Wedding Cake Given As A Gift, Couple Is Horrible.....

Decorating By labmom Updated 12 May 2011 , 11:15am by ayerim979

labmom Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 6:24am
post #1 of 69

Hi
I am venting. My daughter in texas is coming home to be in a wedding in september for friends of both she and her fiance. I have not yet met this couple but I have heard much about them.
My daughter ask me a price of a tierd cake with strawberries and custard for
200-300 guests. I gave her a price then she ask how much for me to make it. Not thinking and being my "favorite" daughter ( yes I know we shouldnlthave favorites but she is my youngest).. i told her aprox. costs.
She said that she told this couple that they were giving her there wedding cake as a gift. She thought it would be easy way to get them something great to help them out, and keep things inexpensive for them since they are in the wedding with those costs plus that of flying back and forth

Now I have been contacted by the couple and they are coming saturday to meet with me taste cakes and decide on design flavors etc. The couple already have made demands on what they want to try 6 flavors when they come over on saturday. I work only by word of mouth and all my business are people who have been at other events and already had my cake so to have a cake tasteing is unusual. They want ganach and fillings .. you name it. My oven is broken and won't be fixed until next week so everything is done oin my toaster oven which is fine but I dont want that many cakes around the house and I am not giving them to take home.. I feel a chocolate and a white or yellow and the two frostings ganach and buttercream.. you would think they would be happy just being given this cake as a gift.. saving the at least 500.00 without being so picky... and the groom is even worse... what would you do???

68 replies
Ursula40 Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 6:36am
post #2 of 69

the couple is not oredering the cake, why would they want tasting and so many at that. Free cake is in my mind a take it or leave it situation, at most 2 flacours, IF i had them around the house. I would ask generally, what design they had in mind, but that is it and the decorating part is up to my discretion

scp1127 Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 6:42am
post #3 of 69

I agree... take charge of this one quickly.

caymancake Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 7:00am
post #4 of 69

I would say something along the lines of...

The discounted price offered on your wedding cake includes these flavours and fillings (insert flavours you and your daughter decided on) and this type of icing (insert the icing) and x decorations (describe simple fondant with ribbons or whatever). Due to the fact that the price of your cake has been deeply discounted, a complimentary cake tasting is not being offered. If you would still like to proceed with a cake tasting, you are welcome to meet with me on x date ( put a date that works for YOU). The cost for this tasting is x amount and includes 3 flavour filling combinations ( or whatever you typically offer). Any additional flavour/filling tastings will be charged at x price. If you decide to upgrade your cake flavour/filling/decoration options, please be advised that the cost will start at an additional x amount per serving which you will be responsible for.

Thank you in advance for your understanding and cooperation.

Regards,


I hope that helps!

Ursula40 Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 7:02am
post #5 of 69

@caymancake


I LOVE it!!!

Labmom you have to use that, take control of the situation, because you will not only hate the cake, but yourself as well, if you don't

caymancake Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 7:15am
post #6 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ursula40

the couple is not oredering the cake, why would they want tasting and so many at that. Free cake is in my mind a take it or leave it situation, at most 2 flacours, IF i had them around the house. I would ask generally, what design they had in mind, but that is it and the decorating part is up to my discretion




I agree - with Ursula40! You need to take control now or else you're going to hate making the cake and will just kick yourself in the pants for accepting the order. Just put your foot down - any extra frills, they will have to pay for. If they aren't happy about it, then let them order their cake elsewhere. Especially if you were planning to make it at cost. Please keep us updated on how this situation progresses! Best of luck to you!

cutiepiecupcake Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 7:48am
post #7 of 69

Yep, I agree big time with both Ursula40 & caymancake.. take control and do yourself a favour and copy, paste and fill in the gaps with exactly what caymancake has stated. 6 flavours icon_confused.gif who do they think they are? Prince William and Mary?!! icon_lol.gif

Ursula40 Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 8:02am
post #8 of 69

This year, loads of brides will probably act and think like that

sweetaudrey Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 8:05am
post #9 of 69

Yeah, making 6 different cakes just so they can sample a couple 'bites'? Ohh no....ohhhhh no. Copy & paste the above message and you will deffinitely be doing yourself a huge favor! You shouldn't be treated like that!

