Most Irritating Thing About Your Spouse/ S.o.
Lounge By CollieMom89 Updated 29 Jul 2014 , 8:32pm by mermaidcakery
He does have a lot of excellent qualities. Money just doesn't mean anything to him. He's a bit of a hippy like that. I'm certainly not driven by greed but to me a house represents security. He's had quite a different upbringing to me so that's where our differences lie. He has a full time job and he's certainly motivated about other aspects of life, like his hobbies and his friendships with great people we trust, so he's not a total deadbeat. I think the thing that annoys me the most is that he's at peace with everything, whereas I'm running around in a flap going, 'We have to be saving money, we have to be achieving and climbing the career ladder' and he tells me to 'chill'.
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He does have a lot of excellent qualities. Money just doesn't mean anything to him. He's a bit of a hippy like that.
I think it would be wise to talk with him about all this--not climbing the career ladder per say--but your intentions for the future (house, children, etc.). It may simply be that he thinks these things will just "work out" and doesn't realize what a house and children really cost. I had friends that adopted that attitude and went and bought a house even though I warned them it's not easy (I bought my house myself at 23, so I was well aware of HOW not easy it can be)... They had totally forgotten to take crucial things into account with their budget--Sewer bill, paying for trash removal, home owners association fees (which I don't have, but they do)... and then leaving enough money for the luxuries of life like gas and food to eat... I think it can be QUITE a shock to many people when they haven't carefully planned, saved and prepared for that stage in life.
Not to say that we should all run around worrying about money all the time, and many things do have a way of working out, but it is important to have a plan in place. Maybe you could press him to make a budget and a plan for the future (i.e. "we'll buy a house in 'x' number of years and this is what we're looking for). If it's important to you to have a plan in place and be prepared, it should be important to him as well.
Also, this is a strange question, but do you guys have a dog? I found the best training for kids you can get, before you actually HAVE kids is a dog, especially more high-energy ones (I have a border collie and a smooth collie). My border collie is in every way a toddler trapped in a four legged, furry body. My mom has remarked so many times that she wasn't aware HOW similar to toddlers they can be until I got him. He is wicked smart, to the point that he gets into things that he shouldn't (he learned to open his crate at 6 months). He gets grouchy and acts up when he's tired. He leaves his toys EVERYWHERE until I ask him to pick them up (unlike a toddler, he will actually pick up his toys and take them to his basket). He's clingy and needy at times and wants nothing to do with me the next, etc. etc.
I used to be really worried about how my fiance would handle kids because when we met, he lived alone and was not very patient/ liked everything to be picked up and put away at all times/ didn't understand that other creatures (me, dogs, kids) come to rely on him and won't necessarily just leave him to himself whenever he wants. He wasn't used to a girlfriend and her dog demanding his time and he struggled with it. I told him that being passive and un-engaged in our relationship wouldn't fly with me and it wouldn't fly with kids--you don't get to pick and choose when you want to be involved in any relationship, you're either in it or you're not. Though he and I have had several discussions to this end, I think our dogs have helped him the most in this area. He didn't grow up with dogs and never understood why people liked them and finally after years, I think he gets it. He's seen that they rely on him for entertainment, encouragement, companionship, even discipline. He realized quickly that if he was passive and un-engaged around them, they acted up and didn't respect him. He realized that there is going to be toys EVERYWHERE and that picking them up is just part of life... and most importantly, he realized that no matter how long his day was, here is this little creature who now is happy to see him and wants to play/cuddle/etc.
Not saying that's the right solution for you guys--but it worked in our situation for my fiance to wake up and "get" the responsibility of caring for another being. Since he sounds like a hobbyist/chill/etc. it may be the most fun way to knock a little responsibility into him. Just a thought!
AMine loves to be the center of attention. He just plain talks too much. He is also a big nitpicker. I just got home after an evening out with his mom, and he had the kids for 3 hours. He was like, " I had to rerun the dishwasher because it smelled like ass, you left a basket of clothes in large laundry room, and you didn't get stuff out if the dryer". Meanwhile, I cleaned the whole kitchen this morning, and merely forgot to start the dishwasher before I took kids to swim lessons, took the basket out because it had pooped in undies(kids), made frosting and frosted 36 cupcakes in this weirdly hot and humid weather, and cleaned up the lightbulb my some smashed while I was trying to first the cupcakes. (They were for his mother). Sorry, feeling grumpy with him right now.
