Speechless. How Would You Handle This E-Mail?

Decorating By eatCakes Updated 9 Nov 2010 , 3:07am by eatCakes

eatCakes Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 1:48am
post #1 of 35

Recently someone posted on my Facebook fan page about wanting to order a cake and cookies. I sent her a message and she responded saying she wanted a cake that looks like an Operation board game, and some cookies of brains and hearts and stuff so she doesn't have to get a huge cake. I responded saying that I didn't have a whole lot of experience with cookies but would be up to trying it, and she responds with this gem.

"We don't have to do cookies I didn't know if it would be cheaper then trying to get a huge cake for 100 plus it would be a lol something extra so they cake could be viewed awhile by everyone before the fatties ate it lol!"

I'm seriously shocked. I copied and pasted that, so it's exactly how she wrote it. I myself am a "fatty" and I'm extremely offended and frankly don't really want to do anything for someone who talks like this (to a complete stranger no less!). I looked and we have 3 mutual friends, 2 of whom are also plus size- I wonder if she would have said that in front of them. I really want to respond and say "well since I'm a fatty myself you probably don't want me making your cake- who knows, I might just eat it before I can deliver it!" But I know I shouldn't say that.

So what would you do? Would you respond at all, and if so... what the heck do I say?!

34 replies
Sassy74 Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 1:56am
post #2 of 35

Sheesh. I think I'd treat this like a business transaction and give the customer what they asked for. But I'd also try really hard to ignore this person's insensitivity and just move on.

Kiddiekakes Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 2:02am
post #3 of 35

I wouldn't say anything even though you are offended...Take the order..Charge the heck out of it and when she arrives to pick it up and see's that your are plus size she will choke on her cookies...Hey..I'll take her money and you should too!!!

some people are so rude..

Michelle84 Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 2:11am
post #4 of 35

I wouldn't have taken offence at all.. I think she was trying to be humorous, but it's obviously not your kind of humor icon_smile.gif My family are all plus-sized (very few skinny-minnies) and always call people fatties without meaning it in a horrible way - we mean it as a joke!
Quite often if there's cake (or food of any kind actually) we'll joke that we need to get our share before fatty gets to it ('fatty' could be anyone at the gathering we decide to joke with and is usually said while nudging them in the side playfully)

Don't take it to heart, just ignore her comment and continue with the order as normal icon_smile.gif

tarheelgirl Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 2:12am
post #5 of 35

I would just do the professional business thing and take her order. People are just ignorant and rude but business is business! I agree, charge the heck out of it!

MissyTex Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 2:59am
post #6 of 35

Well, I'm not in business, so the bottom line is not relevant to me, but you don't HAVE to do business with anyone. If you don't want the order tell her you're booked. It's your decision. But like others have said, she may not have meant anything by it, and you should just take it with a grain of salt.

indydebi Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 5:03am
post #7 of 35

sometimes a family has internal jokes that are ok to them but sound odd or insensitive to others. For example, my sisters and I fight over who gets to wear the b*tch crown! icon_lol.gif When we call each other that, it's a term of endearment .... really! We also know that others just wouldnt' hear it or take it that way and we know it's an internal thing between sisters.

That may be what you have here. While I find it in bad taste to refer to someone as a "fattie", I also know that others keel over in shock when I tell my sister, "You B*TCH!!" It's all in or out of context, within the family.

Love2BakeCakes Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 5:46am
post #8 of 35

No matter what, keep it professional. If you want to do it, then do it. But if you don't, then don't. What some people find funny is not funny to others.

sweetooth0510 Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 6:10am
post #9 of 35

I wouldn't read too much into this, I think it's just a case of someone making a joke that has fallen flat for you.

I think the only thing your client can be accused of is using humour badly, I can be pretty sure she didn't mean it to be offensive.

cabecakes Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 6:22am
post #10 of 35

I think it is poor humor. You notice she says LOL before making the statement. I would go ahead and make the cake. You may find that she is a "fatty" also.

tonedna Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 6:51am
post #11 of 35

Don't take it personal. It might have been a bit out of line in her part, but she was not trying to offend you. Maybe she is overweight herself, who knows. Families do have this kind of humor. It's difficult to tell. But it's not
definitively something she said to hurt your feelings.

Edna

Sweet_Toof Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 11:47am
post #12 of 35

Yeah I'd say she was attempting to be humorous.... don't be too offended, yes it will surprise her when she opens that door!.... but wait on a sec, have you seen the size of her yet? She might be one too?
My friends and I use the term "fatty" all the time - usually when we're talking about how much we love something & could go for seconds - like cake!

peg818 Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 12:39pm
post #13 of 35

Well you can always add a bit more on to the price for the offense icon_smile.gif

LindaF144a Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 2:54pm
post #14 of 35

I have to agree with the others thst she used a family term to a stranger. We use fatty to mean anybody who hogs the food, like the chipcs, guacamole, cake. Especially cake cause my kids fight over who is going to get either the first piece or the biggest piece. Often times I have had to guard the cake so my son won't cut into it before we are ready, like he did one time.