SugarFiend Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 9:09am
post #10 of 69

I agree with previous posters in that you need to take control immediately. But with a slight twist. It seems to me that your customer on this one is YOUR DAUGHTER, not the bride and groom. So the fact that they want to come for a tasting at all seems a bit out of line to me. They're receiving the cake as a gift, paid for by your daughter. Unless they got a gift certificate for the amount agreed upon by you and your daughter, I'm wondering why they should have any input at all.

That's what I would emphasize, personally - the "gift" nature of the cake, and your daughter's generosity - not the deep discount (because what she is paying is really none of their business). Any tastings or paid upgrades you might offer them should be as a courtesy to your daughter, your customer. If you go through with the tasting, I'm thinking it should be your last contact with them directly.

Bottom line, they are not your customers, your daughter is. So that's what I would tactfully but clearly point out to them, in addition to what previous posters have said. I would think the responsibility of dealing with them rests on her, not you (and this is something that you might need to clear up with your daughter as well). If you define the relationship this way, then it will force them to look at it for what it is: Someone is giving them the generous gift of a wedding cake, not the gift of a blank check.

JMHO...

sweetaudrey Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 9:18am
post #11 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by SugarFiend

I agree with previous posters in that you need to take control immediately. But with a slight twist. It seems to me that your customer on this one is YOUR DAUGHTER, not the bride and groom. So the fact that they want to come for a tasting at all seems a bit out of line to me. They're receiving the cake as a gift, paid for by your daughter. Unless they got a gift certificate for the amount agreed upon by you and your daughter, I'm wondering why they should have any input at all.

That's what I would emphasize, personally - the "gift" nature of the cake, and your daughter's generosity - not the deep discount (because what she is paying is really none of their business). Any tastings or paid upgrades you might offer them should be as a courtesy to your daughter, your customer. If you go through with the tasting, I'm thinking it should be your last contact with them directly.

Bottom line, they are not your customers, your daughter is. So that's what I would tactfully but clearly point out to them, in addition to what previous posters have said. I would think the responsibility of dealing with them rests on her, not you (and this is something that you might need to clear up with your daughter as well). If you define the relationship this way, then it will force them to look at it for what it is: Someone is giving them the generous gift of a wedding cake, not the gift of a blank check.

JMHO...




WELL SAID! icon_biggrin.gif

nelikate Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 9:42am
post #12 of 69

I agree you need to take control of the situation and do what you are comfortable with. But...

The idea that they are not your customer, that your daughter is, I think is a bit off. When the parents or other family member offer to pay for the cake tdo we give them full decision making powers or do we say its the bride and groom's wedding and therefore their choice?

I would ask your daughter what she is willing to pay and tell the bride and groom what is on offer for that price, - you don't have to disclose the actual amount to them just what they can get for the gift value. Then say any additional changes or extras cost extra.

Nel

Valkstar Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 11:22am
post #13 of 69

I'm know I'm going against general opinion here, but it is their wedding, and I understand why they'd want to try the cake first.....if they haven't tried your cakes before then they need to know if they like them.

They really are pushing their luck by asking for 6 flavours plus icings etc. Unless they are having six tiers of different flavours then this is mad. Can you get your daughter to explain to them what she is offering as the present. If it's not what they want they can go somewhere else.

indydebi Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 12:27pm
post #14 of 69

It presumptuous (sp?) for ANYONE to made a demand on how many sample flavors they want at a tasting, whether they are paying for the cake or whether its free. The customer doesn't dictate what your biz policies are nor do they tell YOU how many free cakes you have to give them. You are not a bakery where you can pull a piece of cake from your supply counter for them.

As a mom, I'd also be talking to my daughter. It was also pretty presumptuous of her to assume you'd make a cake-for-cost for friends of hers. My husband tried that once. He wanted me to give a free chocolate fountain for friends. I'd already given them the friend discount on their catering and told him I couldn't discount anymore. he said he'd pay for it. Fine with me. I told him $750 and he couldn't believe I'd really CHARGE him for it! I told him, "Get out your checkbook, babycakes. I also take credit cards."

he stopped volunteering me for freebies or discounts after that!. icon_twisted.gif

Ursula40 Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 1:50pm
post #15 of 69

We have a saying in Germany: "Man guckt einem geschenktem Gaul nicht in das Maul:, translated "you never look into the mouth of a horse that has been given as a present"

These people are being presented with a wedding cake, free of charge to them, they should be more than grateful, if they have ANY say in flavour, design and the whatnot. If the cake is soooo important in flavour, design and whatnot, they should decline the gift and order themself or at least indicate that they would be willing to pay for whatever is not included. These people are strangers to labmom, sometimes I ask, where are manners? Are they completely lost in history?

ccc407 Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 1:52pm
post #16 of 69

indydebi - I don't know what I love best about you...your sound policies and advice or your quirky sense of humor!

