Baby Shower Cake And Now No Baby Shower To Take The Cake To.

Decorating By ptanyer Updated 23 Jan 2011 , 6:03pm by ptanyer

ptanyer Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 7:32pm
post #1 of 30

My SIL asked to make a baby shower cake for my niece who is expecting her 2nd child. Said she'd pay me for it, but I decided to let the cake be my gift to her. So I worked and worked each night after my regular job ended to make it the best shower cake I could make. I posted photos of it in my cake photos last night (Ashley's Baby Shower Cake). I was really pleased with how it turned out and couldn't wait to take it to the shower today and present it to her.

So DH and I take my granddaughter to her cheerleading this morning and find out by accident that there is no shower icon_confused.gif What do you mean there isn't going to be a shower???? Mother-to-be forgot to tell us that she wasn't going to be in town today and that someone else is giving her a shower tomorrow (to which none of my family were invited to). So I have a cake and no place to take it. I am soooooooooooo mad icon_evil.gificon_evil.gif

I was tempted to throw it in the garbage, or take it to her house and show it to her and then smash it on the ground in front of her (childish I know, I know). But I put so much time into it and the costs for the ingredients and tools and cutters, that I didn't have and purchased to make the cake that I just cannot believe that people act this way icon_rolleyes.gif I should know better, I work for an attorney and I know how things can be in the real world. But this is family, and I never in a million years have seen this one coming!!!

So after stewing about it for several hours now, I have decided to box it up and take it to a local restaurant and give it to the manager to let the staff eat on their break. That way I can use it as a promo for my business. Granted the theme isn't one I would normally use as a give away, but at least they will get to see the kind of work I can do and get to taste my cake. Maybe I'll get some constructive feed back about my cakes.

I know this is long, but I really needed to talk to people who would understand the time and effort that we put into our cakes and how personal it is for us.

Thanks for listening. I feel better now icon_wink.gif

Pam

29 replies
CWR41 Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 7:48pm
post #2 of 30

You can't believe people act what way? Being out of town isn't an "attitute". It sounds like poor planning on your SIL's part for not finding out when your niece would be in town. If it was suppose to be a surprise, they'll just need to find out from the mother-to-be when they can reschedule her shower... you could always freeze the cake until then.

ptanyer Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 8:06pm
post #3 of 30

Niece didn't tell any of the hostesses or the guests that the shower was cancelled. This all falls on the niece and I will definitely not save this cake for her. It was rude and inconsiderate!

cylstrial Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 8:08pm
post #4 of 30

It's a beautiful cake! It's a shame that it didn't work out.

artscallion Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 8:09pm
post #5 of 30

Why aren't you letting her know? I would send her an email or call her and say, "since I discovered, by accident, that there is no shower today, what would you like me to do with this $200 worth of cake?" Smashing a cake would be childish, you are right about that. But not acknowledging that it even happened is just a s dysfunctional. If you don't address it with her, it's likely the two of you will forever have this tension between you.

Sorry this happened to you. I can relate though. I was set to make a baby shower cake for my niece. I worked day and night to make the gumpaste babies and crib in my pics, only to have my SIL call me the day after I finished them to tell me they were having the shower in a restaurant now and the restaurant didn't allow outside cakes. I was stunned by this. I let her know exactly how much work and expense I had put in and we hashed it all out. Now we're fine. But if we hadn't talked it out, I know It would never have been right between us again.

tania9 Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 8:20pm
post #6 of 30

I think it's terribly rude!
The SIL would have known that the shower date had been changed, and not telling you, or inviting you was just RUDE!

I'd send her an email with photos of the cake and explain how much time, effort and cost went into making it and that you're disappointed that no one in their family will be able to see it or taste the cake. Plus I wouldn't buy her a shower gift, and I wouldn't make any future cakes as gifts for them either.

CWR41 Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 8:25pm
post #7 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by ptanyer

Niece didn't tell any of the hostesses or the guests that the shower was cancelled. This all falls on the niece and I will definitely not save this cake for her. It was rude and inconsiderate!




How would the niece even know that the shower is cancelled--she's out of town?

