This Is Just Too Much!!!! (Very Long)

Lounge By Annabakescakes Updated 22 Dec 2010 , 1:03am by cownsj

Ursula40 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Ursula40 Posted 8 Dec 2010 , 7:36am
post #31 of 63

Even if you run into her at Walmart's it doesn't mean you have to let her in your life, especially your daughter's if your mother treats her like crap, like she treated and still treats you

Stop thinking about that you "came from white trash", otherwise you will never get out of that vicious cycle

So what???? It's what you make of yourself that is important, NOT where you came from, I thought, that is what America is all about.

Get a backbone and do not let anyone treat you or your children like that, your children will think, that it is ok to treat others like that as well, if you are not careful

carmijok Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
carmijok Posted 8 Dec 2010 , 9:36am
post #32 of 63

Sorry about your situation, but you're making your own bed. Your mother won't suddenly turn into June Cleaver because you bake a cake. She's a user and you're an enabler. It's that simple. You enable her to let her treat you like crap. You've already proven that by agreeing to do the cake HER way after posting your frustration and reasons why you don't want to...and you think by making her buy the ingredients that maybe she'll appreciate what you do given how expensive they are. If that's what you want to tell yourself to justify doing it then OK. Just do it and don't complain anymore about it when she does crap like this again. She will. And you will once again be the 'victim'. It's a vicious circle until you--and only you--decide to break it. But then, being her victim is a form of attention isn't it?

This goes far beyond cake...you need some serious counseling. You might even think about Al anon. It's free and for people who need to learn how to deal with loved ones who have problems like alcohol, drug abuse and such. Your mother may not be in that category, but her behavior is like that of one. It's a support group and you could probably benefit from it. And, like I said...meetings are free. Just a thought. good luck.

costumeczar Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
costumeczar Posted 8 Dec 2010 , 11:55am
post #33 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by carmijok

Sorry about your situation, but you're making your own bed. Your mother won't suddenly turn into June Cleaver because you bake a cake. She's a user and you're an enabler. It's that simple. You enable her to let her treat you like crap. You've already proven that by agreeing to do the cake HER way after posting your frustration and reasons why you don't want to...and you think by making her buy the ingredients that maybe she'll appreciate what you do given how expensive they are. If that's what you want to tell yourself to justify doing it then OK. Just do it and don't complain anymore about it when she does crap like this again. She will. And you will once again be the 'victim'. It's a vicious circle until you--and only you--decide to break it. But then, being her victim is a form of attention isn't it?

This goes far beyond cake...you need some serious counseling. You might even think about Al anon. It's free and for people who need to learn how to deal with loved ones who have problems like alcohol, drug abuse and such. Your mother may not be in that category, but her behavior is like that of one. It's a support group and you could probably benefit from it. And, like I said...meetings are free. Just a thought. good luck.




This is all 100% CORRECT.

TexasSugar Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
TexasSugar Posted 8 Dec 2010 , 5:40pm
post #34 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annabakescakes

The woman hates females, she even treats my daughter like crap. It is like watching my life as little girl to see them together.




Why, why, why do you put you and your daughter through the abuse of this woman? Do you think that your daughter doesn't pick up on how grandma treats her?

Step up now, don't worry about who you please and who you piss off. You have to worry about yourself and your children and do what is best for ya'll.

7yyrt Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
7yyrt Posted 8 Dec 2010 , 5:54pm
post #35 of 63

I hope you don't think we're picking on you, but I've been on this site a while and many of us went through similar situations before taking control of our lives.

Is there any way for you to move?
I did that.
Just picked up and moved away.
I would NOT let my parents treat my children the way they treated me as a child.

Annabakescakes Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Annabakescakes Posted 8 Dec 2010 , 6:22pm
post #36 of 63

Well, I don't let my daughter go over there any more with her brothers. All I hear about is what a brat she is and how sassy, just like her momma (me). The thing is, we (my daughter and I) think logically, most of the time, and my mom is so scattered and thoughtless. I guess we aren't tactful enough to keep our mouths shut when she is off the wall. The boys are oblivious to it.

