Your whole display and cakes looks amazing! You should be very proud of what all you did.

I am curious, since you said your MIL is involved, what does your husband think of all this?

I agree that you need to find your own way to bring this up but it does need to be brought up, if nothing else but to allow you to get it off your chest.

indydebi said

Truer words were never spoken..

So SORRY you had to go through this. Some people, just have no clue. Your gift was traveling alone! Your second gift was your daughter's dress!! I think IndyDebi is right; your invoice should have your price for the cake, not your total of receipts. The entire family has to get a dose of reality, of what cakes cost... and wedding cakes cost more. All that detail you put into that masterpiece! UNGRATEFUL!!

As to:

I would have turned right back out of the house with the cake and card in hand!!

GORGEOUS cake display!!!! So sorry the recipients did not see the value in it!

If it was me, I think I would send the invoice (with $0 due) as others are suggesting... Along with a note saying something like, "I thought I'd let you know the cost of the cake, in case any of the wedding guests might be asking you about that. Hope you had a great honeymoon!"

Oooh, I'd be tempted to do what Cathy suggested and send an itemized list to everyone on that email group. Tempted to add a bit of snark... you know, seeing as how everyone was so concerned about supporting the newly married couple, you thought it would be a great idea for everyone to share how they chose to support them. Here's how I saved them a grand... now, which of you bought them the toaster?

I felt so sorry for you reading it, to of gone through this and for family too.
How selfish, and then for your MIL to join in, (who probably instigated it no doubt)
Makes me think.... did they get married just for the presents?

I know this is totally off subject but is similar to a degree in selfishness. Christmas 2009 I bought my dad a weed sprayer, top of the line one that hold 12 litres, and even has wheels well I wasn't there when he opened it but my brother was, and when I asked my brother " Did he like his present, what did dad say?" I was told he had said " oh another useless present" and didn't even continue to unwrap it once he could see what it was, it hurt a bit because I thought it was great.. shivers I even got one for me and I love it. saves my back big time, anyway I knew within a day what I was going to get him for the next Christmas, so Christmas 2010 just gone.....
I got him a useless present alright, a pair of socks of which I cut the toes out of


Just remember revenge is sweet, karma - what goes round comes round so even if you do it by email sending her an account. just knowing full well the shock of receiving it and that they won't or can't pay it... would be enough for me. *grins*

She is a thief, she Is an armed robber, armed with her family members. She is a liar and a user, u cant have that much people in a wedding if you trully did not have money. I know pole like that, they are always unhappy and trying to get free stuff from everybody, pretending they Are poor. I was broke during my wedding and had 15 guest, no honeymoon and I'm happy plus I'm not a conservative person, I can be as glamorous as can be, but when I can't afford something, I sit down.
As indydebi said, there are way more problems in that family.

To the very next person that says this to you, turn around and ask "Exactly how much do you think it cost ME to make this wedding cake?" That will get them thinking. For some reason, people just automatically assume that ingredients cost like $30. I would also make it know that I was very hurt.

As others have said, she screams bratty to me. If you have $6000 to spend, you don't invite 250 guests, you invite 60 - 80. How do people even have that many 'close' friends? You don't have to invite everyone you have ever met!

My cousin burned me last year. Our mothers are twins. I was making a cake for my Mum and she really wanted something special for her Mum. I wanted to try out a new recipe so I said I would do it for cost. Then she kept going on and on about how little money she had being pregnant and all so I only charged her half the price of the ingredients ($15). She was going on and on about money again so as she was leaving, I said we'd just make it $10. It was dark and in giving back the $5 note, I accidentally gave her back the $10 note instead. So she ended up paying $5 for the cake. I should mention that I am a single income family (my DH works, I do not) with 2 young kids and she and her husband were both working fulltime in professional jobs with no children. Anyway, to add salt to the wound, we found out that she had told her mother she had made the cake, she put it on Facebook and claimed the same. My sister wrote a lovely comment and then deleted it the second she found out I had made the cake - she was so mad at my cousin, as was my husband. I told my Mum not to tell my aunty (who couldn't stop raving about this cake HER daughter had 'made'). To make it all more insulting, the next weekend my cousin and her husband went to stay at the Versace for the night ($400)! Lesson learnt!

