Dh Asked Me To Hang Up My Apron For Good :(

Decorating By tsal Updated 27 Jan 2011 , 2:51am by jessyummycakes

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aligotmatt Posted 18 Dec 2010 , 7:31pm
post #91 of 98

I didn't read every single response, but I can tell you a bit of my cake/kid story and its progression.

I started decorating in 2006 right before my sons first birthday and my daughter was 2. So I started at home, decorating for friends, watching my kids, giving up sleep. Same story as pretty much all the others. Spending a lot of money on my "hobby" then I started having a $30 minimum - so because I was new, I would bake, tort and fill an 8" round, spend like 9 hours decorating it (I can't even believe that now, but its true!!) and then sell it for $30. My sweet husband was so supportive of me having a creative outlet that made me feel human after spending all day with a 1 and 2 year old. But, he did badger me about how much TIME it took from him and our kids probably just once a month or so...

I realized quickly, I needed more pans. Like you, I had 1 of each, and you just can't wait around for a pan to finish, then wash it, then bake the next layer, buy another pan. And I bake on both racks of the oven, so I can fit 2- 10", 2 8" and 2 6" all at once into the oven, turn the temp down, bake longer. Presto perfecto. Really and very significantly changed my time.

By 2008, my kids were 2 and 4 in the beginning of the year, and I had over 100 weddings booked for the year. I baked first thing in the mornings, they were up at 5:30 as well, so I would get up and the mixer would be mixing butter and sugar and the oven preheating by 6am. Get the cakes in the oven, the rule in my house is breakfast is at 7am, I don't care what time you get up, so then they would eat to smell of baking cakes icon_smile.gif I would tort and fill while they were awake as well as trim, and color my fondant, make and color my buttercreams... After bedtime is when I iced and decorated.

Even being organized, I worked a LOT in '08 and because my business was still building and I had a lot of cakes, I ended up spending just over $12,000 on cake supplies. New pans, rolling pins, cutters, dvd's, airbrush... So at the end of the year, when we did my taxes and looked at all of the numbers, how much I had brought in vs. spent vs cakes made and hours worked, it was not so nice. All those late nights, a couple nights of tears over cakes, all of the balancing of work and kids, having to send my husband with the kids to his grandfathers funeral (who was more like his dad) alone, because I had cake, and the stress of brides and blah blah blah to bring in at the end of the year, just $12,000 for myself! hah. seriously huge bummer. I could have had a low paying easy, mind numbing part time job and make the same amount, and have slept and been with my family a lot more...

So in 2009 I resolved to raise my minimum to $500 and be choosier. I worked way less hours, only did about 50 weddings, and profited more than twice the year before.

But without the experience of 2008, there is no way I could have raised my minimum to that and had the opportunity to be choosy. There were times going through it all that my husband quite a few times told me he didn't know if he wanted me to do cakes anymore, that it just worth the amount of life and energy it sucked out of me. Never told me I couldn't, but the benefit balance wasn't working.

So now I work hard on prioritizing. And I don't do a good job at it. But I work hard at it.

Not sleeping and being grumpy isn't a good balance. Not spending time with your husband is not a good balance. Hobbies are great, but if your hobby was say, playing tennis, would you go play 14 hours a week? Probably not... I love to read books as a hobby, but I don't read 14 hours a week. Cake is a job for me now, but I still have to balance it, I don't work more than 30 hours a week, and book my cakes accordingly.

Anyhow, good luck to you as you process through all of this!!

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khoudek Posted 18 Dec 2010 , 7:58pm
post #92 of 98

I haven't read all the posts through but here's my two cents for what it's worth. I've been decorating cakes more years than I care to admit, because than everyone would know I'm old. But, I started to take it seriously when my first was a baby ( and she's pushing 30 ). In the begining I was just as some of the people have posted. Though my dh was supportive while I practiced, took classes, practiced some more, he would occasionally comment on the cost of all the supplies or the amount of time I'd be putting into it, being left to care for the kids while I took classes etc. While I viewed it as self learning, similiar to going to school to learn a trade, to him it was "just a hobby". That was so frustrating! Then one weekend he made the comment about the cost and time and I turned around from the kitchen counter, looked at him really intently, thought " ok, it's a hobby to him... how to make him understand..." and then I asked him how much money he figured he spent on his hockey equipment ( at the time we lived in Maine ) and how much time he spent practicing weekly, and how long he was gone when he was playing hockey games and tournaments, leaving me alone with the children. At that moment he got it and never bothered me about it again. And now that it is my business.... he is not only supportive, but often my go to guy! All I can say is.... Be patient, do what you can for now. But know that your time will come.

