Free Wedding Cake To Cousin And She's Upset Over No Gift????

Lounge By Reimagining_Confections Updated 14 Mar 2011 , 7:46am by Maydo

Reimagining_Confections Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:01pm
post #1 of 136

you are going to love this... so I made a cupcake tower(in my pics) over 300 cupcakes(4 flavors), 2 grooms cakes(3-d wick candle cakes), a 9 inch topper cake with homemade MMF, gelatin work(bubbles), sugar work(topper), gumpaste AND fondant decorations. I hand cut 300 cupcake wrappers and cut snowflakes designs in them(took me over 3 months my hand hurt so bad), made sugar jewels for extra bling. hauled all this stuff 6 hours away in snow from VA to upstate PA.

Decorated the table as best I could(she didn't even order table linens for the cake table). The blocks I used to stack the tower alone cost me almost $200(yes I am keeping them). Card stock, molds, snowflake cutters, hole punchers(snowflake design), food ingredients, lights(string and battery powered) ran me a few hundred9yup didn't tell hubby tapedshut.gif .

Not to mention easily over a hundred hours of work from start to finish AND SHE told my whole family in PA that my hubby and I were too cheap to buy them a wedding gift!!!!!!!!

I TOLD her before when I first offered that the cake was my gift because she had NO money for the wedding.

I also spent over $400 in hotel costs just to attend the wedding(not to mention the $140 white chiffon dress she required for my 9 year old daughter and white patent leather shoes my daughter will never wear again. I begged to lt me buy silver shoes so she could use them again(can you spray white patent leather-ugh. my daughter is 9 going on 14 and hates the little girl look.

I am so peaved(different word I would use but trying to refrain at the moment). lessons learned- in the future they want my services they will pay like the rest of my clients with a B with an itch added price tag for my having to deal with them.

Sorry if i am ranting but just found out and am so (hurt, sad, mad, etc.) My MIL thinks I could have gotten them a little something. She bought them a $75 steam cleaner( i spent over $400 or more(don't want to do the math).

Thanks for the rant.... feel like I could do this longer and stil won't feel better- is 11am to early for a glass of wine?

Trish

135 replies
caleyb Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:11pm
post #2 of 136

Perhaps you should itemize it all for her - then at the end subtract $100 and in big letters next to it say "YOUR GIFT" then when you get the final total (which will be well over $300) - in even bigger letters say "This is what you owe me for your cake". Maybe that will shut her up

erin2345 Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:21pm
post #3 of 136

All those cupcakes and the deco's and the lights and the table -- it's insane! So gorgeous. I say do with the previous poster said, with the itemizing. What a b****!!

cakes4ck Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:23pm
post #4 of 136

She apparently has no clue how much cakes really cost. I did the cakes for my niece's reception and she was more than thankful. But, she also had priced cakes and knows I went beyond those that she was looking at. We didn't buy her a wedding gift either. Myself and my daughter were in the destination wedding and spent spent nearly $200 on the dresses and then the 7 hour drive and the hotel. Figured we had about $1000 in her wedding.
If your cousin was thinking at all, she would realize how much you really did for her. I think I would have a little conversation with her (try to stay calm) and explain that your feelings were hurt by her running her mouth to everyone in the family.
My niece's 1st anniversary will be coming soon. Figured on getting them something for it.

nancyg Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:25pm
post #5 of 136

Why is it the more we do for someone....and from the heart. The more we get stomped on.

I am so sorry to hear this. But, your heart was in the right place.

alvarezmom Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:28pm
post #6 of 136
Quote:
Originally Posted by caleyb

Perhaps you should itemize it all for her - then at the end subtract $100 and in big letters next to it say "YOUR GIFT" then when you get the final total (which will be well over $300) - in even bigger letters say "This is what you owe me for your cake". Maybe that will shut her up



thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif You can send her this in an email leaving off the $100 gift part then ask her what she didnt get as a wedding gift and let her know that once payment is made IN FULL she will be getting the gift she REALLY wants!

Now that will shut her up! Sounds like you went above and beyond for her only for her to bad mouth you for not getting her something that was off her little ole registry.

ddaigle Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:31pm
post #7 of 136

I think this happened due to 2 reasons: She's young (imature) and she's a cake civilian (not clue of cake costs).

I would send her a congratulations card with an insert of an itemized list and cost of your contribution (gift). I wouldn't be ugly or make any negative remarks..just send is as the "belated gift".

