Stop With The Negativity!

Lounge By Frecklysmom Updated 26 Dec 2010 , 11:46pm by Karen421

Frecklysmom Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 6:17am
post #1 of 125

It seems like every time I got on here to look at the forums, there is someone being mean and nasty to someone else. I get on here to learn to new techniques and gain information. I don't need to hear someone telling some one else they are stupid or their cakes are ugly. Whatever happened to "don't say anything if you can't say something nice"?

124 replies
yummy Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 6:36am
post #2 of 125

I'll second that!

cindalou_xx Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 6:46am
post #3 of 125

Really? I've never noticed anything like that before! Like what? And where?

butterlove Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 6:57am
post #4 of 125

Oh dear, I wasn't aware of this either. I've had such a good time learning on these forums. I don't know where I would be without you all. Thanks for all the sharing.

Cheers to all and have a good and safe holiday season! Hope the new year brings us more sweet things.

yummy Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 6:58am
post #5 of 125

Welcome to CC Cindalou_xx!

It happens often enough. There are so many threads in all the forums so every now and then it happens you probably haven't ran across one yet.

It's really sad.

For the past two days a radio personality in my city has asked his listeners and followers on facebook to post pictures of their Christmas trees on fb. OMG! The negative comments that some people are writing are just plain ridiculous; their bashing peoples trees, taste and homes. I'm wondering what happened to "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything"? I mean really, for real people; bashing peoples trees? I'm sick of negative, mean spirited people!

cindalou_xx Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 7:06am
post #6 of 125

Hello icon_smile.gif

Okay, so I just had a browse and your def right. It's really horrible. I don't believe people have become this competitive and just plain angry icon_sad.gif

Oh and I just noticed it says that i'm a newbie hehe yep it really shows! oops icon_razz.gif

cakegirl1973 Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 7:08am
post #7 of 125

It's sad that some people never learned to "play nicely" with others.

Lisa-G Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 7:49am
post #8 of 125

I'm a newbie to posting also - I read a bunch but I'm just recently jumping in to post.

While there are negative comments, I think posting a whole thread about them kinda keeps it going.

cake_architect Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 8:58am
post #9 of 125

earlier i was reading through some forums and i felt like posting the exact same thing! its not just people making negative comments about people's cakes either- its people getting exasperated because a question has been asked previously or because a post is under the wrong heading. also, a lot of people ask for advice and instead of offering help, people start jumping all over the original poster asking if their cake is even legal to sell or accusing them of copyright infringement. for a lot of us this is just a hobby, if we wanted so much criticism or negativity we would go somewhere else. its just getting ridiculous, thanks for making us who aren't "forum superstars" feel unwelcomed cake central

Apti Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 11:12am
post #10 of 125

Hi Everybody! Sorry you've gotten a bad feeling. I'm pretty sure it's due to a couple of things. CC has a huge membership (317170 registered users) and with that many people and literally millions of articles and posts there are always going to be disagreements. The other thing is that there are a couple of "hot" topics here on CC. The BIGGEST one by far is the issue of "legal [licensed]" bakers vs. hobby bakers receiving $$ for cakes.

BTW, the titles under the names like "newbie" or "jr. member" or "forum superstar" etc., have absolutely nothing to do with cake decorating talents. It is merely a reflection of how many posts you've put on CC. In my case, I'm retired, up at 3 am, and posting is more fun than watching stupid TV. Anybody can be a forum superstar if they spend a LOT of time at the computer (instead of practicing frosting techniques for instance.....whoops! talking about myself here!)