And yes, I am a former fatty too. While we would never use thst term outside the family, I know how you feel. To us " fatty" does not mean fat, it means someone who wants all the food to themselves and won't share. My kids do this all the time with my guacamole. It's all in good fun. Your customer just wasn't thinking, I am sure.

alleykat1 Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 6:57pm
post #15 of 35

I'd say take the order too...her money spends just as good as anyone elses..it is a very rude comment to someone she knows nothing about even if she meant it as a joke..I'm sorry you have to deal with this

cakeythings1961 Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 7:09pm
post #16 of 35

I agree with the others. All families have their inside jokes and use sensitive words in different ways, but they may be completely unaware that others perceive those words differently. Take her money and spend it on some fun cake toys!!!!!!

mombabytiger Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 9:53pm
post #17 of 35

I'm sorry, but this wouldn't have offended me at all. Maybe because I'm not fat. If she had said, "before all the Blacks (Jews, Gays, etc) eat it", I would refuse the order.

Lita829 Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 10:25pm
post #18 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by mombabytiger

I'm sorry, but this wouldn't have offended me at all. Maybe because I'm not fat. If she had said, "before all the Blacks (Jews, Gays, etc) eat it", I would refuse the order.




Ditto. I do recognize the insensitivity of the words, though.

costumeczar Posted 7 Nov 2010 , 10:28pm
post #19 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by mombabytiger

I'm sorry, but this wouldn't have offended me at all. Maybe because I'm not fat. If she had said, "before all the Blacks (Jews, Gays, etc) eat it", I would refuse the order.




That's what I was thinking, but I would have thought the "fatty" comment was rude, too. If someone said something that really offended me I don't think I'd want to do a cake for them, quite frankly. It would chap me to do something nice for a creep. Sure, her money is as good as everyone else's, but if it really makes you mad, then don't do the cake, because you'll resent it and the stress isn't worth it.

indydebi Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 2:22am
post #20 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by LindaF144

We use fatty to mean anybody who hogs the food, like the chipcs, guacamole, cake


Anyone in my age bracket who grew up with the phrase "Don't Bogart it!" (meaning the same as what Linda says .... don't hog it all.)

For those too young to remember, Humphrey Bogart always got "all" the girls. So someone who had "All" of something ..... chips, cookies, the tv remote, taking up the whole couch, etc...... was "Bogarting".

EvMarie Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 2:42am
post #21 of 35

There's no disguising her word "fatty". I do agree, it could just be in a joking type manner. E-mail is a tricky way to communicate. Some people type like they talk, injecting their personalities... & especially if you don't know the writer...all kinds of things could get implied.

The "customer" should really be more careful with her words. But, I wouldn't hesitate to take her money. It's an order...not a friendship. Try not to let it bother you.

If it does bother you...you could just be booked up! No biggie...icon_smile.gif

abgisme Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 2:43am
post #22 of 35

I would find this comment offensive. I don't think she was trying to be cute or funny.

I also find it interesting that some people would refuse an order from someone who insulted blacks, gays or jews but that it is ok to insult people who are obese.

You need to decide if you can get over her rudeness and make her cake just like you would for anyone else. If you can't I would suggest not taking the order. If you believe you can do so with tact, let her know her comment offended you. Sometimes people think their behavior is acceptable because no one ever tells them it isn't. Something along the lines of "I don't think you meant to, but the comment about fatties really offended me. Maybe so and so would be a better baker for you to work with." Again, you would have to decide it was worth it to you just in case she responded in an ugly manner.

indydebi Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 2:51am
post #23 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by abgisme

I also find it interesting that some people would refuse an order from someone who insulted blacks, gays or jews but that it is ok to insult people who are obese.


Oh heck yeah! We've noticed this for a long time! And we believe it comes from the uninformed attitude of "if you're fat it's totally your own fault."

Have a friend who has bladder cancer, is diabetic and has a host of other medical problems. She became diabetic and gained 200 lbs after starting some medications as part of her treatment. A doctor, mind you, came into her room and was reaming her out that "if you'd just lose weight, you'd be fine!" Really? Losing weight is the cure for cancer now? Her regular doctor came in, heard Young Dr. Kildare and reamed HIM out for making uninformed diagnosis's (sp?).

It's the new poltiically correct category that is OK to discriminate against.