When it is just her and my daughter, I get calls telling how wonderful it was to have her. You better believe this Momma Bear freaked out one day, at my brother's birthday party 3 years ago. My mom was acting like a spoiled toddler and I called her out on it. Now we don't go over there for any holiday, EVER. She is different when she is on my turf. Though she hugs my husband too long, and he is about to crawl out of his skin! He can't stand her either.

I was starting to bake this morning and Mom called and said my SIL won't be there (at the party) because she is leaving my brother. I haven't spoken to my brother in 2 years, and his wife in 3, so I had no clue, but I am glad she will be gone, but sad for him, especially at Christmas. I texted him, and he was my funny brother again, so now I am not so bitter about the cake, because he is still going. I love him, but he is chaos too. He likes his women "just a little on the trashy side" like the old country music song, and he's a good looking guy, and fun to be around, so he attracts them. It won't be long before he has another. My x called him "captain save-a-ho" because the last 5 women that he has been with, including his wife, have already been pregnant by someone else, and he has helped 3 of them raise their babies.

And saying I come from white trash is just being real. That is the way I was raised, but as an adult I have seen I don't have to be that way. I am not that way, I don't think! We are members of a good church, we volunteer, pay our bills, own our nice house with a pool and a play-set. We don't have debt besides the house and we don't cause scenes! I do let the laundry pile up though. And I hate cleaning the boys' bathroom, so i let it go sometimes. icon_redface.gif

Annabakescakes Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Annabakescakes Posted 8 Dec 2010 , 6:33pm
post #37 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7yyrt

I hope you don't think we're picking on you, but I've been on this site a while and many of us went through similar situations before taking control of our lives.

Is there any way for you to move?
I did that.
Just picked up and moved away.
I would NOT let my parents treat my children the way they treated me as a child.




I do feel a teesy bit picked on by a couple posts, but I'll get over it, lol! icon_razz.gif There is no way to move for at least 5 years, we are determined to fight the IRS for our tax credit and start a business. We have to be here for 5 years or pay it back. Plus we love it here. We love our house, our yard, our church, our neighbors. My husband loves his job, though he doesn't get paid a lot, he get raises every year and can build up to more. He has great benefits and I want to supplement his income with my cakes. We are settled. And I don't want to move my kids around a lot, my mom did that to me, and I think I have learned a lot from her examples of how NOT to parent. Besides, she has run off with men before, and she could do it again! Then she will be gone and I won't have to move all this cake stuff again!

7yyrt Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
7yyrt Posted 8 Dec 2010 , 7:31pm
post #38 of 63

Glad you're feeling better, and have figured some things out.
Keep working to improve them...

DEMAND that d@mned happy ending!
LOL

diamonds-and-rust Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
diamonds-and-rust Posted 10 Dec 2010 , 2:28pm
post #39 of 63

sorry anna......you have a hella lot of sh*t to deal with...I'm really sorry if I have offended you in the past....You have a lot of crap to deal with. I can't imagine having a mother like you have...I was blessed with wonderful parents....having a mother like you have, someone who is an adversary, I can't fathom. My mother was (she is deceased} one of the few people that I knew loved me no matter what....she would have loved me even if I was an axe murderer. It was so super creepy to read how your mom "hugged" your husband waaayyy too long...eeeewwww!!!

I really admiire you for you pulling yourself up by your bootstraps. You are a strong woman and are setting a fine example for your daughter. You have a home, a business, a solid marriage, we ll-adjusted children, and are upstanding members of your community. You have taken very little and have made a good life for you and your family.

Again, I am sorry if I have offended you in a prior posts. I wish the best for you and your family.
Cathy

diamonds-and-rust Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
diamonds-and-rust Posted 10 Dec 2010 , 2:36pm
post #40 of 63

BTW, your cakes are absoluteu stunning icon_smile.gif

indydebi Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
indydebi Posted 10 Dec 2010 , 2:56pm
post #41 of 63

I have to jump in on this one.....