Eventually she did come clean with her mother and my aunty actually bought me a thank you gift. But I was hurt. And I have never spoken of it to her - she just ended up with a much, much, much smaller gift for her bub than she would have otherwise gotten from me.

Oh! I also like the email suggestion from Artscallion.

You could do something like the MasterCard commercial, i.e.,

Cake flour:
Eggs:
Sugar:
Bake Time:
Hand Made Cake Decorations:
Cake Stand
Cost to My Cousin: $0.00 (Priceless)

And then note: If you had purchased the cakes I made for you from any place else, it would have costed you more than a $1000., and you got them for nothing. Attached, please find my bill.

just a thought.

Thanks for everyones posts. It made me feel better and today is a new day. i will address it with the family eventually, at least they are not my family by blood merely marriage. but they are my kids, soooooo.

The MIL is who she is, she says these kinds of things all the time and has no clue it is hurtful, (adj,adj, etc.). my hubby spoke to her, in one ear out the other- she totally didn't see what was wrong with her comments. Or the rest of her families(except the cheap SOB part- that could have been phrased better according to her. MIL is never going to change- just accept the good and do the best to survive the rest with her(my kids to consider).

today will be better- my daughters B-day is Sunday and i am making- and frantic to finish a skate cake with moving wheels and sugar work that is giving me heck9burnt myself a touch last night- was probably not in the right frame of mind to deal with 320 molten sugar.

Can't wait to post her cake- hopefully not in the disaster category.

You guys are fantastic. Thanks for having my back- it means alot!

trish

Wow that is so crappy. When I do cakes for gifts I am just bluntly honest. I just did a 3 tier topsy for my nieces bday and I told her ... THIS IS YOUR GIFT and she was like ok cool. I loved my cake.

I would tell the other family members to mind their own business for sure.

Do you know something I am so angry with these nasty relatives of yours I am almost crying! (Anger does that to me). I make cakes for all my family for special occasions and they know without me mentioning it that the cakes are their gifts. I get so many hugs and thank yous that it really makes my life a worthwhile place to be and believe me, I am nowhere near as talented as you are.

If I lived in the States anywhere near these people I would go and tell them exactly what I thought of them on your behalf.

I can understand you being badly hurt by this because I hurt for you but don't let it change you as a person because you obviously have a heart of gold.

Hope you get over this soon.

CP xxxx

I am sorry that you had to go through that. Your display was beautiful and wonderful and your work magnificant, but imo I would give her a piece of my mind and than buy her a cheep gift just to shut up the family, and than attach a bill for your serivces, & don't forget to add a big "bite me" on the envelope! The gaul of some people. I have found even with family it shold be business and business only, no surprise and up front with everything no one's hurt no ones upset and you don't have to wear your heart on your sleeve for evryone to abuse it!

I really hope you say something sooner than later, it won't change what already happen, but it might help prevent this happening to anyone else. ppl do sometimes learn from their mistakes and at the very least you will have stood up for yourself.

I know you're pissed b/c you are so hurt; I think that is the angle to work b/c it's what is real. List the actual cost break down and what the cost would be for a "normal" bride - the profit you lost and the money that came directly out of your pocket. Then list the extra cost like the clothing, shower gifts, and the travel ect.

I would not say anything about how you contributed more than so and so, just be honest and state you wanted to do this out of love and you are very hurt that it was not appreciated.

I would make sure it was sent to her and CCed .. maybe use the same email where others where bad mouthing.

keep us posted and good luck w/ your daughter B-day cake

First, you should never ASK for a gift, complain about a gift or lack thereof. Some people need to read the definition of the word gift.

