How Do You ...pet Peeve

Decorating By KawaiiCakeCook Updated 18 Feb 2011 , 10:50pm by sweetflowers

KawaiiCakeCook Posted 10 Jun 2010 , 11:57pm
post #1 of 66

I don't mind giving advice to people, but when I get the broad general questions how do you do this cake, I get a little frustrated. I spend hours trying to figure out how to cakes,making practice cakes, and occasionally several minutes in fetal positions. Now don't get me wrong if you ask how I make this or make that part of the cake I'll help you out. Now as to why I'm moaning about this....A week ago I got a comment asking how I made a this cake and I admit I didn't answer. This lady didn't give up and sent me SIX messages asking about the cake. I finally responded saying I hand sculpted the cake and used two layers of fondant. Then I get two more comments on my cake asking for directions....odd as this is one of my older cakes. So I check the profiles, both newbies, both with no cake posts, no comments, nothing, all zeros. Did this lady honestly create two new accounts to harass me? It enough to just stop visiting this site.

http://cakecentral.com/modules.php?name=gallery&file=displayimage&pid=1374465

65 replies
frankdiabetes Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 12:05am
post #2 of 66

That's weird...I just had something similar happen to me with a male torso cake I did. I also don't mind giving advice, but I'm not that skilled and don't usually have any advice to offer than "um, just kind of play around with it until it looks right...".

There have also been a lot of complaints about people who simply say "send me directions on how to do this cake." If I need someone to type up a tutorial for me, I'm certainly going to try and butter them up rather than being flat out demanding.

tracycakes Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 12:16am
post #3 of 66

It's not the first time people have made complaints like this. I know that when I'm really stuck and trying to figure out how to do something and someone has done it, I do my best to ask specific questions, butter them up and always, always, always say thank you. Some people forget that part also.

I just don't think some people realize how the way the type something sounds. I've had a customer that has twice sent me requests for a cake. They are very abrupt, demanding and really rude. If I hadn't talked to her before, when I got the second one, I would have thought it was a joke. She is really a sweet lady but doesn't know how to send a request. I think we just have to be bigger. But, sometimes, all you can say is practice, practice and practice some more.

indydebi Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 12:25am
post #4 of 66
KayMc Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 12:27am
post #5 of 66

You all make points well taken. I am a newbie, and if I have done this (honestly can't remember), I apologize. You are correct - how would you type up a tutorial on it briefly..... Just take it as a compliment (unless they harass you with 6 emails) that they loved the cake so much, they wanted to copy it.

mamawrobin Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 12:30am
post #6 of 66

I don't mind someone asking for help or directions but some can be terribly rude. I received a pm once and all that it said was "I need to know what cutters you used a.s.a.p". Nothing else. icon_eek.gif I just thought it was kind of rude to not even say kiss my butt or anything else. icon_lol.gif

Anyway, Tracy I agree with you that I don't think that some people realize how their request actually sound. Still that's no excuse for rudeness.

I've ask for directions or something or another from different ones but I always say "at your convenience" "please" and "thank you". I wouldn't dream of sending someone a message demanding immediate attention. icon_lol.gif

On the other hand if someone sends me a pm inquiring about a recipe that they know that I use. MFF for instance or Indydebi's buttercream and they have questions about the recipe I am more than happy to answer those questions...anytime! thumbs_up.gif I don't mind the request for "instructions" either but I don't really have any cakes in my photo's that would require a tutorial. icon_lol.gif

confectionsofahousewife Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 12:37am
post #7 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by KawaiiCakeCook

Did this lady honestly create two new accounts to harass me?




It was me! Bahahaha. Just kidding. I'll just be glad when someone (seriously, anyone) STARTS asking for my advice instead of the other way around. I am currently an advice leech. Please and thank you.

