I Taught One Difficult "customer" A Lesson

Decorating By fun2bmomx4 Updated 3 Nov 2013 , 3:55pm by SystemMod1

fun2bmomx4 Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 12:33am
post #1 of 42

I don't post very often; ok almost never even though I regularly browse this site for years.

 

My 16 yr old daughter avoids cooking and pretty much the kitchen like it's the plague.  Yet she is the worst at coming to me asking for cakes, cookies etc for different things often on short notice or near impossible to do.  

Yesterday afternoon I still had halloween costumes to finish making, things for my son's class party and what seemed like a million other things to do last night/ this morning.  In fact I was so busy it slipped my mind that it was my 9 yr old autistic son's early day out and the school had to call me because he was the only one left not picked up.  Oops!  

           So I  pick up my high schooler and she hits me with the fact that she needs a two tier cake that feeds 100  for dance team halloween party at noon today.   I can't!  Not only is there not enough time in my busy schedule, but also I had a stroke a few weeks ago.  While I'm making a full recovery I'm still pretty weak.   I caved on the condition that she help with every step of the process, which she did including piping.   I tried to talk her into a sheet cake...nope had to have 2 tiers.  While we were working she kept saying "I'm never working in a bakery"  " I'm never doing this again"  On and on and on.  We worked late last night and up early this morning to finish.  She was wore out as she went to school this morning, but she truely has a better appreciation for what she asks of me. 

 

I'm so wore out that my left arm barely wants to move, but so worth it for the bonding experience and the huge grin of accomplishment she wore when she carried her cake into school. Then again when she told how it was gone within minutes of bringing it in with not a single piece wasted because they thought it was so good.

41 replies
liz at sugar Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 12:52am
post #2 of 42

That was a nice lesson!  My husband had a stroke 3 years ago right before we opened our restaurant.  He has also made a pretty quick, full recovery, but we worry every time he has an "odd" symptom that he's never had before.

 

Please take care of yourself, and rest over the weekend!

 

Liz

Norasmom Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 1:18am
post #3 of 42

You are one heck of a good mother!!!  I would not have been able to do the same, simply too much work!!  Your daughter is very proud of you!  

 

Also, what your daughter was saying  "i'm never doing this again…I could never work in a bakery"…e.t.c….It's what I say every time I am doing an order  :-Dr LOL  

kakeladi Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 3:55am
post #4 of 42

Great way to teach her both appreciation of what you do for her, what it takes to make a cake and have a great time of bonding w/your kid.  Good for y ou and good for her - I'm sure she now knows not to ask for such difficult things :)

CakeChemistry Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 7:44am
post #5 of 42

AI would have caved too! How can you say no to mums/daughters etc?

costumeczar Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 10:59am
post #6 of 42

ABoy, I'm mean. i would have said no and told her to go do it herself and here are the pans if she needed that so badly.:grin:

remnant3333 Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 12:17pm
post #7 of 42

Children will always try to get away with whatever you let them get away with. I am glad you forced her to help you make the cake. That way, maybe she will think twice next time and tell you way ahead of time when she wants a cake. Now she knows that whipping up a two tier cake is not as easy as she thought it was!!!

 

My son would have gotten a sheet cake and the case would have been closed for discussion with me. I guess I am mean also but my son (when he was little) knew that he did not always get his way. You must be a very patient mom and very understanding with your daughter!!!

kikiandkyle Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 12:44pm
post #8 of 42

AMine would have gotten a ride to costco. And I wouldn't have gone inside to pay for it either!

-K8memphis Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 4:08pm
post #9 of 42

"ride to costco"--hahaha--make 'em walk uphill both ways--ride their bike!!!  dog sled-- mush! mush! :grin: jk jk jk no but i totally get the sentiment-- un-sentiment? ;)

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

i think this is a sweet story--yes hope you to get rested up big time this weekend--thanks for sharing

 

Annabakescakes Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 5:13pm
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ANot saying she would, but What are the chances DD takes all the credit and wants to start her own business? Some kids would.

Annabakescakes Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 5:19pm
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Aand yeah, dd would be getting a ride to Walmart for a sheet cake, unless she had a learners permit. Then she would drive while I took a ride to Walmart. Sheet cake! And if she didn't have the money then she would be working around the house a bit more for next couple weeks.

-K8memphis Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 5:50pm
post #12 of 42

it could be worse--i home schooled for a couple years and for 'home ec' my dd made bavarian waffles--they are yeasted of course and you beat the egg whites separately and being an idiot i probably had her make a double or triple batch--i don't remember the particulars but it took her forever and ever to make them--she got it all done--and she hung up her spatula for ten years.

