sarahgale314 Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 3:49am
post #1 of

AIt's not a disaster... Yet... My niece is getting married, and I am doing her wedding cake as my gift to her. I am making a chocolate orange wedding cake, made with imported French chocolate, real orange zest... I work hard on my recipes and they are very delicious and decadent.

Anyway, my mother in law (her grandmother) called me today and said she told my niece that she has a bunch of old boxes of cake mix in her food storage pantry, and so she will make a bunch of cupcakes out of those for the wedding. She said she had to call me so I wouldn't be surprised to see them there on the buffet table.

So now, I see it happening - the reception is an open house, and people will come in, shake hands with the bride and groom, go to the buffet table and eat a nasty old box mix cupcake, look at my cake and assume it is made of the same stuff, and leave. My cake will be cut at the end of the night, and there will be tons leftover... All that beautiful cake with expensive ingredients gone to waste!

What should I do here???

42 replies
matthewkyrankelly Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 4:00am
post #2 of

Offer to help out and frost them all.

 

Then replace them with your recipe.  No one will be the wiser and you win.

Norasmom Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 4:09am
post #3 of

Just be honest with the bride and tell her about the uniqueness of the cake and how it should be memorable to people, not box mix cupcakes.  Maybe you can use the cupcakes for the shower??

sarahgale314 Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 4:12am
post #4 of

AHere's the ironic part - my mother in law LOVES my cakes. She told me I have ruined her, and she can no longer eat store cakes, and that she had baked up one of her old box mixes for dessert one night, and it was awful! So now, she thinks, "what a great idea, I'll get rid of them by baking them up for my nieces wedding and serving them alongside Sarah's delicious cake!" Baaaaaaaaah!

sarahgale314 Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 4:23am
post #5 of

A:-DHere is my recipe: you guys can all make some up and then at least people who appreciate cake can have some, and I can pretend that I fed a bunch of wonderful people ate my wedding cake!

Fills 3 eight inch cake pans, or 30 cupcakes

6 oz callebaut dark chocolate, chopped, plus extra still on the bar for curls 2 oz cacao Barry extra brute cocoa powder 1 1/2 cups boiling water 4 large eggs 3/4 cup vegetable oil 1 tsp LorAnn natural orange emulsion 1 tablespoon white vinegar 1 tablespoon orange zest, divided 1 1/2 cups granulated sugar 1 1/2 cups unbleached all purpose flour 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon baking soda

Frost with cream cheese frosting, and decorate with chocolate curls and the remaining orange zest.

*Mods die inside when we must for copyright reason delete mixing instructions in the general forums. This looked delicious - please re-submit in the recipe section and link to it here. Don't ask me why it's different, but it is.

Norasmom Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 4:26am
post #6 of

That recipe looks amazing!  Thanks for sharing.

johnson6ofus Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 5:30am
post #7 of

Sarah- I would rather have petrified: Sugar, Enriched Bleached Wheat Flour (Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamine Mononitrate, Riboflavin, Folic Acid), Vegetable Oil Shortening (Partially Hydrogenated Soybean Oil, Propylene Glycol Mono- And Diesters Of Fats, Mono And Diglycerides), Cocoa Powder Processed With Alkali, Dextrose, Leavening (Sodium Bicarbonate, Dicalcium Phosphate, Sodium Aluminum Phosphate, Monocalcium Phosphate). Contains 2% Or Less Of: Modified Food Starch, Wheat Starch, Polyglycerol Esters Of Fatty Acids, Salt, Cellulose Gum, Xanthan Gum, Maltodextrin, Artificial Flavors.

 

:P

 

Just kidding... good luck!

 

Gotta try your recipe.... thanks!

Bakers Crush Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 5:34am
post #8 of

AOption A: be honest and im sure they will understand option B: they accidently fell in last nights recycling bin, oops garbage day today

MBalaska Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 8:24am
post #9 of

Put your big girl lumberjack carharts on and Speak up like you got a pair...................