I can't stand watching "bridezilla" on TV because it is such a selfish bridal attitude and gives the viewers the impression that they are entitled to act that way because it is "their" day. NOT IN MY WORLD!!! I am a hobby baker and have made several wedding cakes for family and very close special friends. I don't do tastings...the cakes are usually free or cost of ingredients and they have to trust my judgment (after all they did chose me because of recommendation of friends or relations). They can pick the cake (white, yellow, lemon or chocolate or combo); they can give me an idea of what they would like, but final product is up to me since I am not a pro and if I try their ideas and cannot execute very very very well, I will not do it. Fortunately, all concerned have so far been quite appreciative. Reading this forums, I realize that I am quite blessed and they've given me insight of what to be aware of in case I am in that situation in the future.
Y'all, all of y'all, keep up the good work and wonderful advice.

allaboutcakeuk Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 2:21pm
post #17 of 69

totally agree with the posts here you need to take control of what is happening. I did my friend's wedding cake free of charge as a gift. it went from a 3 tier with a dummy to a 4 tier with different flavours. Then they kept changing the design from the original THEY had decided on. They wanted edible diamonds that couldn't be put on until last min at one point. I gave them tasters of only 2 cake flavours as they had indicated they were their favourites and that was that. it got ridiculous in the end with the constant changes so despite the fact they were friends I gave them a 2 week deadline to make their decision. I dictate what and if people get tasters unless they have a specific preference I can't just pull a million cakes out of a shop front at any one time. Don't let yourself get pushed into a situation as you will start resenting doing the cake at all. Good luck icon_smile.gif

LNW Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 3:26pm
post #18 of 69

Im in a sort of similar situation with a family member. Family is buying the cake for a friend. Friend is supposed to understand that the cake is at cost since family is buying it and at cost means they relinquish all artistic control and I make whatever I feel like making. If theyd like to dictate flavor and décor they pay full price. Thats the deal. Btb doesnt get it. She wants the free cake but also the full wedding planning experience. Im not working for the btb; Im working for my family. If the btb would like to pay the difference and become a paying customer I am more then happy to let her make the decisions. But so long as Im working for free I get to decide. Nobody said she had to get her cake from me.

I got this valentine from my daughter that was a coupon for a free small coffee from Krispy Kreme. When I cashed in my coupon I didnt expect to get a free medium coffee, a free latte or even a free doughnut with my free small coffee. I expected to get a free small coffee and if I wanted anything more then that Id have to pay for it.

I think of this situation in kind of the same way.

indydebi Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 3:49pm
post #19 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by LNW

I got this valentine from my daughter that was a coupon for a free small coffee from Krispy Kreme. When I cashed in my coupon I didnt expect to get a free medium coffee, a free latte or even a free doughnut with my free small coffee. I expected to get a free small coffee and if I wanted anything more then that Id have to pay for it.

I think of this situation in kind of the same way.


oh that's a good one!

Kristie925 Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 3:59pm
post #20 of 69

I understand that the cake is a gift and all, but it is a wedding cake! They're the most special cake you'll ever have! As the gift giver, I'd want to make sure they get a cake they'll love. If they have no say in design and can't even taste it before they pick a flavor, I'd rather pay for my own cake! It does sound that they're a bit demanding, but your daughter needs to make sure they understand the stipulations of this gift. Maybe they were just told 'My Mom is making your cake and I'm paying for it.' Maybe they assume they can pretty much pick whatever they want. Sounds like more communication is needed between you and your daughter, between your daughter and the couple and between you and the couple.