 

we've done wedding cupcakes together and she bakes like a pro now--but there are 'alternate endings' to this adventure ;)
 

fun2bmomx4 Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 6:04pm
post #13 of 42

Quote:

Originally Posted by remnant3333 
 

 

My son would have gotten a sheet cake and the case would have been closed for discussion with me. I guess I am mean also but my son (when he was little) knew that he did not always get his way. You must be a very patient mom and very understanding with your daughter!!!

 I'm a mom of 4 with my youngest having autism.  I thought I was good mother (and I was) until he came along.   He has taught me patience on a whole new level as well as take a different aproach to parenting, how to look at the world in a whole new light and appreciate the little things. This daughter in discussion is child # 3 and with her younger brother requiring so much more , I take any and every opportunity that I can  with her.

 

I think If we had gone the sheet cake route it wouldn't have been as good of a lesson.  Too easy if you will.  I mostly sat on a stool at the counter giving her directions so she did the bulk of the work.  Which for her was quite a feat since she does not cook or bake.  My two oldest children would have asked permission and done it all themselves because they love to work in the kitchen and learned the basics of decorating at a young age. Not this child!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by kikiandkyle 

Mine would have gotten a ride to costco. And I wouldn't have gone inside to pay for it either!

That didn't even cross my mind to be truthful.  We just moved from a very small town that our only store was a wal-mart and even though that is what everyone would bring to school parties it was always left untouched.  So until the rule was passed no home made treats at school  I always made everything for parties.  Then I got a cottage license so I was still able to provide treats.

 Maybe next time...... ah who am I kidding; I'll  probably do it the same.  :)

carmijok Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 6:06pm
post #14 of 42

Are you kidding me?  It sounds like you've got 'Doormat' written on your forehead.  I'm sorry, but if my daughter had demanded a two tier cake due the next day with everything you have on your plate I too would have handed a couple of boxes of cake mix or a recipe,  the pans and a good luck pat on the back.  It sounded like she complained all through the process.  If that's bonding then your interpretation of it is different than mine.  Yes, I know I sound harsh, but i really think you  need to look at everything you wrote and see what I saw...a woman stretched to the breaking point who is letting her life run her instead of her running her life.

 

You really can say no to a 16 year old girl.  They'll survive!

 

At least you did make her stay up with you to work on the cake, and if you think she learned from it, good.  I think she learned she can continue to talk mom into doing anything no matter how inconvenient. 

 

Again...I'm really not trying to be mean... though you may think so.  I just feel for women in your situation and think you need to stand up for yourself and take care of yourself so you don't have another stroke.  "Just say no"  is actually quite liberating and you are one person who IMHO think needs to say it more often. 

 

Good luck and take care of yourself!  I hope your daughter really does appreciate your hard work and sacrifices.

-K8memphis Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 6:49pm
post #15 of 42

Quote:

Originally Posted by fun2bmomx4 
 

 Maybe next time...... ah who am I kidding; I'll  probably do it the same.  :)

 

i raised a special needs child --i am extremely proud of both my children--and way back yonder i made the decision to not let my kids be involved in any way with my work--he was hyperactive and i just needed a nice firm line there--if we could go back in time and do things over i would wish i had involved them more--but then at the time i needed that nice clear boundary for my own sanity--he became a chef after all ;)

 

so i applaud you--the memory will only get sweeter--i'm glad it worked out so good

now i love my bavarian waffle story--i can torture her with that one forever ;) example--got her a waffle iron for wedding gift :-D but i'm even happier i don't have any stories of how he 'helped' mommy with her cake--omg!

liz at sugar Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 7:13pm
post #16 of 42

Quote:

Originally Posted by carmijok 
 

Are you kidding me?  It sounds like you've got 'Doormat' written on your forehead.

 

Well, this was a little rude.  After the OP had a life altering health event, she decided to help out her daughter and spend some time bonding, while teaching her something she didn't know how to do.  Maybe if you haven't been close to leaving your kids without a parent, you don't get how important spending time together is, but it becomes a bigger priority, very quickly.

 

Liz

fun2bmomx4 Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 7:22pm
post #17 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by carmijok 
 

Are you kidding me?  It sounds like you've got 'Doormat' written on your forehead.  I'm sorry, but if my daughter had demanded a two tier cake due the next day with everything you have on your plate I too would have handed a couple of boxes of cake mix or a recipe,  the pans and a good luck pat on the back.  It sounded like she complained all through the process.  If that's bonding then your interpretation of it is different than mine.  Yes, I know I sound harsh, but i really think you  need to look at everything you wrote and see what I saw...a woman stretched to the breaking point who is letting her life run her instead of her running her life.

 

You really can say no to a 16 year old girl.  They'll survive!

 

At least you did make her stay up with you to work on the cake, and if you think she learned from it, good.  I think she learned she can continue to talk mom into doing anything no matter how inconvenient.