..................................................................................................................................................................................... (of strong lungs.)

Godot Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 8:44am

AOr tell them! Don't beat around the bush.

-K8memphis Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 1:49pm

why would granny dilute your gift -- that's weird unless she's not all there--i don't know or is there some ego afloat in this transaction?

 

she can give the cupcakes to the police department, fire fighters or the local emergency room personnel or whatever--

 

does she have any material leftover from some sewing project she never finished --ask her if she wants to make some dresses for the bride and bridesmaids too

 

i could understand a nostalgic recipe only granny can make but no--there's something else going here imo

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahgale314 

Here's the ironic part - my mother in law LOVES my cakes. She told me I have ruined her, and she can no longer eat store cakes, and that...
...she had baked up one of her old box mixes for dessert one night, and it was awful!
So now, she thinks, "what a great idea, I'll get rid of them by baking them up for my nieces wedding and serving them alongside Sarah's delicious cake!" Baaaaaaaaah!

 

does she not like your neice?

 

idk --not adding up -- granny's not thinking this through or something? I'm sure she's a great person--this is just weird --

-K8memphis Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 2:39pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by -K8memphis 
 

 that's weird unless she's not all there-

 

does she not like your neice?

 

idk --not adding up -- granny's not thinking this through or something? I'm sure she's a great person--this is just weird --

 

 

i want to say that i do not mean for these statements to be hurtful--i should have tempered what i said better, nicer, kinder--

 

this is your family after all and i apologize if i stepped on your toes--i was just 'thinking' out loud as the saying goes--

 

please accept my apology--

sarahgale314 Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 3:03pm

ADon't worry k8, I was not offended!

My mother in law is actually showing signs of early dementia... It's sad, but also a little frustrating to deal with at the same time. I have a feeling she may not end up making very many in the end. She won't babysit for any of us anymore, as she says she's too tired and doesn't have the energy. I don't think she realizes what a pain in the butt making a bunch of mini cupcakes is going to be! She's never made mini cupcakes before - she bought 4 mini muffin tins just for the occasion. I can easily imagine half of them not turning out and having them frustrate her.

I actually thought about inviting her to come over here on baking day instead, and she can "help" me with the cake, and feel like she's doing something nice for the couple. She doesn't own piping bags or tips or anything - seriously,the woman never cooks - when I met my husband 22 years ago, she had a giant freezer out in her garage, and family members were supposed to pick their frozen dinner out of it and feed themselves. She hates cooking, and has been that way for years.

So, I'm holding off on saying anything yet, because I can see it getting messed up and not happening, without my intervention!

justmikey Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 3:16pm

I'm new to cake decorating but what if there were a small card printed out on good card stock and in a beautiful print that described the cake and flavors set next to the cake on the table?  Weddings have detailed menus for the "Dinner" portion but not the dessert. This cake sounds too good not to promote it. 

 

Or have the cupcakes set up on a separate table with a few other treats that make entirely separate form the wedding cake.

 

My two cents. Good luck!

JWinslow Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 4:16pm

I would be up front with this.  If the bride wants the "OLD" box cake cupcakes because her Grandmother is making them, I'm not sure there is much you can or should do except put a card out just for your cake.  You could also make a pretty little sign for the cupcakes so everyone knows that Grandma made them but you yourself said she is showing signs of dementia.  My personal feelings on this run deep as the memories for the Grandmother and the bride are running short.  I hope you understand what I'm saying.

JWinslow Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 4:24pm

Thank you for the recipe, I will give a go as I love chocolate & orange together :smile:

scrumdiddlycakes Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 8:21pm

Quote:

Originally Posted by JWinslow 
 

I would be up front with this.  If the bride wants the "OLD" box cake cupcakes because her Grandmother is making them, I'm not sure there is much you can or should do except put a card out just for your cake.  You could also make a pretty little sign for the cupcakes so everyone knows that Grandma made them but you yourself said she is showing signs of dementia.  My personal feelings on this run deep as the memories for the Grandmother and the bride are running short.  I hope you understand what I'm saying.

