Strangers Having Better Reactions To Cakes Than Family

Decorating By GypsyQueen Updated 7 Oct 2010 , 10:39pm by auntyjo

GypsyQueen Posted 4 Oct 2010 , 4:58pm
post #1 of 18

I posted a topic recently and someone mentioned something that really stood out with me because it was so true. Strangers and acquaintances have a much greater reaction to my cakes than my close friends and family. Is it because they are used to seeing my cakes or just because they don't appreciate them anymore? I know with at least a few it's jealousy. It's not that they dont like them because I always get new cake orders by the end of the party. So I just wondered if this happens a lot because I've heard this by different members lately.

17 replies
luvmysmoother Posted 4 Oct 2010 , 7:37pm
post #2 of 18

Close friends and family are probably always seeing your cakes on facebook or being emailed photos so it's natural that they become less reactive to the cakes in comparison to an acquaintance or stranger seeing it for the first time. It's just like this site - there are hundreds of cute cakes being uploaded every day but only the really original or exceptionally perfect cakes end up on the "most saved" list. It's not that your cakes are declining in appearance or that your friends/family don't appreciate them less - they are just "accustomed" to your exceptional cakesicon_smile.gif Don't doubt yourself - the fact you are constantly getting cake requests proves your cakes rockicon_smile.gif

indydebi Posted 4 Oct 2010 , 7:51pm
post #3 of 18

"Familiarity breeds contempt"

While I wouldn't say our friends and family have 'contempt' for our work, they are super familiar with it and it's just become very commonplace to them.

In the public speaking world there is a phrase of "What makes you an expert? 50 miles and a briefcase!" which means someone from inside my hometown wouldn't be hired to be a speaker because it's "only Joe down the road", but someone from 50 miles away speaking on the same topic would be hired to be a speaker because "he's from DAYTON!" icon_surprised.gif

When hubby would work in his woodworking shop, he'd call me out to see a pretty sanding job, or to ooooh and aaaaaah over a straight cut he'd made. Omg, I watched him make furniture and stuff all the time .... I KNOW he can cut it straight, I KNOW he can sand it smooth.

but he was just as proud of the next one as he was of his first one ... just like we are with our cakes.

familiarity.

mommakabob Posted 4 Oct 2010 , 8:10pm
post #4 of 18

Well said luvmysmoother and indydebi!

kimma1299 Posted 4 Oct 2010 , 8:14pm
post #5 of 18

It's just like this site - there are hundreds of cute cakes being uploaded every day but only the really original or exceptionally perfect cakes end up on the "most saved" list. It's not that your cakes are declining in appearance or that your friends/family don't appreciate them less - they are just "accustomed" to your exceptional cakesicon_smile.gif Don't doubt yourself - the fact you are constantly getting cake requests proves your cakes rockicon_smile.gif[/quote]

I have a really hard time with this as well as the family thing. I put cakes on here all the time, but sometimes, I feel like they are just not appreciated or up t par with others on here. My family who sees them all the time had a similar reaction to the original post - it is really frustrating.

mommakabob Posted 4 Oct 2010 , 8:33pm
post #6 of 18

I find it frustrating as well, but I also use it and this site as my motivation to get better. I've only been decorating for a year and I hope that someday one of my cakes will be on the most saved list or even just get a bunch of people marking my cakes as favorites. I know right now I don't deserve to be up there yet, but hopefully someday I will! Try to see it as motivation and not something knocking you down. Keep your chin up and keep caking!

auntyjo Posted 4 Oct 2010 , 8:34pm
post #7 of 18

i'm not sure if anyone feels the same as i do but when a ''stranger'' comes to collect a cake and starts to say things like omg thats beautiful and omg how do you do that it's fantastic i do sometimes get embaressed coz to me it's just normal {and a natural talent according to my mum} when my partner says '' yes i like that one , you've done a good jjob'' i think to my self it can't be that bad coz he's a perfectionist, my sister in law always says that my cakes are big and one of her favourite sayyings is jo doesn't do little cakes lol

Babarooskie Posted 4 Oct 2010 , 9:05pm
post #8 of 18

If you're not charging your close friends and family for the cakes, then start. Nothing would motivate a person more to like something and compliment it than actually spending money on it.

They'll have high expectations when forking over the green. icon_smile.gif

auntyjo Posted 4 Oct 2010 , 9:12pm
post #9 of 18

i aways do my nieces and nephews birthdays cakes as a gift for their birthday as i never know what to get them but my sister in law has given my number to a few of her friends and they have paid for cakes and 1 of them has even passed my number on to a coleague at work who's already had one cake and says they want more

Sweetwise Posted 5 Oct 2010 , 12:52pm
post #10 of 18

Don't let them get you down. It is just the familiarity, the "desensitization" of it. They have just gotten used to your awesomeness!

TabbieCakes Posted 5 Oct 2010 , 1:22pm
post #11 of 18

I just did a cake for a family member's birthday. I had a choice of delivering the cake to a dinner party of just friends (no one I really knew) or making it the following week for the family party (my family members). I chose the friends' dinner!

For one thing, there is some strange jealously lurking about in the family which I don't understand and am tired of dealing with.

For another, I knew the friends would appreciate it more because, like so many others have posted here, our family is getting used to my work but the friends are new to it and I figured it would be better received there. Plus the birthday boy could show off to his friends! Which he did, and it was neat for him, and for me!