 

Again...I'm really not trying to be mean... though you may think so.  I just feel for women in your situation and think you need to stand up for yourself and take care of yourself so you don't have another stroke.  "Just say no"  is actually quite liberating and you are one person who IMHO think needs to say it more often.

 

Good luck and take care of yourself!  I hope your daughter really does appreciate your hard work and sacrifices.

Actually I'm NOT a doormat.  And I won't tell her no when I can help her do it herself.  What I didn't take the time to put in here because I didn't want to write a book was at 7 years old she got an autistic baby brother so up until the past year or so (he made a major break through)  he has gotten 70% of my time and I divided the other 30% between her, her sister and brother and everything else on most days.  I did try to set aside one on one time of each of them, but it was extremely hard to do because my husband has to travel for work so I didn't have anyone to help other than my other children.  She has been told no  to lots and lots of things in her life.  As well as she had to be responsible for helping care for her brother.  So yes since we relocated in january (to the other side of the country from the house she was born and raised in) she has asked for a lot of baked goods for school/ social functions, but instead of handling it in the way you think I should I took a gentler approach.   You read into it that she was complaing;  I did not state that she was complaining,  I said she made these comments.  Also another back story I didnt put was she has an older brother in pastry school and working in a bakery and she sees how tired he gets so that was more behind her comments than anything.

 

I didn't ask you to judge me!  I posted what I thought was a sweet, light hearted story and worth sharing. Your response is why in the 5 years I've lurked here I don't post.

 

To everyone else.  Thank you for reading and the responses.  I really do enjoy coming here and reading. I like being able to keep up on the cake world even though I haven't been able to practice it.

MimiFix Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 7:34pm
post #18 of 42

OP, I understand not wanting to write a long story, but apparently you left out important details. It's not fair to give limited information then jump on people who post.

-K8memphis Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 7:39pm
post #19 of 42

Quote:

Originally Posted by fun2bmomx4   ...he made a major break through...

 

i can't imagine the determination, investment and work involved but 

 

i can say multiplied congratulations!

 

sniff

fun2bmomx4 Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 7:48pm
post #20 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by MimiFix 
 

OP, I understand not wanting to write a long story, but apparently you left out important details. It's not fair to give limited information then jump on people who post.

I don't want it to feel like I'm looking for sympathy or writing a made for tv movie.  It was a simple story of teaching my daughter how difficult it is to do a cake at the last minute.  I reacted badly to a response since I didn't realize I was opening myself up for judgment and don't want to cause a controversy . I'm sorry I reacted badly. 

-K8memphis Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 8:05pm
post #21 of 42

in this big bad world we live in--i give you permission to jump anyone who jumps you first and anyone who needs to get jumped before they jump you--

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by fun2bmomx4 
 

I don't want it to feel like I'm looking for sympathy or writing a made for tv movie.  It was a simple story of teaching my daughter how difficult it is to do a cake at the last minute.  I reacted badly to a response since I didn't realize I was opening myself up for judgment and don't want to cause a controversy . I'm sorry I reacted badly. 

 

 

i'm being sarcastic toward your accusers--yes you need to hold quite still, op, whilst we flay you for posting a sweet story and then you have the nerve to try to defend yourself against someone who had to write disclaimers for being  'harsh' and 'mean', their words not mine.

 

leave her alone for crying out loud leave her alone just stop with the self righteous bull sh*t stop it stop picking her apart --go ahead jump me for sticking up for her--wtf is wrong with yous?

hbquikcomjamesl Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 8:58pm
post #22 of 42

Hmm. With the exception of once, in my childhood, I have yet to bother with anything more elaborate than either a single-layer sheet cake, served in-pan, or a naked pound cake, baked in a Bundt mold. The only times I've been tempted to go beyond that were with the Leland Award cakes for this year and last year, and I stopped myself simply because I have no safe way to transport a decorated cake unless it's "served in-pan" and baked in the one 9x13 I have (a nice, heavy-duty one by, if I remember right, NordicWare) that came with a fitted cover.

 

The OP took the lemon life handed her, and used it to make lemonade. And it sounds like this is far from the first time life has handed her one.

AZCouture Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 9:24pm
post #23 of 42

I'm thinking the same thing carmijok is. Can't get past the "demanding". 

AZCouture Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 9:27pm
post #24 of 42

Quote:

Originally Posted by fun2bmomx4 
 

I don't want it to feel like I'm looking for sympathy or writing a made for tv movie.  It was a simple story of teaching my daughter how difficult it is to do a cake at the last minute.  I reacted badly to a response since I didn't realize I was opening myself up for judgment and don't want to cause a controversy . I'm sorry I reacted badly. 

You didn't react badly, but that makes me mad that your daughter demanded something from you. :(

liz at sugar Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 9:34pm
post #25 of 42

Quote:

Originally Posted by AZCouture 
 

I'm thinking the same thing carmijok is. Can't get past the "demanding".