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Original message sent by mermaidcakery
Mine loves to be the center of attention. He just plain talks too much. He is also a big nitpicker. I just got home after an evening out with his mom, and he had the kids for 3 hours. He was like, " I had to rerun the dishwasher because it smelled like ass, you left a basket of clothes in large laundry room, and you didn't get stuff out if the dryer". Meanwhile, I cleaned the whole kitchen this morning, and merely forgot to start the dishwasher before I took kids to swim lessons, took the basket out because it had pooped in undies(kids), made frosting and frosted 36 cupcakes in this weirdly hot and humid weather, and cleaned up the lightbulb my some smashed while I was trying to first the cupcakes. (They were for his mother). Sorry, feeling grumpy with him right now.
Ohhhh i hear ya! My DH is the same! It is so annoying when he nags. Argghh :( sometimes i wish i had a mute button!
My hubby doesn't work on Fridays... He gets a 3 day weekend, every weekend. It drives me crazy that he gets to waste a day doing nothing.
If I ever have a day off, I spend it running around after kids, washing, cleaning, gardening, exhausting myself with a huge list of never ending chores, but he has the luxury of doing nothing..
He does call me to ask what we want for dinner, but the rest of his day is spent tinkering with the computer, watching movies or napping....
Apparently it doesn't occur to him that "things" need to be done.
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Original message sent by Bunny0410
My hubby doesn't work on Fridays... He gets a 3 day weekend, every weekend. It drives me crazy that he gets to waste a day doing nothing. If I ever have a day off, I spend it running around after kids, washing, cleaning, gardening, exhausting myself with a huge list of never ending chores, but he has the luxury of doing nothing..
He does call me to ask what we want for dinner, but the rest of his day is spent tinkering with the computer, watching movies or napping....
Apparently it doesn't occur to him that "things" need to be done.
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Mine is exactly the same! I'll take the kids to my moms. I'll come home, he hasn't moved from the couch, despite complaining nonstop that he never gets time to work on his fish tank. Don't get me started in the fish tank.
Hahaha boys and their hobbies - I know first hand what a PITA fish tanks can be. So expensive and time consuming!! Is it salt water?
Ha, when hubby went to a 4 day week so did I (and i wasn't even working at the time). Thursday is like a bonus day off every week in our household and I do nothing on Thursdays, except for what I want to do. Over time hubby seems to be adding more and more jobs to Thursdays but I still slack off as much as possible.
AYes, it is saltwater. He grows corals, and goes to some of the shoes as a hobbyist to sell them with his friends. But the sales certainly don't cover expenses, even to the show, and the time sensitive factor definitely causes problems, because everything is suddenly an emergency. And then there's the electric bill. Plus the constant want and "need" to build new stands, redesign the setups, and generally avoid doing those things til I have a big project, or want him to fix or build something for our kids. I think that is what bothers me most. If we or other family need help with something, he's too tired or it's too cold in the garage. But if he gets an idea about his camera or his fish tanks, suddenly he has money, time, and plenty of energy.
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Yes, it is saltwater. He grows corals, and goes to some of the shoes as a hobbyist to sell them with his friends. But the sales certainly don't cover expenses, even to the show, and the time sensitive factor definitely causes problems, because everything is suddenly an emergency. And then there's the electric bill.
Plus the constant want and "need" to build new stands, redesign the setups, and generally avoid doing those things til I have a big project, or want him to fix or build something for our kids.
I think that is what bothers me most. If we or other family need help with something, he's too tired or it's too cold in the garage. But if he gets an idea about his camera or his fish tanks, suddenly he has money, time, and plenty of energy.
I see you live in California. You *might* have a small earthquake that could hardly be noticed, except at your house…and oops, the fish tank got smashed…
ALol. I wish. But he would just start over and spend more. We did get affected by the Quake in 02(I think that was the year) right before Christmas. The brand new saltwater tank was righ next to the tree. It sloshed water all over the ornaments on the side of the tree, but nothing worse than that.
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Original message sent by mermaidcakery
Mine loves to be the center of attention. He just plain talks too much. He is also a big nitpicker. I just got home after an evening out with his mom, and he had the kids for 3 hours. He was like, " I had to rerun the dishwasher because it smelled like ass, you left a basket of clothes in large laundry room, and you didn't get stuff out if the dryer". Meanwhile, I cleaned the whole kitchen this morning, and merely forgot to start the dishwasher before I took kids to swim lessons, took the basket out because it had pooped in undies(kids), made frosting and frosted 36 cupcakes in this weirdly hot and humid weather, and cleaned up the lightbulb my some smashed while I was trying to first the cupcakes. (They were for his mother). Sorry, feeling grumpy with him right now.
Tell him "if you can make a list of three things that you've done around the house, then you're not doing enough around the house."
ALol. I needed that this morning @costumeczar. Although some days I'm lucky to get the dishes done.
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