So I Don't Derail The Happy Thread, I Am Going To Mope On A New Thread

Lounge By Annabakescakes Updated 8 Aug 2013 , 5:58am by carmijok

Annabakescakes Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 6:57am
post #1 of 24

I wanted to talk about this a little, without bringing down the thread, and going off topic. And to thank everyone for the well-wishes. 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Annabakescakes 

Just a little admonishment here to those of you who don't have pictures. My mom's boyfriend hated having his picture taken, and would hide his face every time a camera came out. He collapsed and died today, and my mom has no pictures of him, after a 10 year relationship. She is going to take one at the layout. And he was only 65.

There's not going to be layout, now. No pic.

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Originally Posted by Elcee 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Annabakescakes 

Just a little admonishment here to those of you who don't have pictures. My mom's boyfriend hated having his picture taken, and would hide his face every time a camera came out. He collapsed and died today, and my mom has no pictures of him, after a 10 year relationship. She is going to take one at the layout. And he was only 65.

Oh, Anna, I'm so sorry to hear that.

 

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Originally Posted by Annabakescakes 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elcee 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Annabakescakes 

Just a little admonishment here to those of you who don't have pictures. My mom's boyfriend hated having his picture taken, and would hide his face every time a camera came out. He collapsed and died today, and my mom has no pictures of him, after a 10 year relationship. She is going to take one at the layout. And he was only 65.

Oh, Anna, I'm so sorry to hear that.

Thank you. He was a fine male role model for my kids, before I met my current husband. They think the world of him, and are just heart broken. He was active, and healthy, and didn't drink or smoke, ever. Well known and loved in the community, and even mowed his elderly neighbors' lawns. He was a damn good man, and it is just so shocking. And all between tears today, I kept thinking, I hope the funeral isn't Sunday, I would hate to miss ICES. What a selfish, stupid thought, right? 

 

He retired early this year, too. It is such a shame. 

 

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Originally Posted by Elcee 

No! Not selfish or stupid! It's normal to want things to go on as usual and planned.

 

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Originally Posted by vgcea 

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Originally Posted by Annabakescakes 

Thank you. He was a fine male role model for my kids, before I met my current husband. They think the world of him, and are just heart broken. He was active, and healthy, and didn't drink or smoke, ever. Well known and loved in the community, and even mowed his elderly neighbors' lawns. He was a damn good man, and it is just so shocking. And all between tears today, I kept thinking, I hope the funeral isn't Sunday, I would hate to miss ICES. What a selfish, stupid thought, right? 

He retired early this year, too. It is such a shame. 

No, not at all. In situations like this, you mind tries to find structure and routine as a sort of coping mechanism. It tries to grasp something still within your control, a happy place if you will, as a way to balance the pain and helplessness you all must feel at his passing. It's okay. (((Hugs))).

 

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Originally Posted by knlcox 

Oh, Annabakes, I'm so sorry! It's not stupid or selfish to want a sense of normal right now.  It's very hard to lose someone, even more so if they were a good hearted person. I recently lost someone I was very close to and while she made my life a living hell I still felt a horrible sense of loss.  I even hoped her funeral wasn't on a day when I planned something really fun for my children.  It's normal and fine to want normal and fine. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by DeliciousDesserts 

So sorry, Anna.

Gotta tell ya, it was my first thought. I was reading thinking "oh please don't mean she can't come to ICES." Then I read you didn't want to miss It either.

My thoughts are with you.

 

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Originally Posted by JWinslow 

Anna,

 

So sorry for your loss.  My thoughts are with you.  I am also camera shy but you have me thinking.......  I hope you can still go to ICES - no telling when it will be that close to you again.

 

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Originally Posted by sixinarow 

So sorry for you and your family, Anna. icon_sad.gif

 

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Originally Posted by kikiandkyle 

I'm so sorry for your loss Anna. It sounds like he was a good man who supported your career, and who wouldn't have wanted you to miss out on this. Don't feel bad about having a human reaction.

 

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Originally Posted by Godot 

Oh Anna I am so sorry about your bonus dad.
 
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Originally Posted by kaylawaylalayla 

So sorry to hear about your loss anna.

 

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Originally Posted by as you wish 

Anna, so very sorry for your loss.

 

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Originally Posted by theresaf 

Anna, so sorry to hear of your loss.  May your family be reminded of happy memories at this sad time.  Prayers from our family to yours!

