Too Much To Do!

Decorating By BlueRose8302 Updated 1 Sep 2012 , 12:23am by jgifford

BlueRose8302 Posted 30 Aug 2012 , 2:41pm
post #1 of 13

I am a hobby baker with a toddler and 2 part time jobs and work with a drama group that opens a show in 3 weeks. I am about to start up an IVF cycle that will take me off my feet for a few weeks and limits my activity level for a few weeks before then. My best friend has been talking about her little girl's first birthday cake for quite a while now. She has some majorly grand ideas that I am not even sure I can execute--but she doesn't seem to hear the stress in my words. Well, it turns out that my only niece's birthday party is going to be the same weekend as my friend's daughter! My sister knows my stress over this cake and has said that she will just not have a cake at my niece's party but that is silly! I really really want to make my niece's cake, but I am afraid that with all I have going on I won't be able to do it all! I mentioned this to my friend, but she didn't exactly offer to step aside. She made a very cute Dr. Seuss quilt for my son's birthday and I have made her other kid's cakes and it is not like I begrudge her the work, time, and ingredients, but this is just a bad month!
Sorry for the long vent! Just dreading the next few weeks!

12 replies
lrlt2000 Posted 30 Aug 2012 , 4:41pm
post #2 of 13

LOL, you are not going to believe me, but I was just about to post a "comisery" post about home bakers with toddlers icon_smile.gif I was going to ask what your situation is and what you do to bribe or occupy your toddler!!! icon_smile.gif)

lrlt2000 Posted 30 Aug 2012 , 4:47pm
post #3 of 13

As for your schedule, it sounds to me like you (like me) have a hard time saying "no." You need to simplify your life as much as possible, and in doing so, be okay with not doing some of those things.

You need to establish which things are absolutely priority right now. I had to say no to a few cakes this month because I had/have 130 handmade gum paste carnations to do for my brother's wedding next weekend, which is 500 miles away. I have a 2 year old, and an 8 and 10 year old, both in school again, with homework, afterschool activities, etc.

It is hard to do, but you have to save yourself the stress, ESPECIALLY if you are about to start IVF icon_wink.gif

You can do it!!!!

BlueRose8302 Posted 30 Aug 2012 , 5:34pm
post #4 of 13

I, luckily, have a sweet little 2 year-old boy who is usually satisfied with The Wiggles or Mickey Mouse for a while so I can cake. He also likes to watch me mix batters and ask questions about who the cake is for. I am also very lucky to have a mother who is retired and can come over and play with the boy when I have a lot of caking to do. Other than that--nap times are golden!

BlueRose8302 Posted 30 Aug 2012 , 5:40pm
post #5 of 13

I DO have a hard time saying "no." That is very true! I have tried to be realistic in my schedule this month, but things are piling on top of each other! I tried to encourage my sister to have the party early, but I can't really complain that she wants to have the party for the girl near the girl's real birthday. The cake I would make for my niece is going to be fun and I made the design myself. My friend's cake, however, I am not exactly sure what she wants but she is being very opinionated. I understand--it is her only girl's first birthday and she wants it to be perfect--but I am stressing out over something I want to be joyful! And I have enough to worry about with IVF!

LisieAn Posted 31 Aug 2012 , 5:06pm
post #6 of 13

I don't know how you'd feel about this, but what about a dummy cake that you can make earlier and then place on a sheet cake or something to be served at the actual party? <shrug> Your friend might not like it, but it would help you spread out the work.

Spooky_789 Posted 31 Aug 2012 , 5:56pm
post #7 of 13

Will you be in your every other day blood testing stage during the time the cakes are due, or will you be near or during the actual retrieval?

The retrieval is going to take it out of you, especially if you've been hyperstimulated at all. Then, of course, once they do the transfer, you won't be able to do a cake for at least 4 days, if not longer, depending on your RE's orders.

I'd tell your friend that you can provide either a simple cake, or no cake at all. For your sister, I'd probably say the same thing. I don't know if your are paying OOP for your IVF or if it's covered by your insurance, but either way, that's a whole hell of a lot of money to waste if you get so stressed it doesn't work, all due to a cake.

I would have no problem telling them that I just can't do it. IVF is stressful enough, not to mention all the damn hormones you're shooting into your body to make you even more crazy.

Simple cake - yes. Elaborately decorated with demanding customer - no!

I wish you well and hope your PUPO turns into a real positive!

