I'm Trying So Hard Not To Be Petty...

Lounge By SusD Updated 22 Jul 2010 , 4:48am by ninjacaker

SusD Posted 20 Jul 2010 , 10:39pm
post #1 of 21

So just recently I've become an official/licensed business. I work out of my home (VA) and have been posting my pics on FB. After being a SAHM for a while, I have found this to be very rewarding and something that's "just mine."

Well, one of my BFF's from childhood - she actually introduced me to my husband - decided to try her hand at making a full-up, fondant covered, (stuff she's seen me do), cake for her son. She lives across the country and called me for some recipes. I told her she's the ONLY person in the world I'd trust with such valuable information... I actually really didn't think twice about sharing my recipes. I actually enjoyed her calling and asking my advice on stuff. Over the course of a week she called a lot, with a lot of questions. I finally said "You know, you're trying to learn in a few days what I've spent the past year teaching myself." Then I smiled knowingly because really... it's not like you can just whip out a perfect, 3 tiered, gumpaste figured, totally adorable cake.

Well.... she did. It looked FABULOUS. She even had a beach ball balancing on top. Seriously!! She was ecstatic of course. I was actually quite shocked that she pulled it off and a part of me was really impressed. BUT another part of me was kinda bugged. The petty, insecure, dumb me. Can just anyone make cakes? If you have the drive to do it? I felt rather humbled.

I'm really hoping she doesn't post it on FB, since we share a lot of the same friends... mainly because I'm a big petty fool. Can't she just be the skinny one?? Let me be the awesome cake-maker!!

Going off to try and grow-up now.

20 replies
tyty Posted 20 Jul 2010 , 10:53pm
post #2 of 21

Don't feel bad, be happy for her, cause you know that picture will be all over FB. Hopefully she will give you your props as well. icon_wink.gif

StephW Posted 20 Jul 2010 , 10:54pm
post #3 of 21

You must be a great teacher - especially if you can teach someone across the country! Great job to both of you!

4realLaLa Posted 20 Jul 2010 , 11:05pm
post #4 of 21

Some people are just naturals. I know you are really happy for her but, sometimes we all have insercurities. I'll bet she is estatic that were there to help her. You must be a good teacher.

Tellis12 Posted 20 Jul 2010 , 11:13pm
post #5 of 21

That must be hard. I'd be a little upset too. When you put so much time and effort into something and work so hard at it, its hard when someone else picks it up so easily. Some people are just natural at it. I'm definitely not. Everything I've done I've worked really hard to achieve. But with that said, if you can get yourself to let it go you'll be happier. I know that's easier said than done. Good luck.

Peridot Posted 20 Jul 2010 , 11:15pm
post #6 of 21

I certainly understand how you feel and I would be sort of "jealous" or whatever you want to call it also. I know that I get that way too. I have put a lot of time, money and effort into learning on my own how to do cakes and then to have someone do in a few days what took me months and years to do would upset me also. It's just human nature and I would not feel bad or think that you are immature.

As 4realLaLa said - some people are just naturals and I am not one of those blessed people either. Chin up and you will get past it and your cakes are great.

Tellis12 Posted 20 Jul 2010 , 11:16pm
post #7 of 21

Just a side note, I just looked at your gallery and realized I've really liked a whole lot of your cakes as I've seen them come up in the past. You are talented!

ninjacaker Posted 20 Jul 2010 , 11:28pm
post #8 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by SusD



I'm really hoping she doesn't post it on FB, since we share a lot of the same friends... mainly because I'm a big petty fool. Can't she just be the skinny one?? Let me be the awesome cake-maker!!

Going off to try and grow-up now.




That IS petty. You share the same friends, and you don't want them to think well of her? Don't be like that. thumbsdown.gif

Kitagrl Posted 20 Jul 2010 , 11:36pm
post #9 of 21

I have a local cake friend (who knows, she may stop by and read this!!!! She's a member here too...) and she can do work equal to (if not greater than...if not now, then it will be soon!) my skills...and she's been doing this only a year...while I have been slowly working up to this for TWELVE years!!!!