Jeff_Arnett Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 4:01pm
post #21 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by labmom

Hi
I am venting. My daughter in texas is coming home to be in a wedding in september for friends of both she and her fiance. I have not yet met this couple but I have heard much about them.
My daughter ask me a price of a tierd cake with strawberries and custard for
200-300 guests. I gave her a price then she ask how much for me to make it. Not thinking and being my "favorite" daughter ( yes I know we shouldnlthave favorites but she is my youngest).. i told her aprox. costs.
She said that she told this couple that they were giving her there wedding cake as a gift. She thought it would be easy way to get them something great to help them out, and keep things inexpensive for them since they are in the wedding with those costs plus that of flying back and forth

Now I have been contacted by the couple and they are coming saturday to meet with me taste cakes and decide on design flavors etc. The couple already have made demands on what they want to try 6 flavors when they come over on saturday. I work only by word of mouth and all my business are people who have been at other events and already had my cake so to have a cake tasteing is unusual. They want ganach and fillings .. you name it. My oven is broken and won't be fixed until next week so everything is done oin my toaster oven which is fine but I dont want that many cakes around the house and I am not giving them to take home.. I feel a chocolate and a white or yellow and the two frostings ganach and buttercream.. you would think they would be happy just being given this cake as a gift.. saving the at least 500.00 without being so picky... and the groom is even worse... what would you do???


I agree with the others...since this is a "gift" and....by the way all it is is more labor for you....i'd limit it to two flavors max with buttercream, my design choice. And, by the way, I'd tell my daughter that if she ever did this again without consulting me first, she'd get the bill for the full amount!

labmom Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 4:14pm
post #22 of 69

Thank you so much everyone. I have done part of what you suggested. I talked to my daughter. She doesn't understand why they would be like that.
I don't know if she is going to talk to them, but they are due over tomorow morning for a taste test. I understand that they might want to taste my cakes. But I was confused when she started listing all these flavors to test. It is a free cake. I love the horse reference someone mentioned. Kind of like our don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
I am only going to make a chocolate cake with ganache and then a white cake with strawberries and buttercream. Not the other flavors. And they are only getting a slice, not the cake. I used to make little 6" cakes as samples and let people pick them up and take them so parents and fiance's can taste at home but now if I do that I charge $4.00 for each one. You would be suprised how many people all of a sudden don't want to take a cake home to taste. Doesn't anyone realize that you can't get a desert at applebees for under $4.99 for a brownie with ice cream... and $2.00 for a shot glass of pudding? but they fuss over wedding cake "art" , and I am cheap..$1.50 serving for buttercreram. I will keep you posted. She said her dream cake is plain and simple!

indydebi Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 4:20pm
post #23 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by labmom

She said her dream cake is plain and simple![/b]


uh-oh! that's usually a red flag for trouble! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif can't wait to hear her definition of "simple", especially in light of how she thinks she needs to eat 6 cakes to decide a flavor! (Let us know if she settles on any of the standard white, choc, red velvet or carrot!) icon_lol.gif

cathyscakes Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 4:22pm
post #24 of 69

I made this mistake once for a friend of my daughters. My daughter asked me to do the cake, that her friend didn't have much money, so I said sure. It just left me feeling used and abused, lol. The bride ended up wanting 13 8" cakes, for table cakes. She wanted each cake to have a different design, and it was really time consuming. O.k. so it makes you feel good to do something nice for someone, right? Not really, the mother stopped to pick up the cakes, scooped them all up and into the car she went, with hardly a thank-you, I felt sad, not happy about how I had helped them. Then I also learned later how much they had spent on other things, it really bugged me. Don't get me wrong, I have done alot of free cakes, and usually people are so thankful, it does make you feel good, but I can tell by your story, these people are kind of selfish to expect 6 flavors of cake to try. I have said this many times, people don't understand about cake, they think its so simple, I wish they could see my kitchen after i'm done making a cake.

labmom Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 5:16pm
post #25 of 69

You are so wonderful, and right. I have done lots of "simple" cakes for crazy brides. Also many free cakes. I don't mind if they at least seem like the appreciate it. And many have. But there is that few that make you want to scream or take the cake back. to me if given a gift of a cake be grateful that is one expense that you don't have to worry about. But somehow it always comes back to bite me in the butt. My neice did this to me the cake her friends ordered was 300 servings, it took them 3 visits to pick out the cake they wanted. they put every shape and design in that cake. I was so embarased by it I didn't want anyone to know that I had done it. It looked like I had taken 10 tiers from 10 different weddingcakes and put them together. horrible. when I delivered this cake i found that they only had about 75 people invited, not the 300. There excuse our family are cake eaters! I guess so espec. when its FREE. I swore I would never do this again. I made my daughter promise that she is going to help me with this cake when they get home for this wedding. And she will. She said she never expected this couple to be like this or she never would have offered it to them.
I am going to practice the word NO.. it is not normaly in my vocabulary. It should be.. I will let you know how tomorow goes with only 2 tastes of white and chocolate. **update.. they just called to find out why only tasting two flavors. Don't think they are happy with me.