Theresa

 

23 replies
Annabakescakes Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 6:57am
post #2 of 24

It still hasn't truly sunk in, and every time it does, I am just reduced to tears. He was really a fine man. In 10 years, he and my mother never fought, and she never had an unkind word to say about him, and every where he went, he knew someone. Just a trip to Frisch's or Remke Market, he would stop and talk to 2-4 people, it was so fun. 

 

He and my mother went out on their first date on a Tuesday night in April, of '03, the exact same day as my first date with my daughter's father. After that, he was just always there, and thought my DF was a complete moron, and he was. When I got pregnant, he actually allowed me to stay in his spare room for 2 months, until I could find a place of my own. We had my twins' 2nd birthday party in his house, and he has been there for every party since. They will be 13 this month, and I don't know what sort of party it will be without him. When they were in basketball, he bought then new basketball shoes for $80 each, and was at every single game, even though they were defeated at every single game. 

 

When I was sliding around the ice in my junker car, on 4 bald tires, 6 months pregnant, divorced and single, with 2 little 3 year old boys, brakes squealing, on food stamps, and WIC and childcare assistance, without 2 dimes to my name, he took my car "to get the brakes looked at" and came back with 4 new tires on it. I never had anyone in my life do anything so kind, and without an ulterior motive. 

 

He never felt like a father, or even a friend, because we he was very proper about male/female boundaries, and a real gentleman. We never sat down and had a heart to heart or anything, he was just a fine man, and dependable, and would give you the shirt of his back. He was a handyman, and a perfectionist, with a crew of his own. When I moved, he had his guys move my boxes into my new apartment, and even put the furniture where it went, since I didn't have anyone else. 

 

During the move, one of my little boys, almost 3 at the time, was standing in the door way, right in the way, and one of his guys said, "Excuse me little man" so he could get past him. This guy had a bit of a hygiene problem and Jim, my mom, and I had noticed hours earlier. By this time, he was RIPE! Well, when he squeezed past my boy, Brian exclaimed, "HEY!! YOU STINK!" Out of the mouth's of babes, right? We just about died laughing, but I was trying to apologize at the same time, but that was something Jim just never forgot about about. Every birthday he would tell my boys what fine young men they were, and how much fun it was to have them around, and tell the story about stinky, and just laugh and laugh. 

 

He was a YOUNG 65 in so many ways, and just so active, but hated going to the Dr. He had a "splinter" in his hand 3" long, and almost as big around a pencil. Completely buried. He went to a veterinarian he knew, to dig it out. He was in constant pain, due to different medical issues, but he never complained, and sometimes would be very quiet, but he was never unfriendly, or grouchy about it. 

 

His funeral is Thursday, and there is just so many things I want to say to him, and thank him for. He never wanted anyone to make a fuss about him, and he would do the most amazing things and when you went to him to thank him, he would always say,"It wasn't nothing." He was so country :-) He took damn good care of his truck, his guns, his house, and his woman. He spoiled my mom rotten. She never had to make her own coffee, and he would literally wait on her hand and foot. He had lived alone for years and years before she moved in, and he always kept a clean house, and continued to keep it. He even took his sports stuff out of his curio cabinet and let her stick her dolls in it. He had used racing tires with glass on top as a coffee table and got rid of it because the smell of the burned rubber gave my mom headaches. 

 

He knew all his neighbors, and they all just loved him. Everyone did. 

 

 

Thank you for letting me get this all off my chest. And I am still going to ICES. It seems stupid to sit at home and mope, when the funeral is Thursday, and I can go mope in Lexington, at ICES. Jim would totally get it. He was a social butterfly, so to speak, and really lived life. He would be at any and every event he wanted to go to. 

morganchampagne Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 7:09am
post #3 of 24

AOh I'm so sorry. My Aunt died in a similar way. We were supposed to go to New Orleans, and life changed just like that. I understand what you're going through. Your family is in my prayers

jennicake Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 7:14am
post #4 of 24

Oh Anna, I'm so sorry :(.  He sounds like a wonderful man and I'm glad you and your family had the time with him that you did.  Lots of lovely memories you have shared with us, and I really hope those memories continue to give you some comfort.  *hugs*

MBalaska Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 7:33am
post #5 of 24

Anna,

I'm very sorry for your loss. It was a beautiful and heartwarming memory that you wrote about the gentleman. I  offer my sympathies.

daryll Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 7:51am
post #6 of 24

AAnna, I know what it's like to have a "bonus dad" as Godot put it.

