That Bully At Work

Lounge By kaytkat Updated 21 Feb 2011 , 4:32pm by G_Cakes

kaytkat Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:45pm
post #1 of 8

Does anyone else have that one person who is the office bully?

I work in a smaller office, about 40 people, and our lady in charge of HR, who is also the secretary's mother, seems to be the office bully. She is probably about 65 and seems to usually have a major attitude problem. Some days she can be sweet but I usually just avoid her. She is in charge of check and expense reports though so I cant avoid her totally.

One day I had mostacoli for lunch. I put it on a paper plate and covered it with a wet paper towel and put it in the microwave for 2.5 mins. I brought my water to my desk and waited there till I heard it ding. HR lady came over and said, That is your food in the microwave isnt it? I said, Oh yeah, it just dinged, I will go get it. She is like, No, it is uncovered making popping noises and splattering all over the microwave. This is how the microwave gets dirty. I asked if she was talking about mine because my food was covered. She said it was mine and it wasnt covered.

I went to the kitchen and I opened the microwave, and there sat my food, covered with the paper towel, and not making a mess of any sorts. I took it out and looked in, the microwave was perfectly clean. There were a couple food chunks in there but not from me since mine was fully covered. HR lady walks in and I show her and she continues to blame me for making a mess. There is no mess so I dont know what she is talking about. I told her there was a little food inside but not from me. I told her I would clean the minimal mess there was but it wasnt mine. She looked all pleased with herself and walked away. I never got an apology or anything. She drew hasty conclusions based on the noise my food was making while cooking. She upset me so much I was uncontrolably shaking for awhile.

More recently, Christmas time, we had a cookie contest at work. There were 3 categories that we voted on, best decorated, best tasting and best all around. I made 2 batches of cookies. 1 that was nicely decorated and 1 that tasted good I thought. So we did our judging and such and the event planner emailed all of us and told us the winners. She announced that I had won every category, first time in work history. I was excited but a little worried people would think I won unfairly (since I bring in cakes to work all the time, I have more baking experience) But everyone took it well so I thought. The next day I passed Hr lady getting on the elevator, I told her goodnight. She said snidely Congratulations on winning the cookie contest, maybe next year you can just make them all Oh jeesh.

She had said several other things but I am trying to block those out of my mind.

Long post, sorry, just wanted to share, and see if anyone else had similar issues.

7 replies
Kiddiekakes Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 6:59pm
post #2 of 8

She's Jealous...and old and grouchy.Just because her life may be lousy and she is angry with the world doesn't mean you have to put up with it...Ignore her..You are better than that!!

zespri Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 7:38pm
post #3 of 8

I think the only thing you can do with someone like that is be SUPER nice to them. It will make you feel better, and make her feel small for being such a bitch.

If you want to change someone else, you have to change yourself. So change yourself to a super friendly person towards her, and see what happens. If you're snide towards her, it will give her every reason to be snide towards you, and to talk about you with other people. Being super nice will feel better to your soul than being nasty to her, you'll go home feeling happy that your behaviour is not catty.

IF that fails, she's about 65, surely she's ready to retire soon?!

kaytkat Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 7:41pm
post #4 of 8

Hehe thanks icon_smile.gif Usually I just giggle at her, especially when she made the cookie comment.

emrldsky Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 9:46pm
post #5 of 8

One of my coworkers is much older than I am. I have worked in the department longer than she had, but she would roll her eyes at me during staff meetings, make snide comments, overreact to things people said, etc.

I would consider her a bully in that regard. She's not always this way, but I went to my manager several times to explain that I didn't feel it was professional or appropriate for a grown woman to roll her eyes in a staff meeting because she didn't like what I said. It stopped for a while, but would creep up now and then.

I wasn't sure what to do, but sometimes, you just have to shock the crud out of them! Seriously!!

My work group was at a conference and we were waiting on a cab. Now, it was me, and three other women (including this coworker), and I have an issue with claustrophobia. They wanted to get just one cab, and by the time some arguments went on because I asked, "Are you sure we can all fit?" the next cab rolls up and I swear it was a Mini Cooper.

At this point I'm starting to have an anxiety problem and repeated my question. This coworker just yells out, "Why do you keep asking that? Because we're all fat ***es or because you're the smallest one out of all of us??"

I snapped on her, right in front of my boss, and said, "Don't put bleeping words into my mouth, and don't ever yell at me like that again!" all while pointing my finger in her face.

The thing is, she was so used to no one standing up to her, she couldn't figure out what to do. I told my boss I would apologize if she felt it was necessary, but I stood by what I said and how I said it.

It's been much more pleasant to work with this woman since. She knows she can't push me around anymore. So, I've always taken the approach with any bully, of standing up for myself. They tend no to expect it.

Ruth0209 Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 4:16am
post #6 of 8

The fact is, bullies hate wimps. If you take their crap they keep picking on you. Usually they stop once you stand up to them. You have to be careful at work when you stand up to them to be totally in control and professional so you don't get in trouble for being aggressive yourself. I'm an HR specialist myself (only I'm nice - your HR woman is a disgrace. She should be a role model for appropriate workplace behavior), and I deal with this kind of thing a lot.

tryingcake Posted 17 Feb 2011 , 5:09am
post #7 of 8

Unfortunately, every office has a bully or some sort of negative person. Just be happy and proud that it's not you! ;-P

G_Cakes Posted 21 Feb 2011 , 4:32pm
post #8 of 8

I so dislike bullies of any kind!!!

Best advise I can offer in this situation would be to confront your bully as soon as it starts.

People who bully others are suffering from very low self exteem and worth.

In order for them to feel better about themselves they will launch attacks on other people pointing out flaws real or imagined to lower them down to below there own self value; there by raising themselves up and giving them a temporary sense of greater selfworth/value.

The feeling is always temporary and never lasts long. This is why they launch these verbal attacks frequently.

Best thing to do is confront them on it right away but in a more diplomatic sense.

Next time your bully strikes, ask them if everything is ok or if they are having a bad day.

Let them know that you have noticed a change in there demeanor and that your willing to lend an ear if they need one.

You may just be suprised at the response you get and they will start to think about there next verbal attack and how they approach it.

Not sure if this will help you out or not, but hoping it will icon_smile.gif

Quote by @%username% on %date%