How would she know about the shower--is she planning it for herself, perhaps at her own house? (isn't it suppose to be a surprise?)

Is it really her responsibility to call all of her guests while she's out of town because someone hosted a party for her that she cannot attend?

(too dysfunctional for me to comprehend.)

mysweetsugar75 Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 8:41pm
post #8 of 30

First of all, I have never heard of a baby shower for a 2nd child.
Secondly, I agree with ARTSCALLION.

I would give a copy of picture of cake to your SIL and send a picture to your niece, basically letting both of them know (because who's fault was it that this shower wasn't on a confirmed date with the mom to be anyway?) that you are disappointed that the shower didn't take place because your gift was the cake and the value was $$$....... so if the shower was/is to be rescheduled the only gift from you will be your blessing for a healthy child.

bates123 Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 8:43pm
post #9 of 30

Wow, I hate that this happened to you. Your cake is beautiful. I really hate that it won't be appreciated. If I were you I'd post on facebook that I had a cake to give away to someone who would appreciate it. Or even better than that, why not go to your local hospital and give it to a family who just had a little girl. The nurses could let you know if there may be an under privileged family who may never be able to afford something so beautiful. It would make to work you put into it worth something really good.

mysweetsugar75 Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 8:45pm
post #10 of 30

By the way, your cake was beautiful! Sorry this happened to you.

JulieMN Posted 22 Jan 2011 , 8:54pm
post #11 of 30

Sorry this happened to you. Your cake is lovely!

ptanyer Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 2:37am
post #12 of 30

First, Bates123 that was a great suggestion, but unfortunately I didn't get to read it until after I had given the cake away. The people I gave it to were thrilled to receive it and I loved making someone happy. But I am keeping you suggestion in mind and thinking about doing something along those lines in the future icon_smile.gif

Secondly, the Mother-to-Be (MTB) basically asked my SIL to host a baby shower for her. Being the kind people that my SIL's are, they agreed. One of them asked me to make the cake, and I was more than happy to do so. I cannot afford to give a gift worth what that cake was worth, but I can and do cakes as my gift quite often. Now, there is alot of family drama associated with the MTB and her family and I'm not going to do into all that online. Needless to say, the request was made, my SIL's and I agreed and it didn't matter if it ettiquette said that you don't do showers for 2nd children. Some rules can be broken and no one will suffer permanent damage because of it. Now as for the MTB being out of town, she didn't go out of town until this morning, and she knew full well about the shower because the details of when and where were discussed with her and her mother. As well as the number of guests being invited. I do not blame my SIL's,they didn't cancel the shower without notice to anyone, they were disrespected in this as well. When my DH found out what had happened, he called the mother of the MTB and explained what had happened and asked why they couldn't have told us earlier, and received no real answer. And the MTB has yet to call anyone and apologize or offer an explanation.

Third, thank you for the support that I received from my posting and I appreciate it. That's what this site was designed for. and it is nice to have a place among our peers to be able to discuss the ins and out and ups and downs of this kind of business, and I am grateful for it. I didn't set out to be part of any kind of drama, I was just making a cake for a family member.

Thank you for allowing me to share my feelings with you and for your supporticon_smile.gif

Pam

Sorelle Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 3:18am
post #13 of 30

I gave my "practice" cakes to a local retirement home, eventually worked into a "Birthday's of the month"
day. Now I take cakes in once a month for them. It started out trying to avoid having cake in the house all the time (weight issue) ended up being a great marketing idea. I get orders from nurses and family members who attend the parties.

ptanyer Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 3:29am
post #14 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sorelle

I gave my "practice" cakes to a local retirement home, eventually worked into a "Birthday's of the month"
day. Now I take cakes in once a month for them. It started out trying to avoid having cake in the house all the time (weight issue) ended up being a great marketing idea. I get orders from nurses and family members who attend the parties.




That's a great idea thumbs_up.gif

cupadeecakes Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 3:37am
post #15 of 30

Sorry to hear about your situation, Pam. You have every right to br angry. I hope your neice knows what a great gift she is missing out on!

cownsj Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 3:38am
post #16 of 30

Gorgeous, gorgeous cake. Anyway would have to be thrilled to get that cake, even if the people who got it aren't having a baby. They would have to see the artistry in it. Great job.

ptanyer Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 3:47am
post #17 of 30

Thank you. Acknowledgment by your peers is always a heart warming feeling icon_smile.gif

Cupadeecakes - She won't know about it from me. I don't plan on talking about it to her. It's done and over and I am moving forward.