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PoodleDoodle Posted 18 Jan 2011 , 2:31am
post #93 of 98

Nothing is more important than your family (PERIOD) There are many hobbies that aren't as expensive & time consuming as decorating cakes. I really enjoy backing & decorating but some days the stress of it really gets to me. I hate working for 25 cents an hour. You don't have to completely give it up but I'd definately take hubbies feelings into consideration. If he enjoys spending time with you in the evening, that says a lot about how he feels about you & your marriage.

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Niki11784 Posted 26 Jan 2011 , 4:59pm
post #94 of 98

Wow, I know exactly what you mean. I have 3 boys under the age of 6 and I also can only really work at nights. A few thoughts:
1. There are SOME things you can do when the kids are up that you can do while they are playing - ie: bake the cakes and set aside, make the buttercream or fondant etc. Any decorating that requires intense concentration I wouldnt dare, but mindless preparations I find work and save time for the night.
2. Sounds like your husband is bored while you are baking!I have been decorating for a few years, and my husband just started night school last month- HUGE difference! Now I dont have him nagging me when I'll be done. Maybe encourage your husband to pursue a hobby or follow sports!
I feel your pain, its really hard. Also, make sure to tell your husband that you ENJOY doing this. If you don't then maybe it really isnt worth it, but I find that when my husband sees my relief/satisfaction/excitement when I finish a really good cake, he sees that it really is worth the time and mess.

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mombabytiger Posted 26 Jan 2011 , 6:24pm
post #95 of 98

I think everyone needs to read "A Room of One's Own" by Virginia Woolf. She was talking about writing, but the same applies to any passion and talent.

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mamabaer Posted 26 Jan 2011 , 8:45pm
post #96 of 98

I understand. I'm in the same boat. I have 4 kids ages 2-10, 3 of which I home school. They are here all day. Cake decorating is just hard to do when they are little. I have been doing it for years, but have lately just realized that as khoudek said...my time will come. In the meantime, how can I learn as much as I can, have fun, get practice and still keep my priorities in line? It takes constant evaluation of these questions to stay balanced, but I'm much happier.
My goal is to open a bakery one day. I can't do that now even if I wanted to...no money, kids are too small to make it work (I really want to home school them.) In this economy it would be risky anyways. When I think about how long it will be before I can actually do it, it's a long time. Instead of being aggravated that I can't do it now, I am trying to look at it as plenty of practice time! I don't need to do 6 cakes a week and hurry up and get good at this. I don't need to build my client base right now. The one thing I DO have is time. Cake decorating is important to me, but my family, my husband, my sanity are all much more important to me.
Hubby's not trying to crush your dreams, he's saying it's not working this way, at this rate, at this time in your life. If his job wasn't working well for your family or you, wouldn't you want to be able to tell him that and have him really listen?

Good luck to you! Hope you can strike a balance and be happy while still pursuing your passion!

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Niki11784 Posted 26 Jan 2011 , 10:38pm
post #97 of 98

mamabaer brings up a great point. Now is the perfect time to practice- without the pressure.

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jessyummycakes Posted 27 Jan 2011 , 2:51am
post #98 of 98

I feel for you. My hubby actually becomes jealous when I do something for "myself". I am very new to cake decorating and would love to go further as well, but I too have 2 young children and am trying to work out if its profitable., whilst trying to counsel DH about the mess etc. You sound like a perfectionist with your work and that a wonderful trait to have, because you wouldnt send out a cake that you were not happy with. I think you have a market for it in China if you are surrounded by ex-pats. I suppose when you become more familiar with certain decorating aspects you will become faster and therefore able to do more cakes. All the best. icon_smile.gif

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