I was one of those white trash kids. I was the kid that I wouldn't let MY children hang out with. It was said once by someone in the community that my "dad was a simpleton and (my) mom was crazy." The only good thing I had going for me was that I was one of those never-had-to-study Straight A kids.

The phrase I use today is "I've worked long and hard to climb out of that pit I grew up in and I am NOT ever going back!"

I was the first to go to college (after having a mom tell me I had no business thinking about college because I was "just trying to be better than what you are!"); the first to buy a home (unheard of in my family!); the first to then build a home (which immediately labeled me as the RICH kid of the family, which couldn't be further from the truth!). I've run a business for years, written newspaper and magazine columns/articles; served on boards of various organizations, been a speaker for events numerous times; involved in local, state and federal politics (I have a photo of me with a Vice President of the United States!) ..... its what my family calls "hob nobbing with high society". they just don't understand that these are just regular folks who work hard and volunteer their time for something they believe in.

Many on here know that I cut my parents out of my life years ago (18+) and my life has been heaven ever since. I refuse to allow that toxicity into my life.

I HATE the phrase "but she's your mother!" My response is always "waht the hell does that mean?" I'm a mother and I treat my children WAY better than I treat my friends because ....well, ... "I'm their mother!!!' That "accusation" (and ever notice it's always used as an accusastion?) is a two way street!

I'm a mom first and I chose to not allow my children to be around such evil (yes, EVIL!). I had a responsibility to protect them and that means even from a crazy loon of a grandmother.

And I would NEVER expect my daughter to OWE me for curtains, coats and gloves for my grandchildren! That's the part that pi$$es me off more than anytihng! icon_mad.gif

Sorry this ran so long, but many of you know it's a hot button with me

I'm not telling the OP to cut someone out of her life because that decision is a very hard one and has to come from deep within.

But I have to wonder why one would WANT the "love and adoration" of such an evil manipulative person? If this person were just a neighbor, would you be working so hard to please her? I don't think so .... and I dont' understand exerting the energy just because one shares a branch on the family tree.

diamonds-and-rust Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
diamonds-and-rust Posted 10 Dec 2010 , 3:40pm
post #42 of 63

Debi and Anna.
My heart hurts for you both....reading your stories makes me so very grateful for my parents. My childhood was the happiest time of my life...I lacked for nothing, I at all times felt safe, secure, happy. and loved. We were by no means wealthy, but had a lovely home, vacations at least twice a year, new clothes, shoes, cars,, etc, and a good education at a highly-accredited school (NIU). My Mom and Dad were very open with their affection for one another, as well as for my sister and myself.

Unfortunately, I have made some bad decisions in my life, and am currently married to an abusive alcoholic. We are roommates and nothing more. We are like ships that pass in the night. How ironic.....you never know what life has in store for you, good or bad.

mandymakescakes Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
mandymakescakes Posted 10 Dec 2010 , 5:19pm
post #43 of 63

I could wax poetic about what is and isn't family, but now that I've calmed down, I'll try keep this simple instead. I can't say it any better than indydeb did above... and I've written and re-written this response four or five times to prove it. My Future DH has been estranged from his family for over three years now, and while it wasn't an easy decision and we still have to deal with voicemail messages, lengthy letters, and care packages that are meant to cause us guilt, he is far better off without them in his everyday life going, and therefore, so am I.

I will hug my parents tightly the next time I see them and thank them, yet again, for being who they are.

I wish you strength, courage and resolve.

Echooo3 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Echooo3 Posted 10 Dec 2010 , 7:36pm
post #44 of 63

Really interesting comments.

Count me on the "white trash" side growing up. Most times didn't even have electricity cause mom couldn't afford it but she wouldn't work either to try to have some money coming in. And she (mom) is a miserable sole, mean and nasty and can say the most hurtful things without thinking twice about it. Once in a while I will call her and she says "well you are alive". Whatever.

My sister cut her out of her life probably 20 years ago. Me, i'm the type that says "she is my mom" and try to still get her to love me. Even to this day she says to my face that I anger her and she loves my sister.

