Help.. My Sister's Best Friend Wants The Same Cake

Decorating By kirasmom Updated 18 Feb 2011 , 12:26pm by kirasmom

kirasmom Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 9:01pm
post #1 of 52

I just got a call from my sister's best friend. She informed me that she is getting married in Sept and wants me to make her cake.

I made my sister's cake last year and this girl was my sister's maid of honor. I am the one who gave my sister the idea for her cake and feel like it is really rude of her friend to ask for the same exact cake for her wedding.

I feel like every bride wants the cake she wants, and I have come up with some other ideas in the same theme, but she was really set on having the same cake.

I don't want to take away from my sister's day (last Sept), and I feel like my sister would be really upset if she knew her best friend wanted the same exact cake as her. I think it is really rude of her friend to ask for the same cake. What should I do?

51 replies
zespri Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 9:19pm
post #2 of 52

Simple, ask your sister if it bothers her. You aren't protecting her by not telling her, because she would find out at the wedding anyway.

Was the cake unique and tailored to your sister?

kathys90 Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 9:49pm
post #3 of 52

Are you sure your sister doesn't already know? This is her best friend. Maybe they put their heads together already.

Talk to your sister. Since there is a year in between their two weddings, I'm sure she'll be okay with it because it's for her friend.

kirasmom Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 10:07pm
post #4 of 52

I've talked to my sister about it and she didn't seem too happy with that idea. She simply said, "Why can't people pick another cake." Her cake wasn't custom, but this is the second time since her wedding that someone asked me to do the same cake.

zespri Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 10:09pm
post #5 of 52

Well, your sister knows, and if she had a problem she'd tell her friend. It's not on your shoulders to do something about it, so just run with it and try and be positive.

I do however agree that it's strange to copy her friends cake! Copying a strangers cake is one thing, but someone who is probably going to be in your bridal party... a bid odd.

sebrina Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 10:14pm
post #6 of 52

Have you offered to change something? Use a different flower or shape? Tell her you would like to customize it for her. icon_wink.gif

I'd love to see the cake she wants though! Can you post a pic for us?

FayMakesCakes Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 10:16pm
post #7 of 52

If someone wanted the same wedding cake as me I would be flattered. It's also a year after your sister's wedding so it's not that close together. I don't think it's weird to ask for a wedding cake you've seen elsewhere. Isn't that where most of our cakes come from? Other cakes the bride has seen and liked but with our own twist? If it bothers you that much to make the same exact cake maybe you could suggest some subtle changes that would suit this bride's personality and make it more her own.

kaytkat Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 10:17pm
post #8 of 52

That is a toughy since you dont want the best friend to be mad that her bff wont let her have the same cake as her. But then your sister doesnt want her special cake to be replicated. It is kinda like if the bff loved your sisters wedding dress and went out and got the same one.

People who are unfamilar with the variety of different cake designs dont know that there is such a variety. They are very limited to what they see and get set on one specific cake because this is the best cake they have seen. They get their hearts set on one cake and then are shown a whole new world of cake art and are like wow! I have more choices! Maybe open her eyes to the huge cake world out there. Send her website address to other cake makes, or here even here and show her all the different cakes out there. Maybe she will find another one she must have.

If she wont go for that I think you have no other choice but to let her know of your sister's dismay. Or maybe you can have your sister talk to her and convince her that she needs her own special cake. I guess it kinda depends on her personality how she would take the news.

good luck with this! sorry for the blabbering post icon_smile.gif

Ps Something similar to the subject, I had my heart set on this cake I found at a local bakery and then I discoverd this bakery in South Africa and loved their designs. mostly because I hadnt seen them around here and it was new and different. so maybe just sneak even more desings to here to see if she likes something else.

or since the time between the 2 weddings is pretty significant it may not be that big of deal.

kirasmom Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 11:20pm
post #9 of 52

It gets even better. My sister was married 9/25/10. Her bff's day is 9/25/11.

kirasmom Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 11:31pm
post #10 of 52

Here is the picture of the cake

leily Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 11:34pm
post #11 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by kirasmom

Here is the picture of the cake




You can't attache pictures to post right now (it's a bug)
Do you have it in your photos and can post a link?

kirasmom Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 11:37pm
post #12 of 52

Well, I can't get the picture to attach, but it's in my photos. It's the black and white one with the roses on top.

zespri Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 11:39pm
post #13 of 52

can you post a link? I don't see a black & white one with roses on top when I look at your photos....?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kirasmom

Well, I can't get the picture to attach, but it's in my photos. It's the black and white one with the roses on top.


