Not Sure If I Should Be Upset Or Not...

Decorating By fortheloveofsweets Updated 25 Feb 2011 , 8:30pm by cat2512

fortheloveofsweets Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 4:07am
post #1 of 48

So ok, I was invited to my brothers oldest sons b-day party in March. Last year I made the cake Tom and Jerry. I'll be the first to admit that it wasnt the best cake i've ever made but everyone raved about it at the party. So I figured everyone liked it ok enough. In the past year i've made more cakes for other people and am starting to get better. They look pretty nice now. (Sorry no pics, i always get too lazy to upload them)

On Tuesday my bro sends me a message asking if I was making it to the party. I told him Probably and asked if he wanted me to make the cake. He responds no that his wifes sister is making the cake, but I could make cookies if I wanted to. That felt like a slap in the face to me. Now this woman has never taken a cake decorating class in her life. ( I know its not required to take classes or to study to make wonderful cakes, plenty of you have proven that! ) icon_smile.gif But anyway, she has very little experience. And I am kind of hurt that they didnt ask me first. After all I am the baker in the family, and I never charge for my cakes. Not even for the supplies, I just like to get the practice. Am I wrong to be upset? It makes me think they didn't like the Tom and Jerry cake I made for them. Blagh I dont know. I know I should just suck it up and deal with it. But my feelings are still hurt

47 replies
tryingcake Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 4:11am
post #2 of 48

I will tell you, families are the last to get it. I get paid good money for my products... but my family rarely asks. Don't take it personally. It's just how it is. Even the bible said it is rare a person is taken seriously in his own hometown. Well, not those words exactly - but you get the drift.

Coral3 Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 4:22am
post #3 of 48

I wouldn't be offended. Perhaps his wife's sister offered first, and they didn't want to offend her by saying no? Perhaps they didn't want to be presumptuous and assume that you would even offer? Perhaps they would've felt bad asking you because they know you've made it for them out of pocket before and didn't think it was fair to expect you to make it again. There are really loads of reasons why they may not want you to do it this year.

icer101 Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 4:24am
post #4 of 48

HI, it is natural for you to be hurt. Go to the party, take some cookies and smile and do the best you can. That will be BIG of you. Keep practicing and be the best you can be. I do hate your feelings are hurt. I think we have all been there some time or another. hth

cownsj Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 4:26am
post #5 of 48

When we took the classes together, we were so thrilled to be able to make cakes. And we would say for each family function, we'll bring the cake. then we get a voice mailing saying instead of a cake we could bring the veggies and dip (or some such), and someone else would pick a cake up from the grocery store. I was livid. My husband was upset, but not as much as me, or at least he didn't show it. He just picked up the phone, called his family and said that we get practice by making cakes, and we really enjoy making them whenever we can and is there a problem with us making them that we should know about. He was told they were just afraid they were taking advantage of us doing all that work and sure, if we want to the cake, go right ahead.

Sometimes the direct approach works, and sometimes it can blow up in your face and hurt more. Not knowing your family, I guess you need to decide if you are up for both types of answers. Good luck with what you decide.

cakegirl1973 Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 4:28am
post #6 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by tryingcake

I will tell you, families are the last to get it. I get paid good money for my products... but my family rarely asks. Don't take it personally. It's just how it is. Even the bible said it is rare a person is taken seriously in his own hometown. Well, not those words exactly - but you get the drift.




Ditto. Only my sister understands how much I love caking and how much time I devote to my craft. I even have a (legal) side cake busines, but most of my family sees it as a "nice hobby". So, I understand that your feelings are hurt. Mine would be, too. Hang in there! thumbs_up.gif

crp7 Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 4:39am
post #7 of 48

I understand the first reaction of being hurt but I agree that your brother and sister-in-law may have been approached by her sister first. Imagine if it were the other way around, that someone else in the family had been doing cakes already when you developed an interest in decorating. Would you want the chance to make cakes also or always defer to who started decorating first?

