My Cousin's Wedding Is 3 Days After My Due Date...

Lounge By kristanashley Updated 26 Nov 2011 , 1:17am by Karema

kristanashley Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 1:52pm
post #1 of 24

and of course she wants me to make the cake... I told her I would when she first got engaged. Then I found out I was preggo and due May 2. So she set her wedding date to May 5, and asked me if I would still be able to do it. I said probably not... so she said she would move it forward a week to the 12th. Gee thanks. I was 8 days late with my first child (who is to be her flowergirl btw) and how can you predict something like having a baby? What if there are complications and we have to stay a few days? She acts like she's totally counting on me because she just can't afford a cake - hinting that she wants the cake totally free after I told her from the get-go that she would have to pay for the ingredients. I've tried to nicely say no, but she has this wait and see attitude. So I guess I need to just tell her flat out that I'm not going to do it, she can't count on me, and she needs to find someone else. But I hate to do it. She is so sensitive and such a drama queen, and I know she's going to tell everyone how disappointed she is and how I've let her down. I guess I just need y'all to lend me some backbone and tell me that I'm right. :/

23 replies
theresaf Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 2:22pm
post #2 of 24

Of course you're right! And congrats to you on the baby! Its still only November so she has plenty of time to look for her "Plan B". If you have a certain specialty like flower making or figure making, you can offer to make some of those pieces that she can put on SOMEONE ELSE'S cake, but even that is up to you. People can make you feel guilty or responsible only if you let them. Haha take it from someone who knows it firsthand! We've all been in that position. It isn't mean of you to decline so don't let her make you feel that way. Best of luck!!

QTCakes1 Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 2:22pm
post #3 of 24

Um, your having a baby. Hello? You need a back bone to say no when your having a baby? Come on now. I wouldn't make that cake at 8 months pregnant and unless she is getting married next year in August, I still wouldn't be making a cake. And I don't know about your finacial situation, BUT diapers and formula add up quick, so if I did cave and make the cake, she would know that she WOULD be paying for the cake.

GarciaGM Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 2:26pm
post #4 of 24

I'm so sorry you are under this pressure, so I'm here to be the bad guy.

Your cousin is being unreasonable. We make commitments with people that we fully intend to honor, but occasionally life happens and circumstances arise that we can do nothing about. A pregnancy is one such circumstance.

Out of curiosity, how late in your term are you comfortable accepting cake orders? Even if she moved the wedding way UP before your due date, there are so many variables that could keep you from being in a position to make the cake. If she's willing to move it back, would she also be willing to move it up? Not sure that doing a cake when you're eight months pregnant would be any easier than doing it with a one month old baby, but if she is stuck on the idea of you doing her cake, she's gonna have to be more flexible.

Either way, don't let her use her drama queen skills to run all over you.

tarabara Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 2:45pm
post #5 of 24

Your cousin's being crazy! I'm guessing she has no children? She clearly has no idea what this is asking of you--like you're going to have the time/energy/organization to make a wedding cake with a one-week-old and another child to take care of! People don't (normally) go back to work that quickly after having a baby; making that kind of a cake is a LOT of work. Don't feel guilty about this one!

Cakewishes Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 2:59pm
post #6 of 24

Let her be the biggest drama queen that she wants to be; you and your baby have to come first. And please forgive me for saying this. . . if anyone in your family sees her side of things, then they are as crazy as she is. Just say to her. . . "I undertand you want me to do this cake and if wasn't for my condition, I would but I can't - there is no way, but if you want me to say yes now and then tell you at the last minute that I can't do it, then I can do that for you as well. In any case whether now where you have plenty of time or later when you are going to have to scramble, you will need to find someone else to do your cake". I know that it sounds harsh, but it seems like your cousin is the type of person that will not get it until you just spell it out for her.

theresaf Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 3:00pm
post #7 of 24

tarabara - I agree that the OP shouldnt feel guilty, but I don't agree that means she doesnt have any idea because she may not have children! Compassion and consideration are not limited to those who are parents! Hmm I wonder why I am saying that!

sberryp Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 3:25pm
post #8 of 24

Do Not Do the CAKE! I just had a baby June 17 and I had an order due 1 week and a half after I had him and I did have a csextion btw and they loved the cakes, but I was so stressed. So from my experience I will advise you to say no. Also my baby was late, so your baby can come before or after that date and you will be in the hospital.

TexasSugar Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 3:31pm
post #9 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cakewishes

Let her be the biggest drama queen that she wants to be; you and your baby have to come first. And please forgive me for saying this. . . if anyone in your family sees her side of things, then they are as crazy as she is.




