Bridezilla Alert!

Lounge By Babarooskie Updated 7 Aug 2010 , 9:14am by mcaulir

Babarooskie Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:06pm
post #1 of 59

I need to vent. I need to vent with a drink in my hand.

My sister is getting married next year (March) and decided to do a destination wedding to New Orleans. She wants to get married in a very nice Plantation house, have an elegant reception, the whole 9 yards.

I'm extremely happy for her and wish her nothing but the best...however, I wish it was more simpler. I am one of the Bridesmaids. This wedding for her guests (and more so for her Bridal Party) is going to be an expensive one.

My expenses so far for this wedding:

Bridesmaid Dress: $279 (Vera Wang)
Flight to New Orleans for my husband and I: $250/ each
Hotel Stay: No clue
Dog Sitter: $88-$95 for 4 Days
Wedding Gift: No clue

And on top of that, she wants to do a *JOINT* Bachelor/Bachelorette party in Vegas.

Did I mention she's only been engaged for 1 month??? Within a week she already had the reception location booked.

Please help me. icon_cry.gif

58 replies
leah_s Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:10pm
post #2 of 59

"Sis, while I wish you all the best, your plans are not within my budget."


"Sis, you're turning me into an alcoholic."

cakesbycathy Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:16pm
post #3 of 59

"I love you but I don't know if I can be part of your wedding."

Babarooskie Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:17pm
post #4 of 59

Please confirm with me that I am not going mental for no reason...

See, I did a destination wedding as well. However, I did it on a cruise. And had my ceremony on a Friday which meant that people who did not want to sail had the option of just attending the ceremony. Saturday came and we went on the cruise with the guests who did want to sail for three days.

Plus, your cruise includes meals!
Also, the bridesmaid dresses were $100. They were Guayavera dresses as my wedding was a more tropical and laid back celebration.

Alfiesmom Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:26pm
post #5 of 59

Does she want you to make her wedding cake also?? icon_eek.gif

dinascakes Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:27pm
post #6 of 59

It seems that she's not taking into account other people's financial situations. Which in the long run is going to cause a rift between family and friend relationships with her. She's all about her, her, her! Not very fair to those she's affecting around her.

I would be very frank with her and just let her know that she has to decide what she would like me to attend because I would not be able to attend both the destination wedding AND the destination Bachelor/Bachelorette Party. Its just too much! I hope, for your sake, that she comes back down to reality! Good luck!

cakesbycathy Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:28pm
post #7 of 59

I think you need to show her an itemized list of what this wedding is going to cost you. I suspect she is all caught up in the fun of planning and hasn't yet grasped the concept of how much all her "fun" is going to cost other people.

Something along the lines of
dress: $279
shoes: $50
airline tickets: $500

Put everything and I mean everything on there. Clearly she needs a reality check.

Also, I'd be rethinking the wedding gift if you are expecting you to shell out for all the other stuff (trip to Vegas!). Seriously, nip it in the bud right now.

brincess_b Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:35pm
post #8 of 59

People who have destination events accept that that means not eveyone will be there.
So if you can't afford or justify the money, (or the holiday time off work) don't be pressured into it. Have the talk with her.
Have the talk with her if u will go anyway - I'm sure they have friends who can't ditch their kids or easily afford everything either.
If she's that bridezilla point out that if the guests spend so much before hand, she will get smaller presents!

Babarooskie Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:44pm
post #9 of 59

I know that I am eventually going to have "the talk" with her. Also, this is a very confusing and hard thign to explain.

Our relationship has never been well... Sure we get along, but we're not close. We're step-sisters. When I got married, she didn't involve herself in any of my wedding activities- my wedding dress fitting, my bachelorette parties (I had two because my sister in-law is handicapped and I wanted to include her in some of the festivities). Even for the bridesmaid dress fitting she didn't show.

