Omg What The Hell Do I Tell My Husband.

Lounge By anxietyattack Updated 22 Apr 2010 , 12:26am by anxietyattack

anxietyattack Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 3:02am
post #1 of 21

I love my husband and he is a good man/husband/father but oh my god is he irritating me right now.

He has this friend who is an investor and his friend "Duke" has told us that if we can maintain a piece of land for him we can live on the property for free! Wow so nice right? Yea it is. Well, here the men are planning on getting a single wide trailer for my family. We have two small children.

I don't have anything against living in a trailer but then "Duke" offers to get a brand new double wide and my DH says "oh nooooo, just put us in a cheap thing and we'll be fine."

I realize that Duke is being insanely generous and I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth but I don't want to live for the next 5-10 years in a POS!!!!!!!

Now my DH is upset because he can't understand why I got upset and thinks that I'm just being a diva for wanting a nicer place than a used single wide hell hole.

what do I tell him? because I don't want to be ingrateful or rude and now I'm stuck. HELP!!!

20 replies
JaimeAnn Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 3:12am
post #2 of 21

You could tell him it is almost impossible to get insurance on a used single wide trailer , then what if there is a fire or something you guys would be S.O.L!

After all you are just trying to be prctical and think of HIS best interests! icon_smile.gif

indydebi Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 3:18am
post #3 of 21

Diva? He thinks you're a DIVA for preferring a nicer trailer/home for your two kids? icon_surprised.gificon_confused.gif

You tell him that he is showing a high level of disrespect for you by taking the attitude of "no sweat! My family will live in ANYTHING!"

A man is suppose to want the best for his family. He needs to step up and be a man.

And I TOTALLY understand that you're not looking for a hand-out here. You didn't ask ... Duke offered.

prterrell Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 3:20am
post #4 of 21

I think your husband is not wanting to take advantage of his friend, which is something very important to men. He may also be feeling weird about his friend supplying housing for free. The male ego is easily bruised.

You're doing what you should be doing, which is looking out for what is in the best interest of your children.

I want to reassure you that while single wides can be small, but they're not all bad, most have about the same sq. footage as a small apartment. You can get 3 bedroom, 2 full-bath, laundry-room equipped single wides now adays.

My sister and her first husband and two boys lived in a single-wide for about 5 years. It was fine. We even had birthday parties there with another 10 or so people in attendance.

How much of a down-grade size-wise will this be for your family? Are you in a financial position not to take your husband's friend up on his offer?

Some people find freedom in having a smaller home as it can force you to live a more simple, less cluttered life. I don't know about you, but I *hate* dusting knick-knacks!

I'm just trying to help you see all sides of this situation. Good luck! You and your hubby have a lot to talk about.

CWR41 Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 6:00am
post #5 of 21
Originally Posted by anxietyattack

because I don't want to be ingrateful or rude and now I'm stuck. HELP!!!

No, no, no, you're never stuck... there's always a way out. If he doesn't want to discuss why you feel so strongly about it, tell him to move there while you and the kids stay put.

icingimages Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 10:32am
post #6 of 21

4 years ago, we moved in to a great BIG beautiful house. My husband drives 1.5 to 2 hours to work one day to support this house. Though we do plan to sell it when my youngest moves and use the financial gains for retirement, if I had it to do all over again, I would buy the small house, pack away as much money as we can NOW, invest it (yes there are good invenstments) and have my husband work closer to home. I would love to have him closer and a more a part of our every day. The larger the home, the more upkeep. I understand your worry, but see what the double wide is really like. Some I hear are very nice. But try to talk to him where he does not feel he is on the defensive and let him know your concerns.

dalis4joe Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 11:43am
post #7 of 21

I agree with debi.... he needs to make sure you and your family are comfortable and duke offered the bigger he needs to talk to duke again and tell him he agrees with getting the double.... as far as ego... he shouldnt feel like he is taking advantage cause he didn't ask duke for the land he didn't approach duke with a "deal" so...

I think u need to stand ur ground... this is something that will affect u for years if u don't stand firm and u might end up resenting him in the long run and your family/relationship will suffer from it.. and that.... that is not fair to any of you...

good luck

Texas_Rose Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 12:27pm
post #8 of 21

It is probably about pride on your husband's part. He doesn't want to take advantage of his friend. My husband would rather live in a cardboard box and starve than take a handout from anyone...I think it's a guy thing.

A smaller house means smaller utility bills, if that's a consideration. If you're living rent-free for 5-10 years, then you can save up most if not all of the cost of a house, especially if you're not paying huge utility bills.

Before I bought my house, I looked at plenty of singlewides and doublewides. Some singlewides have a lot more space than you're thinking. We looked at one that was 1300 square feet...the house we ended up getting is 1440 square feet, so not a huge difference. If we'd bought the singlewide, we would be done paying for it in 7 years, compared to 30 years with the house we ended up with. The doublewides seemed to run a lot more, without being much roomier...we looked at one that was 1400 square feet and the payments on it would have been 1100/month for 30 years.

