So I moved from Buffalo where I was having a huge problem with my MIL and now that we have moved she is telling us how much she loves us and misses us. The relationship with her has gotten so much better now that we have moved but now my mom is driving me crazy!!! She is so rude sometimes and I don't know how to deal with her.
She says things to me that are wrong and when I tell her she is wrong she blows up at me. The other day I had to go bake at her house and I was supposed to come Thrusday morning. I told her I wasn't sure what time but I would be there. I told her that she should go to the gym and work out and do her thing and I would call her when I'm on my way to make sure she was home. Well she didn't go to the gym and stayed home saying that she was waiting for me. My husband was off of work that day and we rarely have time alone bc she had the baby from wednesday night and my older two kids went to school. We decided to have breakfast and then my hubby wanted to go to the store and find a pair of shoes. We got some other things and we got to her house by 11. She was furious that we came so late and she was stuck at home and couldn't go out. Well we tried to finish fast and my husband when and got the kids and they came over and she really started flipping out saying how they are miss behaving. I understand they are very active but they are her grandkids if she can't make them behave she is mad at me. We went on friday again and she was ok most of the day but when the kids got there again she began yelling at them and screaming telling them to get out of her room. To make a long story short we left to to go to the bank together and she began yelling in the street at me about she is tired of my kids. I was so embarrassed that she is yelling in the street and that my kids listening to her act like this.
We have had so many problems and it is just getting worse. She is always talking about my husband and how horrible he is sometims. She always finds something that he has done wrong and everytime he wants to help with the business she says how he is not helping but slowing me down. My husband has been there from the beginning to help with my business and he sells my product so much and is my biggest cheerleader. Everytime I try to help her and give her money she seems ungrateful. She always wants MORE. There is so much more that I can go into but I don't want to be long. I just don't know how to deal with her. I'm 34 years old and my mom still talks to me like a child. She tries to manipulate me in situations and turn me against my husband. Then sometimes she tries to be so helpful and and supportive but at the same time she is not. I don't understand. She tries to encourage me with the business and then she'll say something like "Well I don't know what you are going to do with your kids, I'm not watching them bc you always want me to do it" She is the one that wanted me to move here bc she wanted to help me. I need help before I scream!!! I know that if it stays like this I won't deal with her all ever again bc she makes me so angry. HELP!!!
I guess the best thing you can do is limit your time with her.
She sounds very unhappy with life and means to take those around her down with her.
As for when you do have to spend time with her I would suggest that you prepare yourself ahead of time that she will be emotional. Attempt to keep yourself calm.
See it for what it is and remain detached.
"Mom, that is a hurtful thing to say."
"My husband is not perfect, but he wants to help and wants to respect you. It is hard to do when you say things like that about him."
These are things I've had to say myself. ( To my dad)
More than anything else don't leave your kids with her anymore. It seems to be too much for her to handle. They deserve to be watched by someone that loves to have them around even when they act up a bit.
Sorry this is so trying.
Hoping that by telling her how you want to be treated things get better.
Thanks for the advice. I spoke to her today and I explained to her that I'm an adult just like her. I do not appreciate being embarrassed in public and I do not like her yelling at my children or talking about them in that manner. I told her that when i yell at them she tells me how I shouldn't do that but then she does the same thing and yells at them. I also told her that I'm not trying to complicate her life and if I have to bake at her house she does not have to stay and watch over me like a child. She explained to me that I'm her baby even though I'm grown and she feels like she abandoning me with all the work and she she's how tired I am when I leave her house. I understood but I told her I want respect just like she expects to get respect from me. If she wants me to respect her than I expect the same in return. She apologized and told me that she was exhausted that day and just thought that if she helped me with the baking that I would go to the bank and the store with her after. She got upset because I told her that I had to leave and go meet a customer and left her in the street. I told her that she needs to learn how to communicate and tell me what she would like for me to do before she assumes I know what she wants. She told me that I was right and we will both try to do better. We will see how things go this week! LOL
It's verbal abuse no matter how old you are. And she is starting on your kids. I agree to limit your time and only work up the time factor in stages as she earns your friendship. Be tough. I have to be very tough on my mom and it gets old. She is recovering from a stroke and I had to be a drill sargeant to get her to rehabilitate herself. Doctors told me something very profound. We can suggest how someone should behave, but ultimately it is up to them. She must decide how much she wants to be in your life based on how well she treats you.
Karema, that sounds wonderful.
So many people are just too afraid to say what really needs to be said to calm a situation.
Family members are so easy to collect 'hurts' like so many souvenirs.
Sometimes you just need to throw them all in the trash and start over.
Sounds like you guys are on the way to learning how to hear each other.
Hope it just gets better from here on.