)

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Freckles0829 Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 5:48pm
post #10 of 12

Wedding gifts are never mandatory.  If you would like to gift her the cake and that be your only gift, that is perfectly acceptable.  If you want to get her a gift on top of the cake, that is fine as well.  If you want to charge her the full amount for the cake and then get her a gift, that works too.  In the end, you need to do what is most comfortable for you.  And honestly if you gifted me my wedding cake I would not expect nor be upset if you didn't get me an additional wedding gift, rather I would incredibly thrilled at your generosity.  If you decided to charge me for the cake, I would completely understand because one should never expect anything for free or at a discount just because you are friends/family.

And on a random side note since poor etiquette bothers me, I would have been a bit irked to be invited as a plus one instead of by name.  It sounds like you and your boyfriend have been together for quite some time so you should have 100% been invited by name and not as a "and Guest."

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kakeladi Posted 22 Jun 2017 , 10:22pm
post #11 of 12

I know things are different now but back many,many moons ago when I started out (for the 1st-2-3 yrs) I would often offer to do the wedding cake (free!) w/o thinking of how much I was investing vs. how much I'd spend on a gift (or if the bride knew/appreciated it's value).  I wanted 'to get my name out there'.  I think it help a lot.  I go along w/those who mentioned it's entirely up to you if you charge anything, discounted, full price or give it entirely 'free' as your gift.  But if you do the cake (either way) than no gift should be considered as the cake is your gift.

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katy_cakes Posted 23 Jun 2017 , 12:29pm
post #12 of 12

Part of the reason I've gotten into cakes was so I'd have the ability to gift people something awesome at times like this:)  I'd offer to make them the cake as your gift (and what a great gift!) and if they INSISTED on paying you something, then just supplies. I did that recently for a friend's anniversary cake - the husband contacted me as a surprise for his wife and while I was willing to do it for free because I wanted to make it my gift to them, he insisted on paying me something so we settled on supplies (and then he still gave me a little more than I related the supply cost to be). 

And I agree with the above person who said that if you do the cake free or greatly reduced, that is definitely the only gift you need to worry about giving/bringing! You are bringing one of the best gifts in my opinion;) Good luck! 

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