OK...im only venting..so please be nice. there is this young girl that im very close to...she has helped me with my children,has always had the sweetest nature and is truley a very sweet person with a huge heart and would do anything for anybody,she got in trouble a year ago with a boy and all her friends just abandoned her and was really critical and judgemental..she was broken hearted so i made sure to stick closer to her and we really got close aftewards..welll she is graduating this year and her mom who is single decided to throw her a graduation party in april..i was sooo excited cus she deserves somthing like this..i said Wow! i would love to do your cake!(big mistake)..her mom said wonderful! well i just found out a month ago that her party is for 250 ppl and that would be ok..but i also just found out that i offered to donate the cake!!!WHAT!!omg..i only meant that i would love to be the one to make her cake..my dh said to just suck it up cus it was a misunderstanding on my part and didnt want any hurt feelings over this cus they are having a hard time..if they are having a hard time..they have no business making a party that big!im torn cus i really care for this girl..i decided to chalk this up to experience and be the only guest to bring a 500 gift..lol..it gets better though..lol..they came to me the other day and brought a detailed picture of the cake they want!wth!!she wants a topsy turvey cake with roses and piano keys and song notes! and they want it just like the pic.that kinda annoyed me..i wouldve appreciated that they give me an idea and let me bring my idea...(is that wrong of me?) im conseidering asking them to cover the cost of the cake cus i think this is going to far,i dont want to hurth the friendship but i think this is going to far and nest tim i will be a way more clear..i dont even do free cakes for my family but im aware the misunderstanding is on my part and im willing to suck it up...so if anybody can help me with some words in a nice way to ask that they covr the cost..i would soo appreciate it..and yest i know that this is all my fault..so please take it easy on me..lol
While I agree with your husband about letting it be your gift and not ruin the friendship over it, I'm wondering if you might be comfortable asking them to help pay for the ingredients.
You could say that when you offered to do the cake, you thinking for a party of 50 or less and upon finding out the party is actually for 250, you figured out your ingredients (and supplies!) costs would be $XXX, which is really more than you can handle. You'd still be happy to give your time as a gift in making the cake, but maybe they can help with the cost of ingredients.
OR - explain the same thing above, but instead of asking for $ for ingredients, explain that you can only afford (time-wise and cost-wise) make the cake for 50 (or whatever # you're comfortable with donating) servings and they will need to get sheet cakes or cupcakes elsewhere to make up the difference.
My niece's 15th birthday is next year, and we plan on doing something similar. Since the party jumped from 50 to 250-300, her parents will need to pay the cost of the ingredients and hubby and I will give our time. I've never charged them any ingredients for any of the their cakes, but this is too big of a project for me to donate both my time and money for ingredients. They understand - hopefully this girl and her family will, too. It may take a little educating them about the actual costs and time involved in this cake.
I totally agree with cs_confections...You need to explain to them that the offer was for a cake much smaller and not for 250.people.They will need to compensate you some how with either paying for a cake that size or at least the ingredients..And I totally agree...If they are that down and out....they should Not be having a party for 250 people and expecting everyone else to pay for it!!.but that is JMO....If they get upset then they aren't really that good of friends anyways.Any reasonable minded friend would know that what they are suggesting/asking is way over the top taking advantage of you...Just say No!!
When you offered to make the cake did you ask how many people they were going to invite or put a dollar amount on the total? If so, and they responded 50 but decided to change that number to 250 than I would say you should speak up. You can tackfully explain that you originally agreed to do a cake for 50 - so for the remaining 200 servings they must cover ingredient cost. If you put a dollar amount (like "I will make a cake worth $200 for you") and they picked out something that would be $400, then you should tell them "fine, but you have to kick in the remaining $200 balance on the cake".
If you didn't ask, just assumed the guests count and didn't specify a dollar max, they I say you have to suck it up and make the cake she wants for all the guests.
I don't really understand what you are saying about the donating of the cake. No matter, I think the above still applies.
I vote for talking to them too...If you can't afford to do the whole thing, then be honest with them. Also, if you donate a cake, you decide the design. Tell them that you could do something using the elements that they brought you, but that the cake they're expecting you to make for free is out of your means.
You're a baker, not a doormat. Don't let them walk all over you. If they say "But if you're really a friend you'd do it" you could reply "If you were really a friend you wouldn't try to take advantage of me like this."
yea i had no idea it would blow up like this..and to be honest i never in my wildest dreams thought they would make a party this big..she has a hard time getting child support from her ex and is always struggling so yea...i think they are under the assumption that i have a never ending cake supplys and really beleive that they feel that im honored to do this for this young girl...although i do feel like they are going overboard with all the details on the cake..they want the piano keys winding up the cake with her name in 3d standing up on the bottom tier...yea they put alot of thought into this free cake..i think yall are right though..im going to ask her to kick in some cus this is a busy month for me with my paying customers so im hoping they dont get offended and if they do...then i will ask them to try to get a cake the way they want with all the details somwhere else..i bet you they will not hesitate to come back to me and only pay the cost..i have to be more careful with my words next time...personally i would never expect anyone to do somthing like this for me for free ..but thats just me i guess...believe me ill be kicking myself over this for a while! ugh
just an update..i talked to them explained that i want to do their cake but really cant afford it as big and detailed as they want and asked if they would cover the cost and i would donate my time..and they agreed..so its all good now//except that im the only guest bringing a 500 somthing gift..lol..oh well ..going to learn from this and be really careful with my words next time..lol
I am going to reply w/out seeing what others have said just b/c this was my 1st reaction when reading and I dont want to be swayed just yet... they way you built this up lead me to believe that "do her cake" was the same as "giver her a cake" they way you spoke about much you loved her and appreciated her it just seemed natural that you would want to "do the cake" b/c you wanted to give her a cake.
Now the 250 ppl, wow that is crazy and to be honest they might not get that kind of numbers, it's graduation after all, most of her friends will have their own family parties so unless they have a super big family that all live close by I bet the number will be much lower (although 100 pll is still a big azz cake!)
yea i can see that now..i did not word my words right,and you hit it on the nail..she has a huge family and they all live close by,we live in a tight community so if there is a party everyone will be there..lol..thats a good thing though..so far she has had 197 ppl rsvp already so it looks like its going to happen,her party is going to be semi formal so ppl are really wanting a reason to dress up!i do appreciate her but unfortunaly i couldnt afford to give her the cake she wanted out of my pocket...i couldve done a smaller one though..but im glad they offered to pay for the cost part so im satisfied and very happy to make her cake!
So glad this worked out for you! That would be a horrible "rock and a hard place" situation to be in. Glad it work out though!
I always always always ask for the ingredients money when I'm doing a free cake. Free to me is my time, I don't store supplies at home so it's either I ask or give them the option of bringing me the ingredients I need, of course they always prefer to just pay.