I would have to do something and try to take the high road about it. Doing it all in writing would help me keep me from saying something stupid that I know I would be tempted to do! LOL

Kiddiekakes Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:31pm
post #8 of 136

I would send this email just as you posted it to your cousin.....Then maybe she will understand that your GIFT was more than most probably gave...oh and demand your $300.00 for the cake!!!


I remember this snowflake topper..It was insane!!! Beautiful cake!!

kathys90 Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:38pm
post #9 of 136

My step-daughter did that to us....we paid for all the decorations and made the food (very small wedding)....decorated the hall, set up everything, and then she had the nerve to call us on my cell, while we were driving the 2 hours home, and ask where her gift was. I said excuse me....she hung up and had her new husband call back on my cell and ask for her father (I knew it was him because I don't give out my cell with my husband's name). My husband proceeded to tell them both they were ingrates and hung up!

Needless to say...I feel your pain! Send her a bill minus the "gift". icon_twisted.gif

jenscreativity Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:39pm
post #10 of 136

HOLY CRAP!! That is soooooo insane! Show her all the reciepts and everything for your costs and yes, take the $100 out!! WOW OH WOW!! You think family is so understanding,,gosh..no way! A lesson learned for EVERYONE not just you...you cannot trust your own family..this is insane..seriously! You really need to sit her down and be polite by explaining your part and all of the work you put into it, before you scream or yell and tell her how hurt you feel,,"(not mad because she may get angry and make the whole situation worser) and that will show your classiness and make her feel sympathetic and apologetic maybe. Do it right and make sure you do,,because if you don't..word will spread and family will NEVER understand!

I'm soooo sorry that even family has to be so UNunderstanding!! That's rediculous and definetly, if other family comes along for help..make sure you share your WHOLE experiences with your cousin along with what was said and that is why you cannot do like a freebie anymore..they will understand I'm sure once story is passed!

Good luck and let us know what you ended up doing. don't sit on this though!
jenifer

BRATTYR Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:41pm
post #11 of 136

wow those cupcake wrappers are beautiful, hours and hours of work!! sorry that this happened to you! i agree you should sent her the total of your cost so she see and add your hours of work with an hourly rate!!

Reimagining_Confections Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:42pm
post #12 of 136

Yeah- I will probably do something like that with a nice inquiry into details of her honeymoon(have fun, see nice things) etc. Then find a subtle way to work in the way our "cheapness" hurt considering we probably gave them the most expensive gift. I had the wedding photographer ask me to do her wedding in june and what the cost would be( I ballparked over $1200 and she said that sounded great- then i let her in on the wouldn't be able to due to the distance)

I just need some time to temper my TEMPER over this. My MIL sent me an email, my aunt-in-law sent me an email, my cousins(different one) wife sent an email with a email trail(from like 6 other relatives) of how my husband and I were the ONLY ones that did not give the needy bride and groom money or a wrapped gift for the wedding. One person called us a CHEAP set of SOB's.

I am glad it was email and not phone because I speak really quickly before my brain catches up to my tongue.

Thanks guys!

KSMill Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:46pm
post #13 of 136

Wow! I feel bad for you. Cookies, you spent almost $1000! If she wants to reimburse you for your costs, you could easily buy her a gift. Ha!

I do agree though with a previous post that you could send a note of congratulations and perhaps apologize for the misunderstanding...that the cake because of the costs would be your gift to them since you knew they would not be able to afford the $XXX it would actually cost to order what you produced.

Good luck with this!

alvarezmom Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:47pm
post #14 of 136
Quote:
Originally Posted by kathys90

My step-daughter did that to us....we paid for all the decorations and made the food (very small wedding)....decorated the hall, set up everything, and then she had the nerve to call us on my cell, while we were driving the 2 hours home, and ask where her gift was. I said excuse me....she hung up and had her new husband call back on my cell and ask for her father (I knew it was him because I don't give out my cell with my husband's name). My husband proceeded to tell them both they were ingrates and hung up!

