luvbuttercream Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 2:39am
post #1 of

I am wondering peoples opinions and experience with having cupcakes at a funeral. I offered to make cupcakes for my Uncle's funeral and then I got to thinking that it may be tacky. My husband and MIL say that it is fine but I am just not sure, it doesn't sit right with me for some reason. I would love to hear some opinions on this. Thank you.

30 replies
CutiePiesCakes Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 2:46am
post #2 of

I think maybe the reason you feel its tacky may be because cakes and cupcakes are more symbals of celebration. It's fine in the context of celebrating his life if you relate them to maybe something he loved or symbalized him?? I dont think its tacky, but i understand where your coming from...I feel the same about cookies. I think sweets just make people feel good, and thats not really feelings associated with funerals..

Hope i helped icon_smile.gif

CWR41 Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 6:13am
post #3 of

I think every little bit helps, and if that's what you'd like to do, it would be appreciated by your family. Perhaps you could ask if they're planning a theme.

I went to my neighbors funeral last night and I have to admit, it was the best funeral "celebration" ever. I didn't expect a theme, but his hobby was fishing and it was very obvious. All of his kids even wore photo t-shirts with his most recent catch!

When I volunteered to help with food or anything, I was told that his sister had it all covered. Much to my surprise, his grown children asked if I brought a cake anyway! Now I regret not taking the opportunity to bring something anyway!

qubanqtee Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 6:47am
post #4 of

I attended a funeral and was asked to make a chocolate cake in honor of the deceased because she loved chocolate cake....so I don't think it's tacky....

tesso Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 7:05am
post #5 of

no hon, it is not tacky. people bring their "favorite or signature" dish to funerals all the time. Cake is what you do. But by making cupcakes you're making it easier to serve. If it makes you feel better, you can make simple iced white or chocolate ones. leaving off decorations/sprinkles.. etc..

mamawrobin Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 7:12am
post #6 of

No it isn't tacky. Like tesso suggested I wouldn't add sprinkles or decorate. Sorry to hear of your family's loss.

luvbuttercream Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 2:23pm
post #7 of

Thank you ladies. I had not planned on decorating. But ou all did get em thinking he hasd shown a a genuine interest in my baking and asked me about it lots. I told him I would bring him a cupcake to try he decided he would of liked to try the Choc Chip Chai ones I do. I told him I would bring one to him. I had one baked and in a container for him but when I went to see him he had taken a turn for the worse and was unable to eat it so I think in memory of that I will make Choc. Chip Chai cupcakes for the funeral.

mom2twogrlz Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 2:33pm
post #8 of
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvbuttercream

Thank you ladies. I had not planned on decorating. But ou all did get em thinking he hasd shown a a genuine interest in my baking and asked me about it lots. I told him I would bring him a cupcake to try he decided he would of liked to try the Choc Chip Chai ones I do. I told him I would bring one to him. I had one baked and in a container for him but when I went to see him he had taken a turn for the worse and was unable to eat it so I think in memory of that I will make Choc. Chip Chai cupcakes for the funeral.




I love that idea and I am sure the family will too.

kizrash Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 3:04pm
post #9 of
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2twogrlz

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvbuttercream

Thank you ladies. I had not planned on decorating. But ou all did get em thinking he hasd shown a a genuine interest in my baking and asked me about it lots. I told him I would bring him a cupcake to try he decided he would of liked to try the Choc Chip Chai ones I do. I told him I would bring one to him. I had one baked and in a container for him but when I went to see him he had taken a turn for the worse and was unable to eat it so I think in memory of that I will make Choc. Chip Chai cupcakes for the funeral.



I love that idea and I am sure the family will too.




What a lovely idea, When my Dad passed away 6yrs ago, the family set aside a small table at the venue for my 'Dad'. One of my sister's bought a pint of Guinness, Dad's favourite. I bought 20 woodbine and a box of matches. Other little things were placed on the table in memory of Dad. Everyone said afterwards how nice that was. Just little things you do that mean something special to you in a loved ones memory helps a lot at time like that. xxx

luvbuttercream Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 3:24pm

Thank you! The more I think about it and read all your stories I am more and more certain that I am doing something special. Again Thank you icon_smile.gif

mayo2222 Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 3:37pm

I would agree with everyone else. For my wife's grandfathers funeral there were Hawkeye cookies because he loved the Iowa Hawkeyes.