I'd go with this.
Not your wedding, if the brides wants granny's nasty cuppies, she gets them. Not worth stepping on toes or hurting someone's feelings over.

Just suggest a cute little sign saying 'made with love by grandma' or something, and their own table.

AZCouture Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 8:38pm

AYeah, try to segregate them to some other table or something. Or be honest...sort of. "Oh what a nice thought, but the cake will be plenty for everyone, and cupcakes are messy. Let's make those another time."

mcaulir Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 8:59pm

Have you spoken to your niece? She might be dying for some backup to get rid of these cupcakes. Just thinking about my wedding - I can't imagine where a bunch of cupcakes would have even gone or when people would have eaten them.  She already has a cake!

 

To me, it's like someone offering to duplicate the place cards or the centrepieces with a crappier version made from old cardboard they found in their cupboard. Very strange. Can the bride tell grandma that the venue doesn't allow food from unlicenced kitchens? Assuming yours is?

IowaBaker Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 10:07pm

A big hug to you, Sarah! My gut says you are likely right about early stages of dementia being a a factor in this. Thank you and good wishes to you for trying to figure out a kind way to avoid this situation.

 

My grandma was at one time a pretty good cook, but when her health was declining, she got to a point where meals she fixed herself were often store-bought cookies and fruit because she didn't have to cook them. I came over when I could and made or brought a couple meals at a time for her. When she allowed me to help her clean out her medicine cabinet and kitchen cupboards, we found medicine and food up to 10 years expired. She couldn't read the labels and had no idea. Would someone in the family be able to do this for/with her? It could be that the mixes no longer rise or oils in them have gone rancid.

 

I think grandma really wants to be a part of the wedding and do something to help. Maybe there is another job she could do? Stamping envelopes might be a good choice. It can be done sitting down and in multiple short periods of time.

remnant3333 Posted 15 Dec 2013 , 10:22pm

Hello, Thank you for the recipe. I have never tasted orange and chocolate together but it sure sounds like a delicious cake. I will try that recipe out soon.

 

It sounds like the grandma is not thinking clearly. She probably thinks that she is helping out with the wedding. Hopefully like the others said, you can put a sign in front of your cake and one in front of the cupcakes so everyone will know that you only made the cake. Good luck!!!

AZCouture Posted 16 Dec 2013 , 12:15am

A

Original message sent by IowaBaker

A big hug to you, Sarah! My gut says you are likely right about early stages of dementia being a a factor in this. Thank you and good wishes to you for trying to figure out a kind way to avoid this situation.

My grandma was at one time a pretty good cook, but when her health was declining, she got to a point where meals she fixed herself were often store-bought cookies and fruit because she didn't have to cook them. I came over when I could and made or brought a couple meals at a time for her. When she allowed me to help her clean out her medicine cabinet and kitchen cupboards, we found medicine and food up to 10 years expired. She couldn't read the labels and had no idea. Would someone in the family be able to do this for/with her? It could be that the mixes no longer rise or oils in them have gone rancid.

I think grandma really wants to be a part of the wedding and do something to help. Maybe there is another job she could do? Stamping envelopes might be a good choice. It can be done sitting down and in multiple short periods of time.

Yes! Great observations and suggestions.

sixinarow Posted 16 Dec 2013 , 1:42am

AWhat about suggesting the cupcakes for the rehearsal dinner? Maybe if you suggest it in such a way to get granny to participate but enjoy the wedding day wo worrying about logistics. Otherwise, I like the "made by granny with love" sign.

