MKC Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 1:38am
post #1 of

My husband asked me to make his friend's daughter wedding cake. I know that his friend is not good with money and he tries to get everything for free. So I said yes to the condition that my deposit and full payment policies would not change (or we would never get paid). He would have to pay his deposit to save the date and pay the balance two weeks prior. It is a $1000 cake.

We still haven't received his deposit yet and the wedding is in July. He keeps telling us that he will get the money. However, we've started getting requests for wedding cakes for the summer and I'm expecting that soon, someone will ask for the same date as his.

Today, he told my husband that because they are friends, we shouldn't give the date away to another bride. He takes for granted that his date is booked even if we made it very clear to him, that it is not without a deposit.

From all the posts that I have read here on CC, I can see where this is going. What should I do? I do not want to bend the rules for him but I do not want to create a conflict. I suggested we change the design to make it more affordable but he got offended.

28 replies
pummy Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 2:01am
post #2 of

You know the answer to your own question. You are going to end up kicking yourself if you wait on him. Let him know business is business and you can't afford to loose money because of him. Plain and simple. OR you can call him and say you have someone interested in that same date and tell him you have to receive the deposit by xx or you will give the date to the other person. icon_cool.gif

pummy Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 2:03am
post #3 of

sorry..lose money

debidehm Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 2:14am
post #4 of

I agree with pummy, and was going to say the same thing.

Cakery2012 Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 2:43am
post #5 of

If you had been thinking fast enough you should have said you were unavaiable in the beginning.
If he doesnt cough up the money soon NO CAKE .You said you asked him about a simpler design and HE was insulted.
Where do people get this sense of entiltement from ?

cheatize Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 2:48am
post #6 of

The dude's a flake. He's causing the cake conflict, not you. Biz is biz. If someone else asks for the date, give it to them.

gigiofknb Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 2:52am
post #7 of

I agree with Pummy. You hate to ruin a friendship but put the ball in his court. Let him know that by a certain date, if payment is not made, you will have to give away the date. If he doesn't understand that is his problem, not yours. HE will be the one that disappoints the bride, not you.

melanie-1221 Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 2:57am
post #8 of

If someone with a deposit wants the date I'd give it to them. If this guy hasn't come up with at least a good faith deposit of any amount soon I'd write him off.

Apti Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 3:01am
post #9 of
Quote:
Originally Posted by MKC

My husband asked me to make his friend's daughter wedding cake. I know that his friend is not good with money and he tries to get everything for free. So I said yes to the condition that my deposit and full payment policies would not change (or we would never get paid). He would have to pay his deposit to save the date and pay the balance two weeks prior. It is a $1000 cake.

We still haven't received his deposit yet and the wedding is in July. He keeps telling us that he will get the money. However, we've started getting requests for wedding cakes for the summer and I'm expecting that soon, someone will ask for the same date as his.

Today, he told my husband that because they are friends, we shouldn't give the date away to another bride. He takes for granted that his date is booked even if we made it very clear to him, that it is not without a deposit.

From all the posts that I have read here on CC, I can see where this is going. What should I do? I do not want to bend the rules for him but I do not want to create a conflict. I suggested we change the design to make it more affordable but he got offended.




He KNOWS you will not hold a date unless you have the money. As you said above, "we made it very clear to him, that it is not [held] without a deposit." He either doesn't have the deposit money, or doesn't WANT to pay the deposit money. The second you told your husband that his deadbeat, mooch friend must adhere to your contractual money stipulations, the "friendship" was in jeopardy. You KNEW and your husband KNEW he would try to mooch.

I would write him a professional letter tomorrow and let him know that the dates are filling fast, and you must have the "$500(?)" deposit by "xxx" date or you will have to cancel the cake order. In the letter re-state ALL of your contract stipulations that you use for every other customer. (Make sure he knows that he will NOT get a cake if the $$$ are not paid by two weeks prior.)

Don't explain, don't call him to follow up, don't make excuses like "this is my business". Make sure the letter has PROOF of delivery (I'd suggest your husband deliver it in person!) so he can't say, "Well! I NEVER got any letter!" and try to make it your fault. If you don't get the deposit in full by "xxx" date, cancel the cake.