Melvira Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 3:51pm

My cousin, who was my BFF as kids, died about 2 weeks ago and I took cupcakes to her funeral. I do not find it tacky at ALL. Everyone loves my cupcakes, everyone brings food, nothing wrong with bringing food you know people will love. People bring pies, brownies, etc. why not cupcakes? I mean, sure, if you're making them in liner that have "Congratulations" on them, yah, not so good. Otherwise, you're golden. In situations like that, the close family is just thankful for the emotional support and the help in making sure there is something to eat. thumbs_up.gif Bless your heart for pitching in!

Carolynlovescake Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 4:03pm

Last October my brother in law was brutally taken from us at the hand of his friend. Difficult to say the least.

We gathered at a place for a family memorial and I baked cupcakes to take for dessert for the big official family dinner. I went with cupcakes because we were at a property with cabins (all 7 cabins were family) and all of them were open to come in/out of.

When the cupcakes came out no one was crying foul and everyone was glad for a dessert/something sweet to finish off dinner with.

I thought that would be the hardest order of my life... until April.

My stepmom passed away very suddenly and unexpected.

I was asked to do a cake for the family dinner by my dad. Ugh... along with helping get him through it, planning everything etc I decided a cake would be to messy and suck up to much time . I reverted again to cupcakes. I did her favorite flavor (chocolate cupcakes filled with raspberry mousse with chocolate raspberry frosting), a 1M swirl and a red rose on each made from fondant served in black liners.

I have always been about presentation though and made sure that when I am serving to a funeral that it's a classy look and I do the best for the person I am paying respects to.

Cupcakes can be done for all occasions from birthday, wedding, showers, and funerals/time of mourning as long as they are done to fit the occasion.

luvbuttercream Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 4:09pm

Thank you Carolyn and Melvira I am so sorry for both your losses but am very much inspired by both of you, you seem like incredibly strong women.

And Melvira I will most definitely stay away from liners that say Congratulations. icon_smile.gif

Melvira Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 4:14pm

I think that would be a safe bet! icon_smile.gif

Carolyn, I'm really sorry to hear such bad news for you. Hope things are getting brighter day by day!

Laura78 Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 4:18pm

it is not tacky at all. when my grandmother passed about a month ago i made a cake in memory of her with all of her favorite things on it. my family absolutely loved it and i honestly think it helped everyone because we all started reliving memories and brought smiles to their faces.

luvbuttercream Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 4:20pm

Thank you Laura. Sorry for your loss.

indydebi Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 6:15pm

Carolyn, I'm so sorry you went thru that, but the way you share your story was wonderful, inspiring and I think it really addresses the concerns we get on how to do "funeral-appropriate".

catlharper Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 11:36pm

First of all I commend you for considering how it would make others feel. However I think if they are simple then you would be doing everyone a service. I have been to funerals where there were cupcakes..the ones I liked the best were frosted in chocolate with little ivory crosses lying flat on them. Pretty and respectful at the same time.

Carolynlovescake Posted 13 Jun 2010 , 4:43pm

The first funeral I had to take an order from when I had my shop was for a 4 year old who died from a brain tumor.

They placed the order for cupcakes because they didn't want to have to try to deal with cake serving sizes, plates etc the mom said "I want it easy to serve and easy to clean up." She didn't care about the decorations, flavors etc.

His favorite flowers were yellow and blue. We did blue frosting and mini carnations done in yellow and calla lillies the same size. Two of each flower on each cupcake (to avoid it from looking nasty with two round carnations and the calla lilly) with the wrappers in dark blue.

They were absolutely adorable considering the event they were made for.


I am of the firm belief if there is food being served at a memorial service then cake/cupcakes/pie etc. are not out of place either as long as they are made for the occasion.


There have been a few times where a family member has also brought their own cake/cupcakes that is poorly assembled or doing in canned Betty Crocker frosting and sliding all over the place. As a business owner, I didn't freak over it when it happens for funerals because people are at their worst, they brought food to comfort themselves and each other. I don't want to add ache to the situation and event. I would just say "oh you know what, let's pull up a table for those that are bringing their own things so we can set up a buffet style line for the desert". They feel valued, and important at a time where they are scared and lost.