I have more cakes in my very near future and they all involve a lot of prep work and I will start working on that tomorrow. My youngest granddaughter, Sara, is turning 6 in 2 weeks and I am making a cake with a butterfly theme and need to make lots and lots of butterflies. Last year I did the Tinkerbell cake in my cake photos for her and this years cake has to be better than that icon_wink.gif

cheatize Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 3:48am
post #18 of 30

I hear ya! I'm done messing with my family. This year, sister #1 decided to host family Christmas, but didn't tell sister #2 (the original host) and me. I show up at sister #2's place to find out it's an hour away at sister #1's. Sister #2 just found out the night before as she was scrubbing down her house and stopped to make a quick phone call to our parents to ask them something. Sister #3 either knew of the change in plans or wasn't coming anyway because she never showed up at sister #2's house that day.

I had spoken to my father the night before, too, and before hanging up I said, "I'll see you tomorrow." He never bothered to mention that sister #1 had changed everyone's plans. So there I am at sister #2's house and she asked me, "What do you want to do?" I asked her if she had plans for the day and she said, "No, not now." I looked her in the eye and said, "Let's have family Christmas!" and sent my hubby out to the van to start bringing stuff in.

I haven't seen my parents in a year and I doubt I'll see them again this year. I haven't seen sister #1 in 4 or 5 years since she never comes to family Christmas and I could give a rat's behind if I see her in the next 4 or 5 years.

cownsj Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 3:57am
post #19 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheatize

I hear ya! I'm done messing with my family. This year, sister #1 decided to host family Christmas, but didn't tell sister #2 (the original host) and me. I show up at sister #2's place to find out it's an hour away at sister #1's. Sister #2 just found out the night before as she was scrubbing down her house and stopped to make a quick phone call to our parents to ask them something. Sister #3 either knew of the change in plans or wasn't coming anyway because she never showed up at sister #2's house that day.

I had spoken to my father the night before, too, and before hanging up I said, "I'll see you tomorrow." He never bothered to mention that sister #1 had changed everyone's plans. So there I am at sister #2's house and she asked me, "What do you want to do?" I asked her if she had plans for the day and she said, "No, not now." I looked her in the eye and said, "Let's have family Christmas!" and sent my hubby out to the van to start bringing stuff in.

I haven't seen my parents in a year and I doubt I'll see them again this year. I haven't seen sister #1 in 4 or 5 years since she never comes to family Christmas and I could give a rat's behind if I see her in the next 4 or 5 years.




Boy, you all have strange names........ not very inventive, but I guess numbers work... just kidding, just kidding. I think most of us have probably been through these family things. It sucks, and then we're back for more. I had one Christmas when I was making all the plans, making sure I could get everything, do it all, etc. for the family to come to my house. I had everything all set and was so looking forward to it. I mentioned it to my sister when she came over. Not a word, then the next day I call the rest of my family and they tell me my sister called them the night before and said Christmas was at her house and that I "me", had already said that sounded good. And on Christmas Day, my sister had the nerve to smirk at me. Yeah, family's can be horrible sometimes. And sometimes they can actually be great too. But I'm trying to remember one of those stories...... icon_lol.gif

ptanyer Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 3:57am
post #20 of 30

Bless your heart - that's hard to deal with. My brother, sisters and I all had a falling out several years ago over a legal issue with my deceased sister's estate and it has taken alot of time and discussion to finally agree to disagree about it and move forward. Families can only hurt us in a way that customers can't. If it had been a customer, it wouldn't have been an issue because I would have been paid in advance and I would have delivered the cake to them and gone on my merry way. But family--well we know how that can be.

Here's a {{{{{{{{{{Hug}}}}}}}}}} for you. I hope that one of these days, things get better for you.

cylstrial Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 1:38pm
post #21 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by mysweetsugar75

First of all, I have never heard of a baby shower for a 2nd child.