I feel for you with all my heart and you and your Jim have inspired me to sit my John down and tell him how much he means to me.

Take care.

DeliciousDesserts Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 11:53am
post #7 of 24

AI'm so glad you shared that with is. I know this is so hard & so numbing.

I'm also really glad you had him in your life. You needed someone special like him.

MimiFix Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 12:16pm
post #8 of 24

Anna, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope your mom is doing okay. Our thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Mimi 

tdovewings Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 12:39pm
post #9 of 24

Anna,

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Here's a big hug and I pray you find some way to have comfort. Thank you for sharing this amazing story. It's great to hear about all the awesomeness. Have a safe trip to Kentucky!

 

Take Care,

TaMeisha

JSKConfections Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 12:53pm
post #10 of 24

So sorry for your mom and family Anna.  You should print and read this treasure you wrote about him at the funeral, what a tribute that would be!  I'm sure he would have wanted you to go to ICES too!  God bless and strength be with you this week.

kikiandkyle Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 1:30pm
post #11 of 24

AI wish I was going to ICES so I could give you a hug.

He sounds like a wonderful man who will be very sorely missed.

vgcea Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 1:41pm
post #12 of 24

AWhat a wonderful man. Thank you Anna for sharing how much of a blessing he was.

BatterUpCake Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 2:30pm
post #13 of 24

You just described my "Dad". He passed in February so I can truly empathize with what you are going through. It pains me to think that my granddaughter will grow up without ever having known this wonderful person. He was 62. I just have comfort knowing he is in a place where he will never experience pain or unhappiness. I am so sorry for you loss. The pain does lessen with time and you will always have those memories.

Alvida Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 3:24pm
post #14 of 24

Anna, I am so sorry for your loss.   As I went through the exact same thing in December I can truly relate to your thoughts and feelings.

You don't realize it now but time does heal and the hurt is replaced by precious memories.

Also, he will be with you where ever you are, so try to enjoy ICES because from what you said, he would have wanted you to. icon_smile.gif

cakefat Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 3:50pm
post #15 of 24

I'm sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and your family.  xx

JWinslow Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 3:54pm
post #16 of 24

Anna, 

Your heartfelt tribute is filled with wonderful memories and feelings - thank you for sharing this.  I'm glad you are still going to ICES.  From what I read, he would expect you to go.  Thoughts and prayers for your family.

Claire138 Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 4:28pm
post #17 of 24

Anna, my (our) condolences on your loss, just awful to lose someone so close and at such a young age too. Hugs and kisses from Paris,

 

Claire

IAmPamCakes Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 5:06pm
post #18 of 24

AVery sad to hear, but at least you've got some wonderful memories to carry with you.

shanter Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 7:19pm
post #19 of 24

Anna,

Please accept my sympathy on your loss. What a great guy.

jgifford Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 7:40pm
post #20 of 24

Anna,

 

Our thoughts and prayers are with you.  I truly believe we find angels here on earth and it sounds like he was definitely in training.  How wonderful it is that you were so privileged to know him.  Thank you for sharing.

 

Jan

as you wish Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 8:08pm
post #21 of 24

AWhat a wonderful man to have had in your life, and how very hard to lose such a man. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this time. Slightly OT, but although we dont really know each other and I have no right to this, I am concerned for you. Look after yourself, okay? You have shared some about the exhaustion you have been feeling already, this must be overwhelming. Please take care of yourself the best you can.

CakeGeekUk Posted 7 Aug 2013 , 9:36pm
post #22 of 24

My heart goes out to you Anna & your mom. May he rest in peace.

The Cake Shoppe Posted 8 Aug 2013 , 4:51am
post #23 of 24

So sorry for your loss, Anna.

 

I know there are no words that really bring any comfort right now...

Thoughts and prayers for you and your family during this difficult time.

carmijok Posted 8 Aug 2013 , 5:58am
post #24 of 24

AI'm so sorry for your family's loss. How lucky you are to have had such a kind person in your life. Your tribute to him was a lovely testament to a good man and he will no doubt continue to watch over you all. You don't need pictures when he is so obviously in your heart. God bless. Jan

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