chrissypie Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 7:12am
post #1 of

Sorry guys, just need to vent. I was working on a cake for my friends daughters first birthday. I was doing a 2 tier and a 6" smash cake. They were iced in buttercream and then had fondant and gumpaste accents to resemble minnie mouse. When I was done, I asked my husband to come an see, and all he did was criticize!! He pointed out every spot of my buttercream that wasn't smooth! When I explained to him that I had to do these cakes with three screaming kids in the house, he just said that I usually do a better job. I was so hurt. I am already insecure about my cake decorating ability as it is. I never feel like I can do a good job, or at least that I can't do the job that I want to. And the thing is, he knows that, and he said that stuff anyway. Well, I told him off and he stormed off to bed, and I am tired but can't sleep because not only do I feel bad about bringing this cake tomorrow, that I feel is inferior, but I feel like I never want to make a cake again. Truly. Sorry for the vent, I just had to.

23 replies
motherofgrace Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 7:48am
post #2 of

Yuo did the right thing by telling him off. Your hubby was being an @ss (sorry but he was), Your cakes look good!

Coral3 Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 7:50am
post #3 of

We all have days where things don't turn out how we wanted them to, and I can't decorate with ONE child underfoot, let alone THREE, so I commend you for your effort. Hubby would have been wise to be more tactful though! I guess it was one of those "Does my bum look big in these?" questions - men never know whether we want the truth or a reassuring lie.

chrissypie Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 7:56am
post #4 of

Thanks guys. I know, he WAS being an ass. And the thing is, he knows I am a " reassuring lie" type! LOL! Oh well. Thank you for your ear, I appreciate it.

motherofgrace Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 8:03am
post #5 of

Next time, say "lets see you do better" lol


Then again I can have a temper with cakes, my hubby critisized my fondant work once (the pig cake in my gallery).... after trying and tring for an hour making it, and I threw left over fondant at him lol.

SugarandSpice3674 Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 10:05am
post #6 of

Dont let it get you down,I was looking at ur pictures and u are AMAZING, i love ur flowers! sometimes people dont realize how hard it is to focus, work on ur cake and please the kids/ keep them out of your hair, I have 3 kids under 3 (3 yr old twins and a 2 yr old) and I understand ur frustration. Also, people who dont make cakes hardly ever see the mistakes and flaws we do, ur husband prolly knows a bit about cakes because u do them, but others generally dont, dont feel bad, they will love the cake, Im making a 2 tier cake tonight, trying lots of new techniques, and no im not totally happy with it, but its for a family party, and so far those who have seen it love it, just dont point out ur mistakes, and they wont get noticed icon_smile.gif If it wasnt for this website and all u wonderful cakers out there, I wouldnt ever have the courage or knowledge to teach myself!

indydebi Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 10:09am
post #7 of

motherofgrace, you're my kind of gal!! thumbs_up.gificon_lol.gif

OP, next time give him this offer: "Excuse me honey, let me take a second to bend over to make it easier for you to KISS MY A$$!!!!" icon_twisted.gif Then threaten to shove your spatula where the sun don't shine if he thinks, as was mentioned above, he can do better!

then there's the sarcastic response of "Oh gosh, did I not hear you when you offered to take the 3 screaming kids off of my hands so I could concentrate on doing a great job?" (then repeat the offer of where to store your spatula!)

southernswthrt Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 1:37pm
post #8 of

He must be my husband's long lost brother. Mine does the same thing...

I know how frustrating it is to be criticized, but as another poster said, we are our own worst critics and most people don't notice the imperfections like we do. My cakes will never look like Cake Boss or any of those TV shows, but I just started and I work full time so I'm pretty damn happy with what I'm able to do!

ptanyer Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 2:10pm
post #9 of
Quote:
Originally Posted by southernswthrt

He must be my husband's long lost brother. Mine does the same thing...

I know how frustrating it is to be criticized, but as another poster said, we are our own worst critics and most people don't notice the imperfections like we do.




I too work a full time job and cake at nights and on weekends. Sometimes things just don't work like we see them in our head, or how they are supposed to.

Example - Monday I took a last minute order for a Valentine's Day/Birthday cake for delivery yesterday afternoon. Came right home Monday after work and made batter, ganache and baked 3 layers. Came home Tuesday and baked another layer. Wednesday whipped ganache and stacked and crumb coated the cake and spackled the cake. Thursday night prepared the whipped ganache to ice the cake and it seemed too stiff, so I added some pre-made Wilton icing to it. Big mistake icon_rolleyes.gif Now the icing won't crust icon_mad.gif Lost so much time in smoothing and refrigerating the cake that it was 10 pm before I got to start the actual decorating part - the part we love the most! Finally finished it up and say to H that I have about an hour of clean up time. Does he offer to help? Of course not, he went back to his computer games and I finished everything up. Didn't get to bed until after midnight and had to get up at 6 to go to work.

