Thanks all for your help and advice. And for listening to me vent. I'm a pretty giving person by nature and 99.99999% of the time people are appreciative. It's just this .000001% that stinks.
To those of you that recommended getting involved with a nonprofit for practice, I'm all over that. Birthday Wishes is a great nonprofit org based in MA that throws birthay parties for kids in shelters throughout New England. Our company is a huge sponsor and I've recently started donating cakes for parties when I can. It's not only a great way for me to practice but I'm thrilled to know my cake made a child smile. These are kids who may never have had a birthday party before and may never again have one.
Here's a link in case anyone's interested: http://birthdaywishes.org/Default.aspx
They're expanding more nationally so if you're not near you yet there may be a similar organization near you.
That's what I was wondering, free cake for someone else's friend? Wow. Are there for profit decorators that are losing business to you? Not being snarky, but if a potential client told me they found someone who do it for less, and free at that, just for the holy heck of it....wow. Not sure which breakable object in the near vicinity would go flying across the room. Really, not a dig at you, just imagining that scenario playing out in front of me.
And dear, you are only going to get more and more of those types of people when they learn you do that for free for people you don't even know. Maybe if it were Hospice patients or Icing Smiles, or charitable reasons, then no. People will coo and fawn over you for that type of work, but straight up free for no good reason? The flood gates will open with crumbsnatchers (love that term!) Please don't take that as a dig, as harsh as it sounds. Don't want to see you burn out.
We posted at the same time, but I stand by it nevertheless. Yes, Birthday Wishes, something charitable. I haven't had the opportunity to work with one of them yet, but I'm looking forward to it!
I too bake just for fun and do not charge. I think people think because its free to them its free for you! They dont think about the cost for you. That is really disgusting that she would ask for more after finding out its free to her. I would tell her no to the extra tier. Maybe remind her that its not free for you to make and you can only do what you previously discussed. If she gets mad then good you dont have to do the cake and she can go elsewhere and pay for it!
I love the charity idea. I have been asked to do several wedding cakes now but have said that I couldnt (that is too much cake for free!) but would I be able to make the cake and then have them donate what would normally be charged to a charity? I just want to stay completely legal and not get in any trouble.
Wow...just wow! People are off the hook.
And I'm sorry, I am with Jason-Lisa... it is completely unbelievable to me that my mother or my friend, couldnt stop off at the grocery store to pick up some cake "ingredients", drop them off for me to bake it up and give it to them at no charge without it being considered illegal. I am living in bizarro-world.
Wow...just wow! People are off the hook.
And I'm sorry, I am with Jason-Lisa... it is completely unbelievable to me that my mother or my friend, couldnt stop off at the grocery store to pick up some cake "ingredients", drop them off for me to bake it up and give it to them at no charge without it being considered illegal. I am living in bizarro-world.
We aren't talking about a friend or a family member with the OP, it is a friend of a co worker, someone she doesn't know. So if the health department decided to step in, then yes if a stranger is buying you groceries or giving you money for them and you do a cake in return for them, then I'm sure in their eyes are you receiving compensation for making a cake. Compensation does not mean profit.
As far as family events, or pot lucks, honestly the health department isn't going to be involved in them, unless you have a really disgruntled family member that calls them.
I know it is against the law and people will flame me for it. But honestly I think the OP would be better off doing cakes for her family and close friends even getting paid for them, than to do cakes for strangers. When you start doing cakes for people outside your 'ring' is when you are opening yourself up for trouble. And what will the OP do when this co-worker's friend's friend shows up wanting a big free cake? And that person's sister wants a big free cake?
I know it is against the law and people will flame me for it. But honestly I think the OP would be better off doing cakes for her family and close friends even getting paid for them, than to do cakes for strangers. When you start doing cakes for people outside your 'ring' is when you are opening yourself up for trouble. And what will the OP do when this co-worker's friend's friend shows up wanting a big free cake? And that person's sister wants a big free cake?
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Agreed Texas-Sugar 
Yeah, people are soooo 'funny' (greedy??) especially when they know you make free cakes. So, my rule is that I will match their theme and don't even ask for the # of people because I always make a LOT of cake LOL!! other than that don't ask me for especial/customized flavors, fillings or designs because I am a begginer and I'm doing this for f.r.e.e!!! and no I can't do 2 cakes per week because I'm slow and nope, can not change anything because I plan things FAR in advance so, you cancel on me and you won't get a cake next time 
The way I see it is like this: Yes, it is a mutual give and take because I get to practice and estimulate my creativity and you get a free cake for your event. PERIOD!! 
BTW, I've been improving a lot lately so they do get a cake that looks pretty and it taste good a the same time!!