Oh my gosh, they drive me crazy! They are all the rage around here and where my family is from too (a different state). Heck, my friends just had one for the 5th child!!! That's right, you heard me.

Anyway, I'm pregnant with my 2nd baby (my first was a boy, now I'm having a girl), but you better believe that I'm NOT having another shower.

Bskinne Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 2:12pm
post #22 of 30

I'm sorry that happened to you, I had a similar experience with a friend who called me 2 days before to make a huge TT cake and then cancelled on me when it was not ready early enough for her to take to our other friend (I still had another couple of hours on it). She then had the nerve to tell me "I'll come help you eat it"....we're not really friends anymore, lol.
(((((hugs)))))

cheatize Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 2:14pm
post #23 of 30

I thought numbering would be the best way to help everyone keep us straight. lol
Thanks for the hugs and such. I adapt as I go with my family and I never rely on them for anything, so no worries here.

I'm sorry your and your cake were treated that way, ptanyer. Sometimes all you can do is put it behind you and move on without them.

Annabakescakes Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 2:56pm
post #24 of 30

As much as it may hurt that you were not invited to the party, I would still present the cake as a gift to her. It is for her, just ask where the party is, and take it, or call the grandmother or whoever and arrange pick up. It is a very special cake, and I can tell you poured your heart into it. It belongs to your niece. I think it is the right thing to do, and will make you feel better, and there won't be hard feelings because no one will find out how you smashed it, or gave it away. It is her cake, give it to her.

cownsj Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 2:59pm
post #25 of 30

You were right, you made it very easy to follow along.

At least the cake ended up with people who appreciated it. I really do believe that it's our "chosen" family who are the best; our friends and neighbors who come running at the drop of a hat for nothing, and who are on the ground laughing with you when you so something stupid. They are the best support system around, even better the SPS. icon_surprised.gif

ptanyer Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 3:19pm
post #26 of 30

I try to go with the flow when it comes to family, but somedays I just lose it icon_lol.gif Now mind you that this is all my inlaws icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif None of MY family live where I do. My family is spread all over different states now, so when we do get together, it's so rare that there isn't any drama or problems (but we are soooo detail oriented that we tend to wear ourselves out BEFORE the event that nothing goes wrong and we enjoy the event.)

As for deadlines, I make it very well known that they have to remember that I work full time and even though I am officially an approved home baker, that I have to spread the cake work over the course of a week in order to accomodate eveything that I feel needs to be done. That means I work all day (8-5) and then come home, change clothes and work until 11 pm or so on the cake and then start over again the next day. I am a slow, slow decorator, but that's because I am so detail oriented that I don't go onto the next thing until the first thing is done to my satisfaction. I had complete creative control of this cake, and really enjoyed the whole process and actually finished a whole day ahead. I was so proud of myself and the finished product. It was a gift of the heart to my niece icon_smile.gif I never had a babyshower when I was pregnant with my son and so I guess I tend to take baby showers a little differently icon_wink.gif

Quote:
Quote:

At least the cake ended up with people who appreciated it. I really do believe that it's our "chosen" family who are the best; our friends and neighbors who come running at the drop of a hat for nothing, and who are on the ground laughing with you when you so something stupid. They are the best support system around, even better the SPS.




Amen!

Annabakescakes: I'm sorry, but I gave the cake away. As I posted earlier, there is a lot of drama history with my niece and her family and I opted out of being a part of it any longer and gave it away. Barging in to a shower I wasn't invited to with a cake I made would have been perceived as show boating and I don't behave that way. But I appreciate your opinion.

Annabakescakes Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 4:00pm
post #27 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by ptanyer

I try to go with the flow when it comes to family, but somedays I just lose it icon_lol.gif Now mind you that this is all my inlaws icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif None of MY family live where I do. My family is spread all over different states now, so when we do get together, it's so rare that there isn't any drama or problems (but we are soooo detail oriented that we tend to wear ourselves out BEFORE the event that nothing goes wrong and we enjoy the event.)