Basically, if you are here to learn, YOU WILL! The good far, far, far outweighs the bad.
Here's a link to an example of why, despite occasional disagreements or snippy comments, we LOVE CC:
http://cakecentral.com/modules.php?name=gallery&file=displayimage&pid=1897708

Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Ambar2 Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 11:38am
post #11 of 125

There was a thread a few months back where I had to say a few thing to the people responding to the original poster, they were very mean, all of them and the person just gave up caking for good because of the comments that were said. It was actually sad and embarrasing that grown people can act like that, specially to someone they know nothing about. There should be a "flag" or "report" button, (you know like youtube) for those type of comments. I think that maybe with this thread everyone will think before putting down a mean comment. You could be truthful, but you can also be nice. Im glad this was brought up, we are here to help and learn from each other and share our experiences. Not to put down your fellow cakers, Im only a hobby baker but I have learned so much! When I start culinary school its going to be a breeze thanks to you all.

indydebi Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 11:40am
post #12 of 125

I'm one of those insomniacs who also speed reads and types really fast, so I probably read every thread that gets posted (or at least 95% of them), and I do not ever recall seeing a thread in which someone said "your cake is ugly". icon_confused.gif I did a search for the word "stupid" and the only ones that came up were things like "This may be a stupid question" or "I know this was stupid of me", but I didnt' find one in which someone called another CC'er stupid.

Of course some threads get heated. CC is a big cake family. We've come to know each other very very well, professionally and personally. Like any family with a lot of siblings, we will love each other, support each other and bicker with each other. but in the end, we're all there for each other. Sometimes we need an electronic hug and sometimes we need an electronic slap upside the head.

I'm not sure I'd want to be part of a site that is supposed to be supportive and help me grow in my skills if all I ever got was "oh that's so pretty; so good; so brilliant!" instead of helpful advice , tips and ideas, like I've gotten since joining this site. I'd hate for those with the helpful advice on how to run a business, how to make a better rose, how to make a treasure chest cake, would NOT post since some might think it fell into the "don't say anyting at all" category. THAT would be sad. Very sad.

If pepole are willing to not wear their feelings on a sleeve and be open to good solid advice, whether they want to hear it or not, they will find they can grow at their craft much more rapidly than they would if they were on their own. I leanred more in 2 years on here than I did in 25 years of hands-on-caking. It's the best collection of cake experts in the world and I'd be a fool to run away from their expertise just because I just wanted to hear "pretty" stuff about a cake of mine. I'm forever grateful to those who chose to NOT "say nothing at all" and help me expand my skills.

tsal Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 11:57am
post #13 of 125

I have not read the other replies, but the only time I have seen people's backs up is when they think a post is insulting to another cake artist. I saw a post yesterday where the OP sort of slammed another artist (I say 'sort of' because the person attempted to clarify, but it was still insulting).

Anyway, then the barrage of 'who do you think you are' replies came in (but quite frankly, the person should have seen it coming).

Other than that, I see lots of folks helping people, or maybe I just avoid the bad posts!

indydebi Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 12:00pm
post #14 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by tsal

I have not read the other replies, but the only time I have seen people's backs up is when they think a post is insulting to another cake artist. I saw a post yesterday where the OP sort of slammed another artist (I say 'sort of' because the person attempted to clarify, but it was still insulting).

Anyway, then the barrage of 'who do you think you are' replies came in (but quite frankly, the person should have seen it coming).

Other than that, I see lots of folks helping people, or maybe I just avoid the bad posts!



great example of the "sibling" relationship I was referring to.

Its ok for me to make fun of my little sister, but if someone else does, I'm gonna take 'em down! As you point out, this isn't people being snarky, it's CC'ers standing up for their brother/sister caker.

Gosh, who would not want to be part of a family who does that! thumbs_up.gif

artscallion Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 12:32pm
post #15 of 125

I don't think it has anything to do with CC . It's the internet. I've yet to come across a forum that doesn't have the exact same dynamic to one degree or another. People are people. And when you get 317,000 of them together to chat, you get the same thing you get anywhere...folks who kiss butt, passive aggressive folks, folks with no self esteem hinting to get compliments, genuinely helpful folks, folks who give bad advice, folks who give good advice, folks who like to poke people with a stick. I could go on all day.

Just because everything here is pink, lavender and all about sugar and frosting doesn't mean we're all happy Stepford bakers, always there with a smile and an, "of course you're right dear." We're real people, just like any other group of 317,000 people.