DeliciousDesserts Posted 31 Aug 2012 , 6:28pm
post #8 of 13

Totally agree with Spooky. I did IVF for my beautiful baby boy. I did get hyperstimulated & was terribly sick for days.

I get that your "friend" wants a special cake. It may not be from you. It's time for true honesty. Sit her down & really look her in the eye. Tell her you really want her to have the cake of her dreams & you are VERY concerned that you can meet her expectations. Heart to heart. Then, offer some alternative suggestions. If she doesnt like hem or y'all can't agree on a different less challenging design, suggest alternate bakeries.

If she's really a friend, she will appreciate your honesty.

MimiFix Posted 31 Aug 2012 , 6:39pm
post #9 of 13

A real friend doesn't cause us such angst that we look to our virtual friends for help in dealing with this "friend."

BlueRose8302 Posted 31 Aug 2012 , 6:56pm
post #10 of 13

Thank you so much. Especially you, Spooky! You're right. It isn't worth losing my only shot to have a second treasure of a child.
I would be working on these cakes the week before the retrieval when I have to drive to my dr an hour away every other morning. I have already talked to my boss and lined up a co-teacher to help me with my morning classes (music and movement for toddlers) and I should be finishing the choreography today for the show so hopefully they will just have to practice and I can shout "AGAIN!" from my chair.
My sister is way too nice and keeps trying to have just cookies at the party--but my niece said that all she wants is a princess cake--no presents, just cake. She is a doll. As long as it represents a princess in some way, I think she will buy it for a princess cake.
My friend, on the other hand. I told her I was stressed and worried and she thought about and came back to me and said to simplify what I had to. She said what was important to her on the cake was that it have a teapot and a watch (Alice) and some kind of flowers--but other than that, she is sure it will be fine. I think I can make a teapot out of RKT covered in fondant. How long in advance could I make that do you think?
I think I will bake ALL the cake early next week and put it in the freezer and start with details. I can make fondant details sitting down at the table quietly without moving around too much. If worst comes to worst, if I have the teapot already made--I can just make a frozen transfer of Alice or something if I have to.
This is my first (and hopefully only) IVF cycle. My darling boy was conceived with IUI but, unfortunately, that isn't possible again for us. I am not sure how I react, how I will feel, or what side effects I may have. Everything will just have to be done as much ahead of time as possible--and everyone will have to go with it.

DeniseNH Posted 31 Aug 2012 , 9:40pm
post #11 of 13

That's exactly what I was going to say. She's not your friend - just someone wanting to get an over the top cake for her child at a lower price.

Be honest with her and help her find another decorator.

costumeczar Posted 31 Aug 2012 , 10:03pm
post #12 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spooky_789


I'd tell your friend that you can provide either a simple cake, or no cake at all. For your sister, I'd probably say the same thing. I don't know if your are paying OOP for your IVF or if it's covered by your insurance, but either way, that's a whole hell of a lot of money to waste if you get so stressed it doesn't work, all due to a cake.




This is what I was thinking, too. Even planning ahead it's going to be really stressful, and IVF is iffy enough without adding more to it. I'd make it easy on yourself and tell everyone that you can't do the cakes this year. There will be other birthdays, but IVF isn't something that is effortless, so you need to be putting your attention there.

When your friend said that she would let you simplify what you had to do... that isn't helpful. You don't HAVE to do any cake for her at all. Just put your foot down and realize that your health and the chance to have another baby is worth more than a birthday cake for someone who obviously doesn't really care about whether you're stressed out or not.

jgifford Posted 1 Sep 2012 , 12:23am
post #13 of 13

This is what I was thinking, too. Even planning ahead it's going to be really stressful, and IVF is iffy enough without adding more to it. I'd make it easy on yourself and tell everyone that you can't do the cakes this year. There will be other birthdays, but IVF isn't something that is effortless, so you need to be putting your attention there.

When your friend said that she would let you simplify what you had to do... that isn't helpful. You don't HAVE to do any cake for her at all. Just put your foot down and realize that your health and the chance to have another baby is worth more than a birthday cake for someone who obviously doesn't really care about whether you're stressed out or not.[/quote]

I absolutely agree!! We all put ourselves out for others, in one way or another, quite often and it's sometimes very difficult to put ourselves first. In this case, it's a must. YOU must be the priority here. Your sister sounds like a treasure and I'd make and freeze a pink sheet cake and buy a crown to put on it. Your friend, on the other hand, needs to be told to go pound rocks.

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