My Stalker Ex-Boyfriend From High School Found My Business..

Lounge By emrldsky Updated 7 Oct 2011 , 3:59pm by karukaru

emrldsky Posted 5 Oct 2011 , 4:49pm
post #1 of 16

And at first I wasn't sure it was him. I answered the first inquiry professionally as if it wasn't him, since I wasn't 100% sure but after Googling, the coincidence really is uncanny. The domain the email address is from is an Indy company and the first name matches. Googling I found that he IS employed by that company.

Now he's responded asking about a non-gluten free cake (his first question was to see if I did gluten free) and I'm not sure if I should ignore him, confront him, or pretend I don't know it's him.

Thoughts? There's maybe a 1% chance it's not him, but why would someone in Indy contact me about a cake? I'm over an hour away.

15 replies
cakesbycathy Posted 5 Oct 2011 , 5:50pm
post #2 of 16

IF you are certain it's him I would not respond to any of his emails any further. If it's not him and it's somebody looking for a gluten-free cake and they REALLY want it then they'll call you.
Good Luck!

mskavon Posted 5 Oct 2011 , 7:56pm
post #3 of 16

my stalker ex did the same thing to me. i had to block him on ALL the social media sites and my email accounts.

staciessweets Posted 5 Oct 2011 , 8:15pm
post #4 of 16

Make sure you keep a record of all inquiries that this person is sending you just in case you have to go to the police. Protect yourself.

Annabakescakes Posted 5 Oct 2011 , 8:19pm
post #5 of 16

OMg'ness me too! I "dated" him when I was 13, for crying out loud! it was 18 years ago, and at first I was flattered, but he keeps bothering me. I am scared that he will do something stupid when he gets back from Iraq...I have been PMing people my address so he doesn't have it. (I work from home)

I don't know what I am going to do, so I can't give you any advice...But I can empathize. ((((HUGS))))

jason_kraft Posted 5 Oct 2011 , 8:20pm
post #6 of 16

I don't see the harm in continuing to handle this like it was a normal order inquiry.

But FYI, since you have an LLC your home address is now publicly available unless you registered it with a different address of record.

allaboutcakeuk Posted 5 Oct 2011 , 8:21pm
post #7 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by emrldsky

And at first I wasn't sure it was him. I answered the first inquiry professionally as if it wasn't him, since I wasn't 100% sure but after Googling, the coincidence really is uncanny. The domain the email address is from is an Indy company and the first name matches. Googling I found that he IS employed by that company.

Now he's responded asking about a non-gluten free cake (his first question was to see if I did gluten free) and I'm not sure if I should ignore him, confront him, or pretend I don't know it's him.

Thoughts? There's maybe a 1% chance it's not him, but why would someone in Indy contact me about a cake? I'm over an hour away.




I have had a few people before who were messing me around, or making out they were potential customers but they just wanted to find out my prices etc. Do with this enquiry as I did with theirs, just say "please can you give me a call in business hours or pass me your number and I will return your call, so I can discuss with you in more detail your cake enquiry". Strangely enough I never got a call but if they are serious they will contact you or give you a contact number.

Valkstar Posted 5 Oct 2011 , 11:18pm
post #8 of 16

Maybe you could answer his latest email by telling him he's located too far away to do business with, and recommend a more local baker?

emrldsky Posted 7 Oct 2011 , 1:46pm
post #9 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by jason_kraft

I don't see the harm in continuing to handle this like it was a normal order inquiry.

But FYI, since you have an LLC your home address is now publicly available unless you registered it with a different address of record.




That's pretty much my fear, because I did not register it with a different address. I figured he'd probably come across it, it was a gamble I took, but I had hoped he wouldn't contact me. You'd think ignoring someone for 12 years would get the point across.

I decided that after responding to his first inquiry and determining that it IS him, I'm going to ignore his second one. If he persists, I will simply respond stating that I know who he is, I have asked him in the past to never contact me again, and that I have retained copies of every contact he has attempted (I am an email hoarder).

We do know a lawyer in town, so if he doesn't leave me alone, I might ask if it's possible to send a letter from the lawyer asking him to leave me alone. I know I can't get the police involved unless it's blatant harassment (i.e., trespassing, multiple phone calls, etc.), but it'd be nice to give him a great-big back off message.