I don't come her to be soothed or coddled. That's what I have family and friends for. I come here to share serious advice and knowledge about my passion.

tiggy2 Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 12:45pm
post #16 of 125

If your skin is thin and your feelings are easily hurt the internet is probably not the place to be. If you're looking for sugar and spice and everything nice and not get you're feelings hurt you should look to friends and family. People here are very caring but also very honest. If you ask for advice you're going to get it and it's going to be honest advice.

Sangriacupcake Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 12:56pm
post #17 of 125

A well-read cake blogger refers readers to Cake Central as a great place to learn as long as you can put up with "grumpy, snooty, cake snobs." I'm finding she is spot-on. As a newbie, I can say it really is a wonderful place to learn techniques, look at lots of cool cakes, and research recipes. But as I read lots of past threads (nursing a sprained back!) I must say there's a lot of grumpiness, too. I take part in quite a few very active forums on many different topics, and this one seems to have more than its share of bickering! I just keep reminding myself of the blogger's advice to put up with the crabby entries and just concentrate on learning from the helpful advice.

visionsofprisms Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 1:18pm
post #18 of 125

I think I know one of the forum posts that you are talking about.

http://cakecentral.com/cake-decorating-ftopicp-7021432-.html#7021432

I do feel that sometimes negativity can be harsh. But, we are here for constructive criticism. I think the problem comes in when people miss type or miss spoke. The majority of people in the world have a difficult time conveying their thoughts to type, and not just type, but also typing it.

Teachers get to learn how to constructively criticize students without coming off wrong. But most people, don't know how to do that. So I think some on here need to not be so worried about things. Sorry if this is coming out distorted. I am trying to multi-task and well that never works

Loucinda Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 2:08pm
post #19 of 125

It is possible to be honest AND kind.

CC is a great place, you just have to learn who to ignore.

eatdessert1st Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 2:15pm
post #20 of 125

I've learned that something that is written on the internet that's meant to be constructive can come across as short and rude when it's not meant to be taken that way. It's just words... we can't see the poster's facial expressions and hear the word inflections. That's the downside of posting online icon_smile.gif The majority of posts I've taken as meant to be positive constructive posts. You do get the few "grumpy" ones, I suppose, but it comes with the territory. I ignore those... we all have grumpy days. I took my kids to see Santa last night and kept telling them, "we're going to have FUN and relax!" Guess who was the grumpiest one by the time we dragged ourselves home 3 1/2 hrs later? On the ride home I say, "I'll be in a better mood tomorrow after some sleep." Silence. Then the 5 yr old says sincerely, "I hope so, Mama!" Oh well.
Merry Christmas, Cake Friends!

Melanie-the grump-Mc.

-K8memphis Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 2:54pm
post #21 of 125

I think that ignoring certain posts is a great good idea and at the same time I think that there's the time to take action too.

There's a certain clique on here that likes to bash some of us so you have to know which hills to fight on and you have a responsibility to push back sometimes. Certainly not anyone's first choice of how to correspond on here but it's unfortunately necessary sometimes.

Disagreeing is one thing and understood.
Disrespect is reason to fight if necessary because on this board it spreads like ripe manure and fertilizes more disrespect.

Just say no to bashing.

dchockeyguy Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 3:15pm
post #22 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by eatdessert1st

I've learned that something that is written on the internet that's meant to be constructive can come across as short and rude when it's not meant to be taken that way. It's just words... we can't see the poster's facial expressions and hear the word inflections. That's the downside of posting online icon_smile.gif The majority of posts I've taken as meant to be positive constructive posts. You do get the few "grumpy" ones, I suppose, but it comes with the territory. I ignore those... we all have grumpy days. I took my kids to see Santa last night and kept telling them, "we're going to have FUN and relax!" Guess who was the grumpiest one by the time we dragged ourselves home 3 1/2 hrs later? On the ride home I say, "I'll be in a better mood tomorrow after some sleep." Silence. Then the 5 yr old says sincerely, "I hope so, Mama!" Oh well.
Merry Christmas, Cake Friends!