Good luck. I look forward to seeing how this turns out. (I'm thinking that he's hoping that his friend (your husband) will talk you into making the cake for free as a "wedding gift".)

YummyCreations Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 3:02am

I'm just curious why the bride doesn't seem to be involved in this or is she? Most brides want a say about their wedding cake and she may put the pressure on her father to make sure you have her wedding date booked. Maybe contact her directly as a last attempt to save a friendship.

kisamarie Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 3:19am

I would do what Pummy said and tell him you have a bride wanting to put the deposit down for his date and is willing to pay you by X date. He's gonna have to poop, or get off the pot!

CakeDiosa Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 5:49am

Red flags. Don't ignore them. This situation is going to get worse. If your gut is already telling you this order is going to be a problem then LISTEN TO IT. I agree with Pummy's advice and have done the same thing before "someone else wants the date I need your deposit by tomorrow or they are booking it" No further explanation or apology needed. AND like I always tell people "being a friend or a relative or me liking you "a lot" in NO WAY reduces my COST, TIME or LABOR and it's an insult for anyone who is my "friend" or who likes me "a lot" to suggest or assume that I should provide any of those things for free. I've learned a lot, thank goodness, and am happy to turn away an order that insults me or doesn't feel right at the start. Follow your gut!

Curtsmin24 Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 6:44am

I'm betting Daddy dearest told his daughter he would take care of the cake because "so and so's wife will make it and since we are friends he'll hook me up".


RUNNNNNNNN! Your gut is telling you to not do it. These people are cheap and will try to haggle you down to your wisdom teeth if you let them. Biz is biz. If he takes it personal than he needs to reevaluate the way he handles himself around other people.

IvyCakes Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 7:11am

I think in a situation like this, you need to just take a step back and treat it as any other business transaction. Do not feel bad if another couple books the date. Do not feel responsible if you must cancel due to your policies. It's okay. You've been up front and honest from the start. It is not your fault and you need to realize that. This is your job, so let it be that, your job, and let the personal feelings go.

Now repeat all that to yourself 10x while saying "Omm" and holding a meditative pose.

Okay, now that you've gotten the worry, stress and guilt out of you, the ball is in the father of the bride's court. Send him a well written email notice reminding him the need for a deposit and that is all you need to do. If someone else books the date, you can possibly find a good alternative baker to point him towards so his arms won't be flailing in the dark, but that's still his own fault, not yours. icon_wink.gif

DeniseKunz Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 12:51pm

If this person was a "true" friend, he wouldn't be trying to be scam you, to which it seems he is trying to do. He is absolutely trying to take advantage of you because you are friends. You've been honest, and disclosed the terms of you doing the cake, and if he cannot abide, and you get other offers from folks for the same date, go with the people you know will pay you for your work.

derpbag Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 1:31pm
Quote:
Quote:

I would write him a professional letter tomorrow and let him know that the dates are filling fast, and you must have the "$500(?)" deposit by "xxx" date or you will have to cancel the cake order.




I would go with this approach, too, but I wouldn't say "cancel the cake order". HE HASN'T YET PLACED HIS CAKE ORDER.

I'd write: The date you were interested in is still open as of today. If you'd like to reserve it... (etc.) Without a deposit, that date is available to anyone. If someone else reserves it, then I wouldn't be able to do the cake you were asking about.

BizCoCos Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 3:17pm

run, corre, courir! like other posters have said, treat it like a normal client and email the hold the date charges/rules if you feel you can't run from this one.

BlossomBlue Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 3:23pm

OMG, Listen, MKC, do NOT make a free cake for this asshole. You call him up and say, "I am not able to pay upfront for the cake cost, I dont have it, and you shouldnt expect me to pay for it upfront. IF YOU WANT THE CAKE, YOU DELIVER THE MONEY NOW. If not, I will get another customer who will pay. And then you ask him if he would be willing to buy something for you without getting the payment upfront. Hell No" and then tell your husband he can either deal with it or he can see a divorce lawyer. seriosuly, why would you put up with this shit? Be strong and dont let ANYONE walk all over you. I am not kidding. These people on these boards are being way too polite. Run a business, not a charity.

