To Quit, Or Not To Quit? That Is The Question. Loooonnggg..

Lounge By jonahsmom Updated 6 Jun 2010 , 4:28pm by sexy_baker

jonahsmom Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 1:25am
post #1 of 17

Okay - so I love to decorate cakes. BUT I need help making a decision! I've talked to hubby and I *think* I know what I should do, but I don't. KWIM?!

Some of you know my back story - 2 time cancer survivor, high-functioning autistic son.

After my first bout with cancer 3 1/2 years ago I ended up tipping the scales at the same weight I was at when I was 9 months preggers with Jo. NOT GOOD!!! So I worked really hard at the gym and got down to my wedding weight. If I may say so I looked and felt TERRIFIC!!!!

Fast forward to a little more than a year ago when I decided to take on cake decorating. I ended up doing my first big cake (grandparents 50th anniversary) and I absolutely was hooked. Ever since I've been decorating cakes for friends, family, friends of friends, etc and it has taken over my life! Since the beginning I basically had to stop going to the gym because I didn't have time to go and have gained back 25 lbs that I lost!!! I'm not as heavy as I was when I first started working out, but I am sooooo unhappy about it!!!!

I kind of feel like I'm sacrificing my health by letting this take over my life. Working out not only helps with energy and weight, but it also decreases my risk of yet another bout with cancer. Shouldn't I be more concerned about that than anything else?! Plus, I feel like I'm not there enough for Jo. Don't get me wrong, I'm there at his beck and call, but I also feel like I'm not entirely *there*.

I'm so confused!!! I want to continue, but I also kind of want to just get rid of all my cake stuff (okay not ALL of it - keep the pans for family cakes in storage somewhere in the house!) and move on and start taking better care of myself and my family.

I hope this doesn't sound like I'm whining! I just basically want to know if any of you have been in this position and if you think I should step back, or just suck it up or what.

Edited to add: Last July I also had a hysterectomy due to issues caused I'm sure by chemo, complete with ovary removal, so I have the added stress on my body of instant menopause. I'm wondering if that has something to do with my weight gain as well?

16 replies
Ursula40 Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 1:28am
post #2 of 17

Take a break, you are no good to anyone, if you go on like this. It really sounds like a burn out. Keep your stuff, but put it in the spare room. If you cannot do without caking, then make one a month, set yourself a limit and stick to it. Your health and your family always comes first, not last behind baking and decorating.

alsiemen Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 1:41am
post #3 of 17

I think it is great that you have a hobby and it really sounds like you need one. I think some of the weight gain could be from stuff other then the baking and lack of exercising. Congrats on fighting cancer twice....my husband was diagnosed on Christmas with stage 4 stomach cancer at 30 yrs old we have a 2 and 3 yr old and baking is the only relief that I have.

lizabu Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 2:30am
post #4 of 17

I agree with the other ladies. You need to put yourself and your health first because if you're not feeling good you aren't much use to anyone else. Next comes family. If you have anything left...cakes. I'm of the mindset if it's not fun...don't do it. It sounds like right now cakes aren't fun for you. You should put it on a shelf for now until you're feeling good again. Maybe once you have some time and get your weight back where your happy you will have the energy to pick it back up.

jonahsmom Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 2:44am
post #5 of 17

You are right. I just needed the opinion of someone who actually does cakes. Hubby thinks I shouldn't do as many, but shouldn't out right stop and my son thinks its awesome that I'm considering stopping for a while. He definitely wins. (But he does still want me to do cakes for our holidays!)

I've been mulling over this for the last couple of months and just needed to really commit. I said I was gonna slow down, but then had a hard time telling people no and ended up WAY busier than I wanted to be. I know, my own fault.

Most (actually all) of the people who order cakes/cookies from me have actually hooked up with me through Facebook, so I announced tonight that I wasn't taking any more orders. Since they all know my history, I went ahead and explained that I needed to take better care of myself and then maybe I'd be back to doing cakes. Jury is out on whether or not I'm gonna want to.

I feel like a huge weight has been lifted by just making a final decision on this. I already had a "Well boo" posted on my Facebook announcement, but I take that as a compliment. But I also had someone tell me they were proud of me that I knew what was important.

I can always get my fix of pretty cakes here.

Thanks for solidifying for me what I already knew in my heart!!!!

sillywabbitz Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 2:53am
post #6 of 17

Good for you. Nothing says you can't do a cake for YOU when you feel like making a cake..or for a friend.
Just a side note, I was watching the Food Network Challenge with I think Michelle Barbarino (sp?) and that girl is a built like a ROCK. I mean serious arms... so she must work out on a really regular basis. I've been trying to get to the gym every other day...which gives me the between days to do me "other" stuff and that's worked well for me. It really helps to have a plan and then you don't have such a hard time saying no when things come up.

And when/if you decide to get back into it, set your own limits. If you commit to one cake a month and you've made it then tell people not until the next month. Since this is YOUR hobby, you get to set the rules! Good for you and happy caking..

cownsj Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 2:54am
post #7 of 17

Good for you for making your decision, and especially for posting it on facebook BEFORE you could change your mind. The stuff will be there, and anytime you want to make a special cake for your family, you have it right there. If you feel an itch, you know it's your choice to bake or not to bake. Take care of yourself first, and I'm proud of you too for making that decision. I agree, that boo was clearly a compliment.

Only do a cake, if you want, and when you want. And if one day you realize you just don't want to do it anymore, then get rid of your stuff. I think you'll know when that day comes, but you have to be away from it for a bit first before you'll really know.

Now, having said that, a few years ago I tried selling off some of my older shaped pans from the 70's, simply because I hadn't made cakes (those kind only) for 20 years. Then....... hubby and I took the classes and boy am I glad those pans didn't sell. Haven't used one of them, but I'm glad to still have them now... LOL Silly, but it's part of me.

saffronica Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 2:55am
post #8 of 17

I'm sure doing fewer cakes will make a difference, but you should also talk to your doctor. All the hormonal changes associated with your "instant menopause" could really affect you, in a lot of ways.

Isn't it a great feeling when you finally get confirmation that the decision you made was right? I wish you the best.

jonahsmom Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 3:15am
post #9 of 17

After I give myself time to get into a workout routine and healthy eating regimen like I used to do I will see where I stand. If I feel like I'm not getting anywhere I'll definitely talk to my doc. I feel like if I just go into her and whine that I'm backsliding so much she'll tell me to get back to exercising, stop eating at 11 pm and stop eating all that junk!!!!

MBHazel Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 3:30am
post #10 of 17

While my experience with cancer is limited to both parents and in-laws, I can speak about the autism. How old is your son? My daughter is now 30. One of the most valuable things you can give your son is the knowledge (which for them only comes from experience) that he can enjoy himself and life without always being with Mom.

If you are having too much stress due to saying YES too many times on the cakes, start saying NO some of the time. As an earlier poster said, make it your "policy" to only do a cetain number a month, whatever you are comfortable with.

Just don't let stress steal something from you that brings you joy.

Kitagrl Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 3:41am
post #11 of 17

I think you know when you need to step back! Maybe just choose to take a cake here and there, when YOU want to do it.

I've been feeling borderline burned out too (started a different thread on it tonight actually!) but I have to keep going for now, to help with finances and also because I'm paying my license and insurance, may as well keep going...but it does get very hard to be the right kind of mom and wife, and keep doing cakes. I'm hoping maybe eventually we can afford for me to back off and do a few less cakes...or maybe just start taking fewer but larger cake orders, like weddings....I dunno.

Anyway just saying that although I haven't had cancer or anything, I totally know what you mean...I stopped going to the gym too and I still need to lose 25 lbs...I'm getting cranky from not going, and I don't give time to my kids like I should...yeah....it does get hard!

If you don't need the money...definitely pull back and take a break.

CWR41 Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 3:43am
post #12 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonahsmom

my son thinks its awesome that I'm considering stopping for a while. He definitely wins. (But he does still want me to do cakes for our holidays!)




Of course! I don't know how old your son is, but perhaps you could have this special time with him helping to make your family cookies/cakes.

When I decided to take a break from decorating, my oldest daughter was 12 years old at the time and asked "but you're still going to make my birthday cakes, aren't you?" I told her no... if she didn't want a DQ ice cream cake, she'd have to make her own! She was old enough... I started decorating when I was 12, so I made up the bags and gave her everything she needed and she made her own awesome cake. (okay, I baked and iced it for her, but she's super artistic so she got to do the fun part!)

If your son isn't old enough for you to share your hobby with one another just yet, maybe when he is old enough it will the right time for you to get back into it after your much needed break. Warm wishes for you and your family!

JulieMN Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 5:02am
post #13 of 17

Congratulations on taking care of you!

egensinnig Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 5:51am
post #14 of 17

Good for you - first things first. Take care of your self - that must come first, otherwise we don't have anything left to give to our loved ones. But it's really hard to see clear when it comes to yourself!

I made a similar decision just a few weeks ago. No more cake orders until after september and then we'll see ..
I've picked up my diet and gym schedule.
Have been far to stressed with all cakes and neglecting my own health ( 3 ruptured discs in my back and rheumatism)
And it feels so good to be back on track with my weight and exercise. Need to loose 20 pounds or so to take some pressur of my joints. Just 2 more cakes and then I'll take my "cake holiday"
What helped me is to have set days and times during the week that I go to the gym + actually counting calories icon_smile.gif If I exercise I can eat more wich keeps me motivated. And now I'll finally have time to do cakes just for fun with my daughter!! It's been a lot of " Oh no don't touch that!" "Mommies caking - please ask your daddy instead" "Oh mommy can't come to the fun fair darling, I have to make a cake"

jonahsmom Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 1:00pm
post #15 of 17

I keep having to say the same thing to my little boy, egensinnig! No, mommy doesn't have time to help you play that game right now. I'm working on a cake!

When I asked him what he thought of me stopping caking for other people for a while he didn't even hesitate before he celebrated. So I asked him what he liked about me doing cakes and literally said "I like it when you make cakes for OUR holidays."

It's funny because he's worried about people that ask me for cakes - he kept asking where they would get their cakes now! I told him there were cakes BEFORE me and there'll be cakes after me. They'll be fine!!!

His birthday is coming up and he wants a tornado cake. I'm thinking he needs to help me make it! icon_biggrin.gif

cownsj Posted 5 Jun 2010 , 8:45pm
post #16 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by jonahsmom

I keep having to say the same thing to my little boy, egensinnig! No, mommy doesn't have time to help you play that game right now. I'm working on a cake!

When I asked him what he thought of me stopping caking for other people for a while he didn't even hesitate before he celebrated. So I asked him what he liked about me doing cakes and literally said "I like it when you make cakes for OUR holidays."

It's funny because he's worried about people that ask me for cakes - he kept asking where they would get their cakes now! I told him there were cakes BEFORE me and there'll be cakes after me. They'll be fine!!!

His birthday is coming up and he wants a tornado cake. I'm thinking he needs to help me make it! icon_biggrin.gif




A tornado cake, how cool! And if that isn't the perfect cake for him to work on for his first, I don't know what is. Have loads of fun.

sexy_baker Posted 6 Jun 2010 , 4:28pm
post #17 of 17

I personally think you have made the right decision. Cake making should only make you relaxed and be inspired, not burden you. Health is definitely first before anything else. Family always comes right after that and other things as the least important. I wish you well, I hope you'll eventually get back to feeling good and more healthy once again. icon_smile.gif

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