"gift Wedding Cake?" What Do You Think Wjat Would

Decorating By labmom Updated 3 Sep 2011 , 7:24pm by Apti

labmom Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 12:54am
post #1 of 28

Hi, well it it is almost time for my "gift wedding cake" offered by my daughter who is a friend of the bride and and in the wedding offered the cake as her "gift" but is going to pay me for all the materials.

my problem is with the bride (and her mom who I have only heard from never met). I met with her and she said that they expect 250 guests and that she wanted a stacked cake with two ribbons around the base. No problem.
She came over this week to tell me that they were at 200 and now her mom wants me to make the whole cake cassatta. Both white and chocolate cassata. With chocolate fudge in the chocolate. And her mom told her to tell me that the last cassatta cake that she had wasn't any good not enough fruit. (not one of my cakes).

I explained that I don't put excessive amount of strawberries in the cakes because of the possiblity of leaking through the sides, and the chance of a support pillar landing on a berry..making the cakes unstable.

I told her that strawberries are not inexpensive right now and that some people might not like or be alergic to berries and she should perhaps have one tier plain of each flavor.

She said she wasnt going to worry about that and she only likes strawberry filled cakes and she plans on eating lots of it.

I was shocked. I today called the venu to verify the delivery time and happen to ask the owner what numbers she gave him for the catering. He said that they only expect 125.

I am so mad.. 75 extra servings of free cakes. And her mom wants the cake to have side cakes in the kitchen to cut or take home.

I told my husband that I am only going to prepare a cake for 125 guests. The owner of the hall is very nice and he said that his girls who cut the cake can get 60 slices if needed out of a 10 in cake and that I should not give her the extra servvings.

Should I just deliver the cake for 125 and not worry about it.. or should I tell the bride.

My daughter is no longer in the wedding due to a job promotion that she could not take the time off work but the girl didnt seem to matter as she already has 9 other bridesmades.

what would you do. Make the 200 servings or, tell the bride and make the 125 cake servings? I just feel so taken for granted by these greedy people.

27 replies
kimma1299 Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 1:13am
post #2 of 28

Um..... I would ask her why the catering people at the hall told you 125 and she told you 200. Then I would preceed to tell her that you would only be making cake to feed the amount of people coming. You are right they are very greedy and are expecting a lot for a free cake. uggg... some people.

cakedoff Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 1:14am
post #3 of 28

I think I would tell the bride that you are aware of the head count and will be making the cake accordingly. If she (or her Mother) want more, they will have to pay the difference. If they give you a hard time, you might suddenly become ill and unable to complete the task. Don't know how good of a friend the bride is to your daughter, but, I hope your daughter is kept abreast of the situation. She may or may not even want to keep the offer extended to her friend.

cathyscakes Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 1:19am
post #4 of 28

I really can't believe people. Most people would think since its a gift you would only ask for the correct amount for the guests. Alot of people won't eat cake anyway. I really don't see how you could get 60 servings from a 10" cake, that seems like they are really stretching it, since it would usually only serve 30. But I would definitely only make the cake for the 125. She is being rude, so don't let it bother you, she probably won't even notice anyway. If she says anything, I would just tell her it was a gift, and the venue told you how many were attending, so that is what you originally agreed to.

labmom Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 1:35am
post #5 of 28

Yes my daughter is aware and not happy. Both my daughter and her fiance are best friends with this couple.

My husband wants me to tell them no fruit no cassatta that it is a free wedding cake and they are only getting the basics and the number of guests they are feeding. And that anything is going to be at there cost. I said no because she was told pick out a wedding cake. Which was like pulling teeth since she doesnt like cake. yes I did say that.. she doesn't like cake.

I don't understand why she is even having a cake. She didn't even do a tasting. Her fiance did but not her.

If the bride would have told me all this about the fruit and the stuff from her mother prior to 14 days from wedding I might have gotten ill. Which for me would be believable since I am on oxygen 24/7 and sometimes do get ill.

told my daughter she owes me big time!!

QTCakes1 Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 1:38am
post #6 of 28

Wow. I don't understand how some could be like that with a gift. I am sorry, but I wouldn't do it. I would have my daughter get her something else. I think the gift will not be appreciated, cause it doesn't sound like it is so far. I really hope you don't do this cake.

bakerliz Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 1:49am
post #7 of 28

I would tell her that the gift covered X amount of servings of X cake and quote her for the additional requests.

