I'm very fortunate that 99% of our brides are fabulous, amazing customers, but leave it to just one to ruin your day. This woman has strung me along about paying her deposit for weeks now and her wedding is Oct 10th. I finally told her on Friday that I must get her deposit or I would let another bride book the date. She swore up and down that she would be there on Saturday with the deposit, of course that never happened. I called her Sunday and let her know she needed to come pick up the topper she had dropped weeks ago, she freaked out and promised to come by Monday (today).

She shows up today and demands that we hold the date without a deposit or she'll tell everyone how horrible we are and she'll take her business elsewhere. WHAT?!?!? What business, you haven't paid anything?!?! I told her that was absolutely fine, that it was her choice to do whatever she'd like. She stormed off. It didn't end there though, she's crank called our shop all day long, sent several emails and then had her daughter, who is playing wedding planner, drop off a nasty letter just as we were closing up shop this evening.

Sorry for the long vent, but how do you handle people like this? If you can't afford a cake, why waste my time stringing me along. It's partly my fault for believing that she'd actually leave a deposit, I should have cut it off long ago.

To answer your question, I don't know why people string you along when they know they don't have the money. It seems like a real big headache to me, but you read about it on here all the time.

She will probably just go away now to torture some other poor baker and you will laugh about her later. Be thankful you didn't end up actually doing business with her--can you imagine!

if she signed a contract, which she broke, and then bad mouths you.....lawsuit: libel/slander/defamation of character!

Whoa! she sounds like a nut and a half. I would just ignore them and I would not do business with them even if they do come up with the money. Chances are if you did end up doing their cake, it would not be good enough for them and they would want some sort of refund. Save yourself the headache.

She sounds like a nutcase! What did the letter say if you don't mind sharing?

Just got another email from the daughter, I'm sorry "wedding planner", begging us to do the cake!! I simply replied, "No thank you."

What I wanted to say was, "HECK NO!! Do I look stupid?!?!? Like I'd set myself up for that mess?!?!?!"

The only time we have issues with weddings/brides is when a friend or family member is playing wedding planner.

Blimey that was a close call, she's a nightmare before you even have any type of cake dreamt up. Can you imagine what she'd be like if say the colour was one tinsy little bit darker than her wedding colour. You definately escaped that one!

You could pursue the harrassment/defamation/slander issues if she continues.

What a weirdo!!

The letter basically said that she was shocked at how this matter was handled and can't believe we'd pass up her business, all over a deposit (Silly me, worrying about something like getting paid). She complained that she had to wait 3 days to get sketches from us after her tasting (I told her it could be up to a week). She'll never recommend us to anyone and she'd write negative reviews on every website she can find. She keeps saying what a great customer she is and what a loss it is for us. Blah, blah, blah!!!!

The girls in the shop and I have found it all pretty amusing, since none of us have ever seen her in the shop before her tasting.

at this point, considering her threat -- a response like this is in order:

dear <nut job>,

I have kept copies of all our correspondence, including my repeated warnings to submit the deposit in a timely fashion which you failed to do.

As your last email contains an overt threat to the well being of my business, I am forwarding all the correspondence, including your threat, to my lawyer for the purpose of beginning legal proceedings against you for harassment and if necessary should you carry through on your threat, also for slander, libel and defamation of character.

Be warned, I will prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law.

<signed>


----

and if she DID sign a contract that stipulated the due date for the deposit and other payment terms, include in the email that you have the signed contract with the stipulations, that she broke the contract, and that you also will be forwarding the signed contract to your lawyer.

----------------------------------

we can not "ignore and hope they'll go away" or "forget about" these types of people.

Doing so only sanctions the bad behavior and can have serious consequences if they choose to use the internet as a weapon, as this one has indicated she will do.

They must be stopped and taught the rules apply to them too and that whining and lying and pleading and threatening will only be them digging a grave for themselves.

If the crank calls continue, contact the phone company about receiving harassing phone calls. Ask them to put a trap on your line. They'll help guide you through the steps to take.

An ex roommate of mine had to do this to stop incessant hangup phone calls from one of his looney ex girlfriends. It was the only thing that got her to stop.

My OH suggests you place a bear trap outside your door when you see her coming. He seems to have misunderstood what I was typing in re: the phone trap, but that may be something to consider as well.

what Doug said.

And let all of your cake baking friends and collegues know who she is so they don't get trapped with her!

You're absolutely right Doug! You and IndyDeb are my idols.

doug. You said it so sweetly

I LOVE what Doug said. Cucakeology, you are right. I was telling my husband the other day that if I read a post from Indydebi (and a few others from CC) and she said "in order to make the perfect cake you need to stand with one foot off the ground and stick your tongue out to the left" that I would be making all of my cakes like that!

