Must Vent - Co-Worker's Baby Shower

Decorating By mrsc808 Updated 10 Jun 2010 , 7:58am by tinygoose

mrsc808 Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 4:05am
post #1 of 22

A CW is having a baby next month. When we found out, his boss (good work friend of mine) and I started to plan a work shower for him. We figured something small, just our area, so 20 people max and I offered to do cake and cookie favors - for 20. Then my former boss, the mom-to-be's cousin decided she wanted to host the shower and make a big to-do at her house and that would be the one and only shower they would have. She tells me that since I was planning on making the cake, I can still do it. Um, okay. I tell her I'm planning on something small since it was just 20. Nope. the guest list is now 50 so she says I did to do something bigger. Today I ask for the final count so I can do favors - 1 3" cookie/invited guest. She goes "oh, only 1 cookie each?" Does she not get that I am doing this for free and I still have to get a shower gift?
Did I mention that she was also going to order 300 cookie favors for her daughter's graduation party and told me to go ahead and order the custom cutter? They had that party last Saturday and no, I didn't do the cookies because she decided my cost was too much. I quoted her $0.75 each. icon_mad.gif Ugh, some people!

21 replies
VNatividad Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 4:18am
post #2 of 22

Well that sucks.....do what you feel is in your heart. I think you should stick to your plan of one cookie per guest! I suggest a sheet cake with a cute design. This is your part of your gift, don't let them determine what you make. It takes the fun out of it.

bmoser24 Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 4:20am
post #3 of 22

Sorry, lessons I swear..LOL. I know how you feel. BTW, when I make a cake for a party ~ IT is the gift!!! from me anyways icon_smile.gif Hope it all works out, maybe you will get potential customers. I Always look for the good side.
Blessings 2 U

jqorso Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 4:22am
post #4 of 22

Sorry to hear about that. I'd skip the cake if you are going to do a present too. I hate that people think cake doesn't count as a gift.

mrsc808 Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 4:35am
post #5 of 22

Thanks for commiserating. I wish I could say the cake was my gift but I have some seriously snotty co-workers who don't get the amount of time and money you can put into baking.

Ursula40 Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 9:37am
post #6 of 22

For .75 cents a cookie decorated, I do NOT turn on my oven. Did you get the cutter> If yes, I hope you charged her.

And if you do the cake, that has to be your gift, otherwise bring a breakdown of the ingredients, add time and appliance cost and share the cost with the others. Snotty coworkers will have to learn, that they cannot have eberything, I have long since learned the hard way, they don't thank you when you do, and don't when you don't, so where is the difference that makes it worth YOUR while?

noahsmummy Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 10:01am
post #7 of 22

either get them to help pay for ingredients at least for the cake; or give the cake as your gift. i always give cakes as gifts. and thats it.

Auryn Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 10:36am
post #8 of 22

This woman is totally aware of your costs, that means she is doing this to you on purpose - she wants to get the glory of throwing a fabulous shower without paying for it.

If I were you I would tell her that you have had family issues come up and won't be able to do the cake or favors.
Speak with your boss about it and then have a little celebration in your office like you had originally planned. It doesnt have to be a "shower" just a congratulation cake break.

Don't give in to these ludicrous demands.

Hollandy Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 11:16am
post #9 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auryn

This woman is totally aware of your costs, that means she is doing this to you on purpose - she wants to get the glory of throwing a fabulous shower without paying for it.

If I were you I would tell her that you have had family issues come up and won't be able to do the cake or favors.
Speak with your boss about it and then have a little celebration in your office like you had originally planned. It doesnt have to be a "shower" just a congratulation cake break.

Don't give in to these ludicrous demands.


I agree, tell her that you've been asked to do a paying gig, or a family affair or SOMETHING and don't do the cake or favors. Let her pay for them. Send your gift and be done with it.

I also like the idea of still doing something for work because surely all of your coworkers won't be able to make it to the, now, really huge shower.

noahsmummy Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 11:22am
post #10 of 22

also just curious...why on earth would you be inviting 50 people to a baby shower? i had just over 20 and was overwhelmed by that.. the last thing you want in your later stages of pregnancy is having 50 people all gathered around you... no thanks. 2 smallr showers is a much better way to do things if you need to have that many people... jmho.

artscallion Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 11:50am
post #11 of 22

My sister asked if I would do the cake for my niece's shower (she's also my god daughter) She intended to pay for it. But I told her it would be a gift from me. The cake is already designed, planned out and fit into my schedule.

I got a call the other day from the father-to-be's mother (whom I've never met and is hosting the shower) It went as follows:

Grandma to be (GTB): Hi, I heard you were making the cake and wanted to talk to you about the design.

Me: Oh, the cake's already been designed.

GTB: Well can you tell me what it is so I can approve it or see if I want to make any changes?

Me: Thanks, but the cake is actually a gift from me. So I'm designing it on my own.