Needless to say...I feel your pain! Send her a bill minus the "gift". icon_twisted.gif




Last month's was my niece's bday. She turned 13. I made her "CC" inspired cupcakes. The cakes/cupcakes I make for my nieces and nephews are MY GIFT TO THEM! They tell me what they want and I make it! Well my sister changed the location of the dinner and I didn't know. So I didn't make the dinner but I made it to the "after" party and the roller rink. I hear from MY 13yr old daughter that my sister was running her mouth about how I wasn't at the dinner but I was able to make it to my friends party! Yeah I made it to my friends party because I was an invited guest AND I made the cupcakes & cookies-PAID FOR by my friend! After that I sent an email to my sister's, brother, and SIL that my gift to them would always be in form of cake/cupcakes/cookies (which ever they wanted), and I'd show up when I show up! icon_cool.gif

cakesbycathy Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:47pm
post #15 of 136

Write up an itemized list detailing everything you spent on the wedding.

Email it to EVERYONE (including the bride) who has sent you an email about how you didn't send a gift. Add a note that in the future the only gifts you will be giving for occasions will be something you can purchase at Target.

Clearly, no one has a clue icon_mad.gif

Ali3971 Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:54pm
post #16 of 136

OMG really? I can not believe people like this. I would definitily add up your total cost and time on the cake and send it to everyone and ask them who is going to pay for the cake so you can give her another gift since the gift you gave was not good enough for their ungrateful @$$e$. I guess I was raised different but I would never act like this and I feel sorry for you that you have to be hurt like this.

angelcakes5 Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:55pm
post #17 of 136

Seriously I would make the list and send it over to them. They have no clue. Maybe after seeing it they will know they are the cheap ones! Your setup was beautful. My wedding cake was a gift and this was before I started doing cakes. Believe me I appreciated it so much and knew it wasnt cheap!

kathys90 Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:55pm
post #18 of 136
Quote:
Originally Posted by cakesbycathy

Write up an itemized list detailing everything you spent on the wedding.

Email it to EVERYONE (including the bride) who has sent you an email about how you didn't send a gift. Add a note that in the future the only gifts you will be giving for occasions will be something you can purchase at Target.

Clearly, no one has a clue icon_mad.gif




SO TOTALLY AGREE!!!! The whole family must be notified, since they were all so nasty! icon_twisted.gif

Reimagining_Confections Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:55pm
post #19 of 136

I am sorry to everyone who posted about their similar experiences. It really stinks. But doing the right thing, taking the higher road, and being the better person sometimes is the only and best reward.

AND in the age old words of a really wise person" NO CAKE FOR YOU"!!! ha ha

(Truth, I won't learn from this and would do it for family or friends agin if they asked. It is just in my nature to help with areas I can help with/at.- I must like getting my cheeks slapped- because i keep turning them and getting it on both sides )icon_cry.gif

alvarezmom Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:57pm
post #20 of 136
Quote:
Originally Posted by CookiesbyMomME

Yeah- I will probably do something like that with a nice inquiry into details of her honeymoon(have fun, see nice things) etc. Then find a subtle way to work in the way our "cheapness" hurt considering we probably gave them the most expensive gift. I had the wedding photographer ask me to do her wedding in june and what the cost would be( I ballparked over $1200 and she said that sounded great- then i let her in on the wouldn't be able to due to the distance)

I just need some time to temper my TEMPER over this. My MIL sent me an email, my aunt-in-law sent me an email, my cousins(different one) wife sent an email with a email trail(from like 6 other relatives) of how my husband and I were the ONLY ones that did not give the needy bride and groom money or a wrapped gift for the wedding. One person called us a CHEAP set of SOB's.

I am glad it was email and not phone because I speak really quickly before my brain catches up to my tongue.

Thanks guys!




icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gifEXCUSE ME!!!!!! I'm sorry but who the icon_evil.gif are they to call you and your husband CHEAP SOB'S? I'm sorry but this would be the time I'd "REPLY ALL" and send an itimized list of what you and your husband spent on her wedding cake! I'd also put at the end that payment in full is REQUIRED if any one of them wants you and your husband to send a gift from where ever! I'd also say something like "Maybe in the future before you decide to get married you should make sure you have enough money to purchase your own wedding cake. None of you had a problem eating our gift, and if anyone wants to help XXX to pay for her "CHEAP" cake I'll be happy to accept cash, check or cc payments" icon_biggrin.gif

JenFailla Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 4:58pm
post #21 of 136