My life is good now and i've worked really hard to become the person that I am. I'm mMore of an over achiever because of the past. It doesn't help to focus on the bad side.

God bless you all this holiday season.

diamonds-and-rust Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
diamonds-and-rust Posted 10 Dec 2010 , 8:53pm
post #45 of 63

God bless you too.....Jesus....I can't imagine the scars you have on your heart from you mothers comments. What a truly miserable human being she must be. To speak to a as young impressionabel child in such a manner is unimanagable....the more comments I read on this thread the more grateful I am for my parents...I am now in a reverse situation.....my husband drinks himself into oblivion every night. He is an unhappy miserable person so I am the target of his frustration. It is almost like clockwork...he gets home at 4 or 5 pm...grunts at me about his dinner, and locks himself in the shop, not to emerge until about 9 or 10pm...at that time I damn well better have his dinner ready for him.

Yes, I take a lot of emotional and verbal abuse from him. But you know what? I have no feelings for him so his behavior doesn't effect me. He cannot hurt me because I don't care about him. I am a grown adultl so I am able to build my "armour"and insulate myself from him. But if I were a child and my mother treated me like that, I would have no tools to protect myself as i do now....I am able to handle my husband's crap, but to be subjected t o this kind of abuse from someone who is supposed to give you love onan unconditional basis would bemore than I could bear.

Annabakescakes Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Annabakescakes Posted 10 Dec 2010 , 9:27pm
post #46 of 63

Thank you Cathy for the apology. I can sympathize with the alcoholic abusive husband as well, and how bitter it can make you. My first husband was a verbally abusive alcoholic dead beat, and after 3 years of marriage, he hit me (a lot and kicked me a lot, when i was down), so I split his head open with my cell phone and he locked himself in the bathroom because I was going to kill him! I even "fogged" him out of the bathroom with oven cleaner, he ran out the front door, and we haven't been together since! (Yes, I realize I was insane, but it was mostly temporary!) And all this was after 8 months of sleeping in separate rooms. If you are thinking about getting out, I suggest you do it with a lot less "fanfare"! Just leave, worry about all the "stuff" later, and when there are witnesses and the emotions have calmed.

And Debi, My little brother is the first since our Grandfather to go to college, out of 7 kids, and 35 grandchildren (we are the grandchildren). He has NO idea who his father is and I remember the father, but he (my brother)is much better off not being sexually abused by him, like me and my older brother. My mom takes credit for his schooling, but he has done it all on his own. He has been to Japan 3 times and is an engineer and interpreter for a major Japanese company. Luckily, every other member of our family is great! I can't imagine if the whole family was as bad as my mother. I guess part of why I always let her back in to our lives is because of the rest of her family. We go to my grandma's and everyone is there, but my mother, and they all talk and laugh and tell stories about how much fun my mom used to be before she hit puberty, went boy-crazy and became such a drama queen!

Echooo3, I too remember times with no electricity, sometimes no water. There was always something broken. I remember a bucket catching water from the sink drain, then we would take that in the bathroom to flush the toilet, which was also broken! I remember huddling around the gas oven, with the door hanging open, when the electricity was cut off.

Another place we cleaned ourselves in the kitchen sink with a sheet shut in the cabinets for privacy. Another place where the walls had no drywall or insulation, just a big clear plastic sheet we could see daylight through, and hear rats at night, and my baby brother slept in a dresser drawer on top of the dresser. My older brother fell through the floor into the cellar. And it was about 5 feet from the railroad tracks, by the river, in Clarksville IN. We lived in ghettos and I got beat up every single day, our stuff was stolen, and our apartment was broken into 4 times, the tires were slashed and the windows broken out of our car and the front seat was burned because we were white. (No, I am not a racist, this is just the way it happened.) We never lived anywhere for a whole year.