It is hard not to come off as rude or abrupt on the computer. I find myself being overly concerned about what emotion/ tone of voice I am conveying when I type stuff. And I am sure I have come off as rude before when it is completely unintentional.

artscallion Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 12:42am
post #8 of 66

I do understand what you're saying. When I'm making a new cake that's at all complicated, I live with it in my head for enormous amounts of time...trying to figure this out and that out...and how do I accomplish this without compromising that...going through the process and steps in my head over and over. I actually make the cake in my head many, many times before I even open the oven door.

This is how I learn. And I always wonder why others don't want to do the same thing. It seems to me to be a really shallow hobby if you're not going through this process yourself. It's where all the satisfaction of creation comes from. It's why, when I set the finished cake down before myself and gaze upon it, knowing that I turned what is essentially dust ( flour and sugar ) into what I see before me. It feels a little bit like being God.

And then, after all that, someone comes along and says, "tell me how you did all that so I can do it." I want to say, "No. Figuring it out is part of it. Go ahead on your own and come back and show us what you can do."

But I realize everyone is not in it for the same thing. So I help when I can. But I'm more apt to help someone who is trying to figure it out and needs assistance doing that, than someone who just wants an instruction sheet so they don't have to bother thinking about it.

indydebi Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 1:12am
post #9 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by artscallion

And I always wonder why others don't want to do the same thing. It seems to me to be a really shallow hobby if you're not going through this process yourself. It's where all the satisfaction of creation comes from.


ex-ACT-ly!!!!! Where is the thrill of discovery, the fun of figuring it out, the excitement of creativity? You know, the things that pretty much founded this country!

I guess its part of this 24/7 instant access, instant gratification society that has evolved. No one feels they have to work for it anymore.

It's like brides who complain about how much a wedding costs, but the idea of SAVING for it never crosses their mind. No, we're all suppose to lower our pricing so she can just HAVE it ... NOW.

Karen421 Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 2:13am
post #10 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by artscallion

I do understand what you're saying. When I'm making a new cake that's at all complicated, I live with it in my head for enormous amounts of time...trying to figure this out and that out...and how do I accomplish this without compromising that...going through the process and steps in my head over and over. I actually make the cake in my head many, many times before I even open the oven door.

This is how I learn. And I always wonder why others don't want to do the same thing. It seems to me to be a really shallow hobby if you're not going through this process yourself. It's where all the satisfaction of creation comes from. . . . . . . . . . .






I absolutely agree!! For me part of the learn process is figuring out how to create the cakes and if I fail I learn! I do however; understand some don't have time to "experiment" and may have to ask, but manners should always be used!! (And that should not have to be said!)

KawaiiCakeCook Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 2:34am
post #11 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by frankdiabetes

That's weird...I just had something similar happen to me with a male torso cake I did. I also don't mind giving advice, but I'm not that skilled and don't usually have any advice to offer than "um, just kind of play around with it until it looks right...".

There have also been a lot of complaints about people who simply say "send me directions on how to do this cake." If I need someone to type up a tutorial for me, I'm certainly going to try and butter them up rather than being flat out demanding.





HAHAHAHAHA, how did you do that...ummm by the seat of my pants!

Loucinda Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 2:45am
post #12 of 66

Put them on your ignore list. thumbs_up.gif

mom2twogrlz Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 2:48am
post #13 of 66

I have been on both sides of this.

I am flattered when someone asks for help from me or says they like my work. But I too have gotten some not so polite messages. I think some people just don't have tact.

I'll admit though, it is me asking for tips more so than others asking me. icon_lol.gif I always try to be thankful, considerate, and gracious in my requests. And of course one PM is enough...if they don't want to help, or just don't have the time it is ok. I will just do what I think will work.

I am up all night whenever I have a cake in the design phase. I am fairly new and it completely absorbs my mind when I need to "figure it out".

I agree, this is the challenge....can I make the picture in my head come to life on the cakeborad????? Can I convey everything I want on this cake??? Will I leave anything out??? And most of all....will it taste good???

