mommachris Posted 13 Mar 2012 , 2:18pm
post #1 of

A month or so I had to decline making the cake for a friend's daughter because they moved the venue over two hours away.
Well, the daughter recommended me to her friend and after a few e-mails I agreed to do her cake later this year. All is great until yesterday when the mom of this new bride asks me on facebook to friend her.
I don't have a problem with that.
Well, three hours later I check in on my page and find it is lit up with over 35 notices.
I never get more that 5 a day so, I'm thinking what did I post that set people off?
It was the mom.
Turns out she checked my entire cake albums and 'liked' several and commented on them, too.
The comments were nice ones. But they got sort of pushy.
"You have to post this on MY facebook page. I'm a wedding photographer and I'm going to recommend you to all my brides!"
And then she just up and put her business link on two of my most recent wedding cakes.
I'm a bit surprised.
Shouldn't she have asked first to do that?
I'm a hobby baker and I don't just cook for whoever wants to call me.
I don't hand out cards and I don't 'cake' every weekend.
Still have many young children in my house and I really want them to have memories of me when I wasn't in the kitchen. icon_lol.gif

What would you guys do?

15 replies
Jennifer353 Posted 13 Mar 2012 , 2:33pm
post #2 of

I assume she meant to be nice but perhaps send her a message and say thanks for her comments etc but you only do it for family and friends because you dont want your business to get too big at the moment?

Spuddysmom Posted 13 Mar 2012 , 2:41pm
post #3 of

Yes, she certainly meant all of this as a compliment, but since you are a hobby baker (I'm assuming you mean you don't have a real business, licensed kitchen, can't legally charge, etc.) couldn't this lead to a problem? Anyway, what a compliment on your skills and yes, she should have asked first.

KuyaRomeo Posted 13 Mar 2012 , 2:42pm
post #4 of

Hello

Although I DO totally understand your desire. And it was a little unprofessional of her to post her business links on your photo comments . . there is nothing that was really ethically wrong here.

This is FaceBook, after all. It's not your personal website. That would be very very different. But, it is FaceBook which was created and is used to share with the public. That's what it is there for.

Do I think she used poor taste in posting her business links? Yes. Do I think she violated you in any way? No. Not on Facebook.

Just my opinion.

Again . . . I do understand your concerns . . . and I agree it was not the best choice she could have made.

Punkilicious Posted 13 Mar 2012 , 3:25pm
post #5 of

Now wait, Facebook is a social media network, and can be a public site for those that choose for it to be. She had to request to be friends on facebook to be able to see the photos, which means that the privacy settings are set to friends only. That makes this site a private site.

Her posting her business information as comments on photos insinuates that these two have worked together previously and it gives credibility to a woman who may or may not deserve it. This was an unethical move.

I would see if those posts can be deleted and do so straight away. Then I would let this woman know that as flattered as you are, you are a hobby baker and that until a future date when they have worked together (and can reccomend her) you would appreciate it if she did not advertise on your facebook page.

KuyaRomeo Posted 13 Mar 2012 , 3:36pm
post #6 of

I still (RESPECTFULLY) disagree.

I do agree that she was wrong and should have asked. But I also feel that she was not truly trying to harm you. Therefore don't let things get out of control and create hard feelings here. It really seems like she did something where:

1. By commenting on all your photos she thought she was helping you. By commenting, it would allow more people (her friends) to see your beautiful cakes and maybe bring you more business. Here, she thought she was helping you. Unfortunately this is not the kind of help you want . . but don't get too mad at her, if her intent was good natured.

2. She posted her business link on your photos. This, I agree should have been discussed first. But again . . don't get too too upset. This Facebook is a public social media site . . . regardless if you only allow your friends to see it. Once you accept them as a friend (and you did) you have now opened your door to her and allow her to comment. Otherwise, you need to disable all comments if this bothers you. You don't own this site, your profile or anything (including photos) that you post on Facebook. They now belong to FB not you. That's just how it is.

PLEASE understand that I am not saying you are wrong. I am just saying things are what they are. Certainly it is ok to get mad at someone who maliciously tries to hurt you or your business and your image. I really don't think this was the case.

