Can I Just Vent? (Long)

Lounge By SSGirly Updated 9 Feb 2011 , 3:48am by mcaulir

SSGirly Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 12:48am
post #1 of 23

So I got somewhat guilt-ed into making my nephew's 1st birthday cake.
It was supposed to be a small, easy, 8" round which then turned into a complicated book-style cake for 30-35. Since no one mentioned reimbursing me for materials, I made it clear that it would be a gift from my family to the birthday boy. Ten days ago my sister-in-law asked to see photos of my progress. I told her no bc I wanted it to be a nice surprise... after all her instructions didn't give me much room for creativity.
Today, I get this email from her:
"I've been thinking about the cake and realized that we have invited more people to the party, but I forgot to tell you that the number has increased. Because of this, I would like to pay you for the supplies that you've used so far and for any that you cannot use for other cakes and let you know that I am going to order a cake from a bakery instead."
I was livid. 10 minutes later I received this email from her:
"If you are too far along and you think it would just be best to finish it, let me know. I'll pay for it and just order a smaller cake to make up the difference of people who are coming."
I tallied up the expenses-- close to $70 for the book cake and matching smash cake... far more than the $20 she spent on my daughter's 1st birthday gift...
I wrote this back:
"I've actually finished most of the individual pieces for the cake. It was to be our gift to Adam, but if you would rather order a cake from a bakery I can give you the cost of the materials. Just let me know.
The cake, which will be about 8x12, should feed 48 people if you do 8 rows with 6 columns (each slice will be approximately 1"x2"x4"-- a standard cake slice size). I'm not sure how many people your guest list is up to...
Please let me know what you want to do."
I'm probably too nice...
She wrote me back saying that the cake would feed everyone and could I send her some photos... she really pisses me off.
Now what?

22 replies
MissLisa Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 12:56am
post #2 of 23

You are obviously too busy to respond to her last email...........afterall, you have a cake to finish! Just show up with it and don't forget to put the bow on the box!

psmith Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 1:00am
post #3 of 23

Oh my! She doesn't have any idea how fortunate she is does she? I'd just forget about anymore emails and just go to the bday party with the cake. I'd tell her to enjoy the gift because next time she can pay the going rate! What is wrong with people?!

Jess1019 Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 1:03am
post #4 of 23

WOW! I'd be pretty livid also. It sounds to me like it really has nothing to do with the serving and more that she is doubting your ability. Wish I had some good advice but I don't, family is always a touchy subject. Good luck!

cheatize Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 1:10am
post #5 of 23

Send her pictures but take them so close up that they are blurry and you can't tell what they are. Tell her, "I always was a lousy photographer, but here you go!"

KCC Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 1:25am
post #6 of 23

I like Cheatize's ideal! Also make sure you're just late enough to make her worry LOL!!! icon_evil.gif

jarjam1026 Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 1:35am
post #7 of 23

I know how you feel. I've had some of my DH's family order cakes from me and they both called me a couple times before i finished the cake and i just simply told them, "would you call the local bakery and ask them whow things are coming along? Please stop calling me so i can finish your cake" thats what i told them>icon_smile.gif

sugarandstuff Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 1:39am
post #8 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissLisa

You are obviously too busy to respond to her last email...........afterall, you have a cake to finish! Just show up with it and don't forget to put the bow on the box!





Agreed - the birthday boy will love the cake I'm sure - that's all you should focus on now - finishing it and showing up to give it to him. Your time and energy will be worth it when he sticks his little finger into the icing icon_biggrin.gif

BlakesCakes Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 2:23am
post #9 of 23

Build a cake box, put a bow on it with a tag marked,

To: Adam

From: Aunt SSGirly & Uncle SSGirly

and send her a photo of it icon_lol.gif

Oh, yes I would!!!!!!!!!!!

Rae

jenmat Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 2:33am
post #10 of 23

Seriously?! Yeah, I would be livid too. it does sound like a trust issue.

I would tell her that if you are forced to send her a photo of the progress, then she herby becomes a customer and the total for the cake will now be $225.

Her trust level will increase after that.

letsgetcaking Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 1:56pm
post #11 of 23

Could it be that she did not want to put you out once she found out they would need more cake? You were doing it as a gift to their son, so she probably did not feel comfortable asking for more cake. From what I read, it sounds to me like she was doing her best to not trample on your toes. She realized they needed more cake and realized that would mean more time and money for you. I can't count the number of threads I've read on here where people complain when family members "expect" or "demand" free cake or casually add on servings or more intricate design requests.

I highly doubt she's concerned about your skill level. Your cakes are very nice.

indydebi Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 3:56pm
post #12 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by jentreu

Seriously?! Yeah, I would be livid too. it does sound like a trust issue.

I would tell her that if you are forced to send her a photo of the progress, then she herby becomes a customer and the total for the cake will now be $225.

Her trust level will increase after that.


I always offered the wedding cake free to my nieces and nephews with this one single caveat:

"The cake is free. However, if I start getting a bridezilla attitude, then you get an invoice for the whole thing. Attitudes are not limited to the bride, so be sure to let your mother, sister, girlfriend and fiance know this applies to them so they won't try to run interference for you and cost you a free cake. Deal?"