Sometimes our H's just don't get it. But there are other times when he does get it and I love it when we are working in tendem. Like OP's H, our H's get an eye for details on cakes from being around cakes all the time. In the long run would we want them to be cake muggles all the time?

artscallion Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 2:17pm

Fortunately my husband doesn't do this. But my mother is like a hawk, trained to spot flaws. She may love what I've done and be unbelievably proud. But she just can't manage to let a flaw go unmentioned. And it's always the first thing out of her mouth.

I wouldn't mind, "oh how wonderful! It's amazing! You're so talented. Oops, I think you missed a spot here. Really, it's all so beautiful." But what I got from her was, "Ohh, what happened here? Did you mean for that to be crooked? Is that level? It really is amazing. Betty, come look at this." Drives me mad that the first thing she says, every time, has to be immediately honing in on a flaw.

And no matter how much I explain and discuss this with her, she never changed...until one time she did it and I said, "you're right. It's a mess. I can't believe I even had the nerve to serve this." Then I picked the whole cake off the table, walked over to the trash and dropped the whole thing in." It was the first time my mother has ever been speechless. She hasn't criticized a cake since.

Starkie Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 2:19pm

I will have to say, when I ask my husband for an honest opinion, he gives it to me! I appreciate his honesty, but when he points out the flaws in my work, it's usually because he has seen me do better. (However, it does sound like my hubby is a bit more tactful than yours...) Ultimately, it doesn't matter what hubby thinks, it matters what the CLIENT thinks! I have delivered cakes that I was practically ashamed to take money for, and all the client did was OHHH and AHHH over the cake! Clients don't see the flaws we (and our hubbys) see and stress over. Most of them can't believe that you could make a cake look like that! So try not to stress, and try not to beat your husband too badly. Maybe ask him to start his criticism with a raving positive before touching on the negative points???

cakesrock Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 2:29pm

My DH is the most honest person I know and always tells me that I won't hear bullshit from him. He really is the only person in my life that I can guarantee will tell me the truth. Which I appreciate when I'm in the mood for it and don't when I'm not. And after 23 yrs together, if I really don't want honesty, I just don't ask. Yours sounds similar....

But remember.. it's his truthful opinion and he was asked to critique. And it's only one opinion. It also probably depends on his mood (and yours too)...I have been very distressed over my DH's cake critiques, which sometimes I welcome and other times don't. But I have gotten to the point where I am less critical of myself. Non-cakers will not notice the section of BC that is not totally smooth and the people who are eating it are generally not critiquing it. Nor have they seen your last 10 cakes! Your confidence grows as your skills grow. Hey and who has time for perfection with 3 kids - I know I don't and I only have 2! Hang in there- your cakes are lovely!

Cupcations Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 2:49pm

Your cakes are beautiful I don't know why you said you feel insecure with your cake decorating, what are you talking about! they're gorgeous thumbs_up.gif

Whereas to your husband he was just being honest & wants your work to be the best, him seeing every cake you made, made him also a pro & a critic, in a good way though! Somehow they notice every single flaw icon_confused.gif flaws that NO ONE would notice!

Working with kids around could be frustrating believe my I know (4) try to decorate while they're at school or after their bed time or what I call "me time "

enchantedcreations Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 3:29pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by ptanyer

Quote:
Originally Posted by southernswthrt

He must be my husband's long lost brother. Mine does the same thing...

I know how frustrating it is to be criticized, but as another poster said, we are our own worst critics and most people don't notice the imperfections like we do.



I too work a full time job and cake at nights and on weekends. Sometimes things just don't work like we see them in our head, or how they are supposed to.

Example - Monday I took a last minute order for a Valentine's Day/Birthday cake for delivery yesterday afternoon. Came right home Monday after work and made batter, ganache and baked 3 layers. Came home Tuesday and baked another layer. Wednesday whipped ganache and stacked and crumb coated the cake and spackled the cake. Thursday night prepared the whipped ganache to ice the cake and it seemed too stiff, so I added some pre-made Wilton icing to it. Big mistake icon_rolleyes.gif Now the icing won't crust icon_mad.gif Lost so much time in smoothing and refrigerating the cake that it was 10 pm before I got to start the actual decorating part - the part we love the most! Finally finished it up and say to H that I have about an hour of clean up time. Does he offer to help? Of course not, he went back to his computer games and I finished everything up. Didn't get to bed until after midnight and had to get up at 6 to go to work.

Sometimes our H's just don't get it. But there are other times when he does get it and I love it when we are working in tendem. Like OP's H, our H's get an eye for details on cakes from being around cakes all the time. In the long run would we want them to be cake muggles all the time?