Oh the torture!!!!! icon_cry.gificon_lol.gificon_cry.gificon_lol.gif

KawaiiCakeCook Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 2:49am
post #14 of 66

Ehhh...I was just shocked that it seemed that she taken the time to create TWO new accounts to try and get more information from me. Seemed very odd to me. Especially since the cake isn't that fabulous or even terribly difficult.

cheriej Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 3:11am
post #15 of 66

Well, I would point out that what may seem simple and easy to you may not be to a newbie. BUT I think it is rude to demand a tutorial asap. We newbies should be respectful of any time you would take to respond etc. I have asked some people about certain of their decorator elements but if they don't reply I just move on and I'm not offended if they don't. I often just go into my local cake supply store and ask them for advice etc. and they are usually happy to provide it - especially since I buy a lot of stuff there!!

BlakesCakes Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 3:50am
post #16 of 66

I'm a very visual learner and I learn by doing--often learning more by doing it wrong the first time.

Some techniques just can't be explained well in writing--and that often leads to more & more questions that get harder and harder to answer.

I never begrudge the thoughtfully crafted question, but the "send me a tutorial/directions" queries get deleted.

I do think that a large part of this craft is learning to "read" cakes. It comes with exposure and experience and NO ONE can write a tutorial to substitute for that.

In a similar vein, I'm seeing more and more posts from new members that, had they taken a week to JUST READ all kinds of posts on CakeCentral, they would have had all of the answers that they required, and then some......

Sorry, but no on should be posting, "What is fondant?" if they've been logged in for more than 2 minutes.

It is the result of the information age, but CC is not "Google Live". Users need to take the time to look around the site and benefit from what's alreay here before creating new screennames to pester someone icon_eek.gif

JMHO
Rae

kelleym Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 4:05am
post #17 of 66

I think sometimes, if one person posts and asks for instructions, that kind of opens the flood gates. Then other people who come across the cake in their searches think that you ARE sending out instructions, and it's ok to ask because someone else did!

Once I got a PM about one of my older cakes asking for detailed instructions about things like 'how did I stack the cake without getting fingerprints in the buttercream' and, 'what did I put between the cakes to keep them from collapsing', etc. icon_rolleyes.gif

sweetiesbykim Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 4:20am
post #18 of 66

Similar situation for me yesterday!!
I sell my chocolate items on Etsy.com, and someone actually wrote me to say they want to start a small side business and asked how I make my items, what chocolate I use (it's posted on every listing and my home page!), etc. Couldn't she even do a little research or googling to find out?? I've gotten a little good press lately, so maybe that's why she was interested?? So, I sent her a "how to" link from a blog on how to make them, and haven't heard back from her. That's not even a sharing website, it's for personal sales!! But then I though "ya, let her try to do them, and pay for all the supplies, and they'll turn out incredibly sloppy. That won't last long!". I can't imagine what she was thinking!!

cheatize Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 4:21am
post #19 of 66

When it comes to tutorials, I thought that's what blogs are for. I've got tons of blogs bookmarked because they have tutorials. Heck, even my own blog is full of them.

sweetiesbykim Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 4:30am
post #20 of 66

EXACTLY!! She didn't even take the time to look for a tutorial or blog with the instructions -just asked me right away. She didn't even take the time to read my shop home page or my listings, or she would have seen the type of chocolate I use and a brief description of how I make them. I love google, but maybe others don't use it as much as I do.

I have an etsy shop online, but not a blog. I gave her the link to a popular blog with tons of pictures and step by step instructions. I don't expect to hear a thanks, or even get a response now that she's got the info. icon_sad.gif

Katie1985 Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 4:42am
post #21 of 66

I'm pretty new to cakes also and I'm always on the asking end. But like someone mentioned before I try to do all the research first, if I cant find the answer then I'll ask. If I dont get a response I move and dont take offense. I have noticed however that many dont bother to read the information that is already there. I've seen beautiful cupcakes where the tips used are in the introduction and then people ask what tips in the comments, the person answers the question and then someone else asks the same question!!!! Unbelievable!!!! Anyway, thank you to everyone shares their knowledge here on CC, I have learned so much!!!!

cblupe Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 5:26am
post #22 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi


I guess its part of this 24/7 instant access, instant gratification society that has evolved. No one feels they have to work for it anymore.