Please be gentle when you discuss this with her. It was probably a careless mistake that she did not think through . . with no ill intent.

jason_kraft Posted 13 Mar 2012 , 4:32pm
post #7 of

I also don't think she was malicious...a bit overly ambitious in her marketing perhaps. If I were you I would send her a message letting her know that (assuming you bake from home) you cannot legally accept orders at this time so it's not necessary to refer you to others.

If she is actually your friend then as a favor you can leave the comments up, but it sounds like she is more of a casual acquaintance.

fearlessbaker Posted 13 Mar 2012 , 4:59pm
post #8 of

First, I would thank her for her compliment and thoughtfullnes. Then I would explain to her your situation. There isn't any need to get upset, hurt her feelings or put her on the defensive. This way, you accomplish what you want but in a nice way. She probably is trying to promote herself too but so what. Let it go at that.

BlakesCakes Posted 13 Mar 2012 , 11:29pm
post #9 of

Well, I'm a cottage baker and I prefer to promote myself, on my terms, too. I give out cards to people who get cakes and have been fortunate enough to have people ask if it's OK to give my info to others.

I, too, would be upset to have someone else tagging my photos (I have removed tags that I don't want).

Sorry, but many people see opportunity for themselves in others. They'll grab onto a coattail if they think it will improve their business, status, finances, etc. She complimented you and the TOLD you what to do about your business..........and then she took it into her own hands. NOT COOL.

I'd remove any tags and politely ask her to not post her business info on your cakes. SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO MAKE IT APPEAR AS THOUGH SHE IS YOUR AGENT OR AS THOUGH SHE HAS A BUSINESS AFFILIATION WITH YOU.

I'll bet dimes to donuts that in no time she'll have "booked" you a cake and then be asking for a "professional courtesy discount"..............

Rae

KuyaRomeo Posted 14 Mar 2012 , 12:09am

You take a very harsh stance.

Although I agree it is your choice how and when you wish to advertise. People don't know or understand that. In general, customers simply assume that you want as much business as possible and they are only trying to help you because they like you or your product or both. Again . . fight when you need to, but also know when to be gracious.

People also have a basic concept of FB. That is that it is a social site, and those businesses on there, are simply using that as an outlet to promote business. Not as their prime site. Majority of businesses are using FB as a social media to promote their business or share info. Most people are accustomed to that. They don't make it their business to find out if it's ok to post something on your page. It's simply accepted on FB.

You can better control what people say and do if you have your own private site.

Here in New York - Home cottage bakers are restricted and can be shut down or fined for using the internet (including FB) to showcase their products or even communicate with customers. And I agree with this. IT should be off limits to home bakers. Why? because it's not fair. It's not fair to the retail bakers that have to invest in the commercial kitchen, and staff, and insurance, and all the added overhead . . that a home baker can undercut them with a super low price on cakes, baked goods . . .because they don't have all that overhead.

I am not against home bakers or cottage bakers . . . I just want fairness all around. There is no way we could compete with home baker prices when we have such huge costs of overhead. no way. (But that's a whole nother forum topic lol).

I simply stand by my first instinct. She meant no harm. And I am sure if you talk to her nicely, she will be sorry and feel awful. If you bark at her or make as if it is a big deal . . you will lose her business and all the business that comes with her (friends, family, associates) and you will have people talking about you and your bakery behind your back.

These little things in life can get so out of hand so fast if you are not careful.

That's it. Put a fork in me. I am done icon_smile.gif

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlakesCakes

Well, I'm a cottage baker and I prefer to promote myself, on my terms, too. I give out cards to people who get cakes and have been fortunate enough to have people ask if it's OK to give my info to others.

I, too, would be upset to have someone else tagging my photos (I have removed tags that I don't want).

Sorry, but many people see opportunity for themselves in others. They'll grab onto a coattail if they think it will improve their business, status, finances, etc. She complimented you and the TOLD you what to do about your business..........and then she took it into her own hands. NOT COOL.