GenGen Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 11:40pm
post #14 of 52

not seeing a black and white with roses on top Kiras, but what i am seeing is Gorgeous icon_wink.gif

kirasmom Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 11:50pm
post #15 of 52

its the one with black ribbon and rhinestone banding.

zespri Posted 16 Feb 2011 , 11:52pm
post #16 of 52

Hi Crystal - can you please post a link to the cake? There are six cakes in your photos. Two are wedding cakes, but without a single bit of black on them. If you could just copy and past the link it would be helpful, ta icon_smile.gif

kirasmom Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 12:00am
post #17 of 52

Here is the link to the pic http://cakecentral.com/gallery/1944004

dreamcakesmom Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 12:01am
post #18 of 52

I guess my first question would be is this your business or are you doing this as a favor to the best friend. If it's you business I would say do your best to work with the new client to later, maybe change up the trim or color of flowers or ribbon but truthfully it's your design so if it's in your portfolio people will as kfor it because most oftern people are visual and they want to go with something they have already seen looks good.
If it's a favor for the friend then I think ultimately you can say it would really hurt my sister's feelings and I would prefer not to replicate the cake exactly.

FayMakesCakes Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 12:19am
post #19 of 52

just wanted to add that now that I've seen the cake I can totally understand why she wants it. It's very classy and elegant and also very traditional in that it will be in style forever.

Also wanted to add that you wrote that you got inspiration from another cake here so it's totally normal for her to see it and like it and want it. I think she should speak to your sister and if there is a problem you should try to change it up a bit for her.

BTW your cakes are beautiful!

pixiefuncakes Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 12:51am
post #20 of 52
Quote:
Originally Posted by dreamcakesmom

I guess my first question would be is this your business or are you doing this as a favor to the best friend. If it's you business I would say do your best to work with the new client to later, maybe change up the trim or color of flowers or ribbon but truthfully it's your design so if it's in your portfolio people will as kfor it because most oftern people are visual and they want to go with something they have already seen looks good.
If it's a favor for the friend then I think ultimately you can say it would really hurt my sister's feelings and I would prefer not to replicate the cake exactly.




I totally agree with this. If it is a business transaction, treat it like one and take the emotions out of it.
If you are doing it as a favour, it gets a bit tricky. Maybe the 3 of you can get together and sort something out?

When I got married, it was all very small and personal and about my husband and I. Family were involved as much as possible. About 6 months later a girl I worked with got engaged and start talking about the details of her wedding, which were exactly everything I had done - down to the honeymoon (Which was a place that was special to me and she had never heard of). It all got a bit weird and creepy. Thankfully, we moved away before her actual wedding - I never did get invited though ......

indydebi Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 1:33am
post #21 of 52

My low tolerance level has been hit.

First, the cake I saw looks like a pretty basic cake. As a matter of fact, its VERY close to the cake I made for my son, so tell Sis the design she's trying to keep all to herself isn't all that unique.

Second, just how long does Sis think she CAN "own" this design? does she REALLY think she's the only one who has this design and does she REALLY think no one else in the whole wide world will EVER have a cake that looks like this?

Third, just how does this "take away" from Sis if someone else gives her the ULTIMATE COMPLIMENT of "oh your wedding was so beautiful that I'd like to have mine look just as great!"??

Fourth, there comes a point when Sis is no longer a bride and the world no longer revolves around what she did for her wedding. I'll lay you odds that most people at the reception will have no idea its a cake that's "been done" and I'll practically guarantee that there won't be a big facebook conversation the next day regarding "oh my god did you see that her cake was a duplicate of someone else's!!!!???"

I say Sis needs to get over herself and move on. I never understood the concept of telling a bride "Sorry, you can't have the cake of your dreams for YOUR special day because that cake has already been made by someone once." Just. Don't. Get it.

indydebi Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 1:35am
post #22 of 52

I just want to add that when I say "basic" cake, I meant the design was pretty basic. The work on this cake is very very good and I in no way meant the talent to make this cake was basic at all.