Not that we do this purely for the accolades ... us cakers really enjoy all the trials, tribulations and successes of caking ... but it's sooo nice to be appreciated!

aswartzw Posted 5 Oct 2010 , 1:59pm
post #12 of 18

Ironically, I found lately I get more compliments from my immediate family than I ever used to. It really depressed me b/c my early cakes strangers would rave about while my mom would tell me "it's not your best cake" and critique it to no end.

Now, my mom raves about them and wants to know if people are starting to buy from me.

My aunt and cousins love my cakes, rave about them, and even pay me for them. The only people to ever actually offer. My family are becoming my biggest supporters.

GypsyQueen Posted 5 Oct 2010 , 5:41pm
post #13 of 18

Thank you everyone! I know what you all mean. I just think its very soon to be so used to them. Ive only been making cakes since May. Its not that they even look like starter cakes either. I guess thats just how my family is. They do the same about my graphic design business. They never say much but rave to others about my great work and success. Now the same goes for my cakes. Its just frustrating when they dont say much but once I walk away I over hear them complimenting my work and saying they are going to have me make this or that cake for them. The jealous ones are the best because the look on their faces just reak "Im jealous" lol. I like doing the cakes for people I dont know more too like the dinner party situation was mentioned.

I totally understand what everyone is saying and the way you all said it makes so much sense and was well written!

CakesbyCarla Posted 5 Oct 2010 , 7:29pm
post #14 of 18

First - Babar - that's right on the money! Good idea LOL!

I too feel a little let down by my family. Sometimes my husband is very complimentary, and other times, he says things that I think are rude (like pointing out a flaw in the cake that I am already painfully aware of but can't fix!).

I have a inlaw who just can't bring herself to compliment my cakes to my face. Everyone else will be gushing and she just can't. I think the starter of this thread was right about jealousy. One time, at a family event this inlaw had made some lemon bars, and I like them and commented "these are so good. I always have trouble making these". To which she responded with a very uncouth "Woo hoo - I can make something better than you!" but the way she said it was a little too forced and bitter to come across as funny.

I think at some point we have to just dig down into ourselves and be our own cheerleaders, because if we rely on other people to make us feel good about our work, we won't always feel satisfied. So nowadays, I just try to tune others out and just ask myself if I like what I did. And if I answer "yes", then I'm fulfilled.

Coral3 Posted 5 Oct 2010 , 9:30pm
post #15 of 18

I agree that it's a familiarity thing. It happens to me a lot...the more cakes I make the less likely my family are to comment.

My husband NEVER comments. At all. Ever...which irks me a bit especially when he's seen how much work I put into a cake. I guess that's partly a 'guy thing' - I mean he's never really going to appreciate gumpaste flowers etc I guess. Last year I made what I thought was a really cool birthday cake for HIM and he just looked at it and didn't comment. So this year I didn't make him a cake, but made cupcakes instead and put gumpaste retro 'Honda' logos I'd made (from my first attempt at food-grade mould-making. He collects vintage Honda mini bikes) on them. They looked good, although nothing spectacular, but I figured he wouldn't care what I made anyway, so why go all-out right? "Oh." he tells me "I'm a bit disappointed. I though you would've made a cake." Hmph.

Ellie1985 Posted 5 Oct 2010 , 10:03pm
post #16 of 18

Everyone in my family is very supportive except for my SIL. She always has to be better than everyone else.
She has to buy the biggest gift, the most elaborately wrapped, have the fanciest party, etc. The first time I brought a cake was for my Dad's birthday and she just looked at it and said "I took a cake decorating class. I could do that if I wanted too. I just don't want to." Then turned around and walked away. Huh. Then at my granddaughter's party she said "You sure like getting all that attention over your cakes don't you".
I just feel sorry for people like that that they have so little self esteem that the only way they feel good
about themselves is to belittle other people.

Queenguba Posted 5 Oct 2010 , 10:28pm
post #17 of 18

My husband is my biggest fan <3
I only do cakes as a hobby and i think i still manage after 2 years to amaze him. He gets so excited coming home seeing my work.
I even have him trained to deliver cakes to friends/family for me if i have to work.
I do have a SIL who didnt want me to make a cake for their mum's 60th surprise party as she didnt want me big noting myself. icon_smile.gif Of course, i made a 3 tiered hexagon shaped cake covered in fondant with black & white photos on each face of the cake. It was a very big hit.

auntyjo Posted 7 Oct 2010 , 10:39pm
post #18 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Coral3

I agree that it's a familiarity thing. It happens to me a lot...the more cakes I make the less likely my family are to comment.

My husband NEVER comments. At all. Ever...which irks me a bit especially when he's seen how much work I put into a cake. I guess that's partly a 'guy thing' - I mean he's never really going to appreciate gumpaste flowers etc I guess. Last year I made what I thought was a really cool birthday cake for HIM and he just looked at it and didn't comment. So this year I didn't make him a cake, but made cupcakes instead and put gumpaste retro 'Honda' logos I'd made (from my first attempt at food-grade mould-making. He collects vintage Honda mini bikes) on them. They looked good, although nothing spectacular, but I figured he wouldn't care what I made anyway, so why go all-out right? "Oh." he tells me "I'm a bit disappointed. I though you would've made a cake." Hmph.


typical man for you, they always complain when you do a ''cake'' and say you shouldn't have bothered but then the nxt year when you do as they say and don't bother they say '' i would have liked a cake'' or ''is that it i thought you would have done a proper cake''

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