GTB: Well I want to make sure it fits with the theme.

Me: My sister already explained the theme to me. Don't worry, it will fit the theme.

GTB: Well I'd like to know what it is. What if it's something I don't want?

Me: Again, it's my gift to my goddaughter. Gifts generally don't need to be pre-approved, do they? If you had ordered the cake or were paying for it, you would certainly get some say in it. But it's a gift.

GTB: Well forget the cake. I'll just order one from somewhere else.

Me: Well, you can do that. But then you'll have two cakes, because I'll still be bringing this gift to my niece.

Of course she doesn't know me from Adam. And probably thinks I'm bringing some sloppy old slab of canned frosting cake with rainbow jimmies on it. And doesn't realize she's turning down a $400 cake in lieu of the Walmart cake she'd probably get. But seriously, it's a gift! Who questions a gift from a godfather? Even if it were a garbage cake, smile and appreciate the love with which it's given!

Hollandy Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 12:20pm
post #12 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by artscallion

My sister asked if I would do the cake for my niece's shower (she's also my god daughter) She intended to pay for it. But I told her it would be a gift from me. The cake is already designed, planned out and fit into my schedule.

I got a call the other day from the father-to-be's mother (whom I've never met and is hosting the shower) It went as follows:

Grandma to be (GTB): Hi, I heard you were making the cake and wanted to talk to you about the design.

Me: Oh, the cake's already been designed.

GTB: Well can you tell me what it is so I can approve it or see if I want to make any changes?

Me: Thanks, but the cake is actually a gift from me. So I'm designing it on my own.

GTB: Well I want to make sure it fits with the theme.

Me: My sister already explained the theme to me. Don't worry, it will fit the theme.

GTB: Well I'd like to know what it is. What if it's something I don't want?

Me: Again, it's my gift to my goddaughter. Gifts generally don't need to be pre-approved, do they? If you had ordered the cake or were paying for it, you would certainly get some say in it. But it's a gift.

GTB: Well forget the cake. I'll just order one from somewhere else.

Me: Well, you can do that. But then you'll have two cakes, because I'll still be bringing this gift to my niece.

Of course she doesn't know me from Adam. And probably thinks I'm bringing some sloppy old slab of canned frosting cake with rainbow jimmies on it. And doesn't realize she's turning down a $400 cake in lieu of the Walmart cake she'd probably get. But seriously, it's a gift! Who questions a gift from a godfather? Even if it were a garbage cake, smile and appreciate the love with which it's given!


I actually don't agree with you at all. Cakes are the centerpieces of a party and very important to many people, especially when planning a party. As a baker you should realize that. They want to make sure their party looks beautiful and I don't blame them. I wouldn't want somebody to bring a cake that I didn't get to see or talk about to a party I was throwing, even if it was free. What is the harm in sharing your ideas with her? You seem extremely stubborn. She may LOVE it, you never know and you're not even giving her a chance.

It was nice of you to offer to do it as a gift but I think kind of bulldozed her and to still bring a cake as a gift is just plain old rude.

noahsmummy Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 12:40pm
post #13 of 22

i have to disagree with you hollandy, if the cake had already been discussed and approved by the mumtobe (whos shower it is) why doe the grandma need to know? it is not HER shower, shes getting a free cake, its been discussed and designed with the neice, youd think that would be enough for her.. especially seeing as its not grandmas shower after all..

Hollandy Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 12:49pm
post #14 of 22

ahhhhhhhhhhhh! I agree Noahsmummy. I misread it, I read that it was the mum-to-be asking to see the design. Not the grandmother. My appologies!

aprilblack Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 12:52pm
post #15 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by noahsmummy

i have to disagree with you hollandy, if the cake had already been discussed and approved by the mumtobe (whos shower it is) why doe the grandma need to know? it is not HER shower, shes getting a free cake, its been discussed and designed with the neice, youd think that would be enough for her.. especially seeing as its not grandmas shower after all..




I second that. I think the GTB was the rude one. The theme of the shower was obviously discussed prior to the design was made so it was fine. It isnt like a cake was designed just for the heck of it and expected to fit in at the shower. I think things started off wrong when she called to "approve" the design and see if she wanted to make changes.. Im sorry, I probably would have not been able to bite my tongue on that one.

costumeczar Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 12:53pm
post #16 of 22

But if the grandmother is hosting the shower then she should be the one to make the arrangements. You should have told her what it was going to look like.

If the mother-to be wants you to make her the cake for the shower then she should deal with Grandma directly and not put you in the middle of it. What if she hadn't said anything to her about you bringing the cake, and Grandma had bought another one, not knowing that she had told you to bring one? They need to fight this out on their own then let you know if you should bring a cake or arrange for a different gift.

artscallion Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 1:25pm
post #17 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by costumeczar

But if the grandmother is hosting the shower then she should be the one to make the arrangements. You should have told her what it was going to look like.

