Friends

Lounge By nanefy Updated 6 Mar 2011 , 8:34pm by cabecakes

nanefy Posted 24 Feb 2011 , 10:53pm
post #1 of 19

Hey,

Just a quick post, just wanted to ask if anyone else on here has a friend or if you are really unlucky, friend(s) who are quite unsupportive?

I have a friend who NEVER has anything to say about my work other than silly things or negative comments. They either try and compare it to something that looks stupid or (and this annoys me even more) they just refuse to comment at all. Over the past couple of years I've really just kind of blossomed with regards to crafts etc. I've always been kind of arty farty but recently I've started drawing, cake making, knitting, card making etc and the thing is, it turns out I'm actually pretty good at them (I hope you don't think I'm blowing my own trumpet, but I've spent about 28 years feeling that I was never very good at really anything).

Anyway, what annoys me about said person is that not only do the NEVER have anything to say about the stuff I do (or when they do it's generally negative), but they go on to rant and rave about a family member who apparently is amazing at everything - and I'm not going to lie to you, I've seen this other persons work (in other crafty areas) and whilst not utterly rubbish, it's not very good either. It just annoys me that at 30 years of age, I would have thought all the school yard antics would have died off by now. I don't proclaim to be the best at everything I do, but I know when something looks good and when it doesn't. I have the utmost respect for people who produce amazing things - I don't get jealous and feel the need to bring them down, just to make myself feel better.

The good thing is though, that although I have this negative person, they are far outweighed by the number of people who are the total opposite - it's just frustrating though that 1 negative comment can cancel out 100 really positive ones.

Anyway rant over - just wanted to get it off my chest lol.

18 replies
ChilliPepper Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 12:41pm
post #2 of 19

I know how you feel as I have a 'friend' just like this. However I put it down to plain green eyed envy and jealousy and try to ignore it.

The problem with my 'friend' is that she has been the 'managing director' of a handbag business, a children's clothing business, a marketing/PR agency and a property rennovation business and all have gone bust! I only started my little 'cottage industry' baking and decorating cakes in 2010 and it has taken off with a bang with the distinct possibility of me going part time at work at some point this year which I don't think she likes very much as she is now back in full time paid employment.

Just ignore your 'friend' and carry on with your creative arts. I avoid my 'friend' like the plague now as all she does is bring me down!

CP x

CakeCrystals Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 3:39pm
post #3 of 19

You guys are absolutely right. Your friends are just jealous of you accomplishments. I have had something similar happen to me, except that in my case it was my sister. Once when I bought a new car and went to visit her and my dad, she took a plastic acrylic keychain and went across the side of my car. One time she even told me and I quote "You know I want everything you have"

I think that she has finally gotten over it now.

nanefy Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 3:52pm
post #4 of 19

OMG - She scratched your car??? In front of you???? Now that is extreme!!

What gets me is I can understand jealousy, because there are times in all our lives when we see something that someone has or can do and it knocks you sick lol, however for me it's never jealousy that makes me angry it's a jealousy that makes me want to do better and I use it to drive me to do better. Also, I would never ever make that person feel bad because I was a bit green eyed.

Anyway, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has this problem icon_smile.gif

kathys90 Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 3:56pm
post #5 of 19

I've looked at your cakes and they are quite lovely! Try not to let the opinion, and that's what it is...their opinion, get you down. Stay focused on how the compliments make you feel. I know, it's more difficult to do than to say.

You have friends here that will give you a boost anytime you need it! icon_biggrin.gif

cakesbycathy Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 4:01pm
post #6 of 19

This person isn't really your friend. True friends are supportive, and keep their jealousy in check.

I made a personal decision that I am better off not being around those kind of people and have ended toxic relationships like that one. I am much happier. Perhaps that's something to consider.

bobhope Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 4:17pm
post #7 of 19

well, i have an ex friend..yes ex coz she woke one morning & decided she doesn't want to be friends w/ me anymore..w/o saying anything, she just ignored me...i tried not to let that get to me & tried to make conversations w/ her ..months passed & i realized that i was the only one making the effort to make things like how it used to bet us....in short, we just drifted apart...now i'm certain we're better off as not friends...

bobbie

sweets4you Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 4:18pm
post #8 of 19

This is the way I look at criticisms... if I let the opinion of one person who obviously does not have my best interest at heart get to me, then I am doing a disservice to those who care for me and give me encouragement. I refuse to give importance to that person by letting his/her words affect me. I'd rather listen and value the words of those who care about me! icon_smile.gif

So just shrug it off and don't pay any attention to your "friend". His/her opinion doesn't matter! icon_wink.gif

CakeCrystals Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 4:28pm
post #9 of 19

You know, I just had a thought. Maybe you should appeal to her nicer side. Ask her if she want to assist you in making and decorating a cake and see how she reacts then. Maybe she feels this way because she herself has no friends or maybe even a low self esteem. Try including her in something that might make a difference in her actions.

Ellie1985 Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 4:40pm
post #10 of 19

I have the same problem with my sister-in-law. And as the saying goes "you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family". She took a 2 hour cake decorating class at the civic center and thinks she know everything about cake decorating. At my granddaughters b-day party she just looked at the cake I made and said "I could do that if I wanted to, I just don't want to". And for my Dad's b-day she called and ask what kind of cake I was making. I told her and she says "well I'll have to make something else and bring it because my family won't like that". Well, 2 weeks ago she called and said she had offered to make her great niece's wedding cake. I'm thinking OK why are you calling me??? well she kept hinting around until I said would you like some help?? She said that would be great. I said I thought you didn't like my cakes. She says "I like to LOOK at your cakes, I just don't like to eat your cakes" (She doesn't like fondant) What are you suppose to say to THAT!?!?! I think she realized she was in over her head making a wedding cake. And I will help her to keep peace in the family.