miss_sweetstory Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 5:35pm
post #26 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by labmom

She said her dream cake is plain and simple![/b]

uh-oh! that's usually a red flag for trouble! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif can't wait to hear her definition of "simple", especially in light of how she thinks she needs to eat 6 cakes to decide a flavor! (Let us know if she settles on any of the standard white, choc, red velvet or carrot!) icon_lol.gif




"Plain and simple" are often the hardest cakes to pull off... no where to hide the small imperfections. I really hope this works out and I really hope your daughter does something special to thank you for your generosity.

carmijok Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 5:47pm
post #27 of 69
Quote:
Originally Posted by labmom

I will let you know how tomorow goes with only 2 tastes of white and chocolate. **update.. they just called to find out why only tasting two flavors. Don't think they are happy with me.




With any luck they'll decline the gift! When I did tastings for a bakery, we had one 4" cake that had two fillings (one on either side). Raspberry and Bavarian Creme. It was our French Vanilla Cake and we placed it on a pretty little glass pedestal for presentation and made the bride cut the cake (for practice...they loved it) and then had a chocolate cakeball so they could taste what our chocolate cake tasted like. Our tastings were free. We always told them we could make any type of cake they wanted, but if they wanted to try something specific, we would set up a different tasting and it would cost them. Nine times out of ten they went for the vanilla (it was rather tasty) and they left happy. Or they just left. Regardless, it is up to the baker to decide what will be served at a tasting. Special requests should be charged. And that is what you can say when they arrive. 'This is the cake that will be considered a gift...anything beyond this will be extra.'
And don't forget to say..."I'm sure you understand" whenever possible. Such as, 'I'm sure you understand why baking 6 cakes would not be feasible for a tasting." It kind of puts them on the spot as far as their expectations. If they don't understand then you know what you're in for! Run!

schustc Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 5:50pm
post #28 of 69

stick to your guns! better to set the ground rules now. I would have told them "With my current pricing structure, the gift amount chosen for the Cake will include 2 flavors at tasting, up to x tiers, and x combination of flavors, etc. I would be more than happy to make more flavors for you, however! I know this is going to be a very memorable day for you, and it is absolutely important to be happy with your Wedding cake. If you would like me prepare more for tasting, they will be x dollars each. Please let me know by x time so that I have time to prep those for you. I am looking forward to working with you!"

Then you set the ground rules to reel them in as the days go on and they start going above and beyond what your plans are. Just say then "Ahh, that sounds WONDERFUL! It's outside of the gift package chosen, but I can do it for you for X additional dollars!" This way you sound like you want to make them happy, but they know they will have to pay more. i.e., you don't feel bad, riddled with resentment at them - they don't feel like they are getting 'jipped' or losing out on their dream cake, etc...

I don't know if these are any better than what others have suggested, but just some additional ideas to add to your repertoire icon_smile.gif

Good luck!!

Sangriacupcake Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 5:55pm
post #29 of 69

In addition to making wedding cakes for friends and family, I also donate cakes to 1 or 2 deserving couples each month....these are arranged through social service agencies in my area. I allow the couple to choose the flavor of the cake and icing (basic flavors only) and to give me a basic idea of how they'd like it decorated. In several years of doing this, I've only had one "bridezilla."

During my phone consultation with her, she told me that she didn't want a wedding cake, she wanted a groom's cake that looked like a fire truck, as the groom was hoping to become a fire fighter. I asked what she would be doing for the wedding cake, and she said, "Oh, I'll just buy one of those." I told her I provided wedding cakes for couples who could not afford to have much of a wedding on their own. Well, this girl hit the roof and went on and on about how I should be happy to make her whatever kind of cake she wanted, how it was none of my business what she used the cake for, and how I shouldn't "pick and choose" who I offer to help...blah blah blah.

I called the Salvation Army to let them know why I would not be helping this couple. They were terribly embarrassed and ended up withdrawing all their financial support for this bride's wedding . Serves her right.

dldbrou Posted 1 Apr 2011 , 5:58pm
post #30 of 69

Why make them cakes, make cupcakes instead and then you can freeze or give the rest to your family.

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