If the mother-to be wants you to make her the cake for the shower then she should deal with Grandma directly and not put you in the middle of it. What if she hadn't said anything to her about you bringing the cake, and Grandma had bought another one, not knowing that she had told you to bring one? They need to fight this out on their own then let you know if you should bring a cake or arrange for a different gift.




Just to clarify...My sister and my niece arranged this with me a long time ago, before they even knew where the shower would be. The shower is being hosted by the GTB (the father-to-be's mother) meaning it's at her house, but it is being thrown by my sister (the mother-to-be's mother), who is making all the arrangements and paying for everything. My sister did inform GTB of the arrangement with me.

My beef with her is not so much that she wanted to know what the design was. It was that she, not knowing my skills, approached it, as if she wanted to make sure the "gift cake" was going to be good enough for her party. I thought that was the rude part. Which is why I got a little (admittedly) bulldozerish.

Adevag Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 2:18pm
post #18 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Auryn

This woman is totally aware of your costs, that means she is doing this to you on purpose - she wants to get the glory of throwing a fabulous shower without paying for it.

If I were you I would tell her that you have had family issues come up and won't be able to do the cake or favors.
Speak with your boss about it and then have a little celebration in your office like you had originally planned. It doesnt have to be a "shower" just a congratulation cake break.

Don't give in to these ludicrous demands.




I agree. You obviously know that this woman can't afford to pay for cookies and cakes from you. And all of a sudden you are committed to support HER party. This is not what you signed up for and if I were you I would not even enjoy making this cake (and cookies) anymore. Just skip it and bring the other gift that you planned on buying.

artscallion - good for you for standing up for yourself! When is the shower being held? Let us know what happens!!! thumbs_up.gif

moralna Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 5:05pm
post #19 of 22

Here is my suggestion: you offered to make one cookie for each guest - stick to that if she wants more than one she can pay for the additional cookie per guest. You were going to make a 20-person cake as part of your gift, stick with that and let her know that she will have to pay for the additional 30 servings.

I will repeat what I so very often say. . . people will do to you what you allow them to do and if you allow it, then you only have yourself to blame.

catlharper Posted 9 Jun 2010 , 5:14pm
post #20 of 22

Whenever I do a cake for a party, whether it's for a friend or family, it IS my gift. Once the guests see my cake they KNOW what it cost and KNOW that it is a generous gift. I pour my heart into gift cakes especially so I feel that I have given a most precious gift to the recipient. I do have to say in this situation tho, that it'd either be the cake OR the favors, not both. I'd call up the organizer and explain you just can't afford to do both for free...that when this started it was for 20 and as such doing 40 servings (20 cake, 20 cookies) was affordable but now it's up to 100 servings (50 cake, 50 cookies) it's now over double the expense and you just can't afford the time or cost of that size of a gift. So have her pick which one she wants. HOWEVER, having said that, I can understand if you think the time to be able to gracefully say that has passed so I would go very simple on each, the cake and cookies, to help reduce the cost and labor of each. Then I would buy a very nice card and hand it to the mother to be with a "and I hope you did love the cake and favors I made for you...just my own personal gift to you and your baby to be!" and let that be that. You've given enough. No need for an extra gift. My own 2 cents.

Cat

mrsc808 Posted 10 Jun 2010 , 6:26am
post #21 of 22

Thanks all, you have great advice but unfortunately, I already committed to it all, the gift was already purchased and the shower is this weekend. I now know better and won't this mistake again but thanks for letting me vent.

tinygoose Posted 10 Jun 2010 , 7:58am
post #22 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsc808

............ She tells me that since I was planning on making the cake, I can still do it. Um, okay. I tell her I'm planning on something small since it was just 20. 1. Nope. the guest list is now 50 so she says I did to do something bigger. Today I ask for the final count so I can do favors - 1 3" cookie/invited guest. 2. She goes "oh, only 1 cookie each?" Does she not get that I am doing this for free and I still have to get a shower gift?
Did I mention that she was also going to order 300 cookie favors for her daughter's graduation party 3. and told me to go ahead and order the custom cutter? They had that party last Saturday and no, I didn't do the cookies because she decided my cost was too much. I quoted her $0.75 each. icon_mad.gif Ugh, some people!




So for next time...

1. Well I might need some help, who do you know that would like to pitch in? (even if she knows no one or you like to work alone, you have made your point) OR You know I'm pretty booked for that week, perhaps there is someone else who could also make or bring a few smaller cakes to go with the one I'm making?

2. I think one each is fine, but if you want to throw something else in there, just bring it over by Friday, and I'd be happy to wrap them up together.

3. Oh and I have that custom cutter you ordered. It was $___, I'll bring that over with me to the party, you can just pay me whenever you want. (yes, this is guilt)

Seriously, just keep lobbing the ball back into her court.

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