Take turns, if needed, and enjoy time with your family.

sebrina Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 4:43am
post #8 of 48

Yeah, I have family that still buys grocery store cakes too! LOL! I always huff & puff about it on the inside. But when I show up or see pictures I just smile & say - Oh how cute, who made your cake? icon_lol.gif
As far as it being another guest that brings the cake, remember that they might want a chance to shine, just like you did! thumbs_up.gif

fortheloveofsweets Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 5:00am
post #9 of 48

Thank you all for your kind words! I'll let her have this one, but I'm jumping on the next cake!
I'm just going to let it go, I'm being a little selfish about the whole thing anyway. I'm sure she will make a beautiful and delicious cake!

My bro also said I could make cupcakes, so awesome Thomas the Train cupcakes I will make! icon_biggrin.gif

NanaSandy Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 5:09am
post #10 of 48

@fortheloveofsweets: That a girl! I think that is exactly what I would do. I know it hurts when family doesn't ask for your cakes, but as others have said, maybe the other family member offered first. ??
I hate that it hurt your feelings and I totally get that!! Anyway, bake the cupcakes, go and enjoy the party!

makeminepink Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 5:09am
post #11 of 48

Cakes take alot of time. I'd be glad they were letting someone else do it. Maybe it's my age!

pammm Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 5:12am
post #12 of 48

Without seeing a photo of your work, it would be hard for me to comment.

fortheloveofsweets Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 5:14am
post #13 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by pammm

Without seeing a photo of your work, it would be hard for me to comment.



then why comment at all?

indydebi Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 10:44am
post #14 of 48

can you imagine the conversation in their house?

Her: My sister wants to make the cake.
Him: But MY sister makes cakes!
Her: But why does YOUR sister always get to make the cakes?
Him: Because she's MY sister.
Her: Well, this one is *MY* sister!

Help keep the peace by sharing the limelight. thumbs_up.gif

Besides .... you DON'T want to get known as the family member that everyone says, "Well, you BETTER ask her to make the cake or she'll get all pi$$y about it!" icon_lol.gif You want them to WANT your cakes, not resign themselves to HAVING to have one of your cakes! thumbs_up.gif

newbaker55 Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 11:18am
post #15 of 48

Maybe they just don't want to take advantage of you...

How many cakers here (raises hand) have families/friends who feel entitled to free cake from us for every flippin' occasion under the sun...then get pi$$ed off if we so much as ask for help financing the ingredients icon_mad.gif

nellie0228 Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 11:58am
post #16 of 48

Just wanted to say I have had the same thing happen, family didn't want to put me out so they just get one from the store. Now I just offer as soon as the invite comes if they have not already asked, otherwise we all end up eating horrible tasting grocery store cake.

artscallion Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 1:58pm
post #17 of 48

Why shouldn't she have the same opportunity to shine as you did a year ago when you were new? It seems to me that your family is being fair. Of course it does sting at first that you have competition within your own family and are no longer "the family caker". But you seem to be handling it well and have gotten past that initial reaction. I would just be careful to let her have her moment in the sun and not try to outshine her with your cupcakes. It'll make her feel bad and make you look like a show off. Something basic with sprinkles or better yet stick with the cookies they asked for.

Kaylani Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 2:05pm
post #18 of 48

I would take it as a challenge.

icon_twisted.gif

Make cookies that are amazing!!! I would bring hand detailed, amazingly detailed cookie works of sugar art.

Guess I am not that emotionally mature icon_wink.gif

MadMillie Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 2:27pm
post #19 of 48

I would definitely make some of the best cookies you can. Find out if she is making a themed cake and out do her cake with your cookies. Throw in some cake pops.

makeminepink Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 2:31pm
post #20 of 48

Indydebi-- I like your answer. And I agree with letting the other woman take the limelight this time. Sometimes I think we want our creations to be the center of attention, but I wouldn't want it to look like I was trying to intentionally outdo the other woman. Be kind.

mayo2222 Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 2:33pm
post #21 of 48

I wouldn't worry about it unless you know all the details of why they didn't ask you to make the cake.

fortheloveofsweets Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 2:44pm
post #22 of 48

I don't want to "show" her up, but I do still want to make some really pretty cupcakes. Just a few fondant covered cupcakes with his face on them. Is that too much?

