I Taught One Difficult "customer" A Lesson
Decorating By fun2bmomx4 Updated 3 Nov 2013 , 3:55pm by SystemMod1
Very well put DD.
OP, I raised a special needs child also and I know very well how you feel when you have not been able to give as much attention to the other child. God bless you for the way you handled an opportunity to not only spend time with your daughter, but teach her a good life lesson. Wishing you well.
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I do encourage you to set and maintain boundaries in your life. I recommend that not only for you but also for your children. Guilt is a dangerous motivator. It's hard to be a parent, but it's very important you don't parent from guilt. I'm not assuming you don't. I don't know you. But I do know it is sometimes difficult to be a strong, confident woman who is first self FULL and cares for herself.
autism and the special needs of children have no boundaries--as a mother of one you don't get the luxury of setting and maintaining boundaries--it's not possible--how do you do that--
why is it important to not parent from guilt? when a parent spends as much time as you spend with one special needs child it would go against nature to not feel guilty when you have little to no time left for the others--it's part of the process-- if you love your children then you have to feel guilty if one kid gets most all of your attention--you still have to parent the other kids with whatever you got left.
i don't get what you mean i don't think--what generated this line of advice?
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The OP didn't ever say "demanded" did she? I think she said "asked" and "needed" . . .
People should quit overlaying sh*t from their own lives on what people on here say - if you had read her first post CAREFULLY, you could have responded appropriately.
Liz
Liz at sugar apparently has been appointed to tell us what responses are appropriate and which ones aren't! Thanks! I'd hate to have to think for myself!
No...she said 'told' and 'caved'. I responded based on what the OP wrote. She was so overloaded she forgot to pick up her autistic child, she'd had a stroke recently, and her 16 year old daughter announced that she needed the OP to make a two tiered cake for 100 due the next day! To which--in the OP's words-she 'caved' on the daughters request on the requirement that the daughter help every step of the way. While I think that is commendable, the OP was still up all night baking and decorating a huge cake. She had to have done more than watch otherwise her arm wouldn't be so sore today.
Now tell me anywhere in that discourse is a 'light hearted' story? Good for her if she and her daughter shared a meaningful experience! In her post she sounded like she got railroaded...apparently not.
I'm glad that the cake was a hit, maybe the daughter learned a lesson--and hopefully real bonding happened...I don't know...wasn't there ... I only read the part about her saying she'll never work in a bakery. Only time will tell. I truly hope she appreciates her mother's hard work and dedication. However my OPINION of the situation has not changed much...even after the OP's back story. She needs to give herself a break, not feel guilty when telling her 16 year old daughter 'no' when the occasion warrants it, (even though she feels she's told her no too many times) and take care of herself. People who have the situations that the OP has in life tend to give to everyone but themselves. That stroke might have been a wake-up call. She doesn't need another! But only she knows what's truly best for her...my comments were based on her initial post in which there appear to be very conflicting emotions.
Now if that is considered 'mean' then I guess I am a mean person. People are entitled to their opinions and when they post here they will get a variety of them like it or not. I try to be honest and yes, I can be blunt. Most of my opinions are based on experiences I've had or observed first hand. Doesn't mean I'm always right....doesn't mean I'm wrong either. It's just an observation you may or may not agree with. Take it or leave it, it is what it is...(add any other cliche you can think of). .
If people want to hear the same thing from everyone in a forum, then they should put a disclaimer at the beginning saying..."I really don't want to hear anyone's honest opinion.--I just want you all to agree with me and say supportive things."
That should do it!
Drama over! OP's happy with her daughter, I'm happy appropriate responses are being monitored by Liz at sugar...all is well in cc land. Have a good weekend everyone. And remember K8memphis...make cake--not hate!
A
Original message sent by liz at sugar
The OP didn't ever say "demanded" did she? I think she said "asked" and "needed" . . .
People should quit overlaying sh*t from their own lives on what people on here say - if you had read her first post CAREFULLY, you could have responded appropriately.
Liz
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Liz at sugar apparently has been appointed to tell us what responses are appropriate and which ones aren't! Thanks! I'd hate to have to think for myself!
You are welcome! Have a great night!