At first I thought "Wow this rots..." but then I realized what a good friendship we could have and how much we could help and encourage each other...give each other ideas....understand the bad days....and over a short time I think we've developed a pretty good and trusting relationship. We are in the same area but we do not really compete and we each have our specialities and its fine.

I could have chosen to make her an enemy because I felt jealous and threatened....or I could have chosen (and did!) to encourage her great talents and make a friend. I feel like my choice was much more rewarding...and when you think about it, your friend is going to probably go forward and make of herself a successful cake business, with or without you! So you may as well keep encouraging each other (she's across the country, after all!) and enjoy the fact you have something really cool in common!!!!

malene541 Posted 20 Jul 2010 , 11:40pm
post #10 of 21

Don't worry about it too much! We all know what it takes to make a great cake. Not only does it take some skill and talent but lots and lots of TIME. I know I don't have a single friend that would committ like I do.
Now, if she doesn't give you some sort of kudo's then I would be upset about that!
Your cakes are great by the way! icon_wink.gif

LoveMeSomeCake615 Posted 21 Jul 2010 , 1:57am
post #11 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by ninjacaker

Quote:
Originally Posted by SusD



I'm really hoping she doesn't post it on FB, since we share a lot of the same friends... mainly because I'm a big petty fool. Can't she just be the skinny one?? Let me be the awesome cake-maker!!

Going off to try and grow-up now.



That IS petty. You share the same friends, and you don't want them to think well of her? Don't be like that. thumbsdown.gif




Not trying to offend at all, but this seems like a less than helpful comment. The OP said in the statement above that she realizes it's petty, she just needed to vent to someone, and who better than her fellow cakers? Sometimes even though you know what you feel isn't fair, rational, mature, etc., you still feel it and you need some time to get past it. Sometimes talking about it helps.

To the OP, I can understand completely you feeling that way. It may be an ugly feeling, but it's human nature to have this kind of response sometimes. You'll be alright, you'll get past it, and you'll probably be able to help her with her next project! icon_smile.gif

tinygoose Posted 21 Jul 2010 , 2:19am
post #12 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by StephW

You must be a great teacher - especially if you can teach someone across the country! Great job to both of you!





I agree. I have seen many people who have been doing cakes for years who still don't have great looking results, they do not have great teachers. Your friend is very lucky to have you. Her success is your mirror. It's not "anyone can do this" but more like "anyone YOU teach can do this."

Loucinda Posted 21 Jul 2010 , 4:06am
post #13 of 21

Kudos to you for sharing with her. She will never forget that. The feelings you are having now are fleeting, and will pass. You have an opportunity to build an even greater friendship with each other and your love for the art of cake. icon_smile.gif

catlharper Posted 21 Jul 2010 , 4:18am
post #14 of 21

Ok, so first of all (((HUGS))) your ego took a blow this week. Secondly, you have no idea how much of this stuff she's been doing in private all the way across the country, how many youtube videos she's been watching or how many cake books she's been looking at and learning from so she may have had a leg up on you that you were not expecting. You also don't know how much trouble she had doing this...it may well be her first and last experiement in this..or could be just the beginning of her asking for help from you to progress further. Hang in there and see what she says about the experience...maybe this will give you one more thing in common.

I had this sort of situation happen with a friend of my daughter and I vented about it last week. Well, the girl made the fondant and the cake (1st cake ever) and had a horrible time of it. Of course she told ME that it was easy but she told my daughter that she ended up only doing one tier instead of two, had to make the fondant 6 times because it wasn't working out and that she added WAY too much dye so the cake came out a dark pink (really dark) instead of shell pink. She's still determined to make the final cake(this was a test cake) but she still refuses to take any advise on how to make it easier (like that if she still wants to make it a two tier she'll have to level her cakes, something she did not do this time)...guess she needs to do it the hard way BUT she may keep on baking cakes so I'm happy about that. Hopefully the difficulty will lead her to getting some education on it.

So nurse your pride...it took a hard hit today..then call your friend and talk cakes...