Kitagrl Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 3:11pm
post #23 of 48

I honestly would not be offended....it sounds like plans had already been made...most likely the other lady offered and they accepted...they wouldn't have bothered you with it if the other lady piped up early and offered to do the cake.

Lots of people do cakes these days....just go enjoy the party...and sometimes cake tastes better when somebody ELSE got to do all the work! thumbs_up.gif

imagenthatnj Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 3:29pm
post #24 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by fortheloveofsweets

I don't want to "show" her up, but I do still want to make some really pretty cupcakes. Just a few fondant covered cupcakes with his face on them. Is that too much?




Whatever you do is independent of whatever the other person does, I think. You should make them as pretty as you want to make them. Here are some links for ideas, even though I think you already know what to do.


http://www.flickr.com/photos/stillatulsagirl/2333172699/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/allycake/4883617631/in/photostream/

http://www.thecupcakeblog.com/tag/chocolate-thomas-the-train-cupcakes/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/hello_naomi/3283548969/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/popocreation/3077446520/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/jellycakes/galleries/72157624175454840/#photo_3473115577

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cakeoclock/5366094717/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisas_cakes/5011128127/

http://cakecentral.com/cake-decorating-ftopicp-7060115.html

Kitagrl Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 3:33pm
post #25 of 48

If she asked you to make cookies, I would not make cupcakes....you don't want the other caker to be offended? What if you were the one asked to make the cake, and the other caker purposely showed up with cupcakes trying to show you up? Then you'd be posting on here what a jerk she was. haha.

Hope it goes well! Have fun with the cookies! Do it for fun, not as a competition.

aej6 Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 3:49pm
post #26 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

can you imagine the conversation in their house?

Her: My sister wants to make the cake.
Him: But MY sister makes cakes!
Her: But why does YOUR sister always get to make the cakes?
Him: Because she's MY sister.
Her: Well, this one is *MY* sister!

Help keep the peace by sharing the limelight. thumbs_up.gif

Besides .... you DON'T want to get known as the family member that everyone says, "Well, you BETTER ask her to make the cake or she'll get all pi$$y about it!" icon_lol.gif You want them to WANT your cakes, not resign themselves to HAVING to have one of your cakes! thumbs_up.gif




Perfectly stated!

fortheloveofsweets Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 3:52pm
post #27 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitagrl

If she asked you to make cookies, I would not make cupcakes....you don't want the other caker to be offended? What if you were the one asked to make the cake, and the other caker purposely showed up with cupcakes trying to show you up? Then you'd be posting on here what a jerk she was. haha.

Hope it goes well! Have fun with the cookies! Do it for fun, not as a competition.


He actually said cookies or cupcakes. I just didnt add the cupcakes part in my first post. I messaged him back today asking if cupcakes were ok to make and he said yup.

obsessed Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 3:59pm
post #28 of 48

I agree with some of the others...make cookies that you've been wanting to try and don't worry about how they compare with the cake. Make something that you know your nephew will like...it is his birthday after all. icon_smile.gif

Jennifer1970 Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 4:26pm
post #29 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by makeminepink

Cakes take alot of time. I'd be glad they were letting someone else do it. Maybe it's my age!




I agree! I love being invited to a party, especially a family party, and not having to make a cake. It's nice to just be a "guest" once in awhile!

fortheloveofsweets Posted 20 Feb 2011 , 4:29pm
post #30 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jennifer1970

Quote:
Originally Posted by makeminepink

Cakes take alot of time. I'd be glad they were letting someone else do it. Maybe it's my age!



I agree! I love being invited to a party, especially a family party, and not having to make a cake. It's nice to just be a "guest" once in awhile!



I agree with both of you! Only i'm really never invited to my brothers sons bday parties. In October he had a party for his youngest and I didnt find out until after the party that they even had it! So i don't get a lot of opportunities to make cakes, I like to jump at the chance whenever I can.

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