Coral3 Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 1:54am
post #8 of 28

Tell your daughter to go buy them a toaster. Not really fair that YOU are the one ending up with all the hassle & expense when it's a gift from your daughter. But I guess wedding plans are well underway now and it may be too late for that?

jules5000 Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 1:55am
post #9 of 28

labmom, I am with the others in agreement that the bride's mom is being very
greedy. Since they are not paying for the cake as it is a gift this is outrageous.

If your daughter is a good enough friend to the bride that they bride had asked her to be in the wedding and now she can't she may not be kept in the loop as to what is going on. There is a considerable difference in 200-225 people and 125. like almost double. Your daughter knowing your skills and all decided to make that cake her gift to the bride and pay you, but I am betting that she has no clue what has happened and if I was you I would be calling my daughter and asking her how many she believes that there were going to be attending the wedding the last she heard? Then I woud tell her what the Bride's mom told you and then I would tell her what you found out from the venu that was going to be there and tell her that just because it is a gift from her, your daughter doesn't mean that you can afford to give away 60 or so extra pieces of cake and that is what you would be doing. See what she says and ask her how she feels about the matter. I am betting that she will tell you just to do the smaller amount.

My thought just now was that I bet anything that the bride possibly asked your daughter about her mom's cakes and the cost. This may have given your daughter the idea to give the cake as a gift. Next thought is this. If they were having 9 Bridesmaids before your daughter couldn't come they can certainly afford a cake for 225-250 people and if they can't and they are just putting on a show to seem more affluent thn they really are and thus want a huge cake to complete the picture of affluency they deserve to have a small cake. Or I am betting that another scenario could be the case. They may have told the venu only 125 so they didn't get charged for more and really are planning on that many people coming. It may be big enough for that many people, but they didn't want to pay a higher price.

Your daughter needs to be told what is going on. If for no other reason, You do not want to do something to embarrass your daugher even if they are being greedy and her not know what is going on.

vtcake Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 1:57am
post #10 of 28

if I was on oxygen 24/7 like you are there's no way I'd be making a free wedding cake. you are being taken advantage of.

BlakesCakes Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 2:26am
post #11 of 28

Sorry, but I think the whole thing is pretty much your daughter's call.

She's the one giving the gift, so she gets to decide what she's willing to pay for it. If she chooses to enable the selfish family, then her bill doubles--and she doesn't get any discounts because she volunteered this whole thing without finding out exactly what she was volunteering (you) for.

As for a real, honest to god, cassatta cake--I WILL NOT STACK ONE--EVER. They're soft, overfilled cakes with whipped icing--DISASTER for short. They're also expensive to make and need to be refrigerated properly--pretty much right up to cutting & serving--in order for them to be cuttable and food safe.

Rae

carmijok Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 2:29am
post #12 of 28

I would do as others suggested. Call the MOB or whoever you are dealing with and tell them what the venue told you and that you will be making cake for the same headcount. If they wish more, then they will pay the difference. You are making a wedding cake for the wedding guests only, not providing sustenance for the next two weeks.

If they want fresh strawberries, they will have to serve them on the side, because you do not use them in cake for the reasons you told them earlier. If they have a problem with that, then gee...you may be out of a job! Wouldn't THAT be awful! ;D

Some 'friends' of your daughter's! If she is indeed paying for the cost of the ingredients of the cake, they are expecting her to foot the bill double the amount than they need! Yeah, I'd start looking for new friends.

Oh...and tell your daughter the next time she offers your services for her 'friends' she might just be stuck with the bill of the whole cake and not just the ingredients!!

Good luck with this and stand firm!!
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kakeladi Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 2:49am
post #13 of 28

...........If the bride would have told me all this about the fruit and the stuff from her mother prior to 14 days from wedding I might have gotten ill. Which for me would be believable since I am on oxygen 24/7 and sometimes do get ill.............

Your health and what Rae said puts the ball in your daughter's court. Let *her* decide how much cake you make. She is the one paying for it. I don't see where the MOB should be involved any further.
It's your DD's gift....she gets to call the shots.

MyDiwa Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 4:44am
post #14 of 28

So since there's so little time to the wedding date (if I understood your post correctly), it wouldn't be right to go back on your word so late and leave them hanging. That said, the gift is not going to be appreciated at its worth like a PP said. I think you should make something that makes you happy and comfortable, at the correct servings, run it by your daughter and just go with it. They sound like they wouldn't be completely happy anyway, so at least you should be happy!

labmom Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 5:53am
post #15 of 28

I wish I could back out. I have done gifts before for others and you can tell when someone appreciates something and I could tell right away that this girl who doesnt like cake doesn't appreciate this cake.