Anyone see the "review" a columnist did for Marie-something magazine in which the writer, who admittedly had not watched the show "Mike and Molly" but said that she doesn't even like watching fat people take up space by walking across the room in front of her, and could not imagine anyone liking a show where fat people were dating.

GenGen Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 3:14am
post #24 of 35

agreed. several of the arthritis meds i'm on are a guarantee to gain weight.on top of losing my gall bladder after my last son's birth 16 years ago.. i'm a walking poster ad for weight gain.

Lita829 Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 3:27am
post #25 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by abgisme

I would find this comment offensive. I don't think she was trying to be cute or funny.

I also find it interesting that some people would refuse an order from someone who insulted blacks, gays or jews but that it is ok to insult people who are obese.

You need to decide if you can get over her rudeness and make her cake just like you would for anyone else. If you can't I would suggest not taking the order. If you believe you can do so with tact, let her know her comment offended you. Sometimes people think their behavior is acceptable because no one ever tells them it isn't. Something along the lines of "I don't think you meant to, but the comment about fatties really offended me. Maybe so and so would be a better baker for you to work with." Again, you would have to decide it was worth it to you just in case she responded in an ugly manner.




I didn't mean to highlight the entire quote but I haven't figured out how to highlight only a portion. What I am responding to is the comment about in it about being interesting that some would refuse an order from someone who insulted Jews or Blacks. I may be opening up a can of worms but there is a huge HISTORY of oppression and bigotry against Jews and Blacks in this country and abroad.... with bloodshed and loss of lives/freedoms. I am not saying it is right to discriminate or insult ANYONE but comparing an insult against someone who is obese to someone who is Jewish and/or Black doesn't compare BECAUSE of this history. For some....they can change the fact that they are obese. You can't change being Black...not that I would want to.

If the e-mail really bothers the person who originated this thread, I'd just state that I was booked for that date or flat out refuse the order if I were her.

Babs1964 Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 3:32am
post #26 of 35

In regards to "charging extra" because they were rude is just as offensive IMO.

CocoaBlondie Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 3:48am
post #27 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by Babs1964

In regards to "charging extra" because they were rude is just as offensive IMO.




I agree, that's asking for trouble. I know we can all calculate our own fee's. But say someone else wants the exact same cake that's at the party. You know how people talk. Would you really want to over charge another person? Business is hard sometimes. There's so many times you want to say of do something out of spite. The best thing to do would be accept that she's rude & be a good business women.

ThePurpleButterfly Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 4:31am
post #28 of 35
Quote:
Originally Posted by CocoaBlondie

Quote:
Originally Posted by Babs1964

In regards to "charging extra" because they were rude is just as offensive IMO.



I agree, that's asking for trouble. I know we can all calculate our own fee's. But say someone else wants the exact same cake that's at the party. You know how people talk. Would you really want to over charge another person? Business is hard sometimes. There's so many times you want to say of do something out of spite. The best thing to do would be accept that she's rude & be a good business women.




thumbs_up.gif ITA! I'm a "fatty" and would laugh at the comment. A lot has to do with your own self esteem and sensitivity IMO. It seems everyone is divided on whether they are offended or not even when they themselves are a "fatty". Unless the comment was directed at me, I would just move on and do the cake. You're a business not a friend. icon_biggrin.gif

Irish245 Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 5:06am
post #29 of 35

Debi - I'm 50 and I've use the comment "don't Bogart that" and figured it had to do with Bogart and my family and friends have had conversations about it and nobody knew why people said that - now we know - thanks!!!

As for the Mike and Molly show, I LOVE that show - one of the funniest things on tv......but as for that woman - I'd have to smack her for saying what she did.

Before my ex-brother-in-law married my sister, he said to my boyfriend at the time that he hated fat people. Now the guy I was dating wasn't small and most in my family are not. When I heard that, I took him aside and said to him...."so you hate fat people, huh?"...he tripped over his words trying to talk his way out of it so I told him, "that's ok...nobody is too crazy about Kary marrying you...we figure it's only a matter of time before she sees through you"...and when they got divorced, I told him..."see? just a matter of time till she saw through you......it was sooooo worth the wait!!!!"

Teecakesandcookies Posted 8 Nov 2010 , 5:22am
post #30 of 35

I want to start by saying wow!!! then I want to say I am plus size I have lost a lot of weight and still losing but it is never ok to say those things I used to be a size 8,10,12,14,18,22 and now a 16 so I have been on both sides I would never post something like that at my smallest size you never know why someone is a fattie my daughter was on so many steroids she became a fattie and had someone said that to her it would have just killed her spirit. IMO I would not take the order and would tell her why she needs to grow up that is awful. icon_mad.gif

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