I have to confess I turned out to be a helicoptor parent and really, really, regret it. My kids only had to say "I need" or "I want" and I would grab my car keys and say "Let's go". As a result they are both selfish, disrespectful, and lazy. They are both as indydebi quoted used to the 24/7 instant access, instant everything society. And it is my fault for letting them. They are both in their 20's and I think about how wrong I was for letting this happen. I grew up with loving parents who worked very hard for everything we had (all the essentials), there was no money for extra curricular activities and I told myself that my kids would grow up differently and have everything they want. Well, sad to say my way was the wrong way.

Even on mother's day last month I didn't hear a peep from them on Sunday. DH was out of town and he called but I didn't have the heart to even tell him they hadn't called me. :>(

CC is awesome - I search for information constantly and literally it's a game to find out some of what I am searching for and how much I can find on my own.

indydebi Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 5:44am
post #23 of 66

cblupe, my sister said something similar. We grew up poorer than dirt. Sis and her husband made a comfortable living so her kids pretty much never had to do without. She commented to me recently that she believes she did her kids a disservice by allowing them to live "too well".

One son gets married and is perplexed by the "normal" struggles every new couple encounters because he never had to struggle growing up. Other son is in college, living on Raman noodles, like most college kids do, and he can't deal with being broke. he's never been broke.

Her kids dont' know how to handle normal, everyday, budget "crisises" that come along. They were never taught how to stretch a dollar because if their dollar didn't go far enough, mommy gave them a longer dollar.

(I tease her by saying, "Oh my kids have it made! They MASTERED being poor!" icon_lol.gif )

Hubby and I have had conversations about "It's easy to pay your bills and balance the household budget and never be late, etc., when you have plenty of money. The challenge and the talent is doing all of that when one of you gets laid off!"

Parenting is the only job where we can't know if we did it right or not until 20 years down the road.

tmac670 Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 6:20am
post #24 of 66

Well- my kids won't be having THAT problem. I started telling them in the 2nd grade- you will need to go to college- and we can't afford to send you-- you have to work for it. And unless you want to live like this the rest of your life-- you gotta go to college. Well fast forward 20 years (and it certainly did go fast)- I have 2 in the military (specifically to pay for college) and one working full time to get through culinary school. My younger daughter will be a senior next year with a 3.8 GPA and my youngest was talking today about military service so that he can march in the band of his choice come college. But then again-- I never raised children-- I cared for children while I was raising ADULTS!

indydebi Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 7:26am
post #25 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by tmac670

But then again-- I never raised children-- I cared for children while I was raising ADULTS!


Ohhhhhh! Good one!!! thumbs_up.gif

frankdiabetes Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 11:54am
post #26 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by sweetiesbykim

Similar situation for me yesterday!!
I sell my chocolate items on Etsy.com, and someone actually wrote me to say they want to start a small side business and asked how I make my items, what chocolate I use (it's posted on every listing and my home page!), etc.




Don't people realize how rude that is in itself?? "I would love to start a business to compete with you and potentially take away some of your sales, please give me a leg up on that, would you?"

confectionsofahousewife Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 12:44pm
post #27 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by cblupe

Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi


I guess its part of this 24/7 instant access, instant gratification society that has evolved. No one feels they have to work for it anymore.



I have to confess I turned out to be a helicoptor parent and really, really, regret it. My kids only had to say "I need" or "I want" and I would grab my car keys and say "Let's go". As a result they are both selfish, disrespectful, and lazy. They are both as indydebi quoted used to the 24/7 instant access, instant everything society. And it is my fault for letting them. They are both in their 20's and I think about how wrong I was for letting this happen. I grew up with loving parents who worked very hard for everything we had (all the essentials), there was no money for extra curricular activities and I told myself that my kids would grow up differently and have everything they want. Well, sad to say my way was the wrong way.