Now if it were a wedding, it would be on like donkey kong but honestly in moments of grief there is no such thing as to many cupcakes. thumbs_up.gif

Kiddiekakes Posted 13 Jun 2010 , 5:18pm

When my grandma died almost 10 years ago we had a buffet lunch and all kinds of sweets,squares,cookies,cakes etc...It is not tacky at all.What we didn't consume we sent to the local Mustard seed for the homeless or the shelter.I think funerals in alot have ways have changed quite abit.More families are opting for more Happy ,Spiritual,Meaningful ways to Celebrate the deceased life instead of boo hoo and crying and total emotional breakdown.I have been to several funerals over the years to total wonderful memorable events to some that are exhausting,scary,and down right wailing of the Mother (Which I might add is very uncomfortable but none the less that is how they chose to grieve) Like Melvira says...Most families welcome the support and generosity of the food in such a trying time.

Melvira Posted 13 Jun 2010 , 6:43pm

You know, at the risk of sounding cynical, funerals have seemed 'happier' in my opinion lately. I know, that is not the right word. But for my cousin, yes, we sat in the sanctuary and cried during the service, but there was laughter at the memories that people stood and shared as well. And downstairs afterward, we talked and laughed and just enjoyed the fact that we were privileged enough to have known her. And yes, EVERYONE came from far and wide with pans of this and that. That's just how we do it here. I know it's not just a midwest thing, the whole 'comfort of food in times of trial'. I think that's an international thing. All cultures have their comfort foods.

Carolynlovescake... those cupcakes sound lovely and tasteful, but what a sad, sad occasion. No loss in any less tragic than another, but there seems a deeper sadness with the loss of someone so young. That couldn't have been an easy order for you.

indydebi Posted 13 Jun 2010 , 7:17pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Melvira

You know, at the risk of sounding cynical, funerals have seemed 'happier' in my opinion lately.


Actually, there pretty much is a big marketing push in the funeral industry for this. Funerals are becoming a "Celebration of Life" in lieu of the "mourning of the passing". When I worked at the casket factory, we had a marketing guy who put on seminars to funeral directors, advising them how to market and supply this style of funeral. That was 15 years ago. This type of thing takes awhile to catch on (change of tradition, ya know!) but it's getting there.

Upbeat choirs singing of joy and happiness instead of solemn soloist moaning out an "Ava Maria" (being Catholic, this song will always be a part of our funerals, but it's also a good illustration of "traditional" funeral music.) The memory boards with family photos, a display of the deceased's hobbies and collections, power point photos playing during the calling of photos of the person enjoying family, friends and playtime.

Celebration of Life. That's what I want at my funeral. thumbs_up.gif

Melvira Posted 13 Jun 2010 , 7:51pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Celebration of Life. That's what I want at my funeral. thumbs_up.gif




Really? I was thinking more... Chippendales-ish, ya know? Something more fitting of a woman like me. Hehehe.

It's good that they are moving more into the positive mindset for funerals. I mean, no one wants to lose someone they love, but it's part of life, unfortunately it happens. It sucks though. icon_sad.gif

indydebi Posted 14 Jun 2010 , 12:40am

Nah, I've been to a Chippendale's Club in Texas (they made me get down off of the little half wall ... yes, alcohol WAS involved! Dude ...! I couldn't see! I HAD to stand up on the wall!) so if I can actually BE there see them, then no body else gets to have THAT much of a good time at my funeral! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

luvbuttercream Posted 14 Jun 2010 , 12:59am

Thank you all for your comments, advice and wonderful yet sad stories.

Melvira Posted 14 Jun 2010 , 1:38am

Figures Deb and I would take it straight to the gutter! icon_redface.gif

luvbuttercream Posted 14 Jun 2010 , 1:49am

Well you both made me smile. That says something... LOL

Melvira Posted 14 Jun 2010 , 2:02am

Yah, we're filthy, but we're funny! icon_lol.gif

indydebi Posted 14 Jun 2010 , 2:13am

And a reminder that since I'm married to a stand-up comic, that makes me his head writer!

I'd rather be funny than beautiful! (Fortunately, I can pull off both! icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif )

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