Confusing Bride-Rant!

Decorating By cfly Updated 10 May 2010 , 3:47pm by LilaLoa

cfly Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 2:14pm
post #1 of 48

So a friend of mine asked me to do her wedding cake for her and I said yes. I was really excited until I realized she's a bride who could care less about her wedding(I didn't know those existed). She said her cake was the last thing on her mind and the thing she was the least worried about. Okay for her I suppose but now I'm the one stressed out about her cake! She took forever just to pick out her flavors and still hasn't even picked out a design...says she trusts me. It sure does help when you have SOMETHING to go by other than...my wedding is black and white.
So now I'm trying to figure out what to do with this cake and how big I should make it. Isn't the rule of thumb to only expect half of what you invite? She said she has about 300 invites, but requested a cake for 250. On top of that she's having a sheet cake for a groom's cake, a full dessert bar and no food, AND her wedding is on Mother's Day weekend! I know you give them what they ask for...I just feel like that is an over abundance of dessert. icon_eek.gif

I'm sure it will all work out in the end, I just needed to share. Sorry for the long rant!

47 replies
mamawrobin Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 2:30pm
post #2 of 48

I would love to be able to do a wedding cake and be able to choose the design myself. Just relax and enjoy doing the cake. I'm sure it will turn out great thumbs_up.gif Good luck to you.

MrsPound Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 2:31pm
post #3 of 48

dessert bars are a new big thing from what i hear. most brides get a smaller tired cake when they have that going on.. people just wont eat all the sweets- especially with no other food to soak up the sugar!!

Since she don't care- i would print up a few articles found on the internet about what brides "normally" do. Offer to make her a smaller cake- tell her she could save money on a smaller one and buy a better pair of shoes, or something completly irrelevant to the wedding. That might spike her interest.

Good luck- oh- and maybe like the damask design thing for the cake, or just some scrolls, whimisical. I would personally do a smaller 3 tired for 150 people.

Good luck- keep us updated!

TexasSugar Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 2:35pm
post #4 of 48

Is she paying or is it free?

If she is paying then I would pin her down with your list of questions telling her you needed all the information now so you can give her a final quote and move on with her order.

If it is free, (cake for 250 is a big, no I take that back HUGE gift from you to her) then I would take the little information she has given you and run with it. In my opinion if I am doing a cake for free then I get more of a say in the design than they do. Because I am not going to get roped into doing a 5 tiered cake with gobs of gumpaste flowers or little intricate piping designs on it for free, unless I really want to.

If it is a free deal then I'd talk to her about reducing the servings needed if she is having a ton of other stuff there. If she is paying for it, as long as she pays for 250 servings then her having too much is her problem not yours.

cfly Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 2:37pm
post #5 of 48

Thanks for the input guys!
It is nice that I have a lot of free reign with the design, but I have soo many ideas in my head I don't know where to start and end! lol kimpound I actually thought about doing the scroll work, I have the damask stencil but have yet to use it so I wasn't sure about that yet. I told her that with her having all the desserts she wouldn't need a cake for 250, but she kind of seemed like that's just what she was intent on having. I just don't know how to nicely tell her that's ridiculous...unless she is seriously expecting everyone to show up.
Do you think it would be rude to ask her if she has her RSVPs and how many people she's expecting so far?

cownsj Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 2:39pm
post #6 of 48

Here is a simply design we did that has gotten raves from brides and grooms. I would think it would lend itself nicely to a black and white theme, and it won't take you forever to make.

http://cakecentral.com/modules.php?name=gallery&file=displayimage&pid=1338830

I could be wrong, but if my memory serves me correctly, you order approx. 75% of the number of invitations that go out. Of course, you do have that unique situation of other sweets. She could always freeze a layer or two of the cake for a party after their honeymoon.....

TexasSugar Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 2:46pm
post #7 of 48

IndyDebi's advice on head counts:

http://cakecentral.com/cake-decorating-ftopict-585145-rule.html+thumb+guests

I think remember something about three exceptions to the rule, but I can't find that so maybe someone can chime in there.

Bluehue Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 2:57pm
post #8 of 48

Is it not practise in the States to send out your invitations and then have the guests RSVP 6 - 7 weeks before?
That way you know (except for sudden illness) how many are coming.

Curious.