Even on mother's day last month I didn't hear a peep from them on Sunday. DH was out of town and he called but I didn't have the heart to even tell him they hadn't called me. :>(

CC is awesome - I search for information constantly and literally it's a game to find out some of what I am searching for and how much I can find on my own.




This is a very interesting story. I'm glad you posted it. We struggle with this daily. We have plenty of money (not rich, but comfortable enough that we have what we need and most of what we want) and its hard NOT to buy the kids what they want when they want it. I don't feel like we live extravagantly but I want my kids to learn how to properly manage their money. This just reinforces our belief that we won't be buying our kids the most expensive this, or latest that. Thanks!

KHalstead Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 1:00pm
post #28 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by artscallion

And I always wonder why others don't want to do the same thing. It seems to me to be a really shallow hobby if you're not going through this process yourself. It's where all the satisfaction of creation comes from.

ex-ACT-ly!!!!! Where is the thrill of discovery, the fun of figuring it out, the excitement of creativity? You know, the things that pretty much founded this country!

I guess its part of this 24/7 instant access, instant gratification society that has evolved. No one feels they have to work for it anymore.

It's like brides who complain about how much a wedding costs, but the idea of SAVING for it never crosses their mind. No, we're all suppose to lower our pricing so she can just HAVE it ... NOW.




I figure out my cakes for myself, but from time to time if I happen to see something very similar that's done perfectly, I'll ask the person how it's done, sometimes their way is better and other times I will report back to them that I went a different route and share my experience with them......sometimes it winds up helping them, and sometimes I find an easier way than I would have thought of to do a technique.

LindaF144a Posted 11 Jun 2010 , 1:14pm
post #29 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by artscallion

This is how I learn. And I always wonder why others don't want to do the same thing. It seems to me to be a really shallow hobby if you're not going through this process yourself. It's where all the satisfaction of creation comes from.




I'm a newbie to cake decorating and CC. Part of the fun of this is the total immersion into everything about it - books (tons of books!), videos, blogs, tutorials, and CC. I must have poured over CC for about two weeks reading everything I could before I even opened an account here. This is how you learn. And I am enjoying every single second of it. If I relied on just looking at the cake photos and then PMing whoever made it I would never learn how to create on my own. BTW, I almost never look at the cake photos posted here. I would rather spend the time I have on the computer to reading all the valuable information posted here.

Quote:
Quote:

I do think that a large part of this craft is learning to "read" cakes. It comes with exposure and experience and NO ONE can write a tutorial to substitute for that.

In a similar vein, I'm seeing more and more posts from new members that, had they taken a week to JUST READ all kinds of posts on CakeCentral, they would have had all of the answers that they required, and then some......

Sorry, but no on should be posting, "What is fondant?" if they've been logged in for more than 2 minutes.




You are so right. I have the same experience with trying to teach others to "read" their knitting (my other passion). I can't understand how you can do the craft and not be able to do this. And you can tell people are not reading posts when the same question gets asked within a day or hours apart.

I have just gotten into this in the past few months. Part of the fun of this is all the research material available. Just this morning I enjoyed my morning coffee while reading "Calkwalk". Of course after a while I find that I have stopped reading and I am just staring at the gorgeous cakes. That means I can pick up the book again and read some more.

Sorry you got pounded so hard for requests. Some people do need to "have a brick hit over the head" talk so to speak before they get it. I know I need to do that with my sister. There is no other way. If I am not completely straight forward with her, she just will not get it. And sometimes it takes me saying "NO, I said no. How many times do you have to hear No. What part of No do you not understand?" before she finally goes, does that mean you won't .......

Maybe you need to "hit them with a brick on the head" sometimes.

adventuregal Posted 12 Jun 2010 , 5:14am
post #30 of 66

wow-I could see some one asking the first time and respecting you whether you reply or not, but SIX times? It's almost like they think you are an on call teacher or some thing. I stopped visiting CC for about 6 months not for that reason, but because some 'pro' cakers were being SO very rude to newbies and making them feel un welcome here-it's a site for every one and all skill levels and respect needs to go both ways icon_smile.gif

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