Baby Shower Cake Has Turned Into Funeral ='(

Lounge By mbark Updated 21 Oct 2010 , 6:25pm by sexy_baker

mbark Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 4:23am
post #1 of 23

This is such a sad day for our family. My sister-in-laws best friend lost her baby girl this morning. She was born at 25 weeks and had been in the NICU since her birth on 7/3/10. She really seemed to be a fighter and miraculously overcame many obstacles. Unfortunately she developed a lung infection she could not recover from.
My SIL had the (weird) foresight to postpone the baby shower that had been set for last saturday. I was going to make the cake, a 3 tiered beauty based on her crib bedding.
I picked up the edible image of the pink & brown toile from the cake store and am wondering what to do with it. Would it be weird to do the cake for the funeral now? I have seen other posts on what is appropriate for a funeral. I am kind of thinking the baby bedding theme cake may be too much for the mom. Maybe just something simple.

22 replies
Kellbella Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 4:29am
post #2 of 23

Oh how sad icon_cry.gif I don't know what would be approprate for the funeral..maybe a cross with some simple flowers?

mbark Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 4:34am
post #3 of 23

yes I like that idea alot. we know she is with her Creator now & we'll see her in heaven one day!

Jengo Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 4:40am
post #4 of 23

I don't think that I'd give a baby themed cake for a funeral. We all know it was for a baby and don't need the reminder,I guess you'd call it. I like the idea of a cross with some simple flowers. I can't imagine going through that my thoughts and prayers go out to your SIL's friend.

I did the math and the baby was born on 7/3 at 25 weeks? That would put the baby at 39 weeks now. That is a full term baby! Wow that was a miracle that the baby survived for 14 weeks in the NICU then died when it would have been full term icon_sad.gif

mbark Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 4:43am
post #5 of 23

yes, her original due date was this month. the baby only weighed a little over a pound at birth & was currently @ 3 1/2 lbs. She had multiple medical issues as you can imagine being born that premature.

madgeowens Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 4:43am
post #6 of 23

I have had a loss, and don't know that I would want a tiered cake....sheet cakes for luncheon if there is to be one. Everyone is different so you will have to discuss this with a few family members to see what they all think. At least thats what I would do. When my mil died I made sheet cakes for the luncheon, because I knew she would have liked that. I hope this helped you some how. I am very sorry for their loss.

jenscreativity Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 4:51am
post #7 of 23

sheet cake would be best..very sad story..

coldtropics Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 5:09am
post #8 of 23

I would most definatly NOT do a tiered babyshower-esque cake... a simple understated cake with flowers. The cross is a lovely idea... but i would first make sure the family is Christian before using that as a theme.

mbark Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 5:13am
post #9 of 23

I actually wasn't thinking of doing the same tiered cake, just using that one edible image that I already purchased.
yes, a cross would be most appropriate. we were all praying for this baby since she was born.

madgeowens Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 5:25am
post #10 of 23

I think the edible image may be more than this bereaved mom could handle....I don't know ....simple...would be appreciated.........this is a tough one honey and I feel for you....its hard to know just what to do...we can only give our opinions and you have to decide in the end. I am so sorry to hear of this. I wish you luck.

Apti Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 6:29am
post #11 of 23

Only a neutral sheet cake with buttercream roses, probably white on white or light yellow, and absolutely nothing on it that even remotely reminds anyone of babies including baby colors. There is nothing you can do for her. All you can do is bring food to the service.

I would gently wrap the edible image and privately give it to your sister-in-law. She will know whether she should throw it away or give it to the grieving mother as a momento.

My prayers for the family.

Bfisher2 Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 6:37am
post #12 of 23

Wow.... my prayers for the family.... my only son was born 2 months premauture.... but we were blessed with his goods health....

My thoughs are with you Mbark... you know this situation and people best.... sounds like you have a pretty good bead on what would be appropritate.... god bless....

Loucinda Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 2:01pm
post #13 of 23

Having been through this twice, I also suggest a simply decorated sheet cake. Something simple to serve. There is nothing worse than the loss of your child. I am so sorry.

Just an FYI, I know it was important to me that people KNEW my sons had names....they weren't just baby boys. To me, it validated that they were here, when someone acknowledged them by their names.

Joyfull4444 Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 9:45pm
post #14 of 23

I have been through this also. I would not want a cross on the cake. Its just another reminder of the death. A simple cake, no fancy decorating, no edible images, no wording, but the babies name, (with permission) and a few small flowers.

mbark Posted 14 Oct 2010 , 11:27pm
post #15 of 23

I would love to put some kind of inscription but definitely will ask my SIL what the mommy would like.

cheatize Posted 15 Oct 2010 , 2:14am
post #16 of 23

I would definitely ask your SIL.
If it were me, I would not want someone cutting into my baby's name. Any little thing like that would be too much for me.

madgeowens Posted 15 Oct 2010 , 3:13am
post #17 of 23

I have to agree with cutting into the name....I think the simpler the better...they may not want a cake at all...

Joyfull4444 Posted 15 Oct 2010 , 4:06am
post #18 of 23

I agree with asking first as the family may not want a regular cake at the service.
We lost a good friend in a scuba diving accident in September, and just last week her mother also passed away. There was cake included with the foods at our friends service, but it was pre-cut in small triangles & plated with other small one bite desserts.
Just my opinion but that might be a better way for you to go too.

Loucinda Posted 15 Oct 2010 , 4:19am
post #19 of 23

I am sure the cake will be appreciated. There are always lots of people stopping by and the one thing that comforts others, is food. Keep the decorations simple (like I said above) I would even supply some disposable small plates and forks with it. DO NOT put the baby's name on the cake, that isn't what I meant when I said I wanted people to acknowledge my sons - I just wanted them called by name, not sorry about your "baby". Just my opinion....but I have buried two of my children 2 years apart, I am speaking from experience. You are a good friend to care so much to want to do the right thing for her.

deijha Posted 18 Oct 2010 , 7:26pm
post #20 of 23

I send my best wishes for the family. Such a sad thing. My prayers are with all.

mbark Posted 20 Oct 2010 , 4:19am
post #21 of 23

thanks everyone. just found out she does not want a cake, as a cake to her represents a celebration. makes sense to me. the funeral/memorial is friday, sigh...

Apti Posted 20 Oct 2010 , 3:34pm
post #22 of 23

Thank you for letting us know. All of us send prayers and sympathy and personal understanding of what she is going through.

sexy_baker Posted 21 Oct 2010 , 6:25pm
post #23 of 23

I can't imagine the pain that your SIL is going through. Personally, I also think a baby-themed cake might be too overwhelming for the mother. And I would understand why she wouldn't want a cake either. You can probably just make something for the funeral guests, a cupcake or cookies perhaps. I feel for your family's loss, especially to your SIL...I pray for her to heal from the pain soon, the baby is in a better place now. icon_smile.gif

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