Edited to correct typo 
Hi Hrnewbie, boy do I feel your pain.... let me tell you a story.
I have a co-worker (young girl) who announced her engagement a year ago. She stated she wanted to "hire" me to make her wedding cake. I explained to her I couldn't be hired because I'm not a licensed baker, blah, blah, blah, which she already knew. I told her I would be happy to make the cake as a wedding gift since I would be coming to the wedding anyway.
So the the months pass and we get closer to the big day and we finalize everything:
1) she wants a day of "cake tasting" - 5 different flavors! I tell her no, you've had all of my cakes, there's no reason.
2) she wants me to make 5 different mini wedding cakes and bring them to work so I can "practice" what she wants! I ask her who's going to pay for all that "wedding" caking supplies? Not me.
3) I ask for an RSVP count; she tells me 375! So I made the cake according. I took off work to make this cake.
4) This cake was 5 tiers; 5 different flavors and fillings; frosting and fondant, gum paste flowers and venue was over 1 hour from my home.
5) There were only 175 people at the wedding/reception.
6) she lied to me about the guest list.
She wanted a big fat over the top cake! She could have just said so. I was very irked to say the least. You know the old saying....
"No good deed goes unpunished"
That's me. that was my last free cake. As of July 1 Florida now has a Cottage Food Law and I'm going to work it.
I tried to post a picture of the cake, system's not taking it, says there's an issue w/ size. hmmm if only
I love the charity idea. I have been asked to do several wedding cakes now but have said that I couldnt (that is too much cake for free!) but would I be able to make the cake and then have them donate what would normally be charged to a charity? I just want to stay completely legal and not get in any trouble.
This is basically what I do.
I allow them to choose the charity (I do check it out to be sure that it's legit). The donation is always competitive with what area retail bakers would charge for a comparable cake. I verify that the donation has been made, either by getting a copy of the online donation receipt or by having the client give me cash (ONLY) in exchange for a money order that I've purchased and made out to the chosen charity.
I have never, knock wood, had a problem doing it this way. Some people make larger donations. I NEVER accept "tips" or anything else for myself. All monies go to the charity. I've never felt taken advantage of.
Yesterday, someone called to redeem a certificate that I'd donated to the Epilepsy Association fundraiser (40 servings). She needs 80 servings. She didn't balk at all about having to donate more $ to the EA. Win, win, in my book!
Rae
Free doesn't pay my bills so if you want a cake from me...Family or not..You pay!! 
Say, "I'd be glad to!" and add a 6-inch tier. Life's too short to get into these kinds of mini-dramas.
"Say I'd be glad too"? Are you serious? thats called being a doormat!
I make cakes for free for friends and family. So - wait, if I do a cake for someone, can I charge them whatever "per slice" cost is fair, and then have them donate that amount to a charity?? Is that legal? I would LOVE to do that! If I'm not making a dime off a cake, I'd love to see a charity benefit from it at least.
I make cakes for free for friends and family. So - wait, if I do a cake for someone, can I charge them whatever "per slice" cost is fair, and then have them donate that amount to a charity?? Is that legal? I would LOVE to do that! If I'm not making a dime off a cake, I'd love to see a charity benefit from it at least.
I don't see why not, if you are not receiving compensation for the cake (and not operating as a business) it is not a commercial transaction. The donation is a separate transaction between the customer and the charity.
So could I set up a website and have cards for this "non-business" business? I am so interested in doing this. Someone might as well benefit monitarily from the cakes, I know I can't. Could I have like 3 or 4 different charities I approve of and they can choose which one?
I make cakes for free for friends and family. So - wait, if I do a cake for someone, can I charge them whatever "per slice" cost is fair, and then have them donate that amount to a charity?? Is that legal? I would LOVE to do that! If I'm not making a dime off a cake, I'd love to see a charity benefit from it at least.
I don't see why not, if you are not receiving compensation for the cake (and not operating as a business) it is not a commercial transaction. The donation is a separate transaction between the customer and the charity.
This describes my "pay-it-forward" program, exactly.
I retain control over how many cakes I make and when I make the cakes. I'm professional and approach every cake as though I was a business, but I don't have the numerous obligations that a business requires.
I look at it like collecting something that I really enjoy--but I don't ever have to dust it (or eat it). I get to "collect" the many photos and genuine appreciation of those who receive the cakes--and I know that the charities are able to do a lot with the money they receive.
If you can afford to do it, it's very rewarding.
Although I use quality ingredients in all of my cakes, I know that the real investment is my time & energy. I'm comfortable "donating" that in order to make the cake. The recipient needs to be just as comfortable donating what I've determined is fair market value for my "investment".