I feel like I'm going to end up doing so much more for her than she did for me. She apologized later for it- said it was because she had just broken up with her boyfriend (her now Fiance) and she was "devastated".

elvisb Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:45pm
post #10 of 59

Around here, most people with a destination wedding have a small amount of guests who go with them (close family) and then have a big reception back home (complete with video of the ceremony so everyone can witness) out of respect for people who can't afford to travel. It's possible her friends/other bridesmaids will also be bringing this up with her, and hopefully she gets bombarded with people who think like you and she realizes just what she is asking of everyone. She sounds very self centered, so mayb the suggestion of telling her she will like get less/smaller gifts will hit her more effectively. Also, she will have less guests attend, and if attention is what she needs, that also will strike a chord.

I'm curious too--does she expect you make/transport her cake?

Babarooskie Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:47pm
post #11 of 59

As for the cake, no. I will not be doing the cake and she, honestly, didn't ask me.

Babarooskie Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 2:59pm
post #12 of 59

OH and one of the first things she has the "cojones" to say is: "Everybody on a diet and no pregnant bridesmaids!"


terrylee Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 3:05pm
post #13 of 59

If you truly don't want to be in the wedding as a bridesmaid....let he know that.....If you're not in the bridal party you won't have to help the the Vegas don't have to bring up the fact that she didn't participate in your wedding (only could stir up bad vibs) but that it just doesn't work for you. Gift.....???spend what you can...just because it's family doesn't mean that you have to buy an expensive gift.

sillywabbitz Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 3:24pm
post #14 of 59

My sister was in this exact same situation a few months ago with one of her friends. Not only was the wedding over the top it was black tie, masquerade etc. So guests had to rent tuxes etc., purchase masks, etc....Bachelorette was in Vegas, my sister hosted the wedding shower...her friend put 50 people on the guest list...which is a huge her etc. My sister never said a word "being nice". It was a mistake, it put a pretty big rift in their friendship. I think the best you can do is as recommended above.

I think people get excited and want to do big stuff and don't think.
I agree with the above post, sit her down itemize it out and say, "Honey, I love you and I am so excited for you and I totally get that you're excited. But I wanted to point out the over all costs for your guests. If this is hard for me and <insert DH> then you can imagine how expensive it's going to be for others." And feel free to bail out of Vegas. If you do destination, not everyone will go. That's a fact you determine up front when you do destination anything.

At my wedding we actually said no gifts, donate to your favorite charity. We each had a house and already had a lot of stuff and felt people had gone above and beyond in our lives and didn't need to buy us a toastericon_smile.gif But I don't think everyone sees it that way.

Redsoxbaker Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 3:25pm
post #15 of 59

Let her know how happy you are for her but explain to her it's just too expensive for you and your husband to be able to do all these things. Is it possible for you to drive there instead of flying? That would save you some money. This is her wedding and she should have the wedding she wants, but she has to realize that this could also minimize the amount of people that can afford to attend.

dsilvest Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 3:28pm
post #16 of 59

My daughter had a destination wedding. One of the first things I told her was not to expect gifts from her guests because the money they spent to get there and be part of her wedding was the gift. As for the dress check around online for a similar dress. The same daughter that had a destination wedding was a bridesmaid this summer and found the $300 dress online for $75 shipping included. Help your sister look for ways to reduce the costs - she might appreciate it - or not.
How do the other bridesmaids feel about the expenses? If you all feel the same band together and make your feelings known.

Babarooskie Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 3:37pm
post #17 of 59

Thank you all for your advice.

Actually, she knows that not many people will not be able to make it, but she still insists on making it grand, even if 75-100 (that's her guest list so far) people only show up.

She's having about 7 or 8 bridesmaids...

Babarooskie Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 3:38pm
post #18 of 59

Thank you all for your advice.

Actually, she knows that not many people will not be able to make it, but she still insists on making it grand, even if 75-100 (that's her guest list so far) people only show up.

She's having about 7 or 8 bridesmaids...