When I tell my husband the "stories of my youth", he is just amazed! He says it sounds like the way that addicts raise their kids, and he can't believe that my mother wasn't on drugs! But that got us to thinking that she has always been a nurse, working in nursing homes passing the medications and the fact that she has never had the same job for 1 whole year. I did her taxes one year where she had 7 jobs that year, had gaps in employment, and still made $37,000 and was BROKE, living in a cheap apartment where her boyfriend owns her car and pays for insurance. I got to thinking WHAT IF she has a pill problem and had been stealing medication, and was asked to resign because of it? Now she is on a TON of muscle relaxers, narcotics for pain, and anti-depressants, and drugs that "are commonly prescribed as anti-psychotics, but your DR could prescribe for other reasons, wink-wink) And they are all prescribed and paid for by Uncle Sam, and she gets a fat check every month, and sews.

But thank you all for sharing your stories, and sorry this has gotten so long! This has been a bit therapeutic!

Echooo3 Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Echooo3 Posted 10 Dec 2010 , 11:32pm
post #47 of 63

Theraputic indeed. It really is nice to know and talk to other people that have delt with that crap.

Annabakescakes, as an adult now you have been set free. Don't look back, look forward to your life now. It's all your choice now.

I choose to show my mom affection because I know that her days are few. I've realized that she is a very unhappy person because that is all she knows. She chooses to continue to be that way but I won't allow her to hurt me anymore (oh but she still tries). I'm a better person.

God is amazing and has blessed me beyond belief. He showers me with blessings which I am so very gratful for. I left home at 16 (almost 40 years ago). You pick and choose your battles and some battles just aren't worth the fight.

Hugs to all,

adventuregal Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
adventuregal Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 12:00am
post #48 of 63

charge her. It's the holiday season, it's last minute, it's way bigger and more elaborate than previously discussed...charge her a good amount and tell her you'll do a small free cake at another time. Good luck! thumbs_up.gif

Annabakescakes Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Annabakescakes Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 1:26am
post #49 of 63

She tried to pay me with her SNAP benefits, but I don't take cards of any sort, and it isn't exactly legal. I do my cakes illegally, but I think i may get a fine and a no-no for baking at home illegally. If I try to use some sort of federal aide, then I'm guessing I'll go prison!! She paid for the "stuff" and she gave me $150 labor. I guess I am out about $150, if it had been anybody else, but it really looked BAD. Buttercream 3D cakes really don't look that great. And I was grumpy and tired.

Annabakescakes Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Annabakescakes Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 1:35am
post #50 of 63

Okay, I'm not proud of this but I'll try to attach...won't do it...guess I have to put it in my pictures...DARN!

cownsj Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
cownsj Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 2:17am
post #51 of 63

I hate to argue you, especially when you are feeling tired and grumpy, but I think you did a wonderful job on the cake. You should feel proud of it. thumbs_up.gif

Annabakescakes Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Annabakescakes Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 5:26am
post #52 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by cownsj

I hate to argue you, especially when you are feeling tired and grumpy, but I think you did a wonderful job on the cake. You should feel proud of it. thumbs_up.gif




Haha! That's what people are saying...! Thank you. I guess you are your own worst critic, and I guess fellow cakers realize just how hard it is! I would have preferred it to be nice and clean, but it is so hard with buttercream icon_cry.gif And I started on the left side, so i think the right side is much worse! I will never do another 3D in Buttercream!

cownsj Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
cownsj Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 4:31pm
post #53 of 63

Unless a cake is conducive to being done in buttercream (like cookie monster, or a sand castle), I will not do one in buttercream. I spend more time trying to smooth that darn stuff than it takes to color, knead and roll out my fondant.

Annabakescakes Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Annabakescakes Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 6:50pm
post #54 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by cownsj

Unless a cake is conducive to being done in buttercream (like cookie monster, or a sand castle), I will not do one in buttercream. I spend more time trying to smooth that darn stuff than it takes to color, knead and roll out my fondant.




OMGosh, I hear you! I would love to be able to do that, but where I live, it is not conducive to all fondant! Plus, I love my fondant and I can eat it by the little pinches all day, and love it on cookies but I really don't like it on a cake. It is a texture thing.