Sure! Be polite and sensitive to others and the caps lock and the expletives can be avoided! :)
Liz
I think I need to clarify a few things that got misunderstood.
First off I didn't have my stroke because I'm overloaded, stressed or anything like that. It was caused by a medication I was taking because I'm an ovarian cancer survivor.
I chose my title as a play on words type of thing. Everyone on here talks about their customers and how uneducated they are about cakes. The only customers I've had for the past 10 years are my children; two of which (and now 3) know how to decorate cakes. My oldest son (19) even won some scholarship money in junior baking contests and is now in culinary school to be a pastry chef. Yes I'm so proud of him, but I'm proud of all my children.
There was no demanding, a gentle type of pleading-yes, but had I said no she would have been fine. The sheet cake vs two tiers went like this.... daughter, " A two tier looks so much cooler than a sheet cake, anyone could bring a sheet cake, I'd really like a two tier. Please". That's when I decided that if she wanted it then she could work for it. AND SHE DID !!!
I did feel she was being a bit difficult at first, but not a spoiled brat how some of you took it. I guess that is where everyone's perception is different. Because of our life history my 3 oldest children have not been awarded the luxury of being selfish, self centered or anything other than easy going, go with the flow type people.
But I tried to convey that she was learning how hard it was by the way she expressed that she didn't want to work in a kitchen etc. She wasn't complaining or whinning. She didn't even take full credit for the cake, she let all her teammates thank and praise me for the cake even when I told them she did all the work and I just showed her how . Even though she was really proud of herself I believe she got embarrassed at the praise.
I was wore out, very worn out in fact. I sat there and finished costumes, goody bags and other things for my son's class party. Maybe I should have clarified that my left arm gets weak if I carry in groceries using it. Also since the stroke I am sound asleep no later than 10pm and I sleep in in the mornings till 7am when I have to get my younger son up. My daughter gets herself up and off to school. That night we worked till 11ish and got up just before 6 the next morning.
Yes, I'm happy with my daughter. She worked hard and learned a valuable lesson, what parent wouldn't be happy with that?. I lost my mom when I was 20. I almost lost my youngest son because I went into labor at 30 weeks with a condition called placenta previa, so they couldn't stop the labor. Twice I've had a scare thinking I was leaving my children behind. I don't parent out of guilt, I parent out of love. I appreciate every day that I have with my children. If I push myself a little too much once in a while when I shouldn't they are worth it. How many of you push yourself because you have an order to fill , a deadline at work, or something else? This wasn't a cranky bride or cheap*ss customer, it was my daughter. I 100% feel it was worth it. Priceless.
I hope everyone has a wonderful and blessed day.
(oops! Look there..... I ended up posting that lifetime made for tv movie anyway!!! LOL 
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Fun2bmomx4, good for you. I am also a momx4, and my middle two have disabilities (mobility and learning). I too feel that my "other" kids got shortchanged at times, and still do even though they are all adults except the youngest. As parents, we do our best to give each child what he or she needs, but often we have to prioritize and some things just don't get done. (Like housework!
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I'm glad you turned your daughter's request into a bonding and learning experience -- we have to seize those opportunities and I bet she will remember this cake! I know everybody says "Don't forget to take care of yourself", but I also know that this is not always do-able. Keep it in mind, though, and try. I wish you all the best.
AHi OP!!!
I can relate with you being so busy. I have an autistic 3 year old daughter and a neuro typical 10 year old daughter :)
Wow - I am not sure why everyone thought they could chime in with such 'constructive' parenting advice. I realise that the OP did post a story about her daughter and yes it did make the daughter sound a little obnoxious BUT the OP also finished it saying that she had found it a positive experience - so who are we to judge someone else's parenting style because it is different to ours. Also as for forgetting that it was her sons day to finish school early I am sure that most of us have done something similar ie, as a hospitality worker on a rotating roster I have for sure shown up to work early/late on the odd occasion without even realising it. She did not ask for your advice or state that she didn't like the way her daughter behaved she simply described the situation. so I think the story should be taken at face value - enjoy the story, have a little smile at it and realise that the OP is in fact obviously extremely proud of this daughter and also her other children.
Due to members being completely unable to play nice with each other, this thread is being deleted.
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