Melanie-the grump-Mc.




part of this I do have to agree with. Many people do not come across in "Print," if you will, like they would in real life. You miss the facial expressions, the voice, the body language cues that we all get used to with personal interaction. I have someone I work with who sounds just terribly rude when he writes e-mails to me. But when I talk to him on the phone, or even in person, he sounds SO much nicer. I find myself having to give a little reminder that he probably doesn't mean to sound that way (Most of the time at any rate....)

-K8memphis Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 4:00pm
post #23 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by dchockeyguy

...Many people do not come across in "Print," if you will, like they would in real life. You miss the facial expressions, the voice, the body language cues that we all get used to with personal interaction. I have someone I work with who sounds just terribly rude when he writes e-mails to me. But when I talk to him on the phone, or even in person, he sounds SO much nicer. I find myself having to give a little reminder that he probably doesn't mean to sound that way (Most of the time at any rate....)




Oh you must work with my big brother!!! icon_lol.gif

(He's even bad leaving voice mails too.) <shudders>

Great guy in person!

-K8memphis Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 4:15pm
post #24 of 125

One more story--I love love love this story.

So I'm a customer service rep for the new cell phone company in town like fifteen-ish years ago. New cell phone company can't keep up with demand and is screwing everyone inadvertently--oh yeah we run out of freaking phone numbers--at that time you had to buy them (as a company) so that you could offer them to your subscribers. So no one can get hooked up--bad scene.

So everyone is royally pissed and the phones are jammed for days on end.

Lady calls, and it goes down in history as the second worst call I ever received. Chews me a new one. I only said my first name but she didn't care what my name was--oops--she did not realize it was me and that our daughters had been sleep over friends and that she had been my son's first grade Sunday School teacher.

I had to call back to follow up on her call and her husband answered and I gave my first and last name.

It's a small small world after all.

So we are not annonymous anywhere.

bobwonderbuns Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 4:15pm
post #25 of 125

Then there's always the "turn it on them" approach. One gal who has been on CC for years occasionally still comes after me -- making rude and demeaning comments to things I say and the last time she did that I publicly referred to her as "the president of my fan club." icon_lol.gif Yep, you guessed, she's moved on! icon_twisted.gificon_biggrin.gif

cakeville82 Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 4:34pm
post #26 of 125

Straight forward and Honest = Rude here on CC

I have found out that unless you are willing to bite your tongue, lie ,use emoticons to hide behind and continually stroke the Ego's of everyone else on here then CC is not the place for you.

Too many valuable and knowledgeable minds have been run off by the Carebear squad, but at the end of the day it's CC's loss, not theirs.

The problem isn't the negativity it's the sensitivity.
So with that said,I think people need to stop with the sensitivity, grow a pair and have an adult conversation.

The_Caketress Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 4:34pm
post #27 of 125

Happy thoughts create happy cakes.

BluntlySpeakingKarma Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 4:51pm
post #28 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lori_hutchcakes

Happy thoughts create happy cakes.




I mean really, it's the internets. People are people. thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif

bobwonderbuns Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 4:53pm
post #29 of 125
Quote:
Originally Posted by BluntlySpeakingKarma

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lori_hutchcakes

Happy thoughts create happy cakes.



And sugar plum fairies might dance out of my butt. I mean really, it's the internets. People are people. thumbs_up.gifthumbs_up.gif




It's just that kind of attitude people are complaining about. Honestly!

ccr03 Posted 22 Dec 2010 , 4:53pm
post #30 of 125

I'm gonna have to agree w/cakeville. That's why I quit posting for a while (that and I have a business to run) but if you disagree w/one of the 'nice' leaders you are labeled an outcast, bully, and the source of all evil. I'd 100% times want straight-up honestly than someone tip-toeing around the issue to just 'protect' my feelings.

Plus a 'nice' leader can be rude all she/he wants, but if you disagree with them you are labeled rude.

Also, hmm, this is a website on the Internet. Take things with a grain of salt.

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