MBalaska Posted 16 Dec 2013 , 1:45am

Sarah, when this wedding if over please let us all know how the event went for you.

mb

JWinslow Posted 16 Dec 2013 , 2:09am

Quote:

Originally Posted by sixinarow 

What about suggesting the cupcakes for the rehearsal dinner? Maybe if you suggest it in such a way to get granny to participate but enjoy the wedding day wo worrying about logistics. Otherwise, I like the "made by granny with love" sign.


This is also a really good idea. IMO

GigisFreshBaked Posted 16 Dec 2013 , 3:34am

pretend to trip and knock all the cupcakes to the floor ... be VERY apologetic, then offer everyone a slice of wedding cake! ;) 

PreciousP Posted 16 Dec 2013 , 5:18am

AIt is difficult working with family especially when a matriarch is involved. I think making a detailed card for your cake is a wonderful idea. Good luck and you recipe is awesome!!!

810whitechoc Posted 16 Dec 2013 , 10:04am

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarahgale314 

Don't worry k8, I was not offended!

My mother in law is actually showing signs of early dementia... It's sad, but also a little frustrating to deal with at the same time. I have a feeling she may not end up making very many in the end. She won't babysit for any of us anymore, as she says she's too tired and doesn't have the energy. I don't think she realizes what a pain in the butt making a bunch of mini cupcakes is going to be! She's never made mini cupcakes before - she bought 4 mini muffin tins just for the occasion. I can easily imagine half of them not turning out and having them frustrate her.

I actually thought about inviting her to come over here on baking day instead, and she can "help" me with the cake, and feel like she's doing something nice for the couple. She doesn't own piping bags or tips or anything - seriously,the woman never cooks - when I met my husband 22 years ago, she had a giant freezer out in her garage, and family members were supposed to pick their frozen dinner out of it and feed themselves. She hates cooking, and has been that way for years.

So, I'm holding off on saying anything yet, because I can see it getting messed up and not happening, without my intervention!


I like the idea of having her over to help, that way she feels like she has contributed something to the wedding, but you can make sure they are as delicious as the cake (which does sound delicious by the way).  That way her feelings are not hurt and everyone can make a bit of a fuss of her when it is made known that she "baked" them. I would also be checking with the bride, she will probably be relieved to know you are taking control of this situation and providing a positive outcome for everyone.  As for cake being left over, I'm guessing your family must be different to mine, at my brother's recent wedding dessert was provided as part of a three course meal and I made a cake to serve 130 coffee slices.  There wasn't a crumb left!

sarahgale314 Posted 16 Dec 2013 , 2:31pm

AI have decided to invite her over, and have her help... No expired box mixes at the wedding!

This is a church wedding - we're in a rural area where the common practice is to invite everyone you've ever met and the entire church congregation to the reception! There's no meal served, and the bride and family stand in a line to one side, people show up like an open house and walk past the line, shaking hands and offering congratulations. Then they go by a buffet table where small bites are served, usually made by close friends and family members. In this case, the bride wanted to do a cookie and hot cocoa bar, and it was grandma's idea to add in the boxed cupcakes to it. After eating their small bites, the guests leave.

The bride has sent out more than 600 invitations, and probably 400-500 will come! The cake I'm making only serves 100, because it only needs to feed those who happen to be there when the bride and groom decide to cut the cake.

So, I will tell my mother in law that the cupcakes are a good idea, since most of the people who come through the reception will not get any cake, and this way they can have some. I will tell her that I have done several large cupcake orders, and she does not realize what a pain they are, nor does she have equipment that can make it much easier, like I do. Also, she will have several out of town family members at her house for the wedding, including children, and it would be quite difficult to make large batches of cupcakes with that going on. I will tell her she knows the guests are going to stress her out, and when the time comes, she may even end up being too busy to get the cupcakes done, so she should just come on up to my house with the pans and liners that she brought, and she can bake with me.

BrandisBaked Posted 16 Dec 2013 , 2:43pm

AShe should donate the boxes to a food pantry. Christmas spirit and all... :-)

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