IS SHE INSANE?!?!?! What a MEGA B*TCH! Let's put aside the cost out of pocket for you (supplies, ingredients, dresses, hotel, gas) - BUT think of the TIME you spent on this. If you are going to send an email itemizing, I definitely think you should give her an estimate of what this cake would have cost to a stranger. Hopefully that shuts her up. And if it was me, I'd email the rest of the family that chose to trash talk behind your back as well- with a little P.S. Since many people seem to think that a wedding cake that serves 300+ does not qualify as a fantastic gift- you are free to purchase your cakes for any and all occasions from someone else and I will happily purchase you a GORGEOUS set of kitchen towels and pot holders". So sorry you are going through this!!

erinalicia Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 5:02pm
post #22 of 136

what an ungrateful bunch of asses! Wow... I'd draw up an invoice and show them exactly what a set up like that would have cost little miss down on her luck, poor pititful me, bride if she'd gone somewhere else to get it. And then I'd like for them to tell me I'm cheap. With family like that, who the hell needs enemies?

KateLS Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 5:04pm
post #23 of 136

Yes yes! Let her know, and then let us know how she responds!

That just makes me absolutely sick! People like that!!!!!! icon_mad.gif growl icon_mad.gif

And maybe, since all the other relatives are so upset, you can send them each receipts and tell them to pitch in with the bride, and then you can get that oh so precious gift they want her to have. Sheesh!

Some people!!!!! icon_mad.gif

KateLS Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 5:06pm
post #24 of 136

Yes, taking the high road is important, but not educating people is not a good idea. There's got to be a balance. If these ignorant people are not informed, the world will be the worse for it.

They seriously need to be informed.


Perhaps you could send and email, with photocopies of all the receipts, and say, "I'm sorry you felt we overlooked your gift. I hope, with these attachments, you can see how much time, effort, and love we did put into your gift. Again, congratulations on your wedding."

kimmisue2009 Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 5:07pm
post #25 of 136

Oh em gee. I sometimes get on here in order to read about the idiots that make me appreciate the people in my life. Today, your cousin wins. She's stupid. And you can tell her I said so.

indydebi Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 5:07pm
post #26 of 136

I cant' even come close to being allowed to type out what I think of this bride AND this interfering MIL! (giving us GOOD MIL's a bad name!) icon_mad.gif

I, personally, would take the "sending her an invoice" one step further.

dont' list your cost .... list your PRICE of what any other bride would pay for this cake. PLUS your travel expenses. PLUS your hotel costs. PLUS the daughter's dress and shoes.

let her know in no uncertain terms that you heard the comments about "no gift" and if she'd prefer a "real" gift instead of the cake, then you are forced to bill her for the cake. "attached is your invoice for $1200 ..... no checks, please." cc: the dumb a$$ MIL.

I have a great family who are ALWAYS appreciative of the cakes I make for family events and weddings but regardless, I make sure I point out ahead of time, "No one ELSE is giving you a $700 wedding gift!" icon_twisted.gif

Boy, if this isnt' a story that belongs on www.etiquettehell.com then I dont' know what is.

divinecc Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 5:14pm
post #27 of 136

As I am reading this it is making me sick to think of how this made you feel. I am pissed about it and it didn't even happen to me! I really hope you choose to let her know exactly how much the cake cost to make and all the hours you put into it, they really need to know. You can still take the high road and be polite about it, but it will put them all in there place and make them feel horrible (we can only hope) Everything looks beautiful and I would be more than grateful to have this done for me. It makes me sad that the whole family actually talks about this openly and has the nerve to gang up on you. That shows poor character and they should be ashamed. You are obviously a very giving person and care about the work you do so be proud of that and don't let them get you down!

LaWmn223 Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 5:15pm
post #28 of 136

First off let me say that your work...ideas...presentation and quality in all the different mediums that you work with is first rate and speaks for itself....Now,,,let me take a deep breath...I would do as those before have said and send the no clue mob a bite my talented ass email with the list of monies spent along with what you should charge for mental anguish and BS. with a "No Cake for You" clause that extends to any children that may result....Sorry...have to calm down...I am sorry this has happend to you and can only say "Hang in there" and "Take no crap" icon_smile.gif

alvarezmom Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 5:20pm
post #29 of 136

I'm sorry but I'd also have to tell them how much they have pi$$ed you off! I just looked at the pictures of the cakes and topper that you did, and it makes me even more mad. I'd like to email these people myself!

Ali3971 Posted 10 Feb 2011 , 5:23pm
post #30 of 136

I would even bill her for gas to pick up the supplis, consultation time it took me to get her idea into a design, every singe penny then I would shove it....well we all no where lol

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%