Second, I would not itemize the costs in your email as they will only think that you are exaggerating (even if the costs are real) and they will say "she's only about the money".

Third, do not offer a cake to your MIL or the bride ever again. Even if you charge for your cakes, they will NEVER be grateful. For some, what you give them is never good enough.

Fourth, you should respond to her as soon as possible. If you don't react, this story will be repeated 'til the end of time in your family.

I would tell her that you were excited to offer her the 300 cupcakes, groom's cake and top tier as a gift. You worked very hard to bake and decorate the cakes to make them perfect for her special day. And that you are sorry that she did not appreciate your gift. End of story.

I did go to a wedding a couple years ago where the bride AND groom admitted to having the wedding only for the gifts. Well I gave her a cake and she did not appreciate it. However, her guests did and it was gone in minutes ! She is on my black list now.

All I can say is ****SPOILED A$$!!!!****

First off I have to say I simply do not understand the gift entitlement frame of mind even if it is your wedding. And worse complaining to other people about other guests' gifts or no gifts is not my idea of good manners.

Second, I looked at the photo on your profile and wow that was some cake. The topper is gorgeous (would love to see a tutorial on it), the stand and presentation are beautiful. Even if your cousin didn't care for it she should have send you a Thank You card for the wonderful effort (and work).

Third, I would try to let her know in the most tactful manner possible that your feelings were hurt inasmuch as it was quite apparent she didn't appreciate the gift you had given to her and her husband (wonder if she complained about other people's gifts too!)

Fourth, once again we see that so many people have zero clue about what goes into making cakes - I guess that is why we have these forums to console each other when a client goes wrong....

To the OP, I just wanted to share that I showed the pics of your cake to hubby, whose mouth dropped open in awe and he said, "Wow! YOU can't make anything that looks THAT good!"

I was going to bop him on the head .... except what he said is SO TRUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, look at the bright side. At least you don't have to make her anymore cakes! Focus on the next person and move on.

Wow, I just finished reading this thread and was telling hubby about it. Then I showed him the picture of your cupcake setup and he said, Gawd!! and they still want another wedding present!! Are they MAD and STUPID!!!

I hope you find some sort of resolution that you are comfortable with. I think I would have gone them with all the things other posters have said, and then dis-owned these people as family. And I am a non-confrontational person too . Craziest bunch of crazies I've ever heard of.

Hugs to you. I am still in awe of the setup you did and can't stop looking at the pictures.

CookiesbymomME, I hope that venting her on CC helped you with all the cake love and support you have received. CC is a great group of men and women. I often compose letters (and never send) when I need to vent and it helps me get over things. Several of the posters are correct that some people just don't get it and never will. I hope that whatever you decided to do (respond or not) that you find the peace you need with this situation. You have amazing talent.

Thanks again guys. Just finished my daughters skate cake- whew just barely got through it. Now I will work this week on my response to all the family members. I need to word it carefully, express my hurt and disappointed without ticking off the MIL. It would be easier to drive to the moon, but I will try.

try to keep you posted on any response I get back.

In the meanwhile- I finished the skate cake and I didn't have to post it in disasters, soooo have a look if you have time!

thanks again!

OH my!!! Your skate cake is AMAZING!!! I could look at all the details forever!

Good luck with your email. I think you'll feel better after setting them straight. Even if they still don't 'get it', you will know that you stood up for yourself. Hopefully they may learn to appreciate not only what you did for them but how to show gratitude for what others may do for them in the future. You might be doing a service to humanity.

So sorry she was such an ingrate. I agree about billing her for the hours of labor, supplies, etc. Perhaps you could also get a few written estimates from local bakeries (written on letterhead or billing form) and share those with her.

Try to focus on the feeling you had when you completed such a gorgeous display. It was definitely a "labor of love"...at least for cake decorating if not for the bride...