I have not gotten any thank you's or any appreciatiave attitued from this girl with comments from her mom. Which I think is odd that the daughter is so good at repeating them word for word.

I will be talking to the venu again on Tuesday because he said that they had not yet come in to finalize things with him about the menu. That will be 5 days away from the wedding.

It wasn't me who said that they could get 60 out of a 10" it was the owner of the venu and I think he was just saying that his girls were good at making a cake go a little further than necessary if I wanted to go smaller.

This is a very nice venu and I have worked with him many times. It is like a jinxedvenu, however I have had cakes that split or came apart or melted upon deliver to it.

I am going to see if his numbers have changed any and what his policy is about cutting the cake if they serve it or if they just set it out for people to helpthemeselves.

My budiness partner has stayed out of this with the exception of funny comments and suggestions. Tonight she suggested that I should put one strawberry in each tier and let the MOB hunt for the strawberry and see if she then complains about there not being enough fruit.

would I be wrongif I only put one tier of each of the cassatta and then the other two tiers plain?? For those who might not like berries or alergi?
Or would that be wrong?

My daughter is not speaking to the girl because of the different shifts that they are working and the brde is busy and not getting back to people. She is aware of the problems with the bride but I haven't had time to talk at any leingth with her again because of the job hours.

I think she might be off one day this weekend so I plan on talking to her over the weekend or at least texting her.

The cake will be beautiful (as pretty as a plain cake with ribbon can be) and will taste great... just don't know if I want to give this couple and MOB something to complain or call me about after the wedding.

How much can a person complain or do with a free gift??

Ilike the idea of the serving strawberries on the side. It is a great idea.

I may talk to the venu about there cooler space that may make a difference also.

AnnieCahill Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 8:33am
post #16 of 28

Don't take this the wrong way, but your daughter needs to grow a pair and tell her friend that she is only getting a cake for 125. After all, the friend doesn't care about cake anyway. The cassata cake looks like it would be expensive to make (I didn't know what one was so I looked it up). If your daughter doesn't mind spending all that money then ok so be it, but if it were me I would have no issues telling the "friend" how it is. It's like when a friend offers to take you to dinner and she orders the $13 chicken dinner and you order the $30 lobster dinner. You just don't do stuff like that.

Good luck!

mcaulir Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 9:53am
post #17 of 28

I actually don't think the bride is totally at fault. If indeed she doesn't like cake, she can hardly be expected to get excited about planning it. And if she does like a particular kind of cake that's just unsuitable for a wedding cake for whatever reason, she just needs to be told it's not possible, and to pick something else.

Second, I'm not sure she should be particularly appreciative to you. Your daughter is the one giving her the gift. As far as the bride knows, you're being paid, and should be providing a service as such. If you didn't want to give the gift of your time, your daughter should have been paying you full price.

And regarding the idea that it's a gift and she should be happy with the basics - why? Someone offers to buy my wedding cake, and because it's a gift, I should just take what I'm given? I'd rather pay for the thing myself and get what I want. Plus, again, as far as she knows, it's been paid for by her friend.

As far as the head count goes, that's a separate issue that you should bring up with either the bride, or your daughter and work out what's going on, then you and your daughter can work out what you're willing to give.

I just don't think the bride is totally to blame here.

carmijok Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 2:29pm
post #18 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by mcaulir



And regarding the idea that it's a gift and she should be happy with the basics - why? Someone offers to buy my wedding cake, and because it's a gift, I should just take what I'm given? I'd rather pay for the thing myself and get what I want. Plus, again, as far as she knows, it's been paid for by her friend.




What kind of person uses such a gesture to take advantage of the situation and start acting like an entitled diva? 'As far as she knows, it's been paid for by her friend' is no reason to decide to double the quantity and demand specialty cake and ignore the bakers advice about using fresh strawberries!

You are correct about one thing...if what is being provided is not exactly what is wanted, then she should pay for it herself. In cake as in life, you get what you pay for.

labmom Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 3:19pm
post #19 of 28

This brride had no excitement from the begining and when I first contacted her she was told she could pick any style clake that she wanted, any shape that she wanted and that I would be happy to make it.

When she came over I had about 15 cake books and cake photos for her to go through not to mention my laptop with google images and of course this website to look at.

In the origional email to her she knew that the she had no obligation to accept the offer of the gift cake. It was sent to her as an option to her from both my daughter and myself. It was not presented as a "business" offer to her but personal.