I was thinking something along the line of this too. If those that hear the store are going to look negatively towards you for turning this down when you will possible have a newborn to take care of, then I wouldn't worry what they think anyway.

Basically, because you will either be very heavily pregnant or have a newborn that will need a lot of attention AND you will already possibly be sleep deprived, I think you are better off being firm and just telling her no. I honestly don't think you owe her an explanation. If she can't look at the situation and figure out why you are saying no, it really won't matter what you say to her at that point.

As someone else said, people can only take advantage of you if you let them. If she is looking for a free or cheap cake, let her look somewhere else, especially when you need to be focused on yourself, your new baby and your other child. In the long run it isn't worth the stress on yourself. If she or others can't understand that, then so be it. Don't worry about them, worry about your family.

NerdyGirl Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 3:33pm
post #10 of 24

May 2nd is an awesome day to be born. icon_smile.gif

Right now, you need to focus on you and your baby. Your cousin will just have to put on her big girl panties and deal with it. Being a bride doesn't give her the justification for behaving like a brat. Even with the same women, pregnancies can be different and you just don't know how the next few months will pan out. It's better to be safe than sorry, for your health and the health of the baby.

Do not feel guilty if you feel you're doing the right thing for your family.

MCurry Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 3:37pm
post #11 of 24

Don't do the cake. I think you know deep down this is not a good idea. Tell her now since it is so far in advance and perhaps give her a list of a few cake decorators in the area that you respect and prices are reasonable that she can hire. If she does not burn a bridge with you after you tell her, offer to go to the tastings with her to provide guidance or offer to do her bridal shower cake (for a fee).

You can do it!

kristanashley Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 3:50pm
post #12 of 24

Thanks guys. I know you're right. When I step back and look at it, I'm thinking she's crazy ridiculous to even ask it of me. But I will offer to make the shower cake and help her to shop for a cake if she wants. icon_smile.gif Do people have wedding showers for second weddings?

metria Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 4:00pm
post #13 of 24

pfft, just tell her your doctor said you can't! doc will say anyway you shouldn't be lifting heavy things or be stressed, before or after the baby.

i was pretty much in the same boat as you, but without the bridezilla. i agreed to be the matron of honor, my daughter the flower girl, and do the cake for my brother-in-law and his fiancee for the March 17 wedding. then i found out i was preggo and due on the 19th! i was going to say no to all and no one would have thought badly, but unfortunately their relationship went south and the wedding cancelled.

baby comes first icon_smile.gif other people understand, even if your cousin doesn't. we're all cheering for you!!!

countrycaker Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 4:09pm
post #14 of 24

Your cousin sounds like she is of the entitled generation. I would definitely NOT do the cake. I know she's your cousin, but even without the pregnancy concern, she sounds like a potential bridezilla. As if the pregnancy thing isn't enough. You and your immediate family should come first. Don't sacrifice yourself and your family for a cake. I know this can be easier to say than to do. Maybe you could try taking up the issue with her in a public space(family gathering, Facebook, etc) where you can say something like "I'm sure you understand that there's just no way I can do your wedding cake since it's so close to my due date." Facing her in public would help you get support from other people plus I think she'd be more likely to back down. The "I'm sure you understand" line was suggested by someone on CC sometime as a good way to get people to not argue when you have to say something they don't want to hear. Good luck! And congratulations on the pregnancy!

carmijok Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 4:11pm
post #15 of 24

OMG...what if there are some medical complications with your pregnancy down the road...you have no idea what can happen so it's crazy to even consider doing this! I agree that if there are some special gum paste flowers or items that you can do long before the wedding, you can supply those, but it just sounds like she doesn't want to pay for a wedding cake and is using your relationship to get free cake! Apparently it's her second wedding, right? Yeah, throw her a couples party and make the cake for that. Or not. You have to decide what's right for you and what's best for your baby.

AnnieCahill Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 4:19pm
post #16 of 24

Don't worry about anyone thinking you're the bad guy. If she goes and tells people how much you "disappointed" her, then SHE will look like the brat.

I have never heard of anyone moving a date around because of a cake. That is insane.

cakelady2266 Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 4:23pm
post #17 of 24

Congratulations!!!!! You have to tell her to find someone else. Give her the names and numbers of other cake people who's work you trust and let her be their problem. You don't need the stress especially that late in your pregnancy. And if anyone there doesn't understand that's their problem.