As for deadlines, I make it very well known that they have to remember that I work full time and even though I am officially an approved home baker, that I have to spread the cake work over the course of a week in order to accomodate eveything that I feel needs to be done. That means I work all day (8-5) and then come home, change clothes and work until 11 pm or so on the cake and then start over again the next day. I am a slow, slow decorator, but that's because I am so detail oriented that I don't go onto the next thing until the first thing is done to my satisfaction. I had complete creative control of this cake, and really enjoyed the whole process and actually finished a whole day ahead. I was so proud of myself and the finished product. It was a gift of the heart to my niece :) I never had a babyshower when I was pregnant with my son and so I guess I tend to take baby showers a little differently icon_wink.gif

Quote:
Quote:

At least the cake ended up with people who appreciated it. I really do believe that it's our "chosen" family who are the best; our friends and neighbors who come running at the drop of a hat for nothing, and who are on the ground laughing with you when you so something stupid. They are the best support system around, even better the SPS.



Amen!

Annabakescakes: I'm sorry, but I gave the cake away. As I posted earlier, there is a lot of drama history with my niece and her family and I opted out of being a part of it any longer and gave it away. Barging in to a shower I wasn't invited to with a cake I made would have been perceived as show boating and I don't behave that way. But I appreciate your opinion.




I can understand that. I do think it is such a shame she didn't get the cake that was made for her, but if there is a lot of family drama, I understand that as well. I am glad you got lots of pictures, it was heart-breakingly beautiful.

ptanyer Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 4:26pm
post #28 of 30

Annabakescakes:

Quote:
Quote:

I am glad you got lots of pictures, it was heart-breakingly beautiful.




Thank you! I have never had anyone refer to one of my cakes that way and to hear it from a peer means so much icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif {{{{{HUG}}}}

Annabakescakes Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 5:24pm
post #29 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by ptanyer

Annabakescakes:

Quote:
Quote:

I am glad you got lots of pictures, it was heart-breakingly beautiful.



Thank you! I have never had anyone refer to one of my cakes that way and to hear it from a peer means so much icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif {{{{{HUG}}}}




I mean it! It was just so beautiful, and made with love, it made my heart hurt a little, in a good way. Like when you see a sleeping baby, or your baby squeezes your finger. I normally have no problem cutting a cake, but I wouldn't have wanted to see that one cut up. I think it would make an excellent dummy, with cupcakes to serve, for those who do that sort of thing. Most everybody could appreciate not having to cut such a lovely cake. One in pink, one in blue, and one in yellow for the ladies who don't know what they are having. thumbs_up.gif

ptanyer Posted 23 Jan 2011 , 6:03pm
post #30 of 30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annabakescakes

Quote:
Originally Posted by ptanyer

Annabakescakes:

Quote:
Quote:

I am glad you got lots of pictures, it was heart-breakingly beautiful.



Thank you! I have never had anyone refer to one of my cakes that way and to hear it from a peer means so much icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif {{{{{HUG}}}}



I mean it! It was just so beautiful, and made with love, it made my heart hurt a little, in a good way. Like when you see a sleeping baby, or your baby squeezes your finger. I normally have no problem cutting a cake, but I wouldn't have wanted to see that one cut up. I think it would make an excellent dummy, with cupcakes to serve, for those who do that sort of thing. Most everybody could appreciate not having to cut such a lovely cake. One in pink, one in blue, and one in yellow for the ladies who don't know what they are having. thumbs_up.gif




That is a great idea! A dummy cake with cupcakes, I never thought of that icon_cool.gif The people I gave it to all said they didn't want to cut it up, it was too pretty. Like you, I never have a problem with cutting the cake. I need to have my DH film one when I make a big cake and cut it up icon_lol.gif Now I have another alternative to give them. Thanks icon_wink.gif

BTW - cakes made with love have a life of their own. The 3 cakes I have had the most comments on or favorites saved are the 7 tier wedding cake made for my niece's wedding in 2009, the Timkerbell cake for my darling, darling granddaughter, Sara (she's the reason I started decorating cakes again) in 2010 and now the Baby Shower Cake in 2011. All made with love and a lot of "me" in the cakes. Those high points make this profession worth all the work!

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