Another positive is that if I get flak about the donation amount, etc., I become "booked" very quickly and I haven't winged my "business".
Rae
So could I set up a website and have cards for this "non-business" business? I am so interested in doing this. Someone might as well benefit monitarily from the cakes, I know I can't. Could I have like 3 or 4 different charities I approve of and they can choose which one?
I have business cards. I have a blog for people to see my work. I do all of my "consultations" using e-mail for easy written back up.
I allow people to choose their own charity and I make sure the choice is legit--very easy to do using the internet.
I do this because I've found that many people have charities near and dear to them for very personal reasons.
One of my regular cake recipients always donates to the Kidney Foundation (her mom founded the local chapter and so the donations are always in honor of her mom). Another family gets birthday cakes for their triplets, one of whom has had brain cancer. Their donation is always to the local hospice that cares for terminally ill children. Another recipient found me by way of a certificate donated to a local nature sanctuary, so that facility is her charity of choice.
Rae
I too bake for free & lately I've been doing alot of it. It's getting to be very time consuming, not to mention the money involved in ingredients. I get people all the time asking me to make a cake for them & I have to stick to my guns & tell them that I only do cakes for FAMILY & CLOSE FRIENDS. I have a full time job & a life outside of the kitchen, I can't spend what little precious free time I have baking cakes for strangers. I enjoy decorating cakes & the smiles & appreciation of my friends & relatives is payment enough but for total strangers, I think not!
I'm actually doing a cake (& 48 cupcakes, I might add), tonight for a close friend's (HUGE) baby shower. She offered to pay me but I told her to consider my cake as a gift. She got to pick her flavors (you gotta let a pregnant woman pick out what kinda cake she wants, lol), but the design is totally up to me. I'm excited about trying something new (RKT figures for 3D trees) & she gets a gorgeous baby shower cake. Win, win!
Say, "I'd be glad to!" and add a 6-inch tier. Life's too short to get into these kinds of mini-dramas.
Although I wouldn't say "I'd be glad to!", I think this is a clever and innovative solution.
And you are right, Life is too Short --- and Crumbsnatchers are everywhere!!!
I love that charity idea. How do you know they really give the money? Lol life is too short but in this case I don't think that needs to apply. People will walk all over you and tell everyone else that you are easily walked on and then they will do it as well. It is so important to be be very generous and kind but a line HAS to be drawn somewhere. It works both ways here. I would tell her that it would raise the price to much for YOU and you will have to do what you agreed to do. I hope it all works out for you!!!
I allow them to choose the charity (I do check it out to be sure that it's legit).
The donation is always competitive with what area retail bakers would charge for a comparable cake.
I verify that the donation has been made, either by getting a copy of the online donation receipt or by having the client give me cash (ONLY) in exchange for a money order that I've purchased and made out to the chosen charity. They then send off the money order (I usually supply a stamped and addressed envelope).
Rae
well, first hopefully you are invited to the party and this is your gift.
i too do cakes for free for family/friends, as their gift. i dont make cakes for parties im not invited to or for people i dont know.
you are very generous to make this cake for her for free.
i would simply tell her that your time and budget allows you to make what you originally agreed upon.
she is not a paying customer, you are not loosing money or referrals, if she declinces your original offer-thats her problem.
dont feel obligated to do anything you dont want to do.
The person who is donating the funds could simply provide a copy of a receipt to verify. I would probably ask that the charity be 501(c)(3) certified, and those charities, online or in person, will undoubtedly provide a receipt for donations.
Oh okay thats really smart. Dang what a good idea!!!
I verify that the donation has been made, either by getting a copy of the online donation receipt or by having the client give me cash (ONLY) in exchange for a money order that I've purchased and made out to the chosen charity. They then send off the money order (I usually supply a stamped and addressed envelope).
That might be problematic if the customer tries to deduct the donation on their income tax, unless the money order has the name of the customer on it instead of your name. Also, since the customer is deriving a benefit from the donation (the cake) they would only legally be able to deduct the amount of the donation less the market value of the cake.
I verify that the donation has been made, either by getting a copy of the online donation receipt or by having the client give me cash (ONLY) in exchange for a money order that I've purchased and made out to the chosen charity. They then send off the money order (I usually supply a stamped and addressed envelope).
That might be problematic if the customer tries to deduct the donation, unless the money order has the name of the customer on it instead of your name.
It is in their name and I encourage them to deduct the donation
That's the beauty of the money order for cash system---all in their name and nothing to me that ever looks like a payment. No red flags to the tax man.
I have enough yearly deductions from other sources that the ones from the cakes wouldn't impact my personal taxes, anyway.
Rae
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