I'm going with Doug and Indey on this one too. Even thou I'm thinking that Doug was a lawyer in some former life , he seems to always have the answer to these types of questions.

I can't stop laughing at the "Dear <nut job>"

To answer your question:
Why do some brides think they can behave so badly?
1. Reality television shows, which invariably reward bad behavior
2. The internet, which gives people an anonymous forum for trashing anyone and anything
3. They think the rules don't apply to them, and try to manipulate every situation to suit them
4. They think their weddings are the only things that matter to EVERYONE; and the planning of those weddings overshadows and overrules common sense and common decency
5. They were raised by parents who didn't teach them right from wrong, for whatever reasons
6. Somewhere along the way, they learned that they could bully people or whine their way to the altar
7. They have been indulged by friends and relatives who didn't want to disappoint them "on their big day"

I could go on, but I'll let someone else take it from #8.

#8 works for me.
Anyone have a #9?

#9: a societal shift where "self-esteem" trumps learning to deal with disappointment. Witness the "everyone gets an award" mentality in youth activities, child can not be held back in school even if needs to be, the every child's work should be praised in class, even if it is dreadful

#10: helicopter parents -- heaven forbid the child gets hurt, disappointed, not treated like a prince/princess, has to actually WORK for something, doesn't get exactly what he/she wants and exactly when they want it.

#11: adults with children who instead of relating to the child as parent see and relate to the child as friend/buddy/pal.

#12: The banishment of discipline. Time out is not discipline.

As a detective's wife, I've got 2 words for you - RESTRAINING ORDER!

Bride-tums cannot be tolerated just lke toddlers bad behavior.

I agree with other posters about all these reality shows which reward bad behavior by giving these people a national forum for their foolishness. In this day of facebook, everyone has their own website to showcase their self importance. The "I am so special" generation is not learning to see other people's unless it benefits them. They love the drama and negative attention.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this head-case.

Good ones, Doug! Who has lucky #13?
Former teacher, then substitute teacher, here.
#9 reminds me of the directive I received when subbing in a second or third grade class. "DO NOT tell children not to pick their noses, as it will embarrass them, and hurt their self-esteem." Heck, they SHOULD be embarrassed if they are picking their noses. And if the teachers can't tell them not to pick their noses, who will? The parents certainly weren't getting the message across.

I don't think it's reality TV. If it was, all of us would be killing each other by now. The "meanness" has to be there already. All the maladies of the world, all the bad things that we humans do to each other can be attributed directly to somebody who thinks that they are better than the rest of us. No, really, think about it - Hitler, Attila, every war, every bully - they think they are better than somebody else. If this woman wasn't getting married (poor groom - although ... if he is marrying her he probably kicked his dog when he was a kid and Kharma is paying him back), if she wasn't getting married she would be bullying the ticket selling lady at the movies, the bus driver, the "somebody else" who is not equal to her and therefore must be banished!

Shame on all those people!

omg...please just copy and paste what doug said and see what happens

I wonder if her 'self-worth' put deposits on the church, venue, flowers, dress or if she is willing to share her tantrum with others as well?

Move away from this bride, very far, far away!

I wonder how she treats her husband to be......maybe you should send a copy of this to him....to worn him of things to come.

And the first thing that jumps into my mind (even though I know reality shows are misleading) is the infamous Cake Boss episode where the bride trashes the cake, and he responds to this behavior by rewarding her with another cake. Perhaps this is where brides get their entitlement status...

terrylee said: I wonder how she treats her husband to be......maybe you should send a copy of this to him....to worn him of things to come.

Since I believe that "water finds it's own level", he is probably the guy who is egging her on: "Come on, honey .... if you throw a couple of *&^%$#@ their way, we might just get away without paying anybody one cent! we deserve it! we are special! We are better than them! They should be paying us for the honor of getting close to us!

Seems to me that she has never been told.... NO.
No doubt she has behaved in this manner for a long time - and as the saying goes...

People treat us how we allow them to treat us.

Do as Doug wrote....

Why allow yourself to be treated in this manner...crank calls, vile emails, dropping off threatening letters.

By you doing nothing, you are giving her the *ok* to continue.

I would be printing out the emails - compiling it with the threatening letter and contacting your solicitor - quick sticks.

Remember, only one thing spreads faster than a wild fire - and thats bad news...people who don't know of you and your business won't ever hear your side of the story from the likes of her and her charming family.


Bluehue