Thanks everyone!!!!

cakefairy03 Posted 7 Oct 2011 , 2:02pm
post #10 of 16

If you know it's him, DO NOT RESPOND! Speaking from experience, that is what he wants. It doesn't matter if you are giving NEGATIVE feedback, he will be happy getting ANY response from you! I don't know your exact situation, but if he knows your address, telephone number, email address...be very careful! Just remain firm...with no interaction. Good luck, and be safe!

Lenette Posted 7 Oct 2011 , 2:06pm
post #11 of 16

FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS!!!!

If your gut tells you to be concerned follow that. I like the suggestion to tell him Indy is too far away and recommend someone there. That is a professional way to handle it I think without giving him any indication that you know anything.

Stay safe and dodge this if you can.

Chasey Posted 7 Oct 2011 , 2:20pm
post #12 of 16

I agree with no more contact.

If this just happens to be a REAL customer, are you really in to dealing with someone an hour away? I don't think that will hurt your business by ignoring this particular email, do you?

I really hope he leaves you alone when he gets no response.

It may be too late to assume he didn't look up your address, but could you change your address of record for the LLC to a PO Box?

Narie Posted 7 Oct 2011 , 2:50pm
post #13 of 16

DO NOT RESPOND! Continue to keep a record of his behavior, but don't let him know that you have bothered to discover his identity. He wants your attention; so wreck his fantasies by ignoring him entirely.

karukaru Posted 7 Oct 2011 , 3:14pm
post #14 of 16

I do not understand why people can't move on with their lives. My exboyfriend also told me last month that he still has feelings for me, AFTER 11 YEARS!!! and he is getting married in November. He lives in South america but he is moving here in December. My hubby wants me to cut off all contact with him because he says it is not normal for somebody to still have feelings after so many years and he fears for my safety. This exboyfriend went crazy once and told me he was going to kill himself. it sounds bad but i told him that if he wanted to kill himself it is his business, that I had nothing to feel guilty about (I know he was tying to manipulate me.) After that, I broke up with him (11 years go) and his sister (who is a psychologist) forced him to go to a psychologist because he was obviously a little crazy. I feel bad because I like his family and I do not think he will harm me but I feel very uncomfortable around him. he said he was going to call me since he is visiting the country but thank god he hasn't done it.

Did your exboyfriend ever try to hurt you? I don't really have any advice since I am in a similar situation and I do not know what to do. I think I am going to try to cut off communication with him but I am not sure yet.

inspiredbymom Posted 7 Oct 2011 , 3:24pm
post #15 of 16

I agree with Cakefairy. Any response gives them the power. I have an ex husband who gave up his rights to our son 6 years ago (and he has since been adopted by my husband). He recently (last week) tried to contact my son via mail. (Must be a week for this type of thing!) I was told that he didn't break the law by sending him mail. Really? He is a stranger....hello! Would you let a stranger send your kid mail??? Anyway, I have had 2 protection orders against him. During that time he put notes on the door of the house that I was buying saying that he knows about it. Again, unless he physically hurts me, sorry! It's not a crime and nothing can be done until I'm dead. Hope your local laws are better. I actually had to turn my son over to him (the police officer took him out of my arms) when it wasn't even his court ordered day. Grrr. blood boiling! I'll be praying for your safety! My vote is not to contact further!

karukaru Posted 7 Oct 2011 , 3:59pm
post #16 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by inspiredbymom

I agree with Cakefairy. Any response gives them the power. I have an ex husband who gave up his rights to our son 6 years ago (and he has since been adopted by my husband). He recently (last week) tried to contact my son via mail. (Must be a week for this type of thing!) I was told that he didn't break the law by sending him mail. Really? He is a stranger....hello! Would you let a stranger send your kid mail??? Anyway, I have had 2 protection orders against him. During that time he put notes on the door of the house that I was buying saying that he knows about it. Again, unless he physically hurts me, sorry! It's not a crime and nothing can be done until I'm dead. Hope your local laws are better. I actually had to turn my son over to him (the police officer took him out of my arms) when it wasn't even his court ordered day. Grrr. blood boiling! I'll be praying for your safety! My vote is not to contact further!




Wow that sucks!

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