Navyempress Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 2:30am
post #23 of 52

I agree with Indy.

Would you tell a stranger who came in that they couldn't have a certain design because you previously made it for so-and-so? Probably not. So why deny this bride simply because of who she is? If it's been a year, the people who attend both weddings may have forgotten what the first looked like anyway.. They'll only care that it tastes as good as the first one, which I'm sure it will!

Maria925 Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 2:56am
post #24 of 52

Well I can understand why your sister would be upset.That fact that her BFF is getting married on the same EXACT DATE (granted a year later) and now also wants the same cake, well...it sounds like her BFF is trying to copy her and I can understand how annoying that would be!

But, it sounds like your sister needs to work that our with her friend. You as the cake decorator should just make the cake your customer wants. And you should tell your sister that while you understand her being upset, she needs to take it up with her friend so you are not in the middle.

Just my thoughts...

VaBelle Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 3:05am
post #25 of 52

I happen to find it very odd that your sister's friend is getting married on the same day just a year later and wants the exact same cake as your sister. She sounds more like the girl out of the new movie 'The Roomate'. While it may be flattering, I can understand your sister's dismay. As much as I love my friends, I would want them to have their own wedding, not a remake of mine.

I agree that the design is popular, but you would still think she would want something different.

jlynnw Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 3:06am
post #26 of 52

Great cake, I would have liked it for my wedding too! You could always say you do not make exact duplicate cakes and you will find something to fill her needs. I am sure you know how hard it is to make 2 identical items expecially a year apart. If BFF bride insists on it, then listen to Indy, she always has good advice

Jennifer1970 Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 3:16am
post #27 of 52

I agree with indydebi. My mother got remarried a year and a day before my wedding. I got married on my in-laws 28th wedding anniversary. My best friend had her wedding reception at the same place I had mine, she asked me if I minded and I said "no, it was a great place". Same friend also copied my prom dress in high school, and we were going to the same prom. There are no "dibs" in adulthood. Beautiful cake by the way, I would want it, too!

indydebi Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 5:07am
post #28 of 52
Quote:
Quote:

Well I can understand why your sister would be upset.That fact that her BFF is getting married on the same EXACT DATE (granted a year later)


So no one else can ever get married on your wedding date? Ever? How long DOES a couple "own" that date? Ever read the Sunday paper when the marriage announcements are in there? Ever notice how many couples get married on the very same day? Do you (the generic 'you') read the paper a year later and stomp your foot in anger that someone 'dared' to get married on your anniversary?

I really don't understand this diva attitude about a date. icon_confused.gif Never have. Never will.

I think what says it best is .......

Quote:
Quote:

There are no "dibs" in adulthood.


party.gifthumbs_up.gif

tryingcake Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 5:27am
post #29 of 52

It's between your sister and her friend. I would stay out of it. You are simply the baker in the instance, not the referee. Are all the same people going to be at her wedding that was at he original wedding? I would think some people will be the same, but not the bulk of people.

I don't know. Honestly, if I were your sister, I would not see where I would have a right to be upset about it. I don't own that design and it's a free society we live in. The friend can have whatever cake she wants. I may be upset, but I would not have the right to be visibly upset about it.

One of the two is going to have to step up and be the bigger person, let go and not take it personally. Who will it be? Do they really want to put this much strain on a friendship over a cake?

johnson6ofus Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 6:03am
post #30 of 52

"Copying" is the most sincere form of flattery. PERIOD.

Years ago, my sis came to my house (100+ miles away) to see my new living room furniture that I shopped months for..... She loved it, it was comfy, nice, and kid friendly, etc. She wanted it--- I ordered it for her! (Her credit card) I even followed up to be sure she got a great deal (as I am a super shopper), handled the delivery, etc. Yup- 10 years, we had the same living room furniture ----- check the family photos! icon_wink.gif Who cares!

Lazy boy makes furniture for LOTS of homes, but ours matched in design, fabric, style, trim, etc. EVERY detail.. I know, I ordered it... fully repeated all FIVE living room pieces. Again, who cares?

I agree with Indy- it is a classic design, very nicely done. Who wouldn't want it? Make the cake, chis doesn't "own" the wedding date, nor the cake design. Sheesh......

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