TexasSugar Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 5:06pm
post #11 of 19

I've decided this year that I am not going to let other people's attitudes affect me. If someone is a negative person, so be it, but that doesn't mean I have to invite that negativity into my life.

nanefy Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 6:34pm
post #12 of 19

My creativity is never dented as a result of negativity, it just makes me wonder how people get themselves to that stage where they think that it's acceptable, to be 30 years old and still trying to bring others down to make themselves feel better.
This friend of mines, it's a bizarre situation, because in every other way in life, she is great, we have a good laugh and we have great conversations. It is literally just this one area. When I first started getting back into my creative groove so to speak, she was really positive and would give me compliments, but as time has went on it's totally changed.
Where is the fine line between being proud of your achievements and shoving it down peoples throats? When I finish something, be it a drawing or a cake or whatever, I like to take a photograph and I upload stuff on here, Flickr and Facebook - just like most other people do. I don't rant about making sure people look at them and comment. I am proud of the things I've accomplished, but starting to think that maybe other people see it as being conceited. I'm not sure - maybe I should stop posting pictures etc, but then surely as a cake decorator it's obvious that people are creating beautiful products that they are proud of and want to show off and ultimately, the people buying the cakes are doing so because they also appreciate the hard work and detail and most importantly the beauty. Surely it's the same with any form of art work?

carmijok Posted 25 Feb 2011 , 7:13pm
post #13 of 19

Because you're exploring new activities, your 'frenemy' is feeling like you're pulling away from her so she's acting very passive aggressive. You might ask her to join you in some of your endeavors. Tell her how much fun it is and how great it would be if you two could share the learning process. If she is not interested then don't worry about what she does and doesn't say about your work.

I personally like legitimate criticism with ideas on how to improve and I know you probably do too, so maybe ask her for sincere feedback because you value her opinion (you know she'll have one). Maybe by feeling like she's actually helping you she'll back off somewhat. Oh and by the way, when asking for an opinion make sure you also ask what someone LIKES about what you've done as well as areas of improvement. That way it's not all negative stuff you're hearing. icon_biggrin.gif

ChilliPepper Posted 28 Feb 2011 , 12:25pm
post #14 of 19

Ellie1985 you are far too nice! I'd have let her stew in her own ego and let her make a complete fool of herself! But that's my nasty side coming out!!!!!!

CP xxx

LaurenLuLu Posted 28 Feb 2011 , 1:07pm
post #15 of 19

A friend would not be unsupportive when you embrace something positive. Now you know she isn't one!

bellaudreycakes Posted 28 Feb 2011 , 1:55pm
post #16 of 19

I was thinking the same thing to Ellie1985, I would let her do that cake all by herself, not to be mean to her but to let her realize that its not all that simple, you know if you help her with this she will be like I did this all by myself, no way!

To the OP jealously is an ugly ugly thing that unfortunately alot of people have, I would try to spend less time with this "friend".

Corrie76 Posted 28 Feb 2011 , 2:38pm
post #17 of 19

To OP: total guess on my part, but it sounds like there's probably a dynamic in your friendship where your friend is most comfortable with you having low self esteem and a go-nowhere-do-nothing type life...some toxic "friends" are attracted to people like this because it gives them a false boost to their ego. They gravitate towards somewhat miserable people, and internally make dozens of comparisons to sooth their own insecurities...they are friendly (conditionally) and love to give advice and support but only as long as they feel you will safely stay in an unhappy state. Now that you are exploring interests, finding some different hobbies and interests that you are competent at, fulfilled by, and able to share with others...your role in their life has changed. Your friend is definitely being passive aggressive by intentionally disreguarding your talents and new interests, and really that's not a friend.
As you grow into the person you were meant to be, you will begin attracting others who will like you and befriend you precisely because of what your interests have added to your personality and esteem. Sounds like you have outgrown this friend, emotionally, and it's probably time to move on.

TexasSugar Posted 28 Feb 2011 , 2:49pm
post #18 of 19

Why would you stop posting your stuff because of what one friend thinks/says? Why let them control your life like that?

If you are proud of what you have done and want to share, then share it, especially on your personally pages, like facebook. If your friends don't want to see it they don't have to click and look at the bigger pictures.

My poor friends have had to deal with pictures of my painting different rooms in my house or the other things I have been doing, because I'm excited about it and want to share. If only one or two look it them and comment or like, that's fine with me. If no one comments, that's fine with me. In the end, I did it all for me anyway, and as long as I am happy, that is all that matters.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nanefy

Where is the fine line between being proud of your achievements and shoving it down peoples throats? When I finish something, be it a drawing or a cake or whatever, I like to take a photograph and I upload stuff on here, Flickr and Facebook - just like most other people do. I don't rant about making sure people look at them and comment. I am proud of the things I've accomplished, but starting to think that maybe other people see it as being conceited. I'm not sure - maybe I should stop posting pictures etc, but then surely as a cake decorator it's obvious that people are creating beautiful products that they are proud of and want to show off and ultimately, the people buying the cakes are doing so because they also appreciate the hard work and detail and most importantly the beauty. Surely it's the same with any form of art work?


cabecakes Posted 6 Mar 2011 , 8:34pm
post #19 of 19

My resolution for this year was to try and stay positive as much as possible and to not surround myself by people that would lend to negativity being brought into my little circle of life. That being said...to lend to the idea of staying positive...offer your friend the opportunity to do some caking with you and to offer some positive feedback. If that is not possible, time for step 2...avoid the negativity being brought to your little circle of life by this negative person. Encourage positive feedback or steer clear of this person. There are enough negative sources in our lives without interacting with it on a daily basis with individuals that are supposed to be our friends.

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