Ptanyer, I think we must be living a mirrored life! This sounds just like my life.... Every once in awhile my DH throws in a "hey want to watch a movie with me?" If I say I need to make a cake for work, etc, he pouts. "oh, you never spend any time with me anymore, you're always making cakes for your friends". Then he proceeds to find the errors on them..... MEN, can't life with them, can't live without them!

to the OP, your cakes are wonderful. Maybe he was just missing you too. After all, men are just children in adult skin. No offense to the men on this site. LOL

cakegirl1973 Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 3:55pm

I am sorry that happened to you. I looked at your pics and your cakes are lovely Don't give up caking.

makeminepink Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 3:59pm

First, let me say that I took a look at your cakes and you do wonderful work! Second, let me say how hard it is to do cakes with little ones underfoot! Third, hopefully.......your husband will grow wiser and kinder as he grows older. Mine did! icon_smile.gif

Sorelle Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 4:21pm

I just looked at your cakes (saved a couple) they really are beautiful. I've been married for 28 years and if there is one thing I can tell you is they sometimes will say hurtful things about something because they are angry about something else.
He probably wanted spaghetti for dinner and you gave him meatloaf! Shame on you! icon_wink.gif
Or maybe he had a bad day at work, wanted to vent and you were busy making the cake. Anyway I wanted to remind you that after all "he's just a guy!" Now, go bake another amazing cake!

cheatize Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 4:40pm

It sounds like miscommunication to me. You wanted rainbows and butterflies and he thought you wanted his opinion. I wish humans came with a signal sometimes- to let us know which reply to give.

Sorry he made you feel bad about your work.

chrissypie Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 4:42pm

Thank you all for your support! Wow! A night of a few hours sleep helped a bit, although I had nightmares the whole dang time about the cake, something going wrong, etc. Even had one that when I went to bring it to the party, it collapsed in to a heap!Argh, I had to get out of bed to not deal with it! I will be happy when the cakes are at the party and I can enjoy and relax! I do see the point that now my hubby is a bit spoiled, i.e., not a cake muggle anymore. LOL! It is just that he knows me, knows my sensitivity and all and that all I was looking for was some kind of compliment for a confidence boost. I guess that is a little high maintenance, but like I said, every cake I undertake, I feel incompetent to do. I guess that is my issue. But I don't want to give up. Especially after spending sooooooo much money on caking supplies. I think I should just do more cakes for fun, just to practice and let the kids eat em, LOL!

Again, Thank you so much Cake Friends!

bellaudreycakes Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 8:32pm

I think husbands don't really understand what is involved with a cake because I have 2 small children too running around the house like chickens with their heads cut off, there is no way I can concentrate when they are around. My husband is pretty good about being supportive but certain times he will be like it looks like it's leaning or what's that suppose to be icon_mad.gif ???? Like the cake I did this weekend the purse one, it was my first purse cake and He was like it looks awesome.....it kinda looks like its leaning though!!! Really I said, are purses suppose to be exactly upright anyway Grrrrr!!!

Let it go! Your skills are awesome and sometimes my husband's critiquing helps me to want to improve next time icon_smile.gif

cakesbycathy Posted 12 Feb 2011 , 9:01pm

It's really the difference between men and women. A man honestly thinks he is being helpful when he criticizes. Most women will try and say something nice before offering criticism.

It might help to have a talk with hubby sometime soon. Not when you are working on a cake. Explain to him that while you understand he is trying to be helpful, what would really help is if he could point out at least 2 good things about your cake before pointing out the flaws.

That and taking the kids off your hands. icon_rolleyes.gif

Jeff_Arnett Posted 13 Feb 2011 , 5:28am
Quote:
Originally Posted by chrissypie

Sorry guys, just need to vent. I was working on a cake for my friends daughters first birthday. I was doing a 2 tier and a 6" smash cake. They were iced in buttercream and then had fondant and gumpaste accents to resemble minnie mouse. When I was done, I asked my husband to come an see, and all he did was criticize!! He pointed out every spot of my buttercream that wasn't smooth! When I explained to him that I had to do these cakes with three screaming kids in the house, he just said that I usually do a better job. I was so hurt. I am already insecure about my cake decorating ability as it is. I never feel like I can do a good job, or at least that I can't do the job that I want to. And the thing is, he knows that, and he said that stuff anyway. Well, I told him off and he stormed off to bed, and I am tired but can't sleep because not only do I feel bad about bringing this cake tomorrow, that I feel is inferior, but I feel like I never want to make a cake again. Truly. Sorry for the vent, I just had to.


Next time, reach him the spatula and see what he can do!

motherofgrace Posted 13 Feb 2011 , 5:59am

LOL thanks indydebi!

JudyDP Posted 13 Feb 2011 , 6:15am

I don't know what your husband's problem was, but your cakes are darling! I can't wait until you take the cake and everyone sees it! Just wait...they are going to LOVE it!

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%