 

The OP didn't ever say "demanded" did she?  I think she said "asked" and "needed" . . .

 

People should quit overlaying sh*t from their own lives on what people on here say - if you had read her first post CAREFULLY, you could have responded appropriately.

 

Liz

SecretAgentCakeBaker Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 10:17pm
post #26 of 42

AI liked your story, fun2bmomx4. Glad you posted it.

stephdover4 Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 10:26pm
post #27 of 42

good for you and your daughter..I have three older children so I can relate...

DeliciousDesserts Posted 1 Nov 2013 , 11:49pm
post #28 of 42

So I was watching this thread very curious how it would twist and turn.

 

You didn't ask for it, but I'm going to give you my honest opinion.  When I first read OP's post, my thought was "wow what a selfish brat. How dare she (being of age to know better) wait until the last minute then demand an elaborate cake which required all night and part of the next morning."  No, OP didn't say she demanded.  Certainly by the tone it was written, it sure sounded like she was dealing with a child who 1. didn't respect timelines (having a caking mother she must know them) 2. couldn't be persuaded for a compromise. 3. completely disregarded the OPs physical limitations and difficulties.  That equates to someone being selfish.  May not have been intended, but as is all writing it was easy to interpret that way.

 

I then read on to see that the child helped.....BUT complained the entire time ("on and on").  Again, this was my interpretation of what was written.  

 

This all reminds me of the Shel Silverstien story The Giving Tree.  Some people read that story and they think "wow, what a wonderful loving tree who gave so much to the little boy she loved." I read it and think "WOW, the tree gave up her SELF.  Now, she's just a stump." 

 

Life is perception.  Many ways of looking at things.

 

I do encourage you to set and maintain boundaries in your life.  I recommend that not only for you but also for your children.  Guilt is a dangerous motivator.  It's hard to be a parent, but it's very important you don't parent from guilt.  I'm not assuming you don't.   I don't know you.  But I do know it is sometimes difficult to be a strong, confident woman who is first self FULL and cares for herself.

kikiandkyle Posted 2 Nov 2013 , 12:40am
post #29 of 42

AWell despite my earlier comment the truth is I probably would have just made the cake for my older daughter, who also got an autistic baby brother at age 6. As the sister of an autistic brother myself, I have always tried to make sure she doesn't get left out because I know too well how that goes, but it has translated into me over-indulging her at times.

I commend the OP for choosing to turn the situation into a learning and bonding opportunity, although I still think that the lesson should really have been that mommy has a lot going on and that you can't simply expect a complicated cake to appear out of thin air on a moments notice.

-K8memphis Posted 2 Nov 2013 , 12:46am
post #30 of 42
Quote:
Originally Posted by fun2bmomx4 
 

 .... I caved on the condition that she help with every step of the process, which she did including piping.   I tried to talk her into a sheet cake...nope had to have 2 tiers.  While we were working she kept saying "I'm never working in a bakery"  " I'm never doing this again"  On and on and on.  We worked late last night and up early this morning to finish.  She was wore out as she went to school this morning, but she truely has a better appreciation for what she asks of me. 

 

I'm so wore out that my left arm barely wants to move, but so worth it for the bonding experience and the huge grin of accomplishment she wore when she carried her cake into school. Then again when she told how it was gone within minutes of bringing it in with not a single piece wasted because they thought it was so good.

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by fun2bmomx4 
 

 I'm a mom of 4 with my youngest having autism.  I thought I was good mother (and I was) until he came along.   He has taught me patience on a whole new level as well as take a different aproach to parenting, how to look at the world in a whole new light and appreciate the little things. This daughter in discussion is child # 3 and with her younger brother requiring so much more , I take any and every opportunity that I can  with her.

 

I think If we had gone the sheet cake route it wouldn't have been as good of a lesson.  Too easy if you will.  I mostly sat on a stool at the counter giving her directions so she did the bulk of the work.  Which for her was quite a feat since she does not cook or bake.  

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by fun2bmomx4 
 

  It was a simple story of teaching my daughter how difficult it is to do a cake at the last minute.  

 

 

i agree it is about perception --the title of the thread establishes that this is difficult "customer"--  the op presents us with this information and imo we have overlooked a unique and stunning resolution -- but since the op entitled the thread as her daughter being a difficult "customer--i think she is already aware of this but i could be wrong--

 

in my personal history i still feel as if i should have spent more time with my daughter growing up--i get it--because we had to spend so much with the special needs son--she, my dd, would agree with me too--

 

and fwiw--op's daughter would take no credit for the work and as a result of her hard work and selflessness all her classmates gushed over her mom for the wonderful cake.

 

imo--we got so busy explaining to op that her customer was difficult that we forgot to read the amazing transformation--the metamorphosis --a new attitude was born.

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