I Need Some Parenting Advice.....

Lounge By Rachie204 Updated 13 Apr 2010 , 4:15pm by KHalstead

Rachie204 Posted 12 Apr 2010 , 3:42am
post #1 of 15

I am hoping someone could give me some advice on this situation...

For starters I am married with two children, our son is 6 and our daughter is 15 1/2 months, both are very advanced for their age.

Our daughter has been the happiest child we have ever seen....literally. People are always commenting on how happy she is. She is usually very laid back and easy going. She eats well and is a champ with naps and bedtime. Lately however (past 2 weeks) she has had me very worried. Something is just not right....she is screaming at bedtime, fights getting in her highchair (yet still wants to eat) and worst of all, when she is upset she will bang her head until she hurts herself. Now I was pretty upset about the head banging but read in multiple places that it is actually pretty common (20%) in children around 18 months. They say that the head banging can be brought on with tantrums or from pain. Hers are defiantly with tantrums, but I also am concerned that she might be having some pain since she has a kidney problem that often results in a UTI. Anyways she is going to the doctor next week for her 15month check up but I was just trying to see if there was something I was missing. It seems like she is stressed, but I can't think of anything that has changed that could be rocking her universe.....

Her schedule is the same, everyone is getting along fine, is there something I might be missing or not thinking about....?

14 replies
Doug Posted 12 Apr 2010 , 3:47am
post #2 of 15

you say she is advanced.

could she also be advanced in reaching the terrible twos??? (part of normal getting older)

(tho I would get a full check up just in case there is a medical issue)

Texas_Rose Posted 12 Apr 2010 , 3:58am
post #3 of 15

Is she getting her molars? Those hurt a lot more than the little front teeth when they're coming in. Also, are her ears pierced? Check for infection in the piercings if they are...sometimes the only way you can tell is to take the earring out and squeeze the earlobe and see if you feel a ball in it.

The best thing to do when she starts having a tantrum like that is put her down where she can't hurt herself and give her space to get it all out, if you think they're part of a normal phase she's going through, not caused by pain.

Definitely mention it to the doctor though.

Sagebrush Posted 12 Apr 2010 , 4:10am
post #4 of 15

A couple of thoughts (though I by no means claim to be an expert, sometimes even on my OWN children icon_smile.gif ):

She could be fighting the high chair because she realizes that big kids sit at the table, so that's where she wants to be. Does your son stay up later than she does? If so, it might be a similar thing there, too.

The headbanging could be frustration because she's not verbal enough to communicate what she wants to, and you're not catching on. Alternatively, it could be that she tried it and found it makes you all worried and you pay more attention to her, so in her mind, the behavior pays off in the results she gets.

Is there any chance you're pregnant again? Children, especially really young ones, are amazingly sensitive to that, and while they don't truly understand, they often act up when there's a new baby coming, because they sense something is changing in their safe, comfortable little world. I was recently at a friend's house and she was telling me how her little one (he's somewhere between 18 months and 2 years) was suddenly wanting to cuddle more. I knew she'd been trying to get pregnant, and I mentioned that maybe he sensed something... and yup, she told me she was about 10 weeks along. I don't know how they know, but they do.

Rachie204 Posted 12 Apr 2010 , 4:15am
post #5 of 15

doug.....that is the fear my mother has been instilling in me all day....lol My son started the terrible twos at 18 months and they ended around 4 years old...haha I'm not ready yet but I guess it is possible.

Texas_rose.....I know this sounds horrible but i'm not sure if she is getting the molars...everytime I try and look she moves. I guess hubby and I need to hold her down together and check...I do know that she got one a while back. He ears are pierced and I will be sure to check that in the morning.

Thank you both.....hopefully either this will end soon or hubby and I will strike it rich and go on a long cruise by ourselves... icon_smile.gif

Rachie204 Posted 12 Apr 2010 , 4:22am
post #6 of 15

Sagebrush~ I think you might be right on with the highchair thing. However with bed time she actually goes down right after our son....tonight she did well but that was the first time in a few nights.....