VannaD Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 3:40pm
post #19 of 59

Party In Vegas?? Hello you are going to New Orleans, the alcohol flows freely, there are strip clubs a plenty, and a few casinos. Why can't they have the parties a day or two before the wedding, in New orleans, where you are going to be already?!

cakesbycathy Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 3:45pm
post #20 of 59

Can ALL the bridesmaids afford all of this? I would bet there's at least one or two that is upset about the cost. You might all need to get together and have a talk with her. And you should really do it now, because it's just going to get more out of control and there are going to end up with a lot of hurt feelings.

And I don't know how it will work location-wise, but is it really realistic to have 75-100 people actually come to a destination wedding?

Babarooskie Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 3:48pm
post #21 of 59

Unfortunately, all the bridesmaids are her friends. I don't know them that well enough for me to call them and have a meeting....

Elcee Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 11:19pm
post #22 of 59

Also, I'd be rethinking the wedding gift

I think members of the wedding party should be exempt from wedding gifts. Participation should be the gift. Someone call Emily Post!

Don't forget, in addition to every thing you listed, and what the other posters mentioned (shoes), you most likely will be expected to share in hosting (read: footing the bill for) a bridal shower, too. I would bet that the Vegas thing is probably a starry-eyed pipe dream and won't come to pass. icon_smile.gif

luvbuttercream Posted 4 Aug 2010 , 11:38pm
post #23 of 59

Oh dear I know exactly how you feel I just posted a similar vent. My family's expenses for my BIL wedding are up to $550 just for dresses and tux's as we are all in the wedding. That does not include the 200 cupcakes and cutting cake I am doing free of charge as well as the bridal shower I just threw, or the stag and stagette's in 3 weeks. Or the wedding gift.... I feel your pain! I am not unsure how I am gonna bow out of anything at this point but maybe you should attempt to put your foot down now before you are buried...

My condolences icon_cry.gif

cutthecake Posted 5 Aug 2010 , 12:01am
post #24 of 59

These couples (mostly brides, I'm guessing) see this over-the-top stuff on television (Platinum Weddings, My Fair Wedding, the bratty sweet sixteen show, etc.), and think EVERYONE must be doing it, and they MUST do it, too. Then they enter into marriage in debt because of all the frivolous things they had to have (and they can no longer afford the wedding cake--oh, that's another thread).
There I go again, blaming it on reality television.

indydebi Posted 5 Aug 2010 , 12:51am
post #25 of 59

Why the heck do you even have "gift" on the list? icon_confused.gif

Assuming the expenses are about the same for all involved, with 7-8 bridesmaids, she's expecting her bridal party (just the girls side!) to spend a total of $5000 to $8000 just to get to the wedding????? Geesh, is she spending that much herself?? ANd that doesn't even count her unreasonable expectation of you all going to Vegas!

Sorry, but this chic needs to get over herself.

In the wise words of sage wisdom from Barney Fife: Nip it! Nip it in the bud!!

I'd have no problem looking her in the eye and saying, "Just how much do you expect me to have to spend on this wedding of yours? Unless it's a big secret, I haven't won the lottery or anything!" icon_evil.gif

cutthecake Posted 5 Aug 2010 , 1:30am
post #26 of 59

Raise your hand if you know who Barney Fife is!

luvbuttercream Posted 5 Aug 2010 , 1:43am
post #27 of 59

icon_lol.gif This is me raising my hand!

gourmetsharon Posted 5 Aug 2010 , 1:50am
post #28 of 59

You need to get pregnant immediately and start to show!

Yup, think you've pegged this one right.

idocakes4fun Posted 5 Aug 2010 , 1:50am
post #29 of 59

Big Barney Fife arms waving in the air over my head!! lol

I agree w/ others. If you are going to speak up, now is the time to do it. Don't wait until plans are so far along that it would make it difficult to change... assuming you do actually talk some sense into her. As someone said, it's her wedding and she can handle it however she wants, but that doesn't mean that you are obligated. Step sister or not, you will be miserable for the next year, if you do not speak up for yourself!

Kitagrl Posted 5 Aug 2010 , 1:58am
post #30 of 59

There's no way I could justify spending that much money on somebody else's wedding, no matter who it is.

Good grief...if you are spending all your OWN vacation with your hubby!

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