One thing that might convince your husband is if his friend could find a used doublewide and have it moved onto his land, or if he's planning to use it as a rental home after your family moves out.

Another thing, is your family complete? If you're going to have more kids, then you will need more space and it's a good idea to point that out to your husband.

foxymomma521 Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 12:48pm
post #9 of 21

So is there already septic/well/power on this property?

SuzyNoQ Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 1:40pm
post #10 of 21

Make it sound like you are doing this for the friend, he will get much more re-selling a double wide than a used trailer.

anxietyattack Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 3:19pm
post #11 of 21

Thanks everyone for your input. My DH is "trying to see my side". So I guess I'm making progress.

I forgot to mention the fact that the whole reason my DH is even considering this is so that we can save up and buy a house cash. The size won't be a down grade but I am worried about fires, tornados, wind storms...

Thanks everyone

anxietyattack Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 3:39pm
post #12 of 21
Originally Posted by indydebi

A man is suppose to want the best for his family. He needs to step up and be a man.

Thanks indydebi.

I just want to clarify for eveyone that my husband has never been anything less than "a man". He's considering this with our family's best interest. He is more or less just upset because he thought that I was just shutting down the idea without consideration.

indydebi, I normally love your answers but I have to be honest. I didn't appreciate the comment but thank you anyway.

Bluehue Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 3:45pm
post #13 of 21

Perhaps you could mention that in 5-10 years time, your two small children won't be so small....thus more room now - means a bit more room in time to come.

All the best for the future.


anxietyattack Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 7:36pm
post #14 of 21

yes, that is true and to answer one of the questions asked earlier. Yes, we are "done" lol. We don't plan on having anymore children so it's not like we would need to upgrade.

I think all will be fine icon_smile.gif

Thanks to EVERYONE again! You CCer's are awesome thumbs_up.gif

peg818 Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 7:41pm
post #15 of 21

Having lived in large houses and small trailers, i would take a trailer any day. The newer ones aren't nearly as small as the older ones (1960-70's) Once they started making them 14x70s thats a fairly good size to live in. Will you be cramped as your kids grow, sure you will but it might be the incentive to get into a house. Right now we live in a small 60's style house, we always thought that we would sell and get something larger, but now that our children are grown and will probably only be home for a few more years, our thought is what would be the point. We are paid for which makes living here much better.

Please think of your husbands feelings, pride is very important to most men, and you don't want to be the one that makes him swallow it if you can help it.


Texas_Rose Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 8:20pm
post #16 of 21
Originally Posted by anxietyattack

The size won't be a down grade but I am worried about fires, tornados, wind storms...

They're built a lot better than they used to be. If you're thinking of some tin can from the 70's with faux wood paneling and holes in the floor and built so flimsy that the whole thing shakes when someone walks, you're going to be pleasantly surprised with how well they're made now.

One thing you want to check out, if you or your husband are on the larger side, is how wide the interior doors are. Sometimes some of the doors are really narrow.

About tornados and wind storms, if you live where that kind of stuff happens, they design the trailers to withstand it...they've got different wind zone designations so you know how it will stand up to storms. And fire...I don't think a singlewide burns any faster than a doublewide and there's a lot less risk of fire in a single family dwelling of any kind than an apartment. That's actually what made us decide to move out of the apartment we'd been in for 8 years, the building next to ours burned down. And then while we were in the process of moving out, our upstairs neighbors lit their balcony on fire. At least in a house or a trailer you know nobody is going to fall asleep smoking a joint upstairs and burn the place down.

7yyrt Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 9:22pm
post #17 of 21

Mobile home floor plans, single wide; 3 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms. Square footage 1,026 - 1,178.

anxietyattack Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 9:29pm
post #18 of 21

Thank you peg, that is exactly how I feel. I don't want to hurt my husbands feelings because I know how hard he has worked to make us a succesful family. He was in the Army for four years, busted his butt at school, and now he has been able to make it were I don't have to work I get the immense privilege of being able to stay at home with my babies (3years old and 11months old).

I don't mind the size I just don't want a piece of junk icon_smile.gif

He's wonderful. He will always do his best to give me exactly what I want.

anxietyattack Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 10:39pm
post #19 of 21

Oh, I should probably clarify that it's not that I think that a single wide is junk it's that I don't want an older one.

peg818 Posted 21 Apr 2010 , 11:21pm
post #20 of 21

I think as long as you are out of the 1970's you should be okay. And as long as you can do the work that needs to be done to a mobile home (and it certainly sounds like you are probably married to a man that can) to maintain it you should have a very nice home, even if you need to do a little work before hand.

anxietyattack Posted 22 Apr 2010 , 12:26am
post #21 of 21

That's good to know. Thanks icon_smile.gif That actually really makes me feel a lot better.

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