I think that she looked at other options because I did not hear from her for about 6 months after the offer was given to her. AND after our meeting for the tasteing she did not have any contact until 2 weeks ago despite my calls, text and emails. from both myself and my daughter.

it wasn't like I forced her into this cake! She was given every option that any other bride was given as far as cake flavors shapes etc. I did not offer the filled cakes. That was what she just came up with on her own. Telling me that was her only flavor of cake that she liked. or would eat. I laughingly told her that the only piece of cake she would get to eat waas what they fed each other. Which in most cases is true due to the busy bride reception schedule that most are kept on.

She then said that her mom wanted the strawberry filling with lots of fruit. I then told her to explain the situation to her mom. She said she would. Then they came up with the whole cake being filled with berrys including the chocolate cake I thought about just putting a strawberry thin puree type filling in the cake but quicly changed my mind on that.

my daughter feels so bad about the whole situation and has apologizzed to me over and over about it. And can't get thrgouh to the bride either. so I guess the bride is MIA to everyone unless she wants to be.

so it wasn't like I dictated anything to hher, it as all been er coice. I could see her being wierd about the cake had I picked out a cake and said here this is your cake. But nope it has all been her choice .. I just don't like her taking advantage of a cake that she "doesn't like" by ordering almost a 100 servings more.

and it just keeps getting better my house AC died, and my car AC isn't working cold air.. so I need to get attention to that on Tuesday or the cake is going to melt on the way to the venu which is about 45 min away.. wouldn't that just make the brides day??

inspiredbymom Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 3:25pm
post #20 of 28

After reading the posts, I think you may have an out on the more expensive cake. If the cake needs refrigeration and there is no room, you will not be able to make that type of cake. I do home based baking and I am restricted to not making cakes that require refrigeration even though I have the space here. I have had to use that restriction on more than one occasion. It's just a thought to get costs down. It might be helpful if you talk to someone about the different in the head count. It may be a communication issue. If they only had 125 respond, they may be wanting more for those who did not. I have found out when I through parties that NOBODY on one side responds. They just show up!!! Makes life interesting! Good luck! I'm sure it will be beautiful.

BizCoCos Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 3:56pm
post #21 of 28

I would make the cake for 125 after verifying the final count with the venue. That said, although a free gift, the brude should have a say in the type of cake. I would come as close as I can to a cassata?, in flavor without adding the fruit (Mission impossible?) Unfortunately, flavor etc should have been decided by bride beforehand (Yes, a bride, but inconsiderate to baker).. It drives me crazy when I have to wait around for someone to make a final decision on a project. Good luck to you. Hope nothing cracks, lol.

BizCoCos Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 3:58pm
post #22 of 28

oops I mispelled bide, must have been a freudian slip, yes they are rude, lol

Lili5768 Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 4:01pm
post #23 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyDiwa

So since there's so little time to the wedding date (if I understood your post correctly), it wouldn't be right to go back on your word so late and leave them hanging. That said, the gift is not going to be appreciated at its worth like a PP said. I think you should make something that makes you happy and comfortable, at the correct servings, run it by your daughter and just go with it. They sound like they wouldn't be completely happy anyway, so at least you should be happy!




Ditto! I agree. Or tell them that you are not feeling well and can only do this, take it or leave it. they can always go to a chain store and buy quick. This situation sounds like it has drained you already! best wishes for the cake and for your health icon_smile.gif

cabecakes Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 4:14pm
post #24 of 28

I agree with BlakesCakes. If Burt Reynolds ordered a cake from you for Brad Pitt and then Angelina Jolina tried dictating the cake order would you try to decide what to do. No, you would call Burt Reynolds and ask if this what he intended for Brad Pitt. Same scenerio. Ultimately, it doesn't matter what the MOB wants, she isn't paying for it. The call is your daughter's call since she is the consumer. Call your daughter (the consumer) and ask her what she is willing to pay for. Easy Peazy lemon squeezy.

jules5000 Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 5:15pm
post #25 of 28

labmom: you have your health to consider here and I would talk to your daughter even if it might not be convenient hours for her. She is the one paying for the ingredients but she volunteered your ability and services and time, convenient for you or not. She is young and she can handle one night of less than 8 hours sleep if mom needs to discuss something. There is absolutely no reason that you should have to wait on it to be convenient for her to get some answers you need to start the cakes that you need to do. She will just have to understand what you have been dealing with when she has had to move. If I understand you correctly you have less then 2 weeks to put this cake together. I would get her feelings on this one issue alone and that is how much cake she wants you to make for these people once you tell her the difference in the numbers. She knows that a "plain cake" is going to be good. You do not need to be going to the hassle of making something fancy with fruit in it for people who are getting their wedding cake as a gift. They say Beggars can't be choosers. It is true. They have no right to be telling you what kind of cake to make. If you want to do this and only if you want to do this. Make 1 white tier and 2 cho. Tell them that if they want strawberries on the side that is great, but they will have to pay for them and I would not even volunteer to bring them. Let them have that problem. They have no idea of what works for wedding cakes and what doesn't. God's blessings