When I was pregnant with my second child I cut off all orders at 3 weeks before the due date and didn't schedule anything for 4 weeks after the due date. He was due May 30th but the Dr. insisted on a c-section on the 20th because he was 2 lbs bigger than his brother had been and I had a terrible time with him. So you never know.

kel58 Posted 3 Nov 2011 , 4:39pm
post #18 of 24

Congratulations!! I hope you are having a happy and uneventful pregnancy.
It is sounding like you will stand you ground a say no and good for you. You never know what will happpen with a pregnancy or delivery. You could go late this time or end up with a c-section or something. Why would your cousin want the stress of looking for another cake last min? If I were here I would want it firmed up now and look elsewhere.
There only way anyone would think badly of you in this situation. If your dear cousin simply omits that fact that you backed out because you are either VERY pregnant or JUST had a baby. That would be really nasty of her and I hope she isn't that kind of person

pajnpis Posted 7 Nov 2011 , 3:51am
post #19 of 24

Congrats on the new baby! Well every pregnancy is different; you won't know if you're gonna have the baby early or late so you can't guarantee her that you will be able to make it by then. It's better to tell her now than later when the date's coming closer. I don't think you'll want to spend your last week making a cake for her or else making a cake after having a newborn. You'll need your rest. I know you don't wanna disappoint her but there are times in life that you'll just have to say no considering what's gonna be best for you.

cakemama22 Posted 8 Nov 2011 , 7:27pm
post #20 of 24

Ask her what her plan is if you're making the cake and you go into labor 2 days before the wedding, with the cake either not started at all or barely started. You probably won't have the baby until the next day, and then you have to stay at the hospital for a couple of days. The wedding has now come and gone and while you are enjoying the wonderful new addition to your family, she had no wedding cake because she was stubborn and insisted on having you do it even though you told her it wasn't a good idea and you didn't want to.

SAY NO! Right now she has plenty of time to cake shop for a good price and get the cake she wants. If she wants to be stubborn, that's fine. But you are saying no, that means eventually she will realize that she's either going to have to find someone last minute and hope that they don't charge more for last minute cake orders, or she'll have some sheet cakes from the grocery store, or no cake at all.

She needs some sense knocked into her.

emrldsky Posted 10 Nov 2011 , 9:01pm
post #21 of 24

First of all, congratulations!!!

Second of all, unplanned things happen all the time when it comes to pregnancies. I honestly thought I would have a natural child birth and all would be ponies and kittens, but after 28 hours of labor (and 22 hours of that Pitocin-induced), I had to have a c-section.

Every pregnancy is different. Your cousin is whacko and you have NOTHING to feel guilty or bad about.

And if she pushes it, just send her the video of Sandra Lee making one of her "cakes" and tell her to do it herself if she must do it on the cheap.

I wasn't able to move freely for over two weeks after having my daughter, due to the swelling and soreness from my surgery. That is time for you to spend with your family and to heal. She can get over it.

costumeczar Posted 11 Nov 2011 , 12:35am
post #22 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by kristanashley

Thanks guys. I know you're right. When I step back and look at it, I'm thinking she's crazy ridiculous to even ask it of me. But I will offer to make the shower cake and help her to shop for a cake if she wants. icon_smile.gif Do people have wedding showers for second weddings?




They're not supposed to have showers for second weddings, or more than one shower for a first wedding to be technical about it. However, a lot of people don't look at a wedding as a marriage, they look at it as a gift grab, and I'd be willing to bet that Little Miss Make-My-Cake is in that group.

indydebi Posted 12 Nov 2011 , 11:54am
post #23 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by TexasSugar

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cakewishes

Let her be the biggest drama queen that she wants to be; you and your baby have to come first. And please forgive me for saying this. . . if anyone in your family sees her side of things, then they are as crazy as she is.



I was thinking something along the line of this too. If those that hear the store are going to look negatively towards you for turning this down when you will possible have a newborn to take care of, then I wouldn't worry what they think anyway.


Ditton to both of these comments! thumbs_up.gif

Should I venture a guess that this cousin is one of those cousins you never hear from ..... until she needs a free cake, and then suddenly you're her most favorite relative in the whole wide world? hmmmmmm????? icon_rolleyes.gif

Karema Posted 26 Nov 2011 , 1:17am
post #24 of 24

I remember my best friend was getting married and I was supposed to be a brides maid. I then found out I was pregnant and due right before the wedding. I told her I couldn't be in her wedding because it was like three weeks after my due date. I wasn't sure if I would have the baby on time and I also knew that I would gain so much weight I wouldn't be able to go for dress fitting. She understood totally. I didn't even to the wedding because it was 8 hrs away and she said no children allowed. So that mean I was out.

I think you shouldn't make the cake or the shower cake for that matter. I would not even go to the wedding!!! Tell the brat to get over it and grow up it's her second wedding for gosh sakes. I think after having a first one you should just go downtown lol J/k

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