Hello everyone, I really need advice on this super touchy subject. I have been building a home based cake business for the last 3 years. Word of mouth mostly and now working with a local caterer as their cake designer. I have been communicating back and forth by phone and FB with a lovely girl who is "so excited" about me doing her wedding cake in July. Hers would be one of three booked so far from one of this year's clients. We have never met and I have yet to have her over for a sit down consult. A few days ago I saw her engagement announcement in the newspaper and her info was there along with her fiance' who I recognized immediately as the son of my Jr. High/High School sweetheart. Long story short the groom's mom knows me as a past relationship, completely hates the sight of me, and despite being friendly toward her over the years and trying the high road approach, even going so far as apologizing for anything at all I may have said/done (??) I have accepted that She's not going to ever be friendly (situation has existed for over 20 years) It's sort of comical any more because her theatrics are so silly to me.Thankfully we almost never interact.
So conundrum is I DO not want to be the cause of a dark spot on this couple's wedding day in any way. Any advice on how to go forward? I have no interest in lying to get out of the cake and not really wanting to involve the bride in the details. My other fear in all this is ANYthing I say could/would potentially be repeated and could damage my business reputation. How to proceed with the business of cake or, and I'm leaning toward, let this one go without hurting the feelings of the bride/making her feel ditched? Thanks :0)
Talk about how much water has flowed under various bridges...the SON of your high-school sweetheart is the groom. Is he 17 and therefore in need of parental approval?
So you the cake maker are concerned with the following:
what the bride and groom want
who is paying for this (as paying the piper usually includes calling the tune)
any allergies or religious dietary restrictions
the wedding date and venue and weather considerations
If the MOG hasn't grown up any since she was in high school, then her son might have to tell her so.
YOU do not have to say a word unless asked.
I'm with Irene here. We're not in high school any more.
AI agree that you should not breathe a word to the bride. The only way that things could get ugly here is if the MOG is planning on coming along for the consult. I've actually been in a similar predicament quite recently, my sister's ex-husband's sister ordered her cake through me. I didn't realize it was here (I had meet her several times, however she was 13 at the time and I was 19, I'm 29 now). I didn't recognize her, and she didn't recognize me. They didn't put any money down, and I wrote the order up under the grooms name. It wasn't until her mother came to pay that I realized what happened! Luckily I have since married (new last name) and dyed my hair a drastically different color! No one recognized me (and a good thing too, their wedding will forever be remembered as the "Jerry Springer" wedding, and that pretty much describes their marriage and divorce, me having ANYTHING to do with the sisters wedding would have been a disaster). My strategy was to provide a cake that was BETTER than what they expected, and deliver it way earlier than agreed upon (I called the reception hall that morning with a story about too many deliveries in one day, they set the room up with the cake table super early), so that I could minimize the possibility of anyone recognizing me!
Hope that helps! Good luck!
Well said Baking Irene!
If after 2 decades - the water has not clearly flown over the bridge...there may lie trouble ahead.
But until such time (hopefully not) I say keep it professional as had you would conduct/consult with any Bride & Groom requesting your services.
Only divulge information on a "really need to know basis!" but professional of course.
If the MOG starts to interfere then you may need to advise the Bride & Groom or maybe have a indirect word with the Father of the Groom if that is possible without causing any unwanted drama.
Hopefully for the sake of the newly weds this apparent rift can be put to one side.
Its hard dilemma when old wounds are being re-opened (from the MOG's standpoint) and healing and time have not kicked in as yet.
Maturity surely must have the upper hand right???
"My strategy was to provide a cake that was BETTER than what they expected, and deliver it way earlier than agreed upon (I called the reception hall that morning with a story about too many deliveries in one day, they set the room up with the cake table super early), so that I could minimize the possibility of anyone recognizing me!"
Hope that helps! Good luck!
I know, right? But then I'm not being respectful to the customer. It would be great if I could just say "can you tell the MOG to please stay home?" No offense! Haha! oh dear.
It has for me Nixs247, Dumb thing is I haven't had two minutes worth of conversation with the FOG the whole 20 years! The last time I saw mog was a couple months ago, I actually had to deliver a cake to her next door neighbor. It was dark, I pulled up and moggy obviously knew I was going to be there. The lady getting the cake met me on the sidewalk and MOG (20 feet away) proceeds to call to her and chuckle loudly, her daughter too. Felt like a set up. It's so dumb it's laughable, (if it weren't slightly menacing) but deliveries, or in a wedding delivery situation etc. Not amused. I have so many MOG stories it would make a great book like "The Help" or something. I have 7 mo to figure it out.
You're a business owner providing a service to a client. Keep it 100% business. There is absolutely no need to even bring up the MOG in any conversation. Talk to your clients, deliver what they are paying you for and keep it moving.
YOU know that you have put two and two together but no one else does. Lots of people have the same last name. Play it like any other customer and then deliver a little early (I almost never see anyone but vendors on the day of the wedding anyway), send an assistant instead, or just be as surprised as anyone else if you end up face to face.
The MOG is not your customer - the bride is. Deal strictly with her and be at your most professional. If the MOG brings up anything or tries to make a scene, you can point out to your customer that it's ancient history and YOU have moved on. It might not make things less awkward, but at least your bride will know that you will do all you can to make her day wonderful. I pity the poor little bride, starting her married life (which is difficult enough) saddled with a MIL like that.
I seriously thought that these types of people were just made up by bored people who like to tell stories or paid to act like that so Jerry Springer could stay in business. They're real!?
Lollllllllllll - seems that way..
Exactely ................i really don't see where your problem is - your providing a service derived through your business.... why on earth you would want to make it personnel........ rise above the rot from the MOG and deal with your customers....
Lollll - who has the time or inclination to carry that baggage for 20 years..... lollllllllllllllll
Seriously - don't make this situation bigger than what it is..... and for goodness sake, stop giving the MOG crediance...
Don't blow it out of proportion. (but I'd still do my best to avoid the MOG - mentally ill/severely paranoid persons can sometimes be scary).
Treat the client like any other client.
Just act like you don't know who the groom's father is, and never ask what his last name is. If the MOG brings it up to the bride she'll just look stupid. When you set up a tasting tell the bride that only she and the groom should come to keep confusion down, too many people=too many opinions. Keep the contract in the bride's name and just communicate with her. I could see myself in the same situation, my bf in high school ended up married to a girl we both went to school with and she hated me, probably still does, haha! If the MOG doesn't realize that you break up with people for a reason then that's her issue, but you don't want to get into the middle of her neurosis.
Thank you Everyone! I needed the pep talk. MOG be darned! Blast! I'm makin' this cake and gonna make her love it! Hahahahha!