Do you find that people eat it, or pull it off? If you know they will pull it off, do you put extra buttercream under it? I try to do that, but it can look lumpy. I was thinking that once I get an Agbay, I would add a couple extra tortes and do icing, then filling, alternately so I don't have to put so much icing on top. Plus, I think that thick fondant is really gross, so I try to roll it too thin, then it is really bulgy. How thick do you roll yours?

I noticed on Fabulous cakes last week, the Autumn cake , when they cut the fondant off to re-do it, the fondant was a half inch thick! My husband and I both had our jaws drop and in unison we both said,"Ewww! What the hell??" Then we rewound it 4 times to look again, like a train wreck!

cownsj Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
cownsj Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 7:40pm
post #55 of 63

We used to tell our friends that we would not be insulted if they don't like fondant and choose not to eat it. Everytime it seems we've done that we're looked at like we're nuts and they gobble it up. One friend of ours asks everyone else for their fondant. lol Sometimes I eat it, but I think it depends on the cake, frosting and how long it's been on the cake. It does seem to absorb some of the flavor of the frosting. So sometimes I eat it, and sometimes I dont'. I did two cocoa mugs the other night for a get together, and the fondant was layered on, none of us ate it. But we make sure there is enough bc under it and in the layers for the cake. I try not to roll it out too thin because it does end up tearing and looking lumpy, but I don't like it too thick either, that's just as difficult for me to get smooth on the cake. How's that for a nonanswer????? lol My husband usually goes a little thicker on it than I do just because it's easier for him to work with it that way.

I missed that on Fabulous cakes. I think the show and the premise are great, but they just are so monotone throughout that I go into a daze and get distracted by anything else going on and don't see the show, or even hear it. I try to focus on it, but can't seem to stay with it for more than a few minutes at a time.

Annabakescakes Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
Annabakescakes Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 8:17pm
post #56 of 63

I wasted some money on the little rolling pin guides that are supposed to help you roll it evenly. I keep forgetting they are on there and rolling right through the fondant with it! Big trench through the fondant, anyone? lol. I think the guides you put beside the fondant would be better.

I looked at your mugs and they are super cute, I love the stained glass as well.

cownsj Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
cownsj Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 8:25pm
post #57 of 63

Thank you so much Annabakescakes. I so agree with you on the guides for the small rolling pin. I wanted them, and they were good when I was taking the Wilton classes and learning how to make roses and small items. But as soon as I started rolling out anything more than that I was rolling right through the middle of it. UGH. They quickly were delegated to the bottom of the box. But I still think they are a good learning tool for a new beginner.

mommynana Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
mommynana Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 9:12pm
post #58 of 63

cownsj, ur mugs r soooooo cute,can u tell me what size they r, and did u bake them in a bowl and carved?? and do u just carve the top on the inside out of the cake,sorry for all the questions

cownsj Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
cownsj Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 9:23pm
post #59 of 63
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommynana

cownsj, ur mugs r soooooo cute,can u tell me what size they r, and did u bake them in a bowl and carved?? and do u just carve the top on the inside out of the cake,sorry for all the questions




Thank you. I'm more than happy to help whenever I can. I used 6" round cakes and just stacked them. I cut a little from the center of the top to allow room for the chocolate frosting and the lip of the mug to still be higher.

I used the BC gluten free mix. The plan was for one mug. In the past the mixes did not really rise, so I baked figuring for 4 layers. Low and behold, they all rose this time.... lol I had a choice of not using some cake, or making two mugs (though a bit shorter than I would have liked), but I could use all the baked cake that way. I think it ended up as a happy change. The cookies were also BC gluten free. Their cake tastes the same as any regular cake, but the cookies are a bit crispier. But they still tasted pretty good.

mommynana Cake Central Cake Decorator Profile
mommynana Posted 21 Dec 2010 , 9:55pm
post #60 of 63

thanks cownsj i appreciate it,did u use 2- 6" cakes for one mug?

Quote by @%username% on %date%

%body%