Never had one single problem! icon_twisted.gif ANd not ONE Of them wanted to see photos during the making-of process!

(You could always show her pics of the batter in the pan, your empty mixer bow with beaters dripping batter pics of bags of p.sugar, etal! )

booberfrog Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 4:03pm
post #13 of 23

I have to agree with letsgetcaking, I think she just didn't want you to have to start over making another cake to feed more people, she offered to pay for it, I don't see what the problem is. Charge her for the cake and then go spend $20 on a giftr for the birthday boy! icon_biggrin.gif

SSGirly Posted 3 Feb 2011 , 4:20pm
post #14 of 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi



"The cake is free. However, if I start getting a bridezilla attitude, then you get an invoice for the whole thing. Attitudes are not limited to the bride, so be sure to let your mother, sister, girlfriend and fiance know this applies to them so they won't try to run interference for you and cost you a free cake. Deal?"

Never had one single problem! icon_twisted.gif ANd not ONE Of them wanted to see photos during the making-of process!




I like that.. and I may start using it.

The big problem here is she is the type of person who always wants something for nothing. She also has control issues. The thing is, I've done 2 other cakes for her where, other than her not offering to pay me for them, there has been no problem.

I've decided I just don't care. The fontant pieces for the cake are done and drying, and since I'm not even going to the party (my husband is taking this one while I attend my other nephew's christening the same day for which I also have a cake to do... 3 tiers, my biggest yet) I'm just going to send her a small picture with all the pieces crammed into it. Above the photo I am writing: "What's the matter, you don't trust me?" And I'll let her read it/take it however she wants.

MollyGirl_17 Posted 4 Feb 2011 , 6:38am
post #15 of 23

I'd send her pictures of your bags of sugar, carton of eggs, etc. icon_wink.gif

Karen421 Posted 4 Feb 2011 , 4:11pm
post #16 of 23

LOL I think you should!!! icon_biggrin.gif

dldbrou Posted 4 Feb 2011 , 5:01pm
post #17 of 23

Just tell her that bakeries do not stop their decorating to take pictures in progress and send them to the customer and neither do you. So she will just have to wait until the party. Talk about a control freak.

If you gave her the cost breakdown and told her to order her cake somewhere else, do you think she would have the nerve to ask the other baker for pictures? Plus would she actually pay you for your cost?

SSGirly Posted 4 Feb 2011 , 6:11pm
post #18 of 23

I doubt it. I gave her the option to pay for the cost of materials and I would purchase a gift for her son, or she could accept this as the gift. She chose the second option and I've spent nearly $70 on materials... forget about the time!

cabecakes Posted 6 Feb 2011 , 4:01am
post #19 of 23

I personally like Indydebi's idea, and I too think I may use this for family cakes in the future. I have already had a couple of run-ins with family members dictating to me regarding their "free" cakes. I don't think this is going to be an issue in the future.

funcakes Posted 6 Feb 2011 , 9:11pm
post #20 of 23

So, wait a little while then send her a message-So very glad you decided to go with the book cake for nephew what's his name. Here are some pics, I knew you wanted to see in advance. Then copy some book cake photos from cake wrecks and send them all to her. Wait a few moments and then text-Just kidding.
Oh come on, she so deserves it!

FullHouse Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 4:29pm
post #21 of 23

When a close friend or relative wants a cake, my response is "I would be THRILLED to make a cake as your gift. My policy is that when its a gift I choose the design. If you have a specific theme for your party, I'll make sure the cake fits in." Then I offer them a choice of flavors based on what I have most ingredients for. Seems to put it in perspective that they are in fact receiving a gift and should behave accordingly.

As far as looking for a picture of the progress, I would just say, "Sorry, its a gift and therefore a surprise. Sorry, I just don't have the time to stop, take photos, upload and send them on top of the xx hours I'm devoting to making your cake." If she gets upset, just let her know that you'd be happy to let her pay you the $70 its cost you plus $xx per hour for the time you've spent and she can go ahead and order from a bakery, you'll donate the cake to a local charity & give her kid a $20 gift card to Target since that's what you would normally spend on his gift. Okay, maybe I wouldn't actually have the cake balls to say it, but I know many on here would (wish I did).

cakelady2266 Posted 8 Feb 2011 , 5:51pm
post #22 of 23

Sounds like SIL has gone all Momzilla on you. It seems to be a trust/control issue by virtue of the fact she wanted to see progress pictures. She either doesn't trust your skills or more likely wants to see the progress pictures so she can "guide" you to see her vision.

Send her some pictures of your work area and tell the this is the birthplace of progress.

mcaulir Posted 9 Feb 2011 , 3:48am
post #23 of 23

Maybe she's just excited to have a sneak preview of what you've done, rather than checking on you.

I suspect sending a 'what-don't-you-trust-me' caption on your photo will cause lots of bad feelings. I think some others have given you some good advice, and many have given you advice to be nasty, which can only result in more nastiness.

If you don't want to do more cakes for this person, just give a smile when asked and reply, "Sorry, I can't manage it this time."

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