Cat

cakesbycathy Posted 21 Jul 2010 , 12:38pm
post #15 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by ninjacaker

Quote:
Originally Posted by SusD



I'm really hoping she doesn't post it on FB, since we share a lot of the same friends... mainly because I'm a big petty fool. Can't she just be the skinny one?? Let me be the awesome cake-maker!!

Going off to try and grow-up now.



That IS petty. You share the same friends, and you don't want them to think well of her? Don't be like that. thumbsdown.gif




This is the kind of response that has me posting less and less. icon_mad.gif

The OP was clearly just wanting to vent. She acknowledges that her hurt feelings are a little silly but just wanted to get them off her chest. There is no reason that you have to act like her disappoving mother icon_confused.gif

TexasSugar Posted 21 Jul 2010 , 2:02pm
post #16 of 21

Teaching the Wilton classes I can say there are all kinds of people out there. There are some that pick up the decorating bag and make gorgous roses with out any instruction and there are those that struggle for a long time to get a good rose and you have people that want to bad to learn cake decorating, but just can't get it.

As was said above, some people are just natural. You have all the rights to your feelings, but try to work past them and don't let this come between you. A good friend is hard to find, and an good cake friend, that just 'gets it' when you talk abotu things, is very nice to have. You now have both of those in one. Congrats.

Don't compair yourself, and don't try to compete. Chances are the two of you will have your own styles and do different kinds of cakes.

Take sometime to think about how much you value the friendship and when she posts her picture, be sure to leave her a comment. icon_smile.gif

Kitagrl Posted 21 Jul 2010 , 2:04pm
post #17 of 21

I didn't take ninja's post to be yelling at the OP...more of just a pleading "Oh please don't be that way".....

I've seen tons ruder posts on this board than ninja's....

LoveMeSomeCake615 Posted 21 Jul 2010 , 2:42pm
post #18 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitagrl

I didn't take ninja's post to be yelling at the OP...more of just a pleading "Oh please don't be that way".....

I've seen tons ruder posts on this board than ninja's....





Oh my yes, so have I! It's not that it was just the rudest thing ever, it just seemed unnecessary and not helpful to me because the OP had already stated two or three times how petty she knew her feelings to be. She even prefaced it with the title "Trying NOT to be petty". So I think it's pretty clear that she realizes it's petty.

I just know from experience that when I know I'm wrong, and I am already beating myself up about it, the last thing I need is someone to keep telling me how wrong I am. Just makes me feel worse, and doesn't accomplish anything. Really not trying to start an argument here, just wanted to explain where I was coming from. icon_smile.gif

emrldsky Posted 21 Jul 2010 , 2:46pm
post #19 of 21

How close are you to this friend (relationally, not geographically)?

For me, if it was a really close friend, I'd say, "OMG, I'm so jealous! I can't believe how wonderful of a job you did without years of experience behind you! The little green monster inside really wants to find fault but I can't! Great job!"

I developed a bit of a personal agenda in my adult life. I was always really shy when I was young and rarely told people the truth, even when it's in a positive light. My adult-agenda is to always be open and honest with people, without trampling all over them. My relationships have been MUCH better because of that.

So, if she's a really good friend, tell her you're jealous about her skills, tell her she did a great job. You're getting it off your chest that you are feeling a bit petty (without saying that, of course) but you're complimenting her newly-found talent. icon_smile.gif

emrldsky Posted 21 Jul 2010 , 10:17pm
post #20 of 21

I just want to say that after a situation that happened to me today with a friend (http://cakecentral.com/cake-decorating-ftopict-689136.html), just be gentle with her! I'm sure she's not rubbing it in your face or anything. icon_smile.gif

Chin up...at least you recognize how you're feeling. icon_biggrin.gif

ninjacaker Posted 22 Jul 2010 , 4:48am
post #21 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitagrl

I didn't take ninja's post to be yelling at the OP...more of just a pleading "Oh please don't be that way".....

I've seen tons ruder posts on this board than ninja's....




Why thank you. That was how it was meant, but I really didn't feel motivated to argue with anyone about my motivations. Thanks for understanding what I wrote. icon_smile.gif

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