Wtc??? Advise Please.

Lounge By Annabakescakes Updated 13 Jun 2011 , 2:38pm by Annabakescakes

Annabakescakes Posted 11 Jun 2011 , 7:24am
post #1 of 8

My mom has been trying to start a "rental" dress business, and takes in sewing. People give her dresses all the time. In an effort to support her, I told her I would let her keep a bunch of my fancier dresses at her house, since I don't really have anywhere to wear them, and it would add to her "inventory". She was really excited about this, and said, "And they"ll be here if you need one."

Okay, my aunt came to visit today and she is staying until Sunday. She lives 10 hours away. I went to see her for a bit at my mom's, a mile and a half from me, and my aunt is wearing one of my dresses. I said, "oh, isn't that dress gorgeous, my MIL gave it to me." And my mom replies,"She gave it to you, and you gave it to me, and now I'm giving it to her!" WTC???

It is MY dress, I did not give it to her under any freaking stretch of the imagination, and I honestly think my mom knows it, and knows I won't say anything. I have issues with my mom that are old and new and very complex. In a nutshell, I never have believed she loved me, but she showers my brothers with adoration. And I have 3 boys and a girl, and she does the same with them. She adores my boys, and treats my daughter like a red-headed step-child.

I think my mom is trying to get back at me for being more successful than her. I own my own home, and am starting a business. I have had to loan her money, and she rents a crappy place since she got foreclosed on after quitting her job to hang out with some loser mechanic who didn't want to work either. She had to file bankruptcy and she owes multiple thousands.

What I want to do is tell my aunt, "I am sorry, but there has been a misunderstanding. I didn't give mom that dress, I loaned it to her for inventory for her business. It was always my intention to be able to use it, and have it back as she grew her inventory. It was a gift from my MIL, and I would really like it back."

But I also want to just let her have it, because she has survived both breast and skin cancer and I love her, but I would totally resent my mother for it!

What would you do?

7 replies
Annabakescakes Posted 11 Jun 2011 , 7:36am
post #2 of 8

I should mention I really want the dress back! I really like it, it fits, and I could wear it to church.

I am just afraid of looking like a b!otch, and making my mom mad at me. We have feuded off and on for 31 years. I think my aunt would understand.

Texas_Rose Posted 11 Jun 2011 , 1:10pm
post #3 of 8

I think what you were planning to tell your aunt sounds like a good idea. If your mom is doing this because she's unhappy with you, you've got nothing to lose...and if your mom is really clueless, better to get this worked out before she gives away or sells the rest of your dresses.

Mamasan Posted 11 Jun 2011 , 8:07pm
post #4 of 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annabakescakes

My mom has been trying to start a "rental" dress business, and takes in sewing. People give her dresses all the time. In an effort to support her, I told her I would let her keep a bunch of my fancier dresses at her house, since I don't really have anywhere to wear them, and it would add to her "inventory". She was really excited about this, and said, "And they"ll be here if you need one."

Okay, my aunt came to visit today and she is staying until Sunday. She lives 10 hours away. I went to see her for a bit at my mom's, a mile and a half from me, and my aunt is wearing one of my dresses. I said, "oh, isn't that dress gorgeous, my MIL gave it to me." And my mom replies,"She gave it to you, and you gave it to me, and now I'm giving it to her!" WTC???

It is MY dress, I did not give it to her under any freaking stretch of the imagination, and I honestly think my mom knows it, and knows I won't say anything. I have issues with my mom that are old and new and very complex. In a nutshell, I never have believed she loved me, but she showers my brothers with adoration. And I have 3 boys and a girl, and she does the same with them. She adores my boys, and treats my daughter like a red-headed step-child.

I think my mom is trying to get back at me for being more successful than her. I own my own home, and am starting a business. I have had to loan her money, and she rents a crappy place since she got foreclosed on after quitting her job to hang out with some loser mechanic who didn't want to work either. She had to file bankruptcy and she owes multiple thousands.

What I want to do is tell my aunt, "I am sorry, but there has been a misunderstanding. I didn't give mom that dress, I loaned it to her for inventory for her business. It was always my intention to be able to use it, and have it back as she grew her inventory. It was a gift from my MIL, and I would really like it back."

But I also want to just let her have it, because she has survived both breast and skin cancer and I love her, but I would totally resent my mother for it!

What would you do?




If you can bear to part with it, I would give it to the aunt. If you cannot, I like your approach of gently explaining the misunderstanding. It sounds like you've been a good daughter and you've done more than most to "help" your mom. I'd refrain from loaning her inventory in the future as well. HTH!

Annabakescakes Posted 11 Jun 2011 , 9:07pm
post #5 of 8

Thanks ladies. I would really rather not part with it. It is the only dress that fits when I need something dressier to wear. I am struggling with my weight right now, which doesn't help! It will still fit when I lose the weight, too. Plus, I look great in it! I am a pale, blue-green eyed, red head and it is a green that makes my hair, eyes and skin look good! Not easy!

cakesbycathy Posted 11 Jun 2011 , 11:44pm
post #6 of 8

I would speak to your aunt privately and explain the situation.

Then I would take back anything else from your mom you aren't willing to part with, since this is sure to be an issue again.

TexasSugar Posted 13 Jun 2011 , 2:16pm
post #7 of 8
Quote:
Originally Posted by cakesbycathy

I would speak to your aunt privately and explain the situation.

Then I would take back anything else from your mom you aren't willing to part with, since this is sure to be an issue again.




I totally agree. Talk to your aunt, with out your mom around. I'm sure she will understand.

Your mom either misunderstood why you loaned her the dresses or figured you won't say anything. I would also take back anything you aren't willing to have walk out on someone else.

If you love the dress, and let your aunt keep it, then that could effect your feelings along the line. I can totally understand wanting to do something nice for your aunt because you love her. Why not go buy her something special that you picked out for her specifically. In the long run that will mean more to you and her both.

Annabakescakes Posted 13 Jun 2011 , 2:38pm
post #8 of 8

Thank you ladies for the advice! thumbs_up.gif

I did tell my aunt that when I got it from my MIL, she had asked me if I would ever wear it, and I had said that I would find a place to wear it. And when I "gave" it to my mom, we discussed that it would always be there for me, whenever I wanted to wear it.

My aunt laughed and said,"I guess Georgia isn't close enough?" (I live in just about the most northern part of KY you can get) And then she told me that it had been a little tight on the shoulders, and that it was really pretty, but she wasn't sure she would wear it, and she was glad I said something.

So, I get it back! I procrastinated so much wondering how I should say something, or if I should just let it go, that I had to call my mom last minute. I would have rather gone over there and said it, but I just waited to long...And it is still at my mom's. I am half expecting a "mystery" tear or stain when I get it. She can be so immature....

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