QuebecGirl Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 3:34pm

Lets say that he actually shows up with the deposit money...

Looking at his current behavior, I would bet my paycheck he will have a hard time showing up with the rest of the money 2 weeks prior to the delivery date. I would make sure you have a WRITTEN contract statying that 1- the deposit money is meant to reserve the date, is NOT refundable but can be applied towards the final cost of the cake 2- that if he does not show up with $$$ at least 2 weeks prior to the delivery date, THERE WILL BE NO CAKE! Deposit lost. Period.

This may sound a bit harsh, but these people do not understand any other kind of language.

plcharles Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 3:38pm

I've been in this position before and if you have problems with getting the deposit ou are almost garaunteed to have a problem getting the full amount. He is defintely taking advantage of the situation. Agree with the previous reply about ensuring you give him a deadline date and if its not met, there will be no cake coming from you so he might want to find other arrangements. And personally I don't have a problem with stating when I'm being taken advantage of. Put the onus on him.

MKC Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 5:57pm

Thank you everyone. I don't really care for this guy either and I will NEVER make him a cake for free. I agreed to make the cake because he's my husband's best friend but he already took advantage of us and his other friends in the past (not for cakes) and I've learned my lesson.

I will give him another 2 weeks and will stick to it. Then, I will cancel the whole thing if I haven't received the deposit.

The bride already thinks that daddy paid for the cake. She was also pain to deal with...asking for multiple scketches and ugly designs (in my view).

We gave him a contract and it's clear that the deposit is non refundable and only saves the date.

I will keep you posted !

happyascanbee Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 6:08pm

Think like a businiess woman and not a "do gooder" friend, which is what he expects of you, and hopefully gets it for free.

CakeDiosa Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 6:10pm

run!! run!! RUUNNN!! The only thing worse than doing a cake for people who have been nothing but a pain is then sinking all those hours, lack of sleep and child neglect into a design you don't EVEN LIKE!! Oh honey...you are not OBLIGATED to them...friend or not. I have a "friend" who I have noticed a pattern with over the past two years. She is too busy all year to do anything - with me. Everyone else is hanging out and invited to her get togethers so she isn't too busy for her other friends. She's soooo incredibly busy and overwhelmed with life right up until about two weeks before either of her kids birthdays. THEN I hear from her and how much she really does love and misses me and we should hang out and oh, by the way, she hates to ask but can I do this or that one's birthday cake??? I was questioning my view of this until...just a couple of weeks ago guess who has time for coffee and wants to catch up? Just before handing out the invitation for a March birthday???? Yup. Guess who ISN'T doing the cake????????? THIS GIRL!!!! It's unbelievable to me how people think they can just use us up like this. I'm over it and you should be too. RUN!! It's got bad juju written allll over it!

derpbag Posted 1 Mar 2012 , 8:22pm

Your husband's best friend.... so you need to stay on good terms, probably.

Sounds like he's trying to get a $1,000 wedding gift out of you. Tell him you and your husband already have a gift for the wedding, and that the cake is a purchase, not a gift. They might be miffed and buy elsewhere, but that would be good!

Cher2309b Posted 2 Mar 2012 , 12:23pm

Ditto to all of the above and I'm glad you are taking control. I think the hardest thing for you is to write that letter because you are such a considerate person. However, he has forfeited any right to consideration. I suggest you just right the letter and send it off before you can change your mind. Suddenly the problem is his - not yours and that's the way it ought to be.

rosech Posted 2 Mar 2012 , 1:18pm

Doing your best to keep good relations should never be one sided. Period.

MKC Posted 5 Mar 2012 , 2:33am

Well we got our deposit! He has finally taken us seriously. Now will see if we get the final payment.

Thank you everyone for your help and support.

Apti Posted 5 Mar 2012 , 4:28am

Woot! Woot!

sberryp Posted 5 Mar 2012 , 5:13am

I am happy to hear that you got the deposit.

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