I'd remove any tags and politely ask her to not post her business info on your cakes. SHE HAS NO RIGHT TO MAKE IT APPEAR AS THOUGH SHE IS YOUR AGENT OR AS THOUGH SHE HAS A BUSINESS AFFILIATION WITH YOU.

I'll bet dimes to donuts that in no time she'll have "booked" you a cake and then be asking for a "professional courtesy discount"..............

Rae


kisamarie Posted 14 Mar 2012 , 12:26am

Yeah, I agree with Blake. You need to keep her professional affiliation away from your cakes. You don't know her really, or her work, or her business ethics. What if she screws someone over and then they come back to you and say, I got her info from YOUR facebook page! I'd just politely delete her posts, if she says anything, just tell her you are a small business and you appreciate her support, but you need to keep your advertising to a minimum in order to maintain your current volume. I bet you she is trying to get a discount as well, by referring you.

mommachris Posted 14 Mar 2012 , 2:41am

I appreciate your advice.I just felt it was pretty forward of her to link me up to her business without at least a back and forth conversation. My cakes are on my personal page not a business page.
I think that once I meet with her and her daughter face to face that I'll have a better feel for why she is so forward. If she asks for a discount ( I'll be ready for that), if it was just genuinely a compliment then I'm going to let her know that I only accept a few cakes a year so I'm not sure I'd be a good match for her referrals. Something tells me she went right to my cakes and didn't check my info. I think that "mother of nine children living at home and homeschooling" should have let her know I wasn't a cake baker by trade.

My husband told me that if anyone contacts me that I don't know I can politely decline by stating that I'm booked that weekend. He's a smart one. icon_smile.gif

Thanks to years of reading on this site, I don't feel like I'll be a push-over.
mommachris

TexasSugar Posted 14 Mar 2012 , 3:39pm

I have the right to say what stays on my face book page or not. While I can't stop someone I have friended from posting on it, if they post something that I do not like then I have the right to delete the post. You just hover over the top right hand side of their posts and a X should appear. Click it.

I know on my Facebook page for my students I can delete or hide posts.

I'm sorry but it is your personal facebook page, even if the site is a public site. If someone posted a link to something I did not agree with on my facebook page I would delete them. They can post what ever they want on theirs, but I have the right to say if I want it on mine or not.

I would send her a nice message saying thanks for the compliments, let her know that you only do cakes for a small group of people, and that if you know anyone looking for her services you will keep her in mind. Then I would delete the links.

That's just me.

enchantedcreations Posted 14 Mar 2012 , 6:06pm

If she's in business as well, then she should have know better than to do this. This was not professional and it doesn't matter it was on FB. I think this speaks volumes of her without uttering a word.

stephdover4 Posted 14 Mar 2012 , 6:48pm

I feel that the bottom line is...just be nice how ever you decide to handle it. We have no idea what her intentions were good or bad and it really doesn't matter. We should treat people with respect even when they are not being respectable...that is what God intended for us to do and he blesses us for it.

Then, in the future, if you decide to bake for a living you haven't burned a bridge that just might be the bridge you need to get started.

Happy Baking!

Mietta Posted 18 Mar 2012 , 1:52am
Quote:
Quote:

And then she just up and put her business link on two of my most recent wedding cakes.
I'm a bit surprised.
Shouldn't she have asked first to do that?
I'm a hobby baker and I don't just cook for whoever wants to call me.
I don't hand out cards and I don't 'cake' every weekend.
Still have many young children in my house and I really want them to have memories of me when I wasn't in the kitchen. Laughing

What would you guys do?




Well the first thing I would've done would not be to give a stranger carte blanche access to my personal Facebook page. That said, my next move would have been to adjust my security settings to disallow access to all your photos and disallow her ability to be able to tag them.

The lady sounds as though she was trying to be helpful. Your page did not give any indication you are a hobbyist or an exclusive one at that so another thing I would have done would be to make those points specific so that readers would know what you are about. Net ettiquette goes both ways.

At the end of the day you can discreetly delete the links she placed on your page and put her on a restricted list (security settings) and then no one is offended.

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