Bluehue.

tmac670 Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:00pm
post #9 of 48

My daughter has given me free reign on her wedding cake--- flavors AND design! I know how you are feeling- there are just sooooooooo many choices when you have to make them for someone else.

cfly Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:05pm
post #10 of 48

TexasSugar:
She's paying me a little bit for it, actually has already given me the money. I've given her plenty of ideas and all I've gotten is "I trust you". That's fine and all but in the beginning she said she wanted something simple, but she likes the ideas I've given her...I guess I just don't want to go overboard! She agreed on a 3 tier 12-9-6, but that's only going to feed about 100 or less I believe if I do 3 layers per tier(I may be wrong though), she's just clueless when it comes to weddings obviously, but I don't feel that's my place to tell her what she needs to know haha.

cownsj, that is a really pretty cake! I don't think that is something she would go for though icon_sad.gif She even commented to her fiancée that if they needed to they could cut into the top tier! Of course I'm not going to give her a cake that doesn't feed everyone, but her just saying that shows me she just can't care that much about tradition or the cake in general.

Thank you for the link texassugar!
Bluehue, yes it is. I was just wondering if it would be rude for me to ask her how many have RSVPd so far for my benefit.
Tmac it is so overwhelming! Definitely going to be fun once I get going but where to start!? icon_smile.gif

Trishop2 Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:06pm
post #11 of 48

can you send her example pictures & see what styles she likes?

Just an idea that I had while reading your post...A white cake with a black ribbon at the bottom of the tiers & set some of the flowers she chose on it?

cfly Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:11pm
post #12 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trishop2

can you send her example pictures & see what styles she likes?

Just an idea that I had while reading your post...A white cake with a black ribbon at the bottom of the tiers & set some of the flowers she chose on it?




I have done that, she either doesn't reply or just says whatever. So I guess whatever I do she's going to be fine with (I hope!) I was going to do flowers on it for her, but she has 8 or 9 bridesmaids, and each of them are carrying a different flower...I'm not even sure what she is carrying at this point. She's not a real girly girl either. I sat down with her this weekend and said how about the quilting pattern, scroll work, and perhaps the buttercream symmetrical dots. She said that sounded good but that she'd look again when she got home. Not sure if she's just saying she likes it and really doesn't?

TexasSugar Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:20pm
post #13 of 48

Okay, sounds like you need to talk to her and have a heart to heart. It could really be that the wedding cake just isn't a big deal to her (not everyone loves cake) or that she trusts you to make her a great cake and feels she doesn't have to give alot of input.

I believe you said the wedding is Mother's Day weekend, which means you have what less than two weeks? I think it is time to quit asking her questions and just make her a cake with the information you currently have.

There are some awesome black and white themed cakes in the galleries here or you can take any two tone colored cake and make it black and white.

Bluehue Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:21pm
post #14 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by cfly

Bluehue, yes it is. I was just wondering if it would be rude for me to ask her how many have RSVPd so far for my benefit.




No, i don't think it rude at all for you to ask.
Last thing you want is a bride telling you/others - there wasn't enough cake - Altho by the sounds of the Buffett table - i am sure there will be, but for your piece of mind - it wouldn't hurt to contact her -
Albeit she should be the one advising you.

Look forward to seeing a picture when you have made it - icon_smile.gif


Bluehue.

cownsj Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:24pm
post #15 of 48

Maybe you could get one of her invitations and see if there is a design element you could take from that.

cfly Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:32pm
post #16 of 48

Yes the wedding is NEXT WEEKEND! I wanted to start baking today and freezing, but if I have to do more cake and more than 3 tiers I need one more flavor from her, so I'm waiting for her to call me today! I have looked in the black and white forums and have gotten all of my ideas from there, just have to start putting it all together once i figure out how much cake I actually need! icon_eek.gif

Bluehue, thanks I will definitely ask her then, I feel that will help a ton. If people haven't responded and the wedding is next weekend, they're probably not coming.

Cownsj, I don't think she had anything special on her invites. She did mention when we first discussed doing the cake matching her ring pillow and book. But i cannot find the pattern anywhere and am no good at freehanding things so that's out of the question icon_sad.gif
Thank you all for you suggestions and help!

dreamcakesmom Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:39pm
post #17 of 48

At this point if you can't pin her down and you don;t have a formal contract you have to use your best judgement for design. I would say however you need to at least get her to commit to a serving count. You can say something like I would hate for you to be short or have way too many leftovers to freeze so I really need a closer approximation to how many you would like to serve. There's a big difference between a cake for 150 and 250!

