Need Advise!

Lounge By minioetschel Updated 15 Apr 2016 , 11:10pm by MBalaska

minioetschel Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 11:09am
post #1 of 12

Good Morning! 

I am just a hobby baker but I guess my friends like what I am making.  :-) A friend invited me to her wedding and asked me to make cupcakes for her reception. 

I was told that we would need about 50 cupcakes - I showed them some pictures with cupcake stands that show a mini cake on top. So... a small wedding cake was added. No prob.!!! 

I asked her if she would accept the cupcakes/cake as a wedding gift and she was over the top happy!!!Since then the number has gone up twice and we are at 80 cupcakes.... 

I have a very hard time saying no. 

Now my question: Would it be rude to take left overs back home with me? I think I know the answer but I am not always right. What do you think? 


11 replies
costumeczar Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 11:38am
post #2 of 12

Yes, it would be rude. If it's a gift you don't take the leftovers home.

But don't make more than 80. Not everyone will have one, some people who are pigs will have two, and the people who are too slow will have to go get their own after the reception. 

-K8memphis Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 11:45am
post #3 of 12

first of all usually* the only people i give free cake to are my family and for charity events -- just think would you give a $350 valued gift to this friend normally -- so there's that --

and i don't see anything wrong with getting some of the leftovers -- if no one else steps up for them sure take them all -- just depends if their moms are standing guard and ready to elbow each other to gain access...yeah skip it --

but you asking this question means you're seeing the light and you need to be properly compensated for your time talent ingredients and whatever it takes to do it right --

*as I was writing this i remembered a time 20 yrs ago when i offered to do a 50 serving cake for a neighbor that eventually doubled in size -- we agreed that she would pay for the extra...never happened -- live and try to learn huh >high five<

cakebaby2 Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 12:33pm
post #4 of 12

I think if you were seen to be taking part of your "gift" home, that would be very bad form.

You've done it now, and are obviously regretting it a bit (who can blame you)

Just don't allow any more alterations to numbers. You're going to have to suck this one up.

cakebaby2 Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 12:38pm
post #5 of 12

Actually, the first couple of sentences are telling.

Are these cupcakes the wedding cake or has a 5 tiered beauty already been organized?

Is that why you were invited because your "friends" all love your cake?

You just may have to buy several new hats this wedding season if your friends think it will be that'll be at a lot of weddings honey LOL x

-K8memphis Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 5:18pm
post #6 of 12

oh my emily post would be rolling in her grave i guess at my uncouthness -- i mean i usually have so many scraps leftover the last thing i want is more cake to tote around -- but after the principals get whatever leftovers they want -- it's as much wrong to give away whatever remains of your gift to random family members and guests as it is for you to not get any -- some weddings give away all the leftovers some don't -- if this is one that does sure why not --


the troglodyte

Webake2gether Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 6:47pm
post #7 of 12

@costumeczar ‍ call me a piggie oink oink lol in all seriousness I'm such a cake snob that if I actually eat a good cupcake I might be inclined to eat another and I don't eat just any sweets just because it has to be really good for me to eat more than one bite. If I were at an event such as a wedding I would do my best to mind my manners though and have only one..... I guess lol :)

I wouldn't ask for the leftovers personally speaking a gift is gift regardless if it's edible or not. I would do my best as the others suggested to see that there wasn't many leftover to begin with.

have you had any discussions about the numbers increasing? Are you ok with making more than you had originally planned for? 

costumeczar Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 7:05pm
post #8 of 12

Hahaha! Well, you could have mine because I won't eat cupcakes. 

I once had a friend bring a bottle of wine to a dinner party and we didn't drink the whole thing. She took the half-drunk bottle home when she left, and it was all anyone talked about for the next week. Just say no to taking the leftovers, and get ready to say no to everyone who wants to glom onto you for free stuff after the word gets out.

Quote by @Webake2gether on 15 minutes ago

@costumeczar ‍ call me a piggie oink oink lol in all seriousness I'm such a cake snob that if I actually eat a good cupcake I might be inclined to eat another and I don't eat just any sweets just because it has to be really good for me to eat more than one bite. If I were at an event such as a wedding I would do my best to mind my manners though and have only one..... I guess lol :)

funcakes Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 7:15pm
post #9 of 12

I think advice on subjects like this is very hard to give because customs are so different in different geographical areas. So take this with a grain of salt.

Here weddings are very elaborate and expensive.  No one would ever think to take anything home from the wedding except if there is a little guest gift or if you were offered the centerpiece from the table where you sat.

I understand in other areas weddings are less formal, some even have family and friends cook the food for the reception.

So, if you offered 50 and a small cake then it changed to 80 you may want to talk to her about the extra 30.  If you give her the cake and cupcakes instead of a wedding gift and not in addition to another gift then I do not think you should ask to take the left overs home.  BTW-I don't know what you would do with all the left overs.

Someone mentioned that some guests will not have a cupcake and others would eat more than one. I have provided cupcakes with a small wedding cake several times.  My experience is that if they are homemade some guests skip the cupcake but then hear others say how delicious they are and decide to have one.  If I provide more than one flavor many guests will have a second to taste the other flavors.  I always provide at least 50% more cupcakes than guests. (I hope my math is right, it would be 50 guests at least 75 cupcakes)  There are never more than just a few if any left over.  This is just my experience.

Webake2gether Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 7:24pm
post #10 of 12

Must have been a good bottle of wine lol  ;)

kakeladi Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 9:16pm
post #11 of 12

First off, who said there would be lots of left-overs?  If the OP wants to hang around the reception until 'the last dog is hung', and take some leftovers, there won't be many to around to criticize her.  I think she needs to talk to the bride and remind her that the offer was for 50 + a small cake.  The increase should be paid for.  Don't be afraid to ask for it!  I gave many of cake as a the wedding gift and don't remember ever taking any leftovers home.  After all I could make  more cake and by this time I was getting tiered of eating cake.   LOL 

MBalaska Posted 15 Apr 2016 , 11:10pm
post #12 of 12

@minioetschel ‍ you are right, it would be rude.

And you've now learned that when you offer a free gift you will have to be firm about what you are willing to give, and to whom. You  will be restricted to what you are both willing and able to sacrifice, and that's your decision not someone elses. If you're going to try new recipes, or new techniques & designs and want some guinea pigs to experiment on.  Carry on and best wishes!  You will benefit from the practice.

However even when you agree to A you will have to be clear  that you will not be manipulated or cajoled into A plus B plus C in later negotiations.  Find your voice and stand firm, know and respect your own limits. 

You may either bite the cost on this one and make them everything that they want, or you could consider even speaking up for yourself and take the offer back to the original deal.

The fact that your pretty sure that they are asking for much more than they are really going to need is revealing.  Someone is going to get the extras, and if they are not going to be consumed at the party, then why should you have to give them freebies that you know someone is going to take home????  You already suspect this, and your instincts are probably right on target.  I'm a hobby baker also, and have been there many times. 

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