We have been ignoring the headbanging, as much as we can anyways without her knocking herself out. icon_smile.gif

And thank you for scaring the crud out of me....I have been wondering if maybe I was pregnant for some other reasons....now that you mentioned that maybe I should get a test....lol Crap....I am not ready for more... haha .....i'll let you know icon_smile.gif

icingimages Posted 12 Apr 2010 , 10:54am
post #7 of 15

Have her ears checked as well

CakesByJen2 Posted 12 Apr 2010 , 12:17pm
post #8 of 15

My daughter never had any problem with teething, until she got her first molars. Then we had 6-weeks of clingy, whiny behavior, not sleeping well. I can't remember if she had tantrums per se, but it was definitely a difficult 6 weeks. Then she was fine, and I dreaded the next set of molars, but those didn't seem to cause her any trouble.

michellenj Posted 12 Apr 2010 , 2:28pm
post #9 of 15

Your daughter sounds like my son at that age. His terrible twos started early and ended when he went to preschool at 3. The high chair and car seat fight was a nightmare. Make sure that there are no physical problems that are causing this behavior, then just be consistant and don't give in to the tantrums. It will end! You may be crazy by then, though.

ziggytarheel Posted 12 Apr 2010 , 6:57pm
post #10 of 15

In someways, it sounds like you are describing my grown daughter at that age. A very social baby, speaking in full sentences and initiating conversation with strangers by 15 months. So happy, easy to get along with and incredibly well behaved.

Until 15 months. icon_smile.gif

It seemed that she wanted to start testing boundaries at that age. She would take off her diaper after we put her to bed, if I told her "no", she would look me in the eye and bite herself. She would wait until I would turn my back and reach for something she knew she wasn't allowed to have. Most of the time, she was still her charming self, but every day we seemed to have a couple of these sorts of incidents that were so unlike her.

At 18 months, both of my kids started the "terrible twos" and both were mostly over them by the time they actually hit 2.

I don't think it is particularly worrisome at this pint. Just mention it to your doctor to be sure there isn't some other issue.

KHalstead Posted 13 Apr 2010 , 2:02pm
post #11 of 15

just wanted to add with the headbanging thing that my now 11 yr. old son used to do it when he was about 1 1/2 yrs. old and I used to run over to him when he'd start to hit his head on the wall and say......wait wait........and I'd put a bicycle helmet on his head and click the chin strap and say..........Ok.....go ahead!

He looked at me like I had 3 heads and decided he didn't like to bang his head! A couple of times he did bang it with the helmet on, but it wasn't as fun when he knew he couldn't hurt himself I guess because he gave it up soon after. Plus he thought he looked like a weirdo (his word not mine) with the helmet on!

I also think that because I provided the helmet it meant that I didn't care that he was banging his head, so the thrill of getting a raise out of me wasn't there.

Another REALLY important lesson taught to me by an older lady is giving kids choices.......you don't give them a choice of doing something you want or not doing something you want....but give them 2 choices at all times along with a statement of what they have to do.

For instance:

"It's time to put your coat on, do you want to wear the red one or the green one today?"

They HAVE to put a coat on, but they get to choose WHICH one which makes them feel like THEY have decided to put the coat on, so they do it.

Another example: " It's time to eat dinner, do you want to sit in your high chair or in a booster seat?"

"It's time for bed, do you want to sleep under the covers or ON the covers?"

"It's time to clean up your toys now, do you want to clean up the blocks first or your dolls?

You see where I'm going??

By the way, this still works on my 11 yr. old LOL

CookieMakinMomma Posted 13 Apr 2010 , 2:17pm
post #12 of 15

KHalstead, the helmet thing is brilliant! I love it! My runt is 18 months and ORNERY but so far no headbanging. (Wait, check that, hubby was teaching him to rock out to KISS a few weeks ago, but maybe that counts as a different kind of headbanging? icon_lol.gif)

springlakecake Posted 13 Apr 2010 , 2:32pm
post #13 of 15

Are you a stay at home mom, or do you have some form of childcare? The only reason I am asking is perhaps something might be occuring away from home that you are unaware of?

JGMB Posted 13 Apr 2010 , 2:35pm
post #14 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by KHalstead

Another REALLY important lesson taught to me by an older lady is giving kids choices.......you don't give them a choice of doing something you want or not doing something you want....but give them 2 choices at all times along with a statement of what they have to do.

For instance:

"It's time to put your coat on, do you want to wear the red one or the green one today?"

They HAVE to put a coat on, but they get to choose WHICH one which makes them feel like THEY have decided to put the coat on, so they do it.

By the way, this still works on my 11 yr. old LOL




Has anyone ever tried this on their DH??? icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif

Okay, now back to the OP. I, too, would make sure to have her ears checked. Sometimes an ear infection can make you feel pressure in your head, causing you to want to bang it.

KHalstead Posted 13 Apr 2010 , 4:15pm
post #15 of 15

[email protected] it doesn't work on MY DH.............yes I have tried it.


ME-"Honey, we're going to clean the house now, would you like to clean the bathroom or the bedroom?"

DH- "yeah...right....."

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