Apti Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 5:45pm
post #26 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by BlakesCakes

Sorry, but I think the whole thing is pretty much your daughter's call.

She's the one giving the gift, so she gets to decide what she's willing to pay for it. If she chooses to enable the selfish family, then her bill doubles--and she doesn't get any discounts because she volunteered this whole thing without finding out exactly what she was volunteering (you) for.

As for a real, honest to god, cassatta cake--I WILL NOT STACK ONE--EVER. They're soft, overfilled cakes with whipped icing--DISASTER for short. They're also expensive to make and need to be refrigerated properly--pretty much right up to cutting & serving--in order for them to be cuttable and food safe.

Rae




I agree with Rae 100%. Also, it is your call as a professional to determine what filling options are appropriate and safe (refrigeration necessary) to serve and cut and to inform/educate the client. It is simply not possible to have a cassatta cake as a tiered wedding cake. You could do single layers, but not tiered. Perhaps a series of separate cakes to get the number of servings, whether it be 125 or 250.

As far as 125 vs. 250--who cares. Your daughter will be paying for the ingredients/supplies, she is the client. The attendees may be hearty eaters, or it may be a cultural tradition to send leftovers home with guests.

Your daughter meant well for her dear friend's nuptials, and you were very gracious to offer YOUR time as a gift to your daughter so she could be gracious to her friend. Personally, I'd be aggravated as heck to have the bride (friend) apparently not give a hoot about the "gift" from your daughter (and YOU by extension), but that's the way it is. I'd just do something similar to what the MOB wants. I'd also make the bride/husband-to-be/MOB sign a written contract stating what will be done, when it will be done, etc. a minimum of 1-2 weeks (if you still have time, TWO weeks) before wedding with NO CHANGES after that date. Then get it done, get it delivered, take LOTS of photos to cover yourself, and call it a learning experience for your and your daughter.

The good news? Neither you nor your daughter will EVER do this again, so you'll only have to go through this once in your lifetimes.

Good luck.

labmom Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 7:16pm
post #27 of 28

I talked to my daughter again and she feels so bad that it has turned out to be a bride who is this way. she said she never expected she would be like this.

I like the idea of not putting berries in the "main cake" .. I am going to do two small cakes in the kitchen that I know they will have room to refrigerate. and then just make the main cake white and chocolate as they ask. My out will be refrigeration at the Hall. I know that he will work with me on this because he knows far too well what the brides are like as a venu owner for so many years.
This bride has even made things on "her schedule" around the venu choices and meetings. I wonder if that will have an impact on her menu choices or prices from the hall?

Anyway thank you so much for the ideas of how to get out of this, and how to work with this and every other suggestion that has been made. It is going to be one of my more difficult cakes with the no air.

I should mention that this is a square cake, when one of the people were asking how the hall may be getting 60 servings out of a 10 in cake. A ten inch square normaly serves 50 wedding slices so the extra servings wouldn't be hard to stretch. It would be out of the 39 servving round cake.

I am going to tell the bride on tuesday about the cassata cake maybe wednesday so she doesn't have two many ways or time to change things.

It also turns out the chocolate and strawberry fruit was the fiance's idea.. the briide thought it was funny for him to suggest that. yah.. ha ha funny!

I will let you know how it works out after I talk to the hall, and after I make my final decision and talk to the bride. i will definately keep you informed on this. But I am not going to worry about it, and have a nice weekend with my family. who are all getting together tonight to play games and eat pot luck Have a nice weekend to everyone out there..

Apti Posted 3 Sep 2011 , 7:24pm
post #28 of 28

labmom, sounds like you've got it under control and it's so nice that both you and the venue are able to work with each other in good spirits. Have a lovely weekend with your family and put the whole "cake thing" in the closet at home until Tuesday.

I have COPD but don't require 02 except for emergencies, so I know where you are coming from. Kudos to you for not letting the lack of air stop what you enjoy (usually lol) doing!

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