MikeRowesHunny Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:45pm
post #18 of 48

'She's paid me a bit', sounds like shes given you a piddly piece of change towards what is turning into a big stress-fest for you! At this stage in the game, if she doesn't care about the cake, why should you? Just do the 12-9-6, in the flavours she chose and do something simple & elegant and as least time-consuming as possible. At this point, after repeated ignored requests for info from you, she gets what you give her, and she can be grateful for it. End of!

cfly Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:52pm
post #19 of 48

Yes that's exactly what I need to do. This is the last contact I'm going to attempt with her today asking about her RSVPs. If she beats around the bush again she will get what I give her. Mike you are definitely right! The money isn't an issue to me, it definitely is not enough for the stress it's causing me though! Thank you for your advice icon_smile.gif

Bluehue Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 3:54pm
post #20 of 48

I think seeing as time is of th essance - i would be doing a 3 tier cake made up of white squares with Black Bows - representing 3 wrapped gifts.

If she isn't a girly girl as you mentioned - then you really can't go wrong - at least you can start making *square* cakes.


Hard to believe someone is so blazzzzzzae about their wedding cake icon_confused.gif

Bluehue.

indydebi Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 4:22pm
post #21 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluehue

Is it not practise in the States to send out your invitations and then have the guests RSVP 6 - 7 weeks before?
That way you know (except for sudden illness) how many are coming.

Curious.

Bluehue.


RSVP's do not work. I won't take the word on RSVP numbers. Because they are always wrong. But mostly because people are rude, crude and stupid about them.

One story is my co-worker (mother of the groom) who was calling the non-responses to see if they were coming to the wedding. As she tells me the story, "My very very VERY best friend hadn't RSVP'd. So I call her. And she tells me, 'well, you should have known that *I* would show up!' " For some reason, this "friend" didn't feel the need to actually return her RSVP because with a blaise wave of her hand, she had the attidue of "oh they know I'll be there!"

here's my favorite story to illustrate it:

MOB calls me 5 days before the wedding to increase the head count by 7 more people to a total of 149. She just got some last minute RSVP's. I told her no problem and I was not going to change the invoice for only 7 people (because I knew they wouldn't show).

Since I always know exactly how many people are at a reception (I count chairs, I count empty chairs, I count plates), I can tell you for a fact that there were 92 people at this reception.

57 people sent in RSVP's that said, "yes. yes I will DEFINITELY be there" and they didnt' show up.

My 60% Rule has worked way better for accuracy than any RSVP. I actually tell brides not to waste their money on RSVP's. Because the numbers we end up with are always the numbers I had to start with via the 60% Rule.

Exceptions: Bride/groom is/are: active military; very involved in their church; part of an ethnic group like African-American.

I liked the way a couple of my brides handled this! They assigned a "Sgt at Arms" at the door to the reception. As people arrived, if their names were on the RSVP list, they were admitted. If not on the list, they had to wait in the entryway until all RSVP's arrived. Then the "last minute show-ups" were shown to the extra tables in the very back of the room. And, uh, guess which tables were released to the buffet LAST? heh heh heh heh!!! icon_twisted.gif

KHalstead Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 4:33pm
post #22 of 48

Debbie that is awesome!!! If everyone would start doing that at their weddings then people would rsvp!!

I get annoyed when I don't rsvp and then they call and say "so are you coming?" I'm like Duh...I didn't rsvp lol

But I guess you are right, most people don't bother and then show up....I think that's aweful, to me that's almost as bad as showing up when you weren't invited or showing up at someone's house unannounced! Not good etiquette in my book!

Bluehue Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 4:42pm
post #23 of 48

icon_surprised.gif I believe you altho find it .............*unbelievable*


RSVP's are always adhered to over here -
Unless like i said previously - someone gets sick at the last minute.

Indy wrote -
RSVP's do not work. I won't take the word on RSVP numbers. Because they are always wrong. But mostly because people are rude, crude and stupid about them.


Truely - i just cannot fathom how people are so poorly mannered about RSVP's - especially to a wedding.
I have sent out 42 invitations for a Surprise Chocolate and Cocktail Evening (interstate) and the RSVP date is 28th June -
Party being 17th July.
Already i have 97% of RSVP's back .


Indy wrote 57 people sent in RSVP's that said, "yes. yes I will DEFINITELY be there" and they didnt' show up.

WT???
thats staggering tapedshut.gif

Perhaps it is a sign of things to come over here - icon_sad.gificon_sad.gif

Bluehue

cas17 Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 4:42pm
post #24 of 48
Quote:
Originally Posted by indydebi

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluehue

Is it not practise in the States to send out your invitations and then have the guests RSVP 6 - 7 weeks before?
That way you know (except for sudden illness) how many are coming.

Curious.

Bluehue.

RSVP's do not work. I won't take the word on RSVP numbers. Because they are always wrong. But mostly because people are rude, crude and stupid about them.

One story is my co-worker (mother of the groom) who was calling the non-responses to see if they were coming to the wedding. As she tells me the story, "My very very VERY best friend hadn't RSVP'd. So I call her. And she tells me, 'well, you should have known that *I* would show up!' " For some reason, this "friend" didn't feel the need to actually return her RSVP because with a blaise wave of her hand, she had the attidue of "oh they know I'll be there!"

here's my favorite story to illustrate it:

MOB calls me 5 days before the wedding to increase the head count by 7 more people to a total of 149. She just got some last minute RSVP's. I told her no problem and I was not going to change the invoice for only 7 people (because I knew they wouldn't show).

Since I always know exactly how many people are at a reception (I count chairs, I count empty chairs, I count plates), I can tell you for a fact that there were 92 people at this reception.

57 people sent in RSVP's that said, "yes. yes I will DEFINITELY be there" and they didnt' show up.

My 60% Rule has worked way better for accuracy than any RSVP. I actually tell brides not to waste their money on RSVP's. Because the numbers we end up with are always the numbers I had to start with via the 60% Rule.

Exceptions: Bride/groom is/are: active military; very involved in their church; part of an ethnic group like African-American.

I liked the way a couple of my brides handled this! They assigned a "Sgt at Arms" at the door to the reception. As people arrived, if their names were on the RSVP list, they were admitted. If not on the list, they had to wait in the entryway until all RSVP's arrived. Then the "last minute show-ups" were shown to the extra tables in the very back of the room. And, uh, guess which tables were released to the buffet LAST? heh heh heh heh!!! icon_twisted.gif




i LOVE it! icon_biggrin.gif

indydebi Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 4:48pm
post #25 of 48

bluehue, I think it's a sign of how proper etiquette and proper manners are just "poo-poo'd" away as something that gramma adhered to but "I don't have to do that!" In a world that has "gone casual" in so many ways (casual dress at work, even in church; having cell phone conversations in check out lines; texting other people while ignoring the company you're with), we shouldn't be surprised. Many of us are surprised when we get a thank-you or a you're-welcome anymore.

Iggy Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 4:54pm
post #26 of 48

I ask the bride how many people are they "expecting". If they say they are sending out 300 invites, I ask them if they expect all to come. Then determine a number from that. The only other thing I ask them is if they are serving the cake for dessert or later because they typically order cookies from me also. All this info helps me figure out how many cake servings and how many cookies per person. When my daughter got married, we had a reply card that read; ____ Accept _____Decline.
We still had a few we needed to call, but having the reply card this way helped tremendously.

Ladiesofthehouse Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 4:55pm
post #27 of 48

The last 2 weddings I did (yes, I asked them about numbers):

Wedding 1--Almost every single person that they invited showed up--cake for 100 people was cut correctly and they had exactly 5 slices left.

Wedding 2--90% of the people they invited showed up, but word got around about the kegs at the reception and about 30 extras showed up that weren't invited. Good thing they ordered extra cake!

newbaker55 Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 4:56pm
post #28 of 48

[/quote]she gets what you give her, and she can be grateful for it. End of!

AMEN

mpetty Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 4:57pm
post #29 of 48

[/quote]RSVP's do not work. I won't take the word on RSVP numbers. Because they are always wrong. But mostly because people are rude, crude and stupid about them.[/quote]

LOL, I love it! I did event planning for 5 years and it never ceased to frustrate the heck out of me. In my case the last-minute arrivals mostly balanced out the no-shows, but still it drove me crazy.

confectionsofahousewife Posted 27 Apr 2010 , 5:05pm
post #30 of 48

Ha! We must be doing a cake for the same bride! I just met with a girl (an acquaintance of mine) who has the same attitude. I think she is excited about getting married but couldn't care less about the wedding details. Her bridesmaids had to force her to try on dresses! She told me her colors are navy and yellow and that she didn't care what the cake looked like. I am the kind of person who needs a little direction. We met at Barnes and Noble so I gave her a martha stewart wedding cake book and told her to look through it. She figured out she wanted something really simple (white buttercream with white fondant dots) that did not include any flowers or her wedding colors. I had to talk her into a bigger cake. She wanted to only serve 100 even though she invited 